Case of the Dysfunctional Daredevils

by Jeffrey M. Poole

  “Are your people ready for this?” Ash quietly asked. “And I think you two need to call me by something other than my real name.”

  “How about Justin?” I innocently asked, as I eyed the marshal’s hair once more.

  “Kiss my ass,” Ash growled. “Detective, you’re up. That’s the signal.”

  I glanced back at Thor, and saw he was rubbing his hands together, as though he was cold. Ash was right. It was the agreed upon signal for Vance to make his announcement about having a strong, viable suspect for the two Daredevil deaths.

  Vance then whipped out his cell, as though he had received a call. He pretended to talk on it as he paced up and down the length of the snack table. After several minutes had passed, Vance hurried over to the leader of the Daredevils, tapped his shoulder, and whispered something in his ear. Thor looked back at Vance, nodded, and put two fingers in his mouth. A split second later, an ear-splitting whistle ripped through the air.

  “Daredevils! Have I got some news for you! Clouseau here…”

  I chuckled softly as I watched Vance roll his eyes at hearing his ‘Devils name.

  “…has just informed me he’d like to make an announcement. If you’d all give him your attention, then I’m sure you’ll be thanking him afterward.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Vance formally began. “As you may or may not know, I am, in fact, a detective with the Pomme Valley Police Department. I’ve just been given some news that I think the lot of you deserve to hear: we’re closing in on the person responsible for Hades’ and Jitters’ death.”

  “It wasn’t an accident?” Dagger slowly repeated. The young, dark-skinned woman threw her empty cup in the trash and looked up at Thor. “You said it was just an accident. Is there something you’re not telling us?”

  “There’s a better than average chance that someone was responsible for sabotaging Hades’ ‘chute,” Thor slowly began. “As for Jitters, well…”

  “What about Jitters?” Yeti interrupted. “The raft tipped over. You’re telling us that wasn’t an accident, either?”

  “Oh, the raft tipping over was an accident,” Thor confirmed, “only…”

  “Only what?” another voice demanded. I had to lean around Harry to see who had spoken. It was the pale woman who looked, dressed, sounded, and was named after a member of the Addams family: Wednesday.

  Thor looked at Vance. “Clouseau? Would you care to field this one?”

  Vance solemnly nodded. “While the official cause of Jitters’ death was drowning, the medical examiner has confirmed the existence of contusions on her shoulders and chest.”

  “Contusions?” TooTall repeated, confused. “What is that, an open wound?”

  “Bruising,” Yeti translated. “Wait. Are you saying someone pushed Jitters into the water after the raft tipped over?”

  Vance shook his head, “You’re close, I’m sorry to say. The contusions are more in line with a size 10½ boot.”

  “Someone stepped on her to hold her underwater?” Dagger exclaimed, outraged. “Who? Tell me you’ve got a suspect in mind. Tell me you can give me a name. Let’s see how this sumbitch can handle a woman who can take care of herself. Give me a name, Clouseau.”

  There was a chorus of angry shouts. The Daredevils smelled blood, and it had driven them into a frenzy.

  I noticed Patch, who had been sitting with his head in his hands, suddenly look up, and then rise to his feet. The people around him automatically fell silent. Patch walked the dozen or so feet over to Vance and gave him an inscrutable look.

  “The person who did this to Jitters? Are you saying they were in the same raft as she was?”

  Vance nodded, “I am.”

  “I was on that raft. Am I a suspect?”

  Vance shook his head, “As a matter of fact, no. We already have a suspect and are closing the net on him as we speak.”

  Hippy and Wednesday joined Patch in glaring at Vance. A few moments later, Yeti appeared by Hippy’s left side. Together, they stared at Vance – in silence – until my detective friend was fidgeting and shifting his weight from leg to leg. After a few moments, Vance cleared his throat.

  “Look, I realize this is unsettling news, but rest assured, we know where the culprit is. We’ll have him in custody in no time.”

  Dagger stormed over to Hippy and started dangerously eyeing him, Yeti, and any other male within range.

  “A man. I should’ve known it’d be a man. Wednesday? I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Wednesday quietly asked.

  “For even thinking it could be you.”

  “I didn’t do it!” Patch protested. “You don’t think it was me, do you?”

  Vance held up both hands in the universally recognized gesture of surrender. He started patting the air.

  “People, look. It’s an on-going investigation. I won’t jeopardize the case until it has been closed. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. We are extremely close to picking up our man. Once we do, you’ll be the first to hear about it. Now, who wants to go skydiving?”

  There was a chorus of enthusiastic shouts. I noticed the pilot, Art, slip out the side door. A few moments later, the twin turbines of the CASA C-212 roared to life. As we filed out of the hangar and stepped outside, we were handed helmets and had our harnesses checked by one of the suited professionals. Only when it passed whatever safety check they were looking for, were we allowed to walk up the large exit ramp located on the rear of the plane. Instead of finding rows of seats like you would in a commercial airliner, the seats on this plane lined the wall on either side of the plane. Completing the picture were five-point harnesses for each seat. I’m also ashamed to say I needed Vance to show me how to hook everything to where it needed to go.

  I followed Harry, who grudgingly followed Vance, up into the belly of the plane. We took our seats, strapped ourselves in (with Vance’s help), and waited for the rest of the jumpers to join us. Since the Daredevils were outfitted in red jumpsuits, and the Bravadeers were in orange, we made quite a colorful contrast to the dull green interior of the plane.

  The lead instructor appeared on the ramp, followed by one of his assistants. They buckled themselves in and then each of them gave a thumbs-up. After a few moments, there was a loud grating noise and the exit ramp slowly lifted until it closed with a loud bang. I looked over at Harry and grinned at him.

  “Doesn’t this remind you of high school?”

  “We never were stupid enough to try something like this in high school,” Harry reminded me. His eyes were screwed shut and his face had beads of sweat trickling down his forehead.

  “I’m talking about going out, after dark, and pulling crazy pranks.”

  “None were this crazy,” Harry argued.

  “What about the time when you wanted to be the next MTV star and you ‘borrowed’,” I said, adding air quotes around the word, “the school’s VHS camcorder? Do you remember what happened?”

  Harry grinned, “Uh, yeah. I kinda got the cops called on me.”

  Vance perked up. “What? Why? What did you do?”

  “He thought it’d be a good idea to film a music video with his BB gun,” I explained. “He thought he could be a bad-ass rapper. What was the result? The police were called because they were getting complaints of a kid holding a gun, breakdancing in the street. Ring any bells?”

  Vance looked at Harry and shook his head. “You didn’t.”

  “Guilty, man,” Harry admitted.

  “Breakdancing?” Vance snorted, between chuckles. “That’s priceless.”

  “And what about the time you stole your mom’s Honda and drove to the school to sneak into the snack bar?”

  Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. “Umm, which time, bro?”

  “The time you stole the snacks and drinks, tried to make it back over the fence, but the bag was too heavy? You dropped it on the school-side of the fence and still got caught.”

  “You mean you went to all that trouble and still didn’t
get your snacks?” Vance dryly asked.

  Harry shrugged. “Should’ve left the sodas behind.”

  “Tell him what happened next,” I chuckled.

  “What happened next?” Vance wanted to know.

  “What are you talking about?” Harry asked.

  “Where did the police end up going?” I pressed.

  Harry grinned, “Oh. That. Well, we had just moved, and unfortunately, the police thought we still lived at the old address. They woke up those neighbors, who were like, ‘Oh, they live around the corner now.’ It was funny.”

  “Remind me what your dad did to you?” I teased.

  “He might’ve grounded me for a month,” Harry admitted.

  “And then?” I innocently asked.

  “Took away my car keys.”

  “And then?”

  “Made me apologize to the principal.”

  “What then…?”

  “Made me work in the cafeteria’s lunch line for an entire semester.”

  “Harsh,” Vance decided, but at least he was smiling.

  “At least he was able to graduate,” I said.

  Harry shrugged again, leaned back, and closed his eyes.

  As the plane ascended higher and higher into the sky, I entertained myself by watching the passing clouds through the window. Light, wispy clouds coated the windows with tiny droplets of water, which were then whisked away by the passing wind, leaving tiny trails. I then looked back at the rest of the people in the plane. Some appeared to be getting some rest. Others were quietly talking among themselves. I looked over at Vance, but he was checking something on his phone.

  Right about then, I heard it. Snoring, and it was coming from my left. Curious, I looked over at Harry. Sure enough, his head was tilted back, his mouth was open, and a line of drool was coating the corner of his beard. I tapped Vance’s knee and, once he was looking at me, nodded my head toward Harry. Vance studied our friend’s still form for a few moments before Harry softly snorted and resumed snoring. Vance chuckled and went back to his phone.

  Curious to see what the marshal was doing, I glanced to my right. His head was leaning forward, and I swear, if it wasn’t for the complex harness holding him in place, he would have toppled forward. Talk about your heavy sleeper.

  As I scanned the faces of my fellow jumpers, I couldn’t help but think that maybe we had this wrong. I didn’t see anyone doing anything suspicious. I didn’t see anyone nervously glancing about. I mean, I’m not sure what I thought I’d see, but I did at least think I’d see something worth reporting. Instead, all I got was a few thumbs-up from several nearby jumpers.

  The plane must have hit a rough patch of turbulence just then, because it suddenly felt like I was being tightly gripped by a giant, who then proceeded to shake me, as though I was a bottle of soda pop. The shaking might have only lasted for a few seconds, but wow, was I gonna be feeling that tomorrow.

  I heard another series of snores. Surprised, I glanced back at Harry. The poor guy was still out. I then looked over at Ash and was equally surprised to see that he, too, was fast asleep. I was reminded of one of my favorite movies, Aliens, and the character of Hicks, who during the descent to LV-426, had promptly fallen asleep. Michael Biehn’s character had to be woken up by his commanding officer prior to their arrival. This, strangely enough, reminded me of that.

  “I’m surprised anyone could sleep through that,” I heard Vance say.

  I glanced over and saw him looking at Harry.

  “I’ve been told I can sleep anywhere, but had I felt something like that, I’d be looking for a new pair of underwear.”

  Vance laughed, and started to pull his phone back out when he paused. He slowly scanned the nearby jumpers and, with a surprised look on his face, turned back to me.

  “What is it?” I wanted to know.

  Vance pointed at the nearby jumpers. “Zack, they’re asleep, too.”

  “So? Some people can sleep on planes.”

  “After that turbulence? There’s no way. Look at them, pal. They’re all asleep.”

  An eerie feeling washed over me as I pivoted (as much as I could in the harness) to study the other occupants of the plane. Vance was right. They were all asleep. I looked at the bobbing heads, the limp, lifeless arms, and the swaying legs (for those not tall enough to reach the floor) and looked back at my friend.

  “Dude, what the hell is going on? Am I the only one who’s creeped out by this?”

  “Something’s wrong,” Vance decided. “We need to alert the pilot. Is… is Justin awake?”

  I looked over at the marshal and had to shake my head. Ash was just as out of it as the rest of the jumpers.

  “Justin?” a new voice sneered. “How cute. Let Marshal Binson sleep, would you? What I have to say is not for his ears.”

  Surprised, both Vance and I slowly turned to look for the speaker. One other Daredevil was awake, and was standing before us, holding a gun. He was wearing a victorious look on his face as he stood over us, brandishing his weapon.

  “Expecting someone else?” Jafo sneered.

  TEN

  “There’s no way it could be you,” Vance protested. “You’re too tall! We were told you were only 5’6”. There’s no way the marshal would’ve been off by half a foot.”

  Jafo, otherwise known as Jerod Jones, looked over at the sleeping form of Ash Binson, and gave him a piteous shake of the head. “Our friend, the marshal, is not the most observant of people. Did you know that, if you hunch your back, bend your knees, and slouch, you could shave inches off your height? It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, yet Marshal Binson never once caught on.” Jerod leveled the gun at us and frowned. “I overheard him once tell an associate that he thought I had MS. Idiot. Now, tell me how you two knew not to drink the water.”

  “Wasn’t thirsty,” Vance replied, keeping his voice calm and neutral.

  “Neither was I,” I admitted.

  Jerod shook his head, “I don’t buy it. Look around. Everyone else drank the water. Why wouldn’t you? You clearly knew something was wrong with it. So, how did you know it had been spiked?”

  “How did you spike it?” I asked, confused. “You were sitting out in the open the entire time we were in that hangar. You didn’t have time to spike each and every cup. You had to have done it earlier.”

  Jerod grinned nastily at us, but refused to answer.

  Vance grunted, “Good point, Zack. How did he manage it?”

  Jerod groaned. “Oh, of course. This is the part where I disclose all my activities, my plans, and secrets as to why I’ve done what I’ve done.”

  “Why did you spike the water?” Vance wanted to know.

  “Isn’t it obvious?” I asked, as I turned to my friend. “He knows about them.”

  Vance glared at Jerod, as if daring him to confirm the allegation. To his credit, Jerod didn’t say anything. Vance looked at me, sneered once in Jerod’s direction, and then nodded his head.

  “Told you he didn’t know. It was just a fluke coincidence.”

  “Coincidence?” Jerod angrily repeated. “Look around you, Detective Samuelson. Do you see any of your backup here? Awake, that is?”

  “Told you he knows,” I moaned. “Although, how you figured that out is a mystery to me.”

  “Oh, please,” Jerod scoffed. “I knew about your scheme to… how did you put it, detective? Flush me out? I learned about this plan of yours yesterday.”

  “Yesterday?” Vance slowly repeated? “That’s when the plan was formulated. How could you possibly know we were planning on outing you?”

  Jerod looked over at Ash’s prone form and sighed. “You people must really think I’m an imbecile. I recognized Marshal Binson the moment he arrived in town. I knew immediately what he was there to do. It wasn’t hard to learn his movements and what he knew. Hell, he told me himself that he was there to apprehend a missing fugitive.”

  I looked over at Ash and groaned. “You’re kidding.”

 
“What’d he tell you?” Jerod wanted to know. “That he was in town, looking to find out where I was hiding?”

  “He said he didn’t know what disguise you’d be hiding under,” I sullenly confirmed.

  “Disguise?” Jerod chortled, with glee. “What disguise?”

  “He said you were good with disguises,” I recalled. “He said you could be anyone.”

  “Do you think the absence of a disguise could be considered a disguise?” Jerod thoughtfully asked. Then he grinned like a bully who knows he has the upper hand. “I knew he was dumb, but this takes the cake. How he became a marshal is simply beyond me.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, not certain if I wanted to know the answer.

  “He’s seen my face!” Jerod explained, as he tapped the side of his head. “I was his prisoner, up in Portland. Does he not trust his own two eyes?”

  “You did disappear right under his nose,” I pointed out.

  “Is that what he told you?” Jerod exclaimed, as he rocked back and forth with delight. “I had no idea I made such an impression on him.”

  “You’re not fooling anyone with this song and dance,” Vance matter-of-factly said. “We know you’re a quick change artist. I’ll bet you can’t pull a fast one on me.”

  “I already have,” Jerod cried, as tears of laughter rolled down his face. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? How else could I have known so much about your precious plan? How could I have possibly known you were working my case with Marshal Dumbass here?”

  “I know you’re not a cop,” Vance argued. “I can only assume that someone privy to the plan announced it over the radio, and you heard it on a police scanner.”

  “Wrong again,” Jerod cheerfully gloated.

  “The only way you could have known,” I began, as the pieces to this complex puzzle started falling into place, “would be if you were physically present when we were going over the details. I can’t speak for Vance, but I sure as hell didn’t see you anywhere. We were at the hospital when we were talking with Ash about the case.”

  “Outside,” Vance clarified. “We were talking with him outside.”