The Samantha Project

by Stephanie Karpinske

  “I’ll call you later, Brad.” Allie waved him away as she grabbed her laptop from the backseat.

  “I’ve got practice this afternoon, but try me tonight,” Brad said, running off to meet his friends who were filing into school.

  “I don’t know why you’re so mean to him, Allie,” I said, laughing at her performance.

  “I wasn’t mean to him. I just don’t like him hanging on me every second of the day. A girl needs some space.” She smiled, reveling in her power over Brad.

  “You’re such a tease. I’ve gotta get to class. Meet you back here at 2:30?”

  “Yep. Have fun on your last Monday of high school!” Allie yelled after me.

  The day flew by. After school, Allie and I went back to my house to hang out.

  “This is not how I pictured my last week of high school,” I said to Allie, who was sitting at my desk painting her nails. “So much has changed since the accident. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore. It’s like I had to be an adult the minute it happened and I wasn’t ready for that.”

  “You’ve always been an adult, Sam. In fifth grade you were calculating how much money you would need to save to buy your own house, remember?”

  “Well, now I own this house. Isn’t that weird? And I own my parents’ car and have to figure out what to do with their money and retirement accounts and insurance policies.” I started to panic just saying it.

  “Slow down. Don’t worry about that stuff. It can wait. And if it can’t, you know my mom can help you out with all that financial stuff.” I always admired Allie’s laid-back attitude. Things didn’t worry her like they worried me.

  “But it’s been almost a month since the accident. I haven’t dealt with any of this and—”

  Allie cut me off. “Okay. What do you really need to do, Sam? Seriously, you’re in your last week of school and then it’s Christmas. Can’t this stuff wait until after the New Year?”

  “I guess. I just feel like I should be doing more, taking more responsibility, handling it all better.”

  “Are you crazy? You’re handling this better than anyone I know. I’d be a total mess if this happened to my parents. And I don’t even get along with them.”

  I got up and went to my closet. “Can we talk about something else? Hey, do you want to see my dress?”

  “Your dress! I almost forgot! Yes, put it on. I’ve got to see this!”

  Allie swooned over the dress, saying she was certain a salesclerk had picked it out. She made suggestions for how I could wear my hair and rifled through my drawers for some earrings to go with the dress. Soon Dave was home and Allie stayed for dinner. I wasn’t ready for her to leave, so we talked for a few more hours before she finally headed home.

  The rest of the week was better than I expected. By Friday, I felt a little sad that it was all coming to an end. Ever since learning I could graduate a semester early, I’d been counting the days I had remaining at that school. But the last day came too quickly. I wasn’t ready. I actually wanted to have more time there. More time to be a normal teenager and hang out with Colin and Allie.

  I felt lost. I had more than eight months before college started. What would I do with all that time? Just work at the coffee shop? Read books? I couldn’t go work at my dad’s office. It would be way too sad.

  In the last hour of my last class of high school, I thought about what I might do next. All of my old decisions and plans seemed so trivial. Since the moment that police officer had arrived at my door, my future felt uncertain. Would I even go to Stanford?

  My rational side was telling me to stay on the path that I’d decided on years ago. Get my undergraduate degree from Stanford. Then get my Ph.D. and find a job in research.

  But another part of me wasn’t so sure about that plan. Did I really want to be a scientist or was I just trying to please my parents? I had always loved science. But deep down, a part of me wondered if I should do something else. I had no idea what that was because I had never questioned my future before. But the accident changed all that. And now here I was, in my last class, on the last day of high school. And suddenly I, the person who plans everything to the tiniest detail, wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of my life.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Last Day

  “Samantha, Sam?” A voice startled me from my thoughts. I realized that I had pretty much missed all of my last AP literature class. From the seat behind me, Colin nudged my shoulder to get me to respond.

  “Yes, Ms. Siegel,” I said, straightening myself up in my chair. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

  “I was just saying, since this is your last day of high school, do you have any final words to share?” Ms. Siegel asked eagerly.

  Was she crazy? I thought. She knows I hate speaking in class. Was she angry at me for graduating early? Her face didn’t seem angry. In fact, she genuinely looked like she was sad to see me go. I guess she really did expect me to have some farewell speech.

  “Well, I don’t really have anything prepared,” I said, trying not to sound nervous.

  “That’s a first,” Colin said, and the whole room laughed. Leave it to Colin, Mr. Popularity, to break the awkward silence in the room. Ha, ha. The girl who is always prepared has nothing this time.

  I looked back to see him smiling at me. I smiled back. I was thankful for the save.

  “Well, I am prepared to be done with high school. I’m ready to do new and different things.” Back to awkward silence. I was so bad at this. Colin always had something funny to say. I had nothing.

  “Like go to school, study, and get straight A’s? Yeah, that will be new and different.” Colin saved the day again. Even more laughs erupted from the class.

  Thankfully, the bell went off just as the laughter subsided and Ms. Siegel wished us all a nice holiday break.

  I burst out of my chair and bolted to the door, only to have Colin grab my shoulder. “Hey, slow down. I hope you’re not mad. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I knew you’d be taken off guard by that whole ‘final words’ nonsense. I don’t know what Ms. Siegel was thinking.”

  “Are you kidding? I’m not mad. You saved me from my last few minutes of high school humiliation,” I said, grabbing his shirtsleeve to drag him away from class before Ms. Siegel approached me with her own words of wisdom. “Let’s just get out of here. I’m done. I’m finally done! Can you believe it?”

  Colin dropped his backpack to the floor and formally held out his hand. “Congratulations, graduate. I’m happy for you. Well, I’m really not because now I’ll hardly ever see you.”

  I pushed his hand away and went in for a hug. “That’s not true. In fact you’ll probably see me even more. I’ll have way more free time now that I don’t have to worry about homework or tests,” I said dreamily.

  “Yeah, go ahead, rub it in. But enjoy it while you can. I’m sure Stanford will pile on the work.”

  When we got to our lockers, I tossed the few items that remained into my backpack. “Well, who knows. Maybe I won’t even go.” My voice trailed off. Why had I said that?

  Colin slammed his locker shut, then grabbed my arm to get my attention. “Did you just say you might not go to Stanford? Tell me you didn’t just say that. Tell me you didn’t even think that.”

  “What? No, of course not. I was kidding.” The uneasiness in my voice wasn’t convincing him.

  “Sam, you’ve worked your whole life for this. Are you seriously thinking of not going?”

  “I told you I was kidding. Geez, relax.” I broke my arm from his hold and closed my locker. I was suddenly angry. Why was he getting so upset about what I did with my future? Couldn’t I change my mind? Couldn’t I make a decision that went against what people expected from me?

  “I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I headed out the door and Colin followed behind me.

  “Hey, what about tomorrow? When should I come over?”

  I almost forgot. Tomorrow was the winter formal. “
Um, I guess 7:30? 7:45?”

  “The dance starts at 8.” Colin laughed. “I’m taking you to dinner first. We’re not just going to the dance. What kind of guy do you think I am?”

  “Oh, then whatever gives us enough time. 7 maybe?”

  “We have reservations at 7, so I’ll need to pick you up by at least 6:45. But don’t you want to hang out before the dance? It’s Saturday. We could see a movie. Come on. Let’s celebrate. It’s your first day as a high school graduate.”

  I hated hearing the word. Celebrate. It still felt so wrong to even think about celebrating anything, in any way, so soon after my parents’ deaths.

  “I can’t. Allie’s coming over. I’ve got to get all prettied up for the dance, you know. That will take all day.”

  “All right.” Colin paused. “But you really don’t need any ‘prettying up.’ You know that, right? By the way, who says ‘prettied up’? You’re a strange girl, Samantha.” He laughed, then kissed the top of my head as I got into my car. “Hey, how about a real kiss, graduate?”

  I got back out and gave him a real kiss, just as two football players got into the car next to me. “Wooo, someone’s gettin’ it tonight.”

  I pulled away to give them a dirty look, but they were already in the car. Such idiots. Another reason why I was in such a hurry to get out of high school.

  “Ignore them,” Colin said as I climbed back in the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow. 6:45. No, 6:30. Don’t want to be late for dinner.”

  Any other girl would have spent her last night of high school out with her friends, but I wanted to be alone. I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed with my future, and I needed time to think. Besides, Colin had to stay home that night to hang out with some relatives who were visiting from out of town. I told Allie I had plans with Uncle Dave so she wouldn’t insist on coming over.

  As I drove home, the thought suddenly hit me that Uncle Dave might be planning some type of surprise graduation party or special dinner for me. I pulled into the driveway, expecting to see his car home early from work. But it wasn’t there.

  I got out of my car and was greeted by a strong and frigid wind. Typical Minnesota winter, I thought. Going to Stanford would at least get me out of the cold. I zipped my coat and ran to the mailbox. As I raced back to the house, the wind caught a piece of the mail and blew it down the street. I ran after it, searching the street to see where it went.

  “Looking for this?” A large man in a long black coat stood in front of me, holding the piece of mail. He looked like he could be a bodyguard or a bouncer at a bar.

  “Um, yeah. Thanks.” I looked up and right behind him was the black sedan.

  “Nice to meet you. Samantha, right?”

  My heart raced. “How do you know my name?”

  He looked down at the piece of mail. “Samantha Andrews. It’s the name on that letter. That’s your mail, isn’t it?”

  I glanced down at the envelope. It was addressed to me. “Oh, yeah. Well, thanks again.”

  He smiled at me and I felt a cold chill go up my spine. I turned and walked quickly back to the house. I looked back briefly to find him still standing there, watching me. I was so scared that I couldn’t get the front door unlocked. I kept turning the key the wrong way. From the side of my eye, I could still see the man watching me. I finally opened the door, went inside, and made sure every door in the house was locked. When I looked out the window, the man was gone.

  I went in the kitchen and noticed a note on the fridge. It was from Dave saying he wouldn’t be home until late. I wondered if I should call him and ask him to come home. But I couldn’t tell him about the creepy guy. He’d never let me leave the house again.

  I kept watch outside. There was no sign of the guy, but the black sedan remained. Maybe he didn’t even come out of that car, I thought. Maybe he was just being nice and handing me the mail. I was starting to think I was getting way too paranoid about everything.

  Later that evening, I called Allie.

  “You want to come over?”

  “I thought you were doing something with Dave.”

  “No, he had to work. But hey, if you have plans, don’t feel like you have to—”

  “Of course I’ll come over. I’m supposed to be at Brad’s. But I’m late getting over there and I don’t want to go anyway. He’s hanging out with his guy friends. I’ll see ya soon.”

  She hung up before I could say goodbye. When the doorbell rang, I double and triple checked to make sure it was her.

  “What took you so long to answer? It’s freezing out.”

  “Sorry. There was some weird guy out there earlier.”

  “Hey, I can’t stay very late. My mom is taking me to the salon in the morning to get my hair done since I’ll be here in the afternoon.”

  “Oh. Well you didn’t have to change your schedule for—”

  “Don’t start, Sam. It’s fine.”

  Allie talked all about what everyone was wearing to the dance and who was going with who. I could never figure out how she knew so much about everyone. I was always last to know and I only found out stuff because of her.

  “So what did you decide about Colin?” She changed topics so fast that I wasn’t prepared for it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “When are you breaking up with him?” She sounded annoyed. I knew she was still mad at me about the whole thing. “After Christmas? In the spring? Or right before you leave for college?”

  “Well, I’m not really breaking up with him.”

  “You said that you’re not gonna date him anymore. That’s breaking up, Sam.”

  “But it’s not like that. We’ll still be friends and talk all the time and stuff.”

  “No, you won’t. It doesn’t work that way. ”

  “Sure it does. We’re best friends. He’s not gonna stop being friends with me just because we’re not dating.”

  She sighed. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?”

  “Sam. Are you gonna date any of the guys at Stanford?”

  “I guess, if someone asks me out. I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “Let’s say that you do. Do you really think Colin’s gonna stick around and listen to you talk about going out with other guys?”

  “I won’t tell him.”

  “He’ll know, Sam. He’s not stupid. And do you really think he’ll wanna talk to you, or even be around you when you come home on breaks, knowing that you’re with someone else? Just the thought of it’s gonna crush him.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “So how do you feel about Colin dating other girls?”

  “Do we really have to talk about this?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “I won’t like it, okay?” I paused, hoping she would accept my answer and move on but she wouldn’t. She kept looking at me, waiting for me to continue. “Yeah, I know he’ll date other girls, Allie, but I don’t like thinking about that. It makes me too sad.”

  She threw her hands up in the air. “Exactly! That’s why it won’t work! Your whole ‘let’s be friends’ plan.”

  “Allie, why are you being so mean about this?”

  “I’m not being mean. I’m telling you this because I don’t think you’ve given this whole Colin thing enough thought. You just assume it will all work out. You’ll go to Stanford and Colin will still be here waiting. But he won’t. He’ll move on.”

  My heart sank just hearing her say those words. Over the past few weeks Colin and I had grown closer than ever before and my feelings for him had become much deeper. I couldn’t stand the thought of him moving on with someone else. Or us not being friends anymore.

  “I don’t want to lose him, Allie. I can’t imagine my life without him. He knows me better than I know myself. I think . . . I think I really do love him.”

  “And have you told him any of this?”

  “No. It’s too embarrassing. Besides, I’m sure he knows all that.”r />
  “He doesn’t know any of that, Sam. He told me that he never knows what you’re thinking. One day you’re nice to him and the next day you’re pushing him away.”

  “I don’t mean to do that. I’m just confused. I’m too young to be in a serious relationship.”

  “I’m not saying you have to get married, Sam. I’m just saying that you should tell him how you feel. And you should definitely reconsider the whole breaking up thing.”

  “Honestly, I really don’t want to break up with him, Allie. It kills me to even think about having to do it.”

  “Then why are you even considering it?” she yelled at me.

  “Because I feel like I have to! Because that’s what people are supposed to do. You’re not supposed to graduate and still date the guy from high school. You’re supposed to go to college, get a job, and then get into a serious relationship.”

  “Where do you get this stuff? From TV? Movies? I swear, I don’t even understand you sometimes, Sam. Forget about what you’re supposed to do. Do what you want to do. And if you love Colin, then don’t you dare even think of dumping him.”

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  She smiled, too. “So are you mad that I yelled at you?”

  “No. I needed to hear it. Thanks for saying something.”

  I felt so much better after talking to her. It was like I needed permission to stay with Colin. I needed someone to say that it was okay even if it wasn’t what people expected me to do.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Winter Formal

  Allie left and I went to bed, trying once again to avoid being awake at the time of the accident.

  On Saturday morning, I saw Dave briefly at breakfast. “Allie’s coming over this afternoon to get ready for tonight.”

  “Yeah, hey about that, don’t stay out too late. We’re heading to the cabin tomorrow,” Dave said casually as though this had been planned for weeks.