Truthfully, I think I’ve been avoiding her since I’ve arrived, a small part of me hoping I wouldn’t find her at all. I think about backtracking. She hasn’t seen me yet. I could get away with it—but I hesitate a moment too long. Tasia turns from her work, plastering the wall, to talk to one of the other hunters working with her, and then she sees me. I’m down the hall, but there’s no mistaking it with the way her gaze lingers in my direction, past the hunter who’s probably instructing her.
I have good hearing, but I’m too far away to hear what Tasia says to the hunter. She sets her trowel down carefully and starts walking in my direction. She starts off slow like she’s just heading out for a break. I don’t move. I can only watch her. I try to study her, to read any physical indication of what she’s feeling, but I’m coming up empty. She has a few cuts and bruises like many of the other hunters, and that brings the guilt back. I don’t know if I should meet her. I don’t know if I should stay right here. What does she want me to do?
I know what I want to do. I want to run to her and sweep her up in my arms. I want to kiss her in my relief. I want to tell her how sorry I am for lying. I want to explain that it was necessary for me to lie. I want so many things. But what does she want?
Trapped in my indecisiveness, I stay exactly where I am. To my relief, Tasia’s slow walk doesn’t last for long. Her walk turns into a jog, and her jog turns into a run. She’s speeding my way, coming right for me, and now my only choice is to catch her.
I hold my arms open, catching her easily as she rushes at me. The way she barrels into me probably would’ve knocked me over if I were only human, but I’m not human. I’m an angel. I was human once, but that life is mine no longer.
“You’re really okay,” Tasia says, her voice thick with emotion.
She presses her forehead into my shoulder as she keeps her arms wrapped tightly around me. I pick her up by her waist to give her a bigger hug. She adjusts her arms and hugs the back of my neck. I’m about to put her back on the ground when she wraps her legs around my waist, refusing to let go. I carefully move my arms underneath her to help support her weight so she isn’t doing all of the work.
“You’re really okay,” she repeats. “And there’s not a scratch on you.”
“I’m so sorry, Tasia,” I say remorsefully. “Are you okay?”
She doesn’t answer right away. She continues clinging to me.
“I’m feeling more okay now,” she says the words into my neck.
Her hot breath against my skin makes the back of my neck prickle with energy.
“Aren’t you angry?” I can’t help but ask.
“Very,” she replies. “I’m angry about a lot of things lately.”
“I really am sorry.”
I notice we’re getting a lot of stares from the hunters working in this hall and any who pass by. I wouldn’t mind continuing to hold her like this but considering everything going on, and what I’m sure she must want to talk to me about, we should probably act a little more professional.
“I’m going to put you down, okay?” I say.
“No!” she exclaims. “I’m not letting go, and you’re not putting me down.”
I continue supporting her with one hand while I use my other hand to gently scratch her back. I feel the stiffness in her body ease up some. I keep doing it until the tension seems to fade away completely.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper.
“Maybe not now,” she says quietly. “But what about that girl I saw you kiss? She’s here, and she’s an angel too. Do you love her?”
I cringe. “I do love her, but not the way I love you. Angels often kiss greetings. It’s not weird in angel culture to kiss friends and even acquaintances. It’s encouraged since it is an open expression of love. It’s… it’s not the same as what I feel for you.”
Tasia is silent for a moment before she says, “Okay, but you’re an angel and I’m not. That means you have to leave me eventually, right Rynne?”
“Somehow, I doubt that,” I say, recalling how the oracle told me to follow my feelings. “I wasn’t always an angel you know,” I add. “If I were still human, if I still got to live by human rules, you’d be the only one I’d ever kiss, Tasia.”
Tasia continues clinging to me, but she moves away from our tight and entangled embrace just enough so she can see my eyes. Her brown eyes are so soft and beautiful. It’s only been a couple days, but I’ve missed looking into her eyes.
“What do you mean you weren’t always an angel? Were all angels human once?” she asks.
“No.” I smile. “Most angels are immortal and live in a world of their own along with demons—though they live separately and angels rule over that world. I’m a first generation made angel, a mortal angel that used to be human. I’m the angel equivalent of some kind of… monster shapeshifter, I suppose. All of the monsters you’ve been fighting originally came from demons.”
“A polar bear,” Tasia whispers as she returns to hugging me tightly, her mouth lightly pressed to my ear this time. “You’re a polar bear.”
I laugh quietly. “Yes, I can shift into a polar bear. Other than that, I have increased strength, speed, etcetera. I also dwell in light, unlike monsters and demons who live in darkness. But in the end, I’m still a lot like you.”
“You seem pretty different to me,” she says, moving back slightly again so she can look at me. “From a human, I mean. You still feel like the same Rynne I’ve always known. Are you the same Rynne of always known?”
“Yes. I’m the same Rynne you’ve always known.”
“I have so many questions. Some angel named Cassius came to talk to me yesterday.”
“The oracle,” I correct her. “Oracle Cassius.”
“Oracle?” She asks. “Does that make him a super important angel or something?”
I grin. “Only the most important.”
“Because he talks to God or something? That’s what oracles do, right?”
“Yes, because he talks to God. He’s the only one who can commune directly with God.”
“So God won’t even talk to his angels, huh?” Tasia says with a bitter undertone. “And you’re saying there’s only one God?”
“God is mysterious and hard to understand,” I say. “I won’t argue with that. And as far as I know, yes. There’s only one.”
Tasia finally loosens her death grip on me and then untangles her legs from around me. I place her on the ground. However, she keeps her hands hooked behind my neck, like she hasn’t decided if I’m really going to stay or if I’m going to leave.
“If you’re an angel,” she muses, “that means I can become an angel too, right?” She looks up at me earnestly. “I mean, I don’t know if I’m worthy to be an angel, but theoretically.”
“Yes you could become an angel, too,” I affirm. “If that’s what you want maybe the oracle would grant you that privilege.”
I have to believe the oracle would allow that. Why else would he tell me my feelings for her are valid? It’s true my lifespan shouldn’t be any longer than hers. It should be shorter because of my age. Shorter than that. My remaining years have been cut down even further because of what I went through when the base was attacked. The oracle gave me his blood, but I have no idea how much life essence I gained. And what about the fact that I cannot age?
“Forget what I said,” I say hastily.
“Why? You don’t think the oracle would do it, or you don’t want me to be an angel?” Tasia asks.
I grimace. “Angels don’t turn humans into angels on a whim. The only reason I’m an angel today is because I was dying. Imae, the angel you saw me kiss, found me dying. She thought I might want justice for what happened to my family. She asked me if I wanted to do something about demons. She gave me an offer. I took it.”
“Arsen.” Tasia’s hands tighten around the back of my neck.
I shake my head. I’ve been wanting to tell Tasia the truth, the entire truth, but now that it’s com
e time to, it’s much harder than I thought it’d be.
I say, “Arsen didn’t kill my family.”
A flash of hurt glances off Tasia’s wavering eyes as she searches mine.
“Why would you lie about that?” she asks in a quivering voice. “Hiding the fact you’re an angel, fine. I guess I get it, but why would you hide the fact that Arsen didn’t kill your family?”
“My family was killed by a couple of monsters, wendigos to be exact. The reason I lied and said it was Arsen was to help protect my secret about being an angel. I lied to give a reason why I knew about Arsen and demons in the first place.”
Tasia drops her hands from behind my neck. Immediately I miss the sensation of her skin on mine, but I allow her distance. I have no right to pull her back in when I so obviously hurt her.
“I understand you’re angry. You have every right to be,” I say. “I’ll always love you, Tasia, but I won’t blame you if yo—”
“It’s just a lot to take in,” Tasia murmurs, cutting me off.
“It is. It’s a whole other world.”
“So far, I think I’ve been handling it pretty well.”
Tasia’s fingers find the silver chain necklace around her neck. She pulls her crystals out from under her shirt and twirls the two heart-shaped diamonds between her fingers. “Cassius, er, the oracle, told me these crystals both came from your world. Well, I guess, their world. Did he tell you to give me this white diamond?”
“He did,” I confirm.
“He said he had them sent to me to protect me.”
“That’s true,” I say.
“He also said that God chose me for something crazy. He said I have a bond with Arsen, a bond that I’ll be able to learn to control. I’ll be able to control Arsen. I guess, with Arsen, I’m supposed to be able to stop all of this madness once and for all. Isn’t that crazy? Me. You know me.” She shakes her head. “Just how long have you known me? You must have been sent to watch over me if I’m really some sort of chosen one.”
I nod. “I’ve known you since you were a baby. Oracle Cassius assigned me as your guardian angel. Honestly, you’ve had a few different guardian angels working together to watch you, but I’m the one that’s been allowed to be so close.”
“Since I was a baby?” Her brow is furrowed in that way it always is whenever she’s thinking about something too hard—which is often. “But you would have been really young too, or… How does that work?”
I want desperately to reach out and soften the crinkle on her forehead, but I resist the urge. I reply, “My appearance is the same now as it was the day I was turned. It’s like that for all first generation made angels and made demons. I’ll forever look like this until the day I die.”
“Then exactly how old are you?”
I force a smile. “Forty-one.”
“You’re forty-one years old?!” She grabs her head and lightly pulls at her hair. I can’t tell if she’s put off by the revelation or if she’s in disbelief.
“That’s right,” I say. “I know it’s weird for humans. A lot of this is still weird for me, honestly.”
“Are there any other crazy things you need to spring on me?” she asks. “I’d like to get all this craziness out of the way as soon as possible.”
“I don’t know. Is there anything else specific you want to know?”
She studies me. “So you’re really not immortal?”
“No. In every sense of the word, I’m still very mortal. Each mortal is born with a certain amount of life essence. We’ll live to whatever age our life essence runs out—unless we’re killed prematurely. That hasn’t changed for me. What has changed is the fact that my wounds will heal much faster than yours. My body will delve into my life essence reserves to heal any life-threatening wounds. As you can imagine, this cuts my lifespan shorter.”
“I… that’s crazy.” Tasia gasps. “Then when those monsters, demons, whatever they were, tore you apart like that, you were… You weren’t healing. You were dying.”
“Yes, I was. I would be dead right now if the oracle had not decided to elongate my life.”
“Can angels heal people then? My elbow was dislocated after the attack, but an angel popped it back into place and it didn’t even hurt anymore.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know anything about that. Maybe your arm wasn’t hurt as bad as you thought. As far as I know, the only way an angel could heal someone is by giving their blood. An immortal’s blood carries life essence in a different form. Drinking immortal blood will fill up life essence reserves and promote healing, even in a human. But there’s a catch. The first time a human drinks immortal blood, it changes their body’s make. If you drink a demon’s blood, you become a made demon, a vampire, werewolf, gargoyle, things like that. Likewise, if you drink an angel’s blood, you become a made angel like me.”
Tasia asks, “And after that you can take in an immortal’s life essence by drinking their blood without any other side effects?”
“That’s correct.”
“Are all made angels shapeshifters then?”
I shrug. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never even met another made angel. I haven’t met many natural angels either, but even with all they’ve taught me, it seems natural angels themselves don’t know much about made angels either.”
Tasia nods thoughtfully. “Because they don’t just turn people into angels on a whim, like you said.”
“Yes. That’s why.”
I bring my hand to the back of my head. I look up at a wide crack in the broken ceiling and notice the sun is long gone from the sky.
“Whatever you want to do about us, I leave that up to you,” I say. “It was bad timing. I wish I could have told you the truth about me first, but I guess that’s just not how things played out.” I bring my hands back to my sides. “More than anything, Tasia, I want you to be happy.”
This time I allow myself to reach out to her. I brush my fingers across her cheek and catch some loose strands of her straight brown hair that are hanging out from her ponytail. I twirl the strands around my finger. She watches me quietly, with the same softness I’m used to in her brown eyes, but there’s a lot of hurt in them now too. I don’t know if that hurt will ever heal. As much as I want to kiss her, I’ll refrain from it for now. If I ever kiss her again depends on what she wants. I gently release her hair and search her eyes for any indication of other questions or anything else she might want to say.
“Thanks for telling me the truth,” she says. “I believe you. I believe that you’ve only been doing what you think is right. I mean, you’re an angel. You’ve been doing what God has told you to do through the oracle. I get it. But I need some time to think about this.”
“Take all the time you need,” I tell her.
She nods. “I am glad you’re okay, Rynne. I’m really glad you’re not dead.” She reaches out for my hand, gives it a squeeze, and then she turns away from me. “I have a lot of work to do here. See you later?”
“See you later,” I respond.
She lets go of my hand and returns to the other hunters plastering the wall. I could stay and help these hunters, or I could work in another area of the base.
I turn away from them and keep walking, searching for a different group to join. Specifically, I look for an angel. Tasia may have forgiven me, or like me enough not to resent what I did, but I’m not so sure about the rest of the hunters. It would be best to at least work in a group with another angel for now I think.
It’s so ironic. I lied and did what I had to in order to gain the trust of the hunters here. Then things went wrong. The base was attacked, and angels had to show themselves to the EEA. I know it’s all God’s plan. I know he doesn’t tell the oracle everything. But I wish I hadn’t been ostracized like this. More than anything, I hope I haven’t lost Tasia forever.
WALKING DOWN THE hall, I feel Rynne’s eyes on my back. I know he must be watching me. Or maybe I want him to be watching me. He said he loves me.
I love him too, but I don’t know what to think about any of this.
I reach the other hunters and pick my trowel back up as I start smoothing down newly applied plaster. I allow myself to get lost in my work for another few hours. At first I’m not sure if I’m relieved Rynne didn’t follow me or if it bothers me. I was so happy to see him. Everything he told me sounded so strange though. I don’t know how the two of us can ever work, knowing what he told me. Maybe I’m thinking too much. It’s not like I’m even an adult. It’s not like I was planning on marrying Rynne anything. But I never would have told him how I felt if I wasn’t searching for some sort of lasting relationship with him. That’s what I want. With someone. It’s all the what-ifs that get me worried. What if our relationship turned into something where I really did want to marry him, but couldn’t because of all of our differences? That would hurt worse in the long run than if I ended things with him now, wouldn’t it?
By the time I finish my work here with my team, I feel pretty sore. We all wish each other a good night and go our separate ways. I think about going straight to bed. I have a lot to think about after all, a lot to sort through.
I wish someone could tell me what I’m supposed to do.
I know what Cassiu—the oracle—told me. He said I was chosen for some great purpose, to control Arsen, to rid demons from this world forever. Rynne said that all these monsters we’ve been fighting are a product of demons. All of this, all of these problems, were caused by creatures from some parallel world. It’s mind-boggling. With everything I’ve seen, I don’t have much reason to doubt all of this exactly, but I wouldn’t mind another human opinion.
I do a 180 and fast walk my way to Fiona’s room. My godmother hid this world from me like my parents did. In a way, in a very similar way, they lied to me just like Rynne did. I found it in me to forgive them. They all had their reasons. They all felt like they were doing what was best. My godmother has always been a really close member of the family. Her opinion is probably the best one I can get.
The Pull of Destiny (Undying Love, Book 2) Page 4
