Blackbird Fly

by Willow Rose

  "Do you want to make a stop and get some coffee?" Andrew asked as they saw the sign for a rest area. "I could do with some. We still have three hours to go."

  She shook her head, even though she really could do with a cup. "I'm good. I just want to go home."

  "Well, I need one, if I’m to drive the rest of the way," Andrew said. He put on the blinker to make the turn.

  Julia looked at him, her eyes worried.

  "Can't we just go straight home? I really want to get back to Anna."

  Andrew sighed. "Will you relax? She's fine."

  "I can't escape this…this dread inside of me, that something is wrong or might go wrong soon."

  "It's only normal for you to be worried," he said.

  "I know. I know. I'm being silly. But could we just wait a little with the coffee maybe?"

  Andrew chuckled. "Sure. Just make sure to pinch me every now and then to make sure I’m awake, will you?"

  Julia chuckled too when he passed the exit. Hers was more from relief than because she was amused. She knew she was being silly, but she wasn't going to feel right until she was back home with her child. She couldn't wait.

  Chapter 14

  North Florida, somewhere outside Jacksonville, November 2007

  Julia didn't notice that Andrew was dozing off until it was too late. She screamed when the car suddenly shifted lanes and Andrew fell to the side.

  "Andrew, you're sleeping!"

  Andrew woke up with a start and yelled something as Julia screamed at the top of her lungs. The car coming from behind them honked loudly, hit the brakes, tires screeching, and avoided hitting them in the last second, it's headlights lighting up the entire inside of the car, blinding Julia so she could hardly see.

  She could, however, see the headlights spin and, just as she thought they were safe, she saw a truck come up behind the other car and slam right into it, the sound of smashed glass drowning out everything else. Julia's head was spinning, terrified while Andrew regained control of the car and straightened it out. She saw the car behind them that had been hit by the truck slide closer and closer, then she screamed.

  "It's gonna hit us!"

  Tires were screeching, more cars bumped into each other behind them, and the car behind them was still coming dangerously closer and closer, sliding sideways towards their rear end. When it was close enough, Julia saw faces inside of it, torn, distressed, screaming.

  Oh, dear God.

  Andrew hit the gas, trying to get away from the inferno behind them, while Julia watched as more cars were involved in the crash, headlights spinning, glass shattering, horns honking.

  The sliding car behind them came closer and closer and finally smashed into their car, pushing it forward. Julia screamed as she plunged forward into the dashboard, slamming her forehead into it.

  Andrew was pushed forward, still with his foot remaining on the gas pedal, accelerating forcefully, the car hard to steer because of the force coming from behind, pushing it off the road, rushing in between the trees, a big palm tree approaching dangerously.

  Julia screamed again as she saw the tree; she reached over and pulled the wheel so hard that the car spun around in the grass, slinging the rear end so only the back of the car hit the tree.

  The car had stopped.

  Breathing hard, almost hyperventilating, Julia looked onto the road; in the light from her headlights, she spotted cars tangled in each other, so it was hard to tell them apart. Glass was shattered everywhere, smoke emerging from some, others were crumbled into almost nothing, where you could hardly believe there had been room for anyone inside of them. And then there were the people. Julia spotted a woman who was just walking between the wrecks, her face covered in blood, holding a hand to her head, staring in shock at the scene, that look of utter terror in her eyes, reminding her of a deer caught in the headlights.

  "Oh, my God. Oh, my dear God," Julia whimpered, covering her mouth in shock. "We have to help her."

  "Are you okay?" Andrew asked and grabbed her arm. She turned and looked at him. "I'm not sure I ever will be."

  "I meant with your body. Did you get hurt?"

  She touched her forehead. It was bleeding. "I think I’m fine. You?"

  His hands shaking, Andrew felt his chest and legs, then his head. "I think I'm okay too."

  He fumbled to find his phone, then called 911, while Julia rushed out of the car and ran to the lady.

  Chapter 15

  North Florida, somewhere outside Jacksonville, November 2007

  It was the worst night of Julia's life. She felt awful for all those people, and even more, she felt guilty for getting out of this with only a bump on the forehead. Paramedics took a look at her and Andrew and then said they would like to take them in for observation in case of a concussion, but they both refused. There were other people that needed care more than they.

  Andrew was holding her in his arms while they waited. The police had told them to stay put and that Andrew would need to have a blood test taken to determine if he had been intoxicated. Julia wanted to throw up.

  That was when her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket and looked at the display.

  It was the nanny.

  "I have to take this,” she said. "It's Elizabeth. I need to tell her we won't be home tonight."

  Andrew nodded. Julia drew in a deep breath, preparing herself mentally to talk about what had happened without freaking out Elizabeth. She didn’t know when they would be able to come home. Were they going to arrest Andrew? Tears sprang to her eyes as she picked up the call.

  "Elizabeth?"

  "I'm so sorry to be calling you, Julia," she said, sounding upset, "but I don't know what to do."

  "What's going on? Is that Anna crying in the background?"

  "Yes. She's freaking out completely. I have no idea how to calm her down. She woke up screaming about half an hour ago and hasn't stopped since. She won't let me touch her and won't listen to anything I say. She only wants you. Normally, I wouldn't be calling, but her screams are really loud and ear piercing. I fear the neighbors might think…"

  "It's okay, Elizabeth. I told you that you could call me if you need help. It's just that right now…"

  "She thinks you're dead," Elizabeth said. "Both of you. She woke up screaming that you had both died. I think she might have dreamt that you died or something. She keeps saying that you were in some accident and that your car hit a palm tree on the side of the road. I don't know…"

  "A palm tree?"

  "Yes, she must have dreamt it or something. It's just really hard to calm her down and I thought if she spoke to you and understood that you were still alive, then maybe it would calm her down.”

  Julia's heart was in her throat as she looked at their car, still parked in the grass, frighteningly close to the palm tree.

  Could she have known?

  No. That's silly and you know it. It's a coincidence.

  "Put her on," she said.

  "Anna, here's your mother. She's fine. You can talk to her."

  Her heart in her throat, Julia spoke: "Hi, baby. It's Mommy. I'm fine. You don't have to cry. It was just…” Julia paused to breathe as a man was pulled out of the remains of a car and put on a stretcher. She shrieked lightly, tears streaming across her face. "It was just a dream, Anna. Nothing but a dream. I'm perfectly fine. Perfectly. Now go back to sleep and I'll see you as soon as Mommy comes back home, all right? Don't worry. Mommy is fine. We're both…fine."

  Chapter 16

  Fort Lauderdale, November 2007

  They were allowed to go home the next day. They had taken blood tests and interrogated Andrew till he was almost blue in the face, while they were both told Andrew risked being held accountable for falling asleep. Luckily, Andrew's colleague found him a good lawyer who arrived a few hours later at the police station in Jacksonville, and he didn't think Andrew was in serious trouble. He wasn't intoxicated, didn't even drink. He wasn't speeding or driving recklessly, no medical condition p
reventing him from driving, and he hadn't been careless. It wasn't like he had been awake for thirty hours, like in some of these cases. This was an accident and should be treated as such. There still was no law against falling asleep. Besides, there had been no fatalities in the crash, that counted hugely to their advantage as well, even though Julia thought hurting them was more than enough. She was ready to go to jail if she had to. The lawyer had said there would be no talk of jail, he would make sure of that, then continued to tell them that Andrew had never been involved with the legal system before, he had a clean slate and didn't even have a parking ticket, so he had high hopes. He told them all this when dropping them off at their home, then said he would be in touch.

  Now they were standing in the driveway looking at their house. Julia felt like a different person than when she had left.

  Andrew's eyes were still in some state of shock. His hands still shaking. He was holding their suitcase that they had been allowed to take out of the car when they were taken to the station.

  "You ready to go inside?" Julia asked and took his hand in hers. He pulled his out and started to walk.

  Julia's heart dropped. "Are you mad at me?"

  He stopped, then turned to look at her. Their eyes met. She saw resentment in his. She had never seen that before.

  "Why couldn't I have that coffee, huh? Now, I have to live with this for the rest of my life."

  Julia could hardly breathe. Was this for real? Was he really saying this? "Is…is…" she bit her lip, the feeling of guilt overwhelming her. "You think it’s my fault, don't you?"

  He raised his hand in the air. “One lousy cup of coffee was all I was asking for. One cup, Julia."

  "Wow," she said with a deep sigh.

  Andrew exhaled, rubbing his eyes with one hand. "Look, I'm exhausted, okay? Let's just get inside and get some sleep."

  She swallowed, then nodded. "Of course."

  "Mommy! Daddy."

  The screams came from Anna. She had spotted them from inside the house and was running towards them. She threw herself into Julia's arms. Julia closed her eyes and held her daughter very tight. To think that she almost hadn't been able to come back to her was terrifying. Anna looked up at her mother.

  "What's that?" she asked and pointed at the bruise on her forehead.

  Julia touched it and was suddenly taken aback. She shook her head. "It's nothing, Anna. I just hurt myself. I'm fine."

  Anna suddenly hugged her mother even closer, like she didn't want to let go again, her nails piercing Julia's back.

  "Anna, you're hurting me. Let go. I want to go inside."

  “How did you get that bruise, Mommy?" Anna asked, her face torn in worry way too deep for a five-year-old.

  It bothered Julia. She pushed her away. "Just leave me alone, will you? I'm tired."

  Andrew walked past them and inside without even a word. Julia felt the nagging sensation again, the one telling her she had destroyed everything.

  "Mommy, I thought you were dead. Your car hit a tree and you hurt your head. How did you hurt your head, Mommy?"

  "Anna. Stop it. I don't want to hear about that right now," she yelled a lot louder than what she had meant. "Now, give me some space; you're clinging to me. I need to get some rest, you hear me?"

  “But, Mo-om."

  "No. Not now, Anna. Go to your room!"

  Chapter 17

  Fort Lauderdale, October 2008

  They pushed through it. The court found no fault, no recklessness on Andrew's part. Andrew received a fine for falling asleep behind the wheel, and that turned out to be all there was left of it. Except for the part where it had torn on them and their trust in each other. Still, they managed to get through it or at least put it behind them. To Julia's surprise, they managed to get back to almost normal everyday life and Julia now knew how to appreciate her life more.

  At six years of age, Anna seemed to grow smarter than most children her age, and very fast. Julia was naturally proud of her daughter, even though Andrew kept insisting Anna was no smarter than anyone else her age. At the age of four, she had taught herself how to read and play the piano, and at the age of six, her math skills had reached those of a high school student.

  Don’t tell me that is just normal.

  Her school didn't really know how to challenge her and Julia often let her stay home and read her books instead of going there. One day, when they neared yet another election, Julia took her to the harbor for ice cream and a walk. Anna loved to look at the big yachts, while Julia would dream of sailing away.

  "One day, I want to see the world," she said.

  Anna nodded, licking her ice cream. "I like to see all the worlds."

  Julia looked down at her daughter. So silly. "What do you mean, all the worlds?"

  Anna tilted her head. "I like to travel," she said.

  "Me too."

  Julia realized she hadn't ever taken her daughter anywhere. Her dad had promised to take her to Key West on several occasions, but it had never happened. Anna was a girl who needed a lot of stimuli, according to the school counselor. Traveling to other places would be helpful. But the money had been tight the past several years, so it simply wasn't possible.

  "Let's look at that one over there," Anna said and pulled on her mother’s arm.

  They passed a group of Asian people, speaking amongst each other in a language Julia had no chance of understanding. She never could distinguish between Chinese, Japanese, or whatever they were speaking out there. All she knew was a little tiny bit of Mikisukî and Maskókî that some of the elders spoke at the rez, and, of course, English. She always wanted to learn how to speak French, since it sounded so sophisticated.

  As she thought about all this, she felt her daughter's hand slide out of hers and spotted her as she walked towards the group.

  "Anna," she called. But the girl didn't stop. She walked up to the group and started to talk to them. The group's focus turned to the little girl, and soon they were chatting and pointing and then laughing. Julia hurriedly grabbed her daughter by the hand.

  "Your daughter speaks Cantonese?" a young guy with a backpack asked.

  Julia looked at him, then shook her head. "No."

  "She just told us directions in perfect Cantonese," he said, looking suspiciously at her.

  "Excuse me?"

  "She's pretty awesome." The backpacker turned to Anna. "Thank you so much, little girl."

  Anna smiled, then answered in a language Julia didn't understand. It sounded like she was mocking them, making fun of their language. Julia smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry. You have to excuse my daughter, I don't know what's gotten into her."

  "How did you learn Cantonese?" the backpacker asked.

  "I travel a lot," Anna said.

  Julia felt perplexed, then pulled her daughter. "I'm sorry," she said, then walked away with her. "Why would you lie like that to that nice man?" she asked when they had reached a proper distance and she knew they couldn't hear them. "You don't know any other languages. I don't like you saying things that aren't true, Anna. Why would you say that? And that nonsense about you traveling a lot? Now that was just a plain lie. I have never taken you anywhere. Not even out of the state? Why would you lie like that?"

  "But, Mo-om," she said, dragging the word out the way only children can.

  Julia snorted and pulled Anna's hand. She was furious. This wasn't the way she had raised her daughter, to be lying to people like this.

  Chapter 18

  Hollywood Reservation, October 2008

  Being back on the rez filled Julia with a certain calmness that was hard to explain. Even though was just for a short visit. Things were just different here. Not only in a good way. There was a lot of poverty, a lot of alcohol, and young people believing they had no future. But there was something else too. This was family. This place was home, no matter what it looked like, and as she rushed towards Igoshi's house, she wondered if it wouldn't be better for Anna to grow up here, with her people. The way it
was now, she was born outside of the rez and that made her white in the reservation children's eyes, but where they lived, she was the brown kid. She didn't really belong either place and Julia feared it would make her rootless, make her confused. Julia knew where she belonged, what she came from, even if it wasn't only good. Where would Anna call home?

  Julia took in a deep breath and then knocked. Igoshi opened the door. She smiled but didn't seem surprised.

  "Come in."

  Julia followed her into the small kitchen, where Igoshi had already set the table with cups and a pot of herbal tea.

  "You were expecting me?" Julia said.

  "Sit, sit," Igoshi said.

  Julia did. Igoshi served the tea and they sat in silence for a few minutes, Igoshi staring at her with her narrow smiling eyes. How nothing seemed to knock that woman out was beyond Julia's comprehension. She had experienced quite a lot in her lifetime so far, more than what Julia thought she would be able to bear. Losing a child and killing your own husband after years of enduring his alcohol abuse, was a lot.

  Julia felt like she was betraying Andrew by being there, but she had to know. Anna was in school, so she didn't know she was there either.

  "I want this to stay between us," she said.

  "Of course," Igoshi said.

  "I need to know," Julia said.

  "About Anna, I assume?"

  "Yes." Julia bit her lip. "I mean the flickering…Andrew says she'll grow out of it, but I still see her do it, at night. When you saw it the first time, you didn't seem surprised. Why does she do that? What does it mean?"

  Igoshi, still smiling, leaned forward. "She doesn't belong to this world alone."

  Julia exhaled. It was the answer she had expected. Suddenly, she wondered what she was even doing here. She had feared she'd receive an answer like this. All of her childhood she had listened to elders talking about more worlds, about how some people were capable of traveling between the worlds, but she didn't believe in that stuff. Not anymore.