Wild Thoughts

by Charity Ferrell

  “I’m sure it wasn’t as great as the pleasure he was giving you last night,” she yells to my back as I’m walking out. She laughs when I throw my hand up and flip her off.

  I have to get my mind off Knox and back to my real life now.

  Knox: The real estate agent Mia hooked me up with sent me some listings. I’ll be home next week. Want to check them out with me?

  It’s been two and a half weeks since Knox left my condo, and it’s been hard staying in touch with our crazy schedules. He’s been busy with his shows, and I’ve been swamped with schoolwork and finals approaching.

  Me: I’d love to.

  “Who are you texting?” Mia asks. She arches a brow and pops a fry in her mouth while waiting for my answer.

  I set my phone down on the table at our favorite lunch spot and sigh. “None of your business, mom.”

  She scrapes her hands together and gives me a serious look. “Stop fucking with his head, Libby. Don’t be one of those bitches that drags guys on with no intention of giving them anything.”

  “You don’t even know who I’m talking to. It could be my dad.”

  “Unless your dad illegally had a cell phone smuggled through someone’s asshole into his prison cell, I know that’s a lie.”

  “He needs a friend to look at houses with. His mom and him still aren’t on speaking terms, and his brother is in Texas. I figure it’s the least I can do for everything he’s done for me.”

  “No, what that man needs is for you to get your head out of your ass and be his girlfriend.”

  “My head isn’t in my ass. It’s in my finals and how I have to pass them.”

  “I wasn’t aware you couldn’t have a boyfriend and pass a test. You can multi-task. I’ve seen you straighten your hair and paint your fingernails at the same time. And did you know that happy people perform better on tests?”

  “Drop the whole Knox thing, okay? I’ll talk to him when he gets in town. I promise.”

  “Holy mother of all hotness and romanticness,” Mia screams, barging into my room. She jumps up and down in excitement, squealing like a child.

  “What in the world are you yelling about over there, psycho?” I ask.

  “You have to see this … or listen to this, to be more precise.”

  “Okay?” I drawl out.

  She grabs her phone, hits a button on her screen, and starts hitting the volume button until I assume it’s on high.

  Knox’s voice flows from the speaker, and Mia starts dancing in place.

  “She’s afraid to open up,

  Hiding behind a broken mask, afraid to be upfront,

  But I can see through her,

  I can see the sunshine through the rain,

  With one touch she lets me have my way,

  Giving me only a sliver of her until it turns dawn,

  I call this our secret of the day,

  Every piece of her I uncover takes my breath away,

  Open up, sunshine; let those wings drift you my way,

  As we uncover our secret of the day …”

  A buzz shoots through me, kind of like when I drink too many energy drinks, but it’s a Knox high. I’m drunk on him, transfixed with his every word as I keep listening to the song that I know is about me.

  “Sunshine?” Mia says. “This song is so about you.”

  I wave off her comment. “You don’t know that.”

  “He’s a smart dude. I’ll give him that. He’s winning you back little by little, easing you back into his life.”

  Does he have ulterior motives? “We’ll see.”

  She replays the song and starts moving her hips to the beat. A few seconds later, we’re both singing along to the words.

  She holds her arms out. “Come on! Let’s dance to the song you were the muse for!”

  We dance until the song ends, and Mia insists I text Knox.

  Me: New song?

  She’s playing the song again when my phone beeps with a reply.

  Knox: You listen to it yet?

  Me: Yep! Mia has it on repeat and is throwing a dance party in my bedroom.

  Knox: Tell me you joined her?

  Me: Sure did. It’s beautiful.

  Knox: I had the best inspiration.

  Me: I’m expecting a royalty check lol.

  Knox: I promise to give you more than that.

  “You’re blushing. Blushing is a good sign,” Mia says, pulling me out of my conversation.

  “I’m overheated from dancing.”

  “Whatever.”

  She hits a button on her phone, and we break out in dance again.

  Chapter 49

  Knox

  “The tour is over. How do you feel?” Thomas asks.

  I arrived back in the city last night after my final stop of the tour in Latin America ended. Thomas picked me up and is letting me stay in his guesthouse until I find a new place here. I haven’t been back to the house that Nate trashed, but according to my new assistant, Anna, all of my belongings have been cleared out, and someone has already put an offer in on it.

  “Exhausted. Eighty performances in six months in I don’t know how many countries will drain you.”

  “People might give you shit, but you’re a hard worker. The tour is getting fantastic reviews. Now we need to get you working on a new album. Secret of the Day is blowing up the charts. Women are loving the romantic side of you, and Anna says you’ve been writing a lot on the road.”

  “I already have studio time scheduled. But first things first, I have to find a place to live.”

  “You can stay here for as long as you’d like.”

  “I appreciate it. I’m meeting with my realtor in about an hour, so hopefully she has some good shit lined up for me.”

  “You want me to come along?”

  “I’m picking up Libby, and she’s coming with me.”

  His brows bump together. “Libby?” I nod. “Interesting.”

  “Why is that interesting?”

  “According to her father, she’s seeing a new man and he’s about to propose.”

  My back straightens, and I feel all of the color draining from my face. “What?”

  Thomas laughs and pats me on the back. “I’m fucking with you. I like you two together. She keeps you grounded, so make things right with her now that you’re home for awhile.”

  “Trust me, I’m trying.”

  “Good boy.”

  Me: I’m five minutes out. You ready?

  Libby: Yep! I’ll be outside waiting.

  She walks to my car and opens the passenger door as soon as I pull up.

  “Hey stranger,” I greet, giving her a smile.

  “Hey,” she says. She’s acting shy … like the last time I saw her I wasn’t eating her pussy. She folds her hands in her lap. “So what are we going to be looking at today?”

  “The realtor sent me pictures of a few homes, but there’s one I think might be the winner. I’m having her show us it first and then we’ll go from there.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  I put the car in reverse, back out of the drive, and head through the gates. “How did your finals go?” I ask, turning out of her neighborhood. “You didn’t fail, did you?”

  She laughs. “No, thank God. I did pretty well and took some extra credits this semester so I won’t have to take on such a heavy course load this coming semester.”

  “Good, you’ll have more time to hang out with me.”

  She grins. “I guess so.”

  The house we’re looking at is only a ten-minute drive, and the realtor, Debbie, is already there. She jumps out of her red Mercedes when I pull up and struts over to us in her black heels.

  “Knox,” she says, her red finger-nailed hand shooting out my way. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” I shake her hand, giving her a smile, and her attention then moves to Libby. “And you must be Libby. Knox says he can’t buy a house until you see it first.”

  “That’s right,” I say as Libby gives me
a strange look.

  “You’re both going to love this place,” Debbie says. We follow her up the walk and into the home. “Your assistant told me you’re looking for something modern. It’s twelve thousand square feet. Price is a little over eight million, so we’re in budget, and it also has the guest house you were looking for.”

  “Sounds perfect,” I say. “Let’s see if the pictures do it justice.”

  If the place looks anything like I saw online, this will be my next home. It’s nothing like my last one, which was a total bachelor pad. This one is more settled down and homey. I won’t be throwing any wild ass parties here. I’ve learned my lesson from trusting people around my shit.

  Debbie gives us the tour, and I can tell Libby loves it.

  “What do you think?” I ask her when Debbie leaves the room to take a phone call, but I’m pretty sure it’s to give us time to talk.

  Libby takes a look around. “I think it’s absolutely breathtaking.”

  I smirk. “Beautiful enough that you’d want to live here?”

  Her blue eyes narrow in on me. “If you’re seriously trying to hint that you’re giving me this house or something ridiculous along those lines, I’m telling you no right now and there’s no changing my mind.”

  “That’s not what I’m hinting at. What do you think about staying in the guesthouse? It’ll be perfect for you.”

  “Why? I already have a place with Mia.”

  “You’ll have more privacy here and a place of your own. The guesthouse is just as beautiful as this home with a living room, a full kitchen, and a kickass master suite with an awesome bathroom.” Her hesitation is evident, so I move onto reason number two on the list I had lined up for this moment. “It would also help me – give me a peace of mind. If you’re here when I’m gone, I know it’ll be taken care of. You won’t pull a Nate on me, and my mom will try to get another one of my family members to move in so I can take care of them if that place has open vacancy.” She’s still giving me that nervous look. “You don’t have to give me answer right now. Think about it and then let me know, okay?”

  She bites into the edge of her pink lip and nods. “Okay.”

  “Final thoughts?” Debbie asks, interrupting us as she comes back into the room with her hands thrown out and a bright smile on her face.

  I glance over at Libby, and she nods. “I think we’ll take it,” I answer.

  Both Libby and Debbie pick up on my choice of words. We’ll take it.

  Debbie claps her hands in excitement that she’s about to get a nice little commission check. “Perfect. I’ll make an offer on it today.”

  I shake Debbie’s hand when we make it back outside, and we tell her goodbye. Libby slides back into my car when I open up the door for her.

  “You hungry?” I ask when I get into the driver’s seat.

  “Starving, actually. I planned on making lunch before you picked me up but decided against it when I realized Mia was waiting for me to come out of my bedroom so she could give me instructions on what to say to you today.”

  “She’s on Team Knox, isn’t she?”

  “She’s definitely on Team Knox.”

  “I knew I liked her.”

  I grab my phone and text Anna to set up lunch plans somewhere we can go without having cameras in our faces. I’ve had enough radio and TV interviews to last me for the next few months, and I don’t want them bringing up Nate trashing my house.

  I pull into the back entrance to the Italian restaurant and park the car. I get out, open her door, and then lead her into the building. The chef is waiting and takes us to a table in a vacant room.

  “I haven’t been to this place in forever,” Libby says, sitting down. “It’s one of my favorites. My dad and I used to come here all the time, but it’s a little too overpriced for my budget now.”

  I smile and make a mental note to thank Anna for making a good decision. “So how’s the new job going?” Thomas mentioned that Libby has been doing some light work for him when she’s not busy with classes.

  “It’s fine. Thomas works around my schedule, which is nice. I’m also doing my community service at the city’s social work office, and they told me I have a job lined up as soon as I get my degree.” I love the way her face lights up at the mention of her new career starting.

  “That’s awesome. I’m excited for you.” Would I rather her get her degree and work for me? Absolutely. But I can’t ask her to give up her passion because I know what it feels like to love what you do.

  “And it’s all thanks to you. Thank you for helping with my tuition.”

  “If you thank me again I’m going to bend you over this table and spank you. It’s not all thanks to me. It’s all thanks to you and your hard work.”

  We keep the rest of the conversation light and catch up on what’s going on in our lives until we finish our lunch and get back in the car. I stop her before she gets out when I pull in front of the condo.

  “I’m having a Christmas party for the kids at the hospital on Saturday. Come with?” I ask.

  She smiles, nodding. “Text me the details, and I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 50

  Libby

  I collapse onto my bed and let out a long sigh. I couldn’t have had a better day with Knox at the children’s hospital. I didn’t want to leave. We handed out gifts, ate too much candy and cookies, and Knox sang every Christmas song known to man.

  There’s something about making other people feel better that lightens your mood and brightens your day. My problems seem so insignificant. Being there today told me I’m doing the right thing with my life. I want to help every child I can get into a safe and healthy home. If they’re sick, I will be at their side, doing everything in my power to make them feel better.

  Knox sits on the edge of my bed with his intense eyes pinned to me.

  “What are your intentions with me?” I ask.

  What Mia said has been on my mind.

  Does Knox have ulterior motives?

  He situates himself so that we’re facing each other. “I’m not sure if you want me to be honest with you.”

  “I certainly don’t want you to lie to me.”

  He clears his throat. “You cage yourself up and lock me out whenever I’m honest with you. You put a restraint against your heart in fear. I don’t want you to pull away.”

  I flinch at his response. “I don’t cage myself up,” I rebuttal. “I’m a realist. You can’t blame me for not wanting to live in some fairy tale.”

  “If you’re such a realist then be real and follow your heart. Realists don’t run from shit. They face the truth. They face reality. So until you decide to do that, you’re a pessimist.”

  I cross my legs and straighten up my back. “Then let’s face the truth. Secret of the day. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “My intentions are to win you back,” he confesses, no bullshit. “I’m fighting to prove to you that you want it as much as I do. You know I’m in love with you, deeply, madly, and passionately in love with you, and I know you love me. Sometimes it takes longer for your mind to open up and listen to your heart. I understand you want space, but my intentions are to let you have your space but share it with me at the same time. You saw … you felt … how happy we were on tour. We can do that again. We can have a great and happy life together.”

  I open my mouth, ready to keep building up those walls, but he stops me. “I’m still telling you my secret,” he goes on. “I’m off tour. You’re close to graduating. Nothing is holding us back, except for you making up your mind on whether you want to live life happy or scared.”

  Damn, that was some secret.

  There’s no way telling him I’m afraid of the dark will top that.

  I rake a hand through my hair. “You’re still going to be traveling,” I start to ramble. “I’ll be focusing on work here. The sun might not come out tomorrow. It’ll never work.” His hand disappears into his pocket, and he pulls out his phone. “What are
you doing?”

  His lips tilt into a smile. “I’m searching for the exact definition of pessimism.”

  I snatch his phone from him. “Funny.”

  He blows out a long breath, the smile fading, and something else appears. Determination. “You’re never going to be happy if you’re always thinking about the “what if’s.” What if the world ends tomorrow? What if I get tricked into selling my voice to Ursula and can never sing again?”

  I roll my eyes and slap his shoulder. “Oh my God.”

  “I’m serious! Do you think it’s smart to quit right now because there’s a chance it can happen? Anything can happen. There’s so much shit that can change our life in a second. If something terrible happens, we deal with it when it happens – together. Adversities are much easier to go through when you have someone at your side.”

  “You know it’s hard for me to put myself out there. You know why!”

  He places his hand on his chest. “It’s hard for me just as much! But I did it for you.” He scoots in closer and moves his hand to my chest, right over my heart. “I gave you a part of me that you can easily break, but I know I’m in good hands. Do the same for me.”

  I’ve been so fearful of him playing games with my heart and hurting me that I never thought that I was the one causing pain for the both of us.

  My fear is hurting him.

  It’s now or never, Libby.

  I can’t continue to live my life afraid of love. I can’t retire my heart when I haven’t even given it a chance to work properly.

  I look down at his hand on my chest, my heart pounding against my rib cage right underneath it, and I’m finally connecting with the love I have for him. Love should come first before everything.

  “I love you, Libby, more than words can describe. I could write a million songs and it still wouldn’t say enough. I want us to be together. I will do everything in my power to make it work.”

  I place my hand over his as tears start to fall from my eyes. “I love you, Knox. You own me – mind, body, and soul, and I will give you my all. Be patient with me, but know that I’ll be here. There’s no more leaving, no more turning my back.”