The Bonding

by Hansen, Victoria

  Unable to hold back a brokenhearted whimper, Kiri stood a moment longer, staring at her beloved with grief pouring unchecked from every pore of her body, tears flowing in rivulets down the scars on her cheeks. Then, without another word, she fled, all but running through the door. Davin slammed it behind her. She didn't get far. Leaning her back against the brick wall opposite his door, she rested her head in her hands and slid slowly to the floor.

  * * *

  Davin groaned, throwing himself back onto his sofa. Well, Colorian, you got what you wanted. Yet had he? Moment by moment the coldness of his rage was evaporating. The hurt was still there, fueling his anger, but he no longer desired to punish Kiri. In fact, a sour little thread of guilt began to work its way through his consciousness. Was this really what all his words of love had come to? Yes, Kiri had failed to trust him, this little voice whispered, but why had she not known the threat existed, so she could be on her guard against these lies? Why had he delved so deep into Kiri's tragic past and never shared much of his own? Could it be his own pride had played a role in this? That he had brought his suffering on himself? She had not trusted him, but had he truly trusted her, enough to reveal the worst of himself, so she would be prepared for it? No, he had basked in her admiration, drunk in her love, devoured her innocent body, and let her think him more than he was.

  And now, he had to make a choice. He could continue to let her suffer alone, and she would accept it, but was that really what he wanted? Was revenge more important than their relationship? He could keep his pride and destroy hers, but would that really solve the problem? It wouldn't. He was a bastard. This had to stop.

  His body, exhausted with depression and the aftermath of his emotional breakdown, fought to remain prone, but he forced his muscles to engage, dragging himself to his feet. Each slow, purposeful step required a strength of will he had never known he possessed, yet the image of Kiri, stricken and crying before him, gave him the strength to overcome his lethargy. I have to find her. No matter the cost. We have to fix this.

  He turned the knob and opened his door to see the object of his search sitting before him, arms around her knees, sobbing.

  The sight of her melted him. He knelt, drawing her out of her little ball and lifting her to her feed. Without a word he tugged her back into his apartment and shut the world out with a quick turning of the lock.

  “Kiri, no more,” he said gently, “I can't do this.”

  A look of pure panic washed over Kiri's tearstained face, but as he watched, the proud warrior reappeared, straightening her spine and standing tall before him. “When you say you can't do this, do you mean you can't forgive me, and nothing I can do will convince you to take me back?”

  “No, baby, that's not what I meant,” he said softly. “I meant punishing you is not the right thing to do. Come with me. We need to talk.”

  He led her though the sitting room of his apartment to the sofa, urging her to take a seat and then joining her. Kiri had her face in her hands, and her shoulders were shaking. He realized she was crying again. “What is it?”

  “I never thought I'd hear you call me baby again,” she sobbed. “I love it when you do.”

  Her hurt cut into him and he couldn't resist wrapping one arm around her, pulling her close. She struggled to regain control of herself, and finally lifted her face.

  “Why shouldn't you push me away?” she asked. “I deserve it.”

  “That may be, and I won't deny I'm still pretty angry,” he replied, wanting to be honest.

  “And hurt?” The word emerged from her scarred lips as a partial sob.

  “Yes, baby,” he admitted. “You did hurt me. It hurts real bad that you didn't trust me. But when you love someone, sometimes you give them what they don't deserve. It may be a while before I get past this, but making you hurt like I did won't help heal it. I want it to heal. I don't like being angry, especially not at you.” He paused to think for a moment before continuing. “But, it's unfair for me to let you take all the blame. I have some responsibility too. I didn't warn you about her. I should have.”

  “Why didn't you?” Kiri's wide eyes told him she was paying rapt attention.

  “I was embarrassed,” he replied, and even now the shame of what he had once been rose up in him, nearly choking off his words. “That woman, Kaeli, I slept with her a few times, many years ago.”

  “I know,” Kiri replied. “Jaya told me. But Davin, if she's this horrible person – and mind you, I don't believe she's crazy. She just pretends so she can get away with being a bully – why did you sleep with her?”

  This time his eyes skated away from hers. “That's the part I was hoping you would never have to know. For a long period of time, about eight years, starting after my family's deaths, I was completely promiscuous. I would sleep with any willing woman, even if she was stupid, mean, crazy, anything. There were dozens, maybe even hundreds of different women I bedded during that time. I can't even remember them all, but I never loved any of them.”

  His rapid delivery of words seemed to leave Kiri stunned. She sat blinking. “Why?”

  “I don't really know. I was angry my parents had died, particularly my father. I was on the brink of manhood, just when I needed his guidance most, and he was gone. We were very close, and when I left for school we were on good terms. And then…he died. I wasn't ready. He had always told me to treat women with respect. 'Sex can wait, son,' he used to say; 'because when you find the right woman, well there's nothing that can compare to that. Wait for the right woman.' I always promised I would, but I had counted on him being there to meet that woman, to approve her, to welcome her into the family.”

  Though the explanation did little to rectify their situation, Kiri seemed focused on his words anyway. “Maybe you expressed your grief at his death by doing exactly the opposite of what he wanted. You were angry with him for leaving you, so you decided to throw his advice out the window.”

  “There may be some truth in that. I also liked the oblivion,” he admitted with a wry twist of the lips that was nothing like a smile.

  “When did you stop?” she asked, returning him to his story.

  “About five years ago,” he replied. “It was Jaya who snapped me out of it. She had fallen in love with a man I found totally unsuitable. Not only that, but she had gone from fighting with him to moving in with him in about two weeks. It caused a fair bit of gossip, I can tell you. Well, I went to her and told her I didn't think she should be with Soren, that he was too old for her and would never marry her anyway. She was furious. She told me I had no right to give her any lectures on morals, since I would sleep with anything that moved. I was a hypocrite and she would hear nothing further on the subject. The hell of it was, she was right. I had just broken things off with Kaeli, and she was making my life miserable, and I realized how stupid I was being. Decent girls wanted nothing to do with me, both because of Kaeli's harassment, and because I was a cad, not someone to be trusted, and I had just lost credibility with the last remaining family I had. I vowed that day I would never sleep with another woman again until I found the right one, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I never did…until you.”

  Kiri closed her eyes, her face twisted in lines of remorse.

  “I should have told you sooner, baby,” he insisted. “I let my pride get in the way of giving you information you needed. I didn't want you to doubt me, to think I was using you for sex the way I used to do with others. What we shared was…different. Special.”

  “Yes, it was,” she replied, lingering over his use of the past tense.

  “It will be again,” he told her.

  Kiri sagged against Davin's shoulder. He could feel her profound relief. Her composure dissolved again and she cried for long time. The waves of grief and love pouring through the bond between them went a long way towards healing Davin's wounded heart. In time, he knew, they would be able to work this out. What they had was too special to throw away over a misunderstanding.
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  After a while, Kiri's sobs slowed. He kissed the top of her head.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, cupping her face in one hand.

  She nodded, and it seemed to be true, as her sobs had subsided to a few hiccups and her eyes had stopped streaming. The hopeful expression in those emerald depths told him more than words ever could. She loves me as much as I love her. She always has. What a blessing to find her, and to think I almost threw it away. He trailed his hand up and down her back, and a watery smile appeared on her cheek. A sudden thought occurred to him. “I'm still wondering one thing though,” he said, “why was the council so convinced I had used magic to manipulate you into my bed? I don't understand.”

  “I know why,” Kiri said, “they examined our bond. It's wrong, not normal, and they thought you had done it on purpose.”

  “What do you mean it's wrong? Feels all right to me.” He prodded the thick cord that connected them with his magic.

  “It's too strong,” she replied, struggling to put unfamiliar concepts into words. “Joran called it a triple bond. Apparently, people who are in love are not supposed to bond. It changes the nature of it. We also had sex right after the ceremony, which made it even stronger yet. He said we are bound by love, sex, and magic. But because they didn't know, they thought you had done something to me to snare my will and use my magic for yourself. Actually, I think only Kyla really believed it. The rest weren't sure.”

  That sounds right. That woman takes her job as protector of women so seriously, she's always quick to blame men for everything that goes wrong. Even accidents. “How on earth did you convince them?”

  “I let them scan me.” She made a face.

  “Ah, oh course; scan your body for magical incursions.”

  She raised one eyebrow. “They also scanned my memory. I didn't want them to, but it was the only way to free you. They pretty much know everything about me and our relationship now.”

  “Oh wow,” Davin said, embarrassed. “You let them do that, baby? Scan your entire memory?”

  “The whole thing.”

  He hugged her. “Poor Kiri. What an ordeal. Did you have to relive…”

  “Everything. The rape, my punishment,” she gestured toward her ravaged face, “and all that was pretty bad, but I really hated letting them pry into our private moments. Those were not meant to be shared.”

  “You did that for me?”

  “I had to. It was my fault you were in that position.”

  Oh gods did I ever get it wrong. “Thank you.” He paused to think. “So,” he said a few moments later, “a triple bond. I heard of that once, I think, but it was a long time ago. What does it mean for us?”

  “It can't be undone,” she explained. “No matter what, we will always be a part of each other. I know I don't feel right when I'm away from you.”

  “I feel the same. This is where you belong, in my arms, my bed, and my heart.”

  She beamed. “There's nowhere else I want to be.” One strong, dexterous hand came to rest on his wrist. This time he felt no compulsion to shake her off. The draw between us is so strong. It was before we bonded.

  He leaned forward and kissed her lips. She cupped his cheek and kissed him back, humming at the luscious contact. He hummed. The closer they were, the better he liked it. I can't get close enough. “Baby?”

  “Yes Davin, what is it?” She only backed up a fraction, and the vivid green captured his senses.

  “I think we've talked enough for now. We have a lifetime to figure out the rest of the details.”

  “What do you have in mind?” she asked, though it was clear she would be up for anything.

  “I think a little sex might be in order.”

  Her eyes lit to brilliant brightness. A sense of eager joy pulsed through their bond. “Yes please,” Kiri said, making him smile. He leaned in again, but she placed her calloused index finger against his lips. “There's one thing I want to say first. I think we need to stop trying to slow this down. We're bound with an unbreakable magic bond. I think it's best if we just go with it. Let the pace set itself. By being together more, we have a better chance of dealing with any situations that might arise.”

  “I agree. So, Kiri Taconowa, will you move into my home, be my love and my lady?”

  “Yes, I will,” she replied without hesitation.

  “Good. Excuse me a moment. I have something for you.” He walked out of the room.

  * * *

  Kiri enjoyed watching the muscles ripple in his backside. This is going to be very nice indeed, she thought. Relief washed over her. Though the conversation had been nothing short of harrowing, now that it was over, she felt profoundly grateful Davin hadn't abandoned her.

  When he disappeared into the bedroom, Kiri contacted Miranda telepathically. “My lady,” she sent out the call, “may I speak with you?”

  “Yes dear,” came the echoing reply.

  “I won't be needing that apartment anymore.”

  “I completely understand,” the chief elder replied, and Kiri could have sworn she could hear the woman smiling. “So, he has accepted your apology?”

  “Yes. My lady, I know a lot of people are going to disapprove of what we are doing. May we…” she hesitated. “May we have your blessing? It would mean a lot to me.”

  There was a pause, and then, “Yes, child. You have my blessing. Be happy.”

  Miranda snapped the connection, but not before Kiri could hear a faint chuckle. A moment later Davin returned with something shiny in his hand.

  He held it out to Kiri. It was a necklace, a thin but rigid gold band, circular, but with a single bend into a point. On the point, a small diamond glittered in a round setting.

  “How beautiful,” Kiri breathed. “What is this?”

  Davin sat down beside her and took her hand in his. “In Koralian families, the oldest son is given a necklace, which is passed down over generations. It's meant to be given to the woman he wants to marry. They're called betrothal collars. This is the Colorian family betrothal collar. It signals to everyone that we're an exclusive couple.”

  “Betrothal means rather more than that, doesn't it Davin?” Kiri pressed. “It means we're going to marry.”

  Davin grinned sheepishly. “Yes, baby. I'm still afraid of rushing you, but I can't help myself. I got this out of the family vault the day you were at magic class. I'm afraid I was a little overcome at seeing our heirlooms, and I stayed longer than I planned. That's why I missed you. At any rate, if you're not ready for this, I understand, but would you think about wearing my collar, someday?”

  Kiri gently took the collar from Davin and opened the clasp at the back. Looking into his eyes, she whispered, “put it on me.”

  Davin nodded. He laid the golden band across her chest and leaned over her shoulder, fastening it at the nape of her neck. Kiri held her braid aside while he worked. At last, it was in place. She looked down at the jewel dangling just above her breasts.

  “Look at you, baby,” he breathed. There's only one thing missing.” With skilled fingers he opened the fastenings of her clothing. Kiri allowed him to undress her until she stood before him, bare and proud.

  Davin slowly nodded. “There's some Koralian love poetry that talks about a beautiful woman wearing nothing but a collar.

  What can compare with the beauty of my lady, my love

  Lying on my bed clad only in a glistening jewel?

  She is mine. I give myself to her.

  And we are one, warming the coldest nights.

  Davin smiled. “I think they got it about right.”

  “Thank you,” she replied demurely, though a combination of love and desire were beginning to heat her body and heart. “Now about that sex? Only I think a little might not be enough.”

  Davin laughed. “Still greedy, aren't you?”

  “Only for you Davin,” she vowed. The rest of forever will only be a start.

  He led her through the apartment and into his room. Then he tumbled her ont
o the bed and opened his mouth on hers in one of his signature deep kisses, the kind that made her heart melt and turned her insides all liquid. This time, after hearing his story, she recognized this kiss for what it was. Only a man with a tremendous amount of experience could manage a kiss this deep without turning it sloppy and unappealing. He made love the same way, with great skill, treading the line between ecstasy and excess. He deepened the kiss even more, using a ridiculous amount of tongue, sweeping deep inside her mouth, swirling, making little thrills shoot through her. I'm glad to be healthy and strong again. His hands cupped her breasts, caressing, squeezing the soft mounds, massaging them, teasing her pink and swollen nipples.

  Kiri made a soft sound. She felt a little sore there, no doubt due to her pregnancy. She would tell him soon… but not yet. This was not the time. He was right, they had the rest of their lives to work out the details. For now, Davin was moving lower. He released her mouth and moved down her body, kissing his way down, tasting each nipple in turn, then pulling back to look at her.

  “Gods you're beautiful,” he said. “Loosen your hair. I want to see it spread out across my pillow.”

  She complied.

  “Perfect.” He kept his eyes on her as he stripped off his own clothing. Her mouth watered at the sight of his thick, straining erection. She remembered several giggly conversations she'd had with other girls in the barracks, more adventurous ones, and the desire to taste him grew suddenly overwhelming. “Davin?”

  “Yes, baby?” He climbed onto the bed and took her in his arms.

  She trailed a gentle finger down his chest and closed her had around his erection. “I was wondering if you might like… for me to…” she broke off, face burning. This is hard. She stroked him a couple of time.

  “What, honey? Don't be embarrassed. I want you to enjoy us being together.” He stroked her cheek with his palm, feeling his silver stubble.

  “I'd like to, um, taste you,” she said, eyeing his sexy with a hungry gaze.