The Oberon Anthology of Contemporary Irish Plays

by Thomas Conway

  PAULA: Give over and sit down.

  ANTOINETTE: I’ve a pain in my hole with you makin’ a thick o’ me. Sneerin’ when you should be supportin’ – Why did you move out so far? Why are you givin’ Dots his dinner? Why are you not just like me? – Because I’m gettin’ on with it. I’m doing something. I’m not standin’ still – unlike some people.

  ANTOINETTE storms out.

  PAULA: Is she for real?

  The hall door slams.

  STEPH: Will I go after her?

  PAULA: Leave her.

  ROXANNA: She’s a guaranteed boomerang.

  PAULA turns on ROXANNA.

  PAULA: That mouth of yours will be the end of the lot of us.

  You just don’t fuckin’ let up sometimes.

  Very long pause. The air is thick with tension.

  STEPH: (Whispers to ROx.) Will we go?

  ROXANNA: Paula? (PAULA doesn’t answer) Paula?

  PAULA: What?

  ROXANNA: I’m sorry right.

  PAULA doesn’t answer.

  ROXANNA: Paula. Me Ma rang me.

  PAULA stops what she’s doing.

  PAULA: And what?

  ROXANNA: Wasn’t gonna pick up, but the day that’s in it you know?

  PAULA: –

  ROXANNA: She sounded wrecked on the phone. Like, not cryin’ or nothin’ but her voice was shakin’…like she was holding on to somethin’…

  PAULA: You should go down to her.

  ROXANNA: You should.

  PAULA: You need to tell her what’s going on. It’s only right.

  ROXANNA: She says to me face that I’m disgustin’…like an animal or somethin’…she said that…wanted the priest to make it all better…holy water from the kiddy fiddler for a quick fix. Fuck her.

  PAULA looks sad.

  PAULA: You can’t spend your life avoiding ’er. It’s her grandchild.

  There’s a knock at the door. PAULA exits to answer it.

  ROXANNA: You talkin’ to me or yourself?

  STEPH: We goin’ out or what? Me head is bleedin’ wrecked with the two of yiz.

  ROXANNA: Say nothin’ ’til I sort it.

  PAULA can be heard in the hallway just before she enters.

  PAULA: Jason, no! Sit in there now ’til the cartoon is over; we’re talkin’ in here…

  PAULA enters with DAN.

  DAN: How are ya?

  STEPH smiles and ROXANNA looks away.

  PAULA: Dan said hello to yiz.

  ROXANNA: Yeah, we’re not deaf? Howaya.

  STEPH: Hiya.

  DAN: How are you Roxanna?

  PAULA leaves the room.

  ROXANNA: Bored, and you?

  Slight pause.

  DAN: I’ve been better.

  ROXANNA: Haven’t we all.

  DAN: You haven’t been saying anything to upset Paula, have you?

  ROXANNA: Like what?

  DAN: Like, lies.

  STEPH: You’re real serious mister.

  ROXANNA: I don’t tell lies.

  DAN: I hope that’s true.

  STEPH: He’s a bit of a ride, in’ ’e.

  ROXANNA: He is I suppose – and a great kisser…I hear.

  STEPH: Oh!

  PAULA re-enters.

  PAULA: What? (Beat.) Roxanna, their coats are on. Will you drop them up their nanny Grogan for me? He’s takin’ them swimmin’ of all things.

  ROXANNA: No.

  STEPH: Come on; we get out of here, it’s borin’.

  PAULA: As a favour, please.

  STEPH: Ask her now if you can stay at mine.

  PAULA: What?

  STEPH: We were gonna go the pictures an’ stay in mine.

  PAULA: (To ROXANNA.) Can you not go the pictures and come home here?

  ROXANNA: I’m not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter.

  PAULA: Fuck sake. Just go! Jesus Christ! Drop them over and go to Steph’s. Go on. Go out. The face on ye. Jaysus.

  DAN: (To ROXANNA.) I doubt she’ll offer twice!

  STEPH: Come on now before she changes her mind. Are you mental?

  ROXANNA: ’Sake.

  ROXANNA gets up to leave. PAULA moves to the hall to gather the kids and STEPH moves with her, leaving ROXANNA and DAN alone.

  ROXANNA: I wish you’d ever fuck off.

  DAN: You’re a nasty piece of work.

  PAULA calls from the hall.

  PAULA: Roxanna?

  ROXANNA: Comin’.

  DAN grabs ROXANNA by the arm maybe.

  DAN: People get sick of burdens very quickly. Remember that.

  PAULA enters.

  PAULA: Today please.

  ROXANNA: (Acting all innocent.) If you want me to come home tonight I will?

  PAULA strokes ROXANNA’s hair.

  PAULA: No love. You chill out. It’s been a tough day all round.

  ROXANNA looks to DAN, then exits. PAULA and DAN stand close to one another.

  DAN: I thought we could talk.

  PAULA: I thought we might have seen the last of you.

  DAN: Oh?

  PAULA: It’s been a few days.

  DAN: I was flat out with work and that.

  PAULA: Oh right.

  DAN: Yeah.

  PAULA: You were at the church today?

  DAN: I had thought to call up and see if the boys needed looking after but then I thought that you all might need some space and then I wasn’t sure then, and sure by then I’d over-thought the whole affair so I just slipped in the back of the church.

  PAULA: But no phone-call?

  DAN: Yeah. I don’t know.

  ANTOINETTE is standing at the kitchen door.

  ANTOINETTE: Your hall door was open.

  PAULA: You come to your senses?

  ANTOINETTE: Me phone.

  ANTOINETTE retrieves her phone from the table.

  PAULA: Sit down there.

  ANTOINETTE: It’s just that I promised Adeola I’d mind her little brown bunch on account of her going the bingo… so…I…I’ve to…

  PAULA: You’re being a wagon.

  ANTOINETTE: I get nothin’ but abuse in this gaf and you…all this…all the girls are talkin’ about you and bleedin’…(DAN)

  PAULA: So what? Let them talk.

  ANTOINETTE: And I get a roasting for offerin’ Dots up a fuckin’ pork chop.

  PAULA: You sat here crying your eyes out ’cos you say you love Dots – but he’s a toe rag. Am’n I only trying to protect you.

  ANTOINETTE: A hypocrite is what you are…

  PAULA: I don’t love Dan.

  DAN looks uncomfortable.

  That’s the difference. Get that into your brain.

  Pause.

  ANTOINETTE: Me Ma says I’ve to give me own area a chance or I’ll never settle in.

  PAULA: And what?

  ANTOINETTE: Nothin’. I just…I just won’t be knockin’ about as much…

  PAULA: Right. Well…that sounds about right I suppose.

  ANTOINETTE: It’s just with Stacey an’ all. She needs to start makin’ her own friends…

  PAULA: Yeah.

  ANTOINETTE: Yeah…well…anyway…

  PAULA: What?

  ANTOINETTE: Nothin’.

  ANTOINETTE leaves.

  PAULA: She’ll have changed her mind by tomorrow…that’s

  Antoinette for you…

  Pause. DAN looks dejected.

  What?

  DAN: Fuck sake Paula.

  PAULA: That was about Antoinette.

  DAN: Cut me some slack.

  PAULA: I’m sorry. But we’re not in love, are we? Like – not yet anyway.

  DAN kisses PAULA. He’s nervous.

  DAN: I don’t know.

  PAULA: You’re going soft.

  DAN: It’s just Roxanna…

  PAULA: I know. I don’t know what to be doing with her. How to help her. But I know what’s going on in her mind because I was there too, you know? That was me too.

  DAN: Has she said anything about me?

>   PAULA: Like what?

  Pause.

  DAN: Can I tell you something?

  PAULA: I can’t take any more surprises.

  DAN hesitates. He could say anything.

  DAN: It’s just to say that I don’t love you either.

  PAULA laughs maybe.

  But that I could. I definitely could.

  PAULA and DAN kiss passionately. DAN lifts PAULA onto a counter top, they kiss as they undress each other.

  SCENE THIRTEEN

  The dead of night. PAULA’s kitchen. DAN falls over a pile of washing looking for the fridge in the dark. He pours himself a glass of milk by the light of the fridge. There is a thunderous knocking on the door. Startled, DAN flicks on a light. The knocking continues. A voice is heard through the letterbox.

  DAN: Paula? You awake there?

  DAN leaves the room to answer the door.

  DAN enters the kitchen with STEPH in tow. Her lip is cut.

  DAN: Sit down there. I’ll get some water.

  PAULA enters all sleepy. STEPH is crying.

  PAULA: What in the name of jaysus?

  STEPH: I’m sorry. I couldn’t go to me own house. I’d a been kilt. Young one sendin’ me messages an’ all sayin’ she was gonna reef me…

  PAULA: Where’s Roxanna?

  Pause.

  STEPH: I was tryin’ to phone you but your phone was off.

  PAULA: What?

  STEPH: They took her to the hospital.

  PAULA: A fuckin’ pregnant girl as back up. Are you thick?

  DAN: Save your energy Paula.

  DAN puts his hand on PAULA’s shoulder. She pulls away.

  PAULA: She’s only fuckin’ a baby herself.

  Sounds rise; an ambulance, a telephone. Lights go dark.

  SCENE FOURTEEN

  The stage is empty. ROXANNA and STEPH are the first to inhabit their space at the muck. PAULA enters the kitchen. She moves around it, folding washing and checking on the kids out the window. STEPH and ROXANNA sit apart saying nothing.

  PAULA: Aaron…Aaron… Take that roller skate off him…’cos it’s dangerous…Jason… (Paula laughs) I’m not messin’ with ya…put the boot down or I’ll streal ya…yiz are not funny, the two of yiz…

  DAN enters.

  DAN: Your door was open.

  PAULA comes in from the window.

  PAULA: (Signalling the window.) The boys…

  DAN: How are ya?

  PAULA: Getting on with it. You?

  DAN: I’m okay. I slipped the lads some sweets there on the way up – young Jason said you’d string me up for it.

  PAULA: They won’t eat their dinner.

  DAN: Well I made them promise, didn’t I?

  PAULA: Right.

  DAN: A man-to-man kind of thing.

  PAULA: God help us.

  Pause.

  DAN: Did you get my messages?

  PAULA: What?

  DAN: I was feeling like a bit of a desperado, calling and calling, but I didn’t wanna just drive over in case you needed your space – Roxanna or whatever. But I left a tonne of messages for you – and some of them quite good actually – so I’m hoping you got them. It’s just I never heard back and it’s been a fortnight.

  PAULA: It’s been hectic.

  DAN: I decided that two weeks was the threshold of politeness for a house call. So here I am.

  PAULA: We’ve been up to ninety is the thing.

  DAN: I got that part – yeah. But in fairness I think hectic is just another flavour in this place so it’s no excuse really.

  PAULA: Do you want tea or something?

  DAN: No Paula. I don’t want tea. Jesus.

  PAULA: Are you gonna stand there, or…?

  DAN: I don’t know…

  DAN sits down.

  Things went okay in the hospital after? You should have let me stay. I wanted to.

  PAULA: I could kick meself for not seein’ that comin’.

  DAN: They’re teenagers. It’s what they do.

  PAULA: Mm.

  DAN: How could you have known?

  PAULA: I took my eye off the ball.

  DAN: That’s rubbish.

  PAULA: It’s what my old dear said when she arrived. She couldn’t help herself – it wasn’t in her to let things be, even for one night.

  DAN: So she went in? I knew she would. It’s family.

  PAULA: Oh she was thrilled. Beside herself she was. Rubbing a set of rosary beads like some sort of Bond villain. Oh she came in alright – and just in nick of time according to her. The whole scenario was like a living, barely breathing example of everything she’d ever warned us about. Violence and teenage pregnancy – all we were missing was some needle marks and she’d a’ had a hat trick.

  DAN: Mother’s love being right. You gotta let that slide.

  PAULA: I took my eye off the ball.

  DAN: But Roxanna – the baby – Steph?

  PAULA: All alive – yes.

  DAN: That’s good.

  PAULA: It’s just with all these roads meetin’, you know – at the once. It’s too much.

  DAN: I’m a bit dense when it comes to cryptic crosswords. Do you wanna flesh that one out for me?

  PAULA: Your timing.

  DAN: Oh fuck off. It’s like you’ve no idea what you’re even saying. If you like someone, you just go for it. There’s never going to be a good time for you.

  PAULA: If you like someone?

  DAN: What’s the other option – deny yourself a shot at happiness? ’Til when? And what if there are no more chances when you finally decide that the timing suits ya?

  Pause.

  PAULA: I went into a church yesterday.

  DAN: –

  PAULA: It’s thick really. I don’t believe in god or any of it, and priests make me sick to me core…but I dunno – habit, or…peace and quiet…something.

  I went in anyway and there was a rehearsal for a communion on – a little girl’s school – all excited – racin’ through their prayers and the cocky ones stickin’ their tongues out for the imaginary bread.

  Gorgeous, the lot o’ them.

  I sat at the back; the stations of the cross on all sides.

  I’m right beside number four – Jesus meets his mother.

  And she looks a kind sort Mary – like we know she was prone to a few lies – but a kind cut to her – and I get to thinkin’ about my Ma, and how she believes all this shit – these fairytales – they’re not even stories to her; they all happened! Each and every one.

  And all this while Rox is around the corner in the hoppo… and I get to thinkin’ about our Da – and what a kind sort he was – all gentle and soft – and I’m crying then, you know – ’cos of the event itself – Rox and Steph; the baby – and also because I hadn’t clapped eyes on my mother in a year – and that was a shock in itself…or…me emotions were…

  And I wished then that the Da was around to look after all this.

  You know when you miss someone so much that it’s like someone’s ringin’ your heart out like a dish cloth?

  And – er – yeah – it occurs to me too that er – you know – you remember people how you want to, don’t ya? Good or bad. ’Cos our Da, you know – he was the kindest fella to us – perfect he was – but he was cruel to me Ma – yeah – he was a violent sort I suppose you’d say – just not to us.

  And she said it to me the other night.

  Like fair balls to her, because the woman is a shite communicator – but yeah…she says like…at some whacky hour of the mornin’ – she says that she resents us for lovin’ him more than her.

  Pause.

  And you can’t argue with that. The fella used to hurt her. And we were never around for her.

  And she says that the rosary beads and the happy clappy water give her hope – yeah – they give her something to believe in. And you definitely can’t argue with that, because we – she said it herself – we – me and Rox – we’ve given her nothing to believe in.

  D
AN: You’ll make it up to her – I know you will.

  PAULA: It got me thinkin’ though – you know – what do I have to believe in. If I don’t have things and I don’t have what she has – blind belief and faith. What do I have?

  DAN: Have me Paula. I’m here.

  PAULA: That is what I said. In my head –

  DAN: – Yes. Have faith in me.

  PAULA: I thought – That man. That good man. I can believe in him. – We all need something –

  DAN: – Yes.

  PAULA: But it was one of those nights you know – in the hospital – with the Ma there and little Rox beside herself with the grief of the baby that she thinks she’s lost – and we get to talking – three women – you can imagine it – and we all offered up our hurt and our hearts and many many tears and there was love and anger all swimmin’ in the same broth – and it all came out that night – as the thunder hugged the windows – we three emptied our souls.

  DAN knows what’s coming.

  DAN: Right.

  PAULA: Yeah.

  Pause.

  You kissed my sister.

  DAN: She – kissed me. I didn’t kiss her back. I swear to god.

  PAULA: Sixteen years old.

  DAN: She kissed me Paula, and I stopped her. And I never said because I’m a fuckin’ idiot – and of course I should have – I should have – I could kick myself – but she – ah fuck it – it’s twisted – she made me believe that you’d choose her version of events over mine – ye know – choose her over me. But I stopped her – and it’s been eating me alive ever since.

  PAULA: I believe you.

  DAN: Don’t play with me Paula.

  PAULA: She told me everything. The same story. Blow by blow. I made her. Once she’d started I wouldn’t let up. Balling she was. Crying her heart out over what she’d done to me. Piece by piece.

  DAN: Okay.

  PAULA: Inconsolable. Couldn’t believe that she could do that to me.

  DAN: But me?

  PAULA: I just can’t have this in my house.

  DAN: Paula, come on.

  PAULA: I just don’t need the distraction. Do you understand?

  DAN: We’re only starting. We can move on from this. A drunken episode – an overexcited teenager. We can move on.

  PAULA: I can’t have this in my house. It’s too much.

  Pause.

  And I can’t get rid of Roxanna – Me blood. I won’t do that.