Almost Never

by Amy Lamont

  He fell back into the corner of the couch and rubbed his hands over his face. When he finally pulled them away, she didn't know what to expect, but the flashes of pain and anger and remorse floating behind his eyes wasn't it. Her breath left her on a gasp.

  "Harper, you have to believe me, I am so sorry. For everything. I told you I wanted to apologize for that night for a long time. But I really believed the biggest favor I could do for you was to leave you alone."

  "If today was anything to go by, I think you're right. You should leave me alone."

  "I can't." He sat up and leaned closer to her. "I've tried, Harper. Believe me I've tried. Do you know how many times I've looked for you on campus the last two years, just wanting to catch sight of you so I'd know you were okay?"

  "Wh-what?" She tripped over the word, unable to grasp what he was saying.

  "Two years, Harper. Two years I've fought to stay away from you, but couldn't bring myself to stay away totally. I know..." Declan's voice lowered, a deep rasp conveying his emotion better than his words. "I know I'm the last thing you need in your life. But I don't want to stay away or watch you from a distance anymore."

  His emotion seemed so real. How good an actor was he? She shook her head. She needed to stay focused. "Watch me from a distance?"

  He chuckled without a hint of amusement. "Yeah, believe me, I know what a fucking stalker I sound like. But yeah, any time I saw you on campus, it was like I couldn't keep my eyes off you. And...shit, I can't believe I'm telling you this." He scratched his chest on the spot right over his heart. "Whenever too much time had passed since I'd seen you, I'd go find you. I had to know you were okay."

  Harper hopped up, dropping the throw pillow. She walked behind the couch and clutched the back of it. "I don't know...I...how am I supposed to respond to that?"

  He sighed and flopped back into the cushions. "I don't know. I shouldn't have said anything. But I figured you couldn't think less of me than you already do. I just want you to know I'm not thinking of you as a one night stand."

  Well, he'd done what he set out to do then. If the plan was to convince her she was more than just a convenient fling, he managed it. Of course, now he might have to convince her he wasn't a stalker.

  But if she were being honest, she would have to admit--though not to him under threat of torture-- she'd experienced the same with him. When he was walking across campus and she caught sight of him, her eyes followed him until he was out of sight. When she hadn't seen him in a while and she overheard a conversation about him, her ears perked up, half desperate for some small bit of news about him.

  She unclenched her hands and smoothed out the sofa cushion she'd crushed. "Well, I get that maybe you weren't thinking of me as a one night stand. But, Declan, I've spent too many years feeling like a pariah. I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone who won't even walk across campus with me, someone who feels like he has to hide me. I'm done hiding."

  As the last words left her mouth, she realized the truth of them. The one thing, the dream she'd held onto, through high school and college when she felt like less than nothing, was the dream of going to medical school. For years she'd planned and plotted the best way to do it, knowing she had nobody to help her with financial or any other kind of support. And in the last week, hearing that things might not go according to plan because she'd been pushed into hiding herself by things outside her control made her furious.

  But right now, from this moment on, she was not going to let another rumor, fears left over from high school, Caitlin Capshaw, or her aunt keep her from getting what she wanted.

  She knew without a shadow of a doubt that she wanted medical school and the mentorship was her fast track to getting there.

  But what about Declan? Did she want him on any terms?

  "Declan," she stepped back around the couch and sank down next to him once more, "I'm not going to lie. I'm not oblivious to whatever it is between us. But I just can't hide anymore. I've done it since I was twelve-years-old, since my dad died. And I'm done. I'm not going to...." She stopped and stuttered out a laugh. "I don't even know what it is you want here. To date?"

  He leaned in and offered her small grin, even that small gesture making him too appealing for words. "Dating. For starters."

  She held his eyes for several long seconds, and then she rubbed her palms on her pants. Looking down she wanted to plant her face in her palm. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't had a fantasy or two featuring Declan Cooper in the last two years. But never in her wildest imaginings had she pictured having him asking to date her while she was dressed in her raggediest sweats and her hair in two messy twists pinned to the back of her head.

  "Define dating."

  He lifted his hand palm up and then let it drop back down. "Dating. We hang out. We talk on the phone. Plot world domination. Maybe fool around a little."

  He wiggled his eyebrows, but she wasn't ready to join the joke.

  "How does dating work if you refuse to be seen in public with me? If we can't even hold hands walking across the quad?" She didn't give voice to the two thousand other questions racing through her mind: Did he really want to date her or was this all a ploy to get her to help him? Was he turning her into the butt of a joke between him and his friends? If she did say yes to a date, did he expect her to fall into bed with him? No doubt his past experience told him that's what dating meant.

  And the one that seemed to be screaming loudest, much to her own disgust: While he was dating her, would he be "dating" anyone else?

  "Harper, think about that question. You already have the answer."

  She shook her head. Trying to push away the questions she'd left unspoken to remember what she'd actually asked. Dating. Being in public together. Right. How would she already have the answer to that?

  She titled her head. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

  "Holding hands in public. Does that really sound like something I'm afraid to do?"

  She lifted a hand to rub her forehead. What the heck was he talking about? Holding her hand in public? She thought back over the women she'd seen him around campus with in the past. Nothing jumped to mind. In fact, she couldn't remember one time she'd seen him walking around holding someone's hand. She definitely would have noticed that.

  Well, unless you counted the times he'd held her hand.

  Her head snapped up, her lips parting.

  "Ah, I can see the light's dawning." He leaned forward and grabbed her hand, enfolding it in his larger one and resting them on his thigh.

  Her gaze followed their entwined hands and she realized how many times he'd done that in the last few days. Heck, Professor Costa had even commented on it. "You already hold my hand in public?"

  "Yeah, Harper, I do."

  "But you said you can't be seen in public with me. Why would you walk around holding my hand?" Her head throbbed.

  "I didn't say I couldn't be seen with you. I just didn't want to have our picture taken together. And even that I don't mind if you and I are taking the pictures. I just won't risk having your picture being picked up by a national media outlet or some gossip rag."

  "Oh."

  "Does that clear things up for you?"

  Did it? Maybe. A little. She bit her lip and stared at their hands resting on his thigh. Even through his jeans, she could feel the hard muscle and heat underneath. She wanted to turn her hand over and explore that heat and hardness.

  She snatched her hand out of his grasp. What was wrong with her? She never thought about guys like this. She spent too many years aware of being called a slut and a whore behind her back. Hell, plenty of times it was said right to her face. Not to say she didn't have some fantasies, but in the past she tried to limit applying them to living, breathing guys.

  "So when you said we'd have to be discreet, you didn't mean we couldn't go out at all?"

  "No, just avoid giving the paparazzi a photo op." He shifted so he sat right beside her, lifting his black-booted feet to
the coffee table. "Is there a reason I can't hold your hand here?

  He turned his head and looked at her from under his lashes. His dark hair had that just rolled out of bed, totally sexy rumpled look, and a small, easy smile titled up the corners of his lips. But his dark eyes didn't look so easy.

  His easy manner when she was feeling anything but easy about what was going on between them made her trust issues rise to the surface. But the myriad emotions swimming in his eyes gave her pause. It was only those emotions that made her decide to try out some honesty.

  "I'm afraid," she said quietly.

  "To hold my hand?"

  She shook her head. "No...I mean, yes. To hold your hand. To trust you when you tell me you have feelings for me. I...I like you. But I liked you two years ago and that didn't turn out so well for me. And after the way your frat buddy treated me when I showed up at your house, I can't help but wonder if this is just...I don't know, some huge prank for you and your fraternity brothers to get your kicks."

  He stayed exactly where he was so she guessed he wasn't too annoyed by her admission.

  "I guess I can't blame you for feeling that way." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I just don't know how to convince you I mean it. I wasn't lying when I said I've never stopped being interested in you. But only you can decide if you're willing to give me the benefit of the doubt."

  Was she? She probed his eyes, as if all the answers she wanted would somehow be revealed. She sighed and looked at her hands resting in her lap. It really came down to one thing--did she care for him enough to risk herself this one last time?

  The answer came to her as clear as day.

  Yes.

  Tension she didn't know she felt eased out of her neck and shoulders. The answer was emphatically yes. It might be the stupidest thing she'd ever done. But what else did she have to lose?

  Instead of telling him what she'd decided, she eased back into the couch, burrowing until her shoulder was pressed against his.

  He smiled down at her. "Does this mean what I hope it means?"

  She kept her own expression solemn. "It means I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. One last time."

  His smiled deepened, but she went on before he had a chance to respond. "But Declan, I mean it. This is it. If I get even a hint this is a joke to you or feel like you're just using me, I'm done. For good. No more chances."

  His face got equally serious. "That's more than I deserve. More than I hoped for."

  She stared at him a moment and then nodded before she allowed a small smile to break through her solemnity. "So...we're dating?"

  He sat up a little straighter and yawned, his mouth going wide. He lifted a hand to cover his mouth and then not so slickly slid it over and around her shoulders.

  She rolled her eyes and giggled. "I never pegged you as being such a dork."

  Chapter 7

  "Dork, huh? I'll show you who the dork is?" Declan leered at her before leaning over to tickle her side. Satisfaction surged through him when she responded with a giggle.

  She was right. He was a dork. Not something he was usually accused of. Especially by a date. But if it meant he got to hold her and hear her sweet giggle, he could be a dork.

  "Okay, okay," she said breathlessly, clutching his wrist in both her hands. "I take it back. You're not a dork."

  "Say I'm the most awesome man in the world."

  "I'm not saying that."

  He wiggled his fingers against her once more, eliciting a squealing laugh from her. "Say I'm the most awesome man in the world and I'll stop."

  She sucked her lips between her teeth, holding back her laughter, glanced at him flirtatiously from under her lashes, and shook her head. "You can't make me."

  "Oh, but I can," he said, leaning in closer.

  The laughter left her face, as her eyes searched his. Suddenly, he had no desire to tease. All he wanted was to feel her lips under his again. Her body pressed tightly to his.

  But he hesitated. The last time he kissed her, she'd run away from him. He needed to know they were finally in the same place, that she wasn't about to bolt, before he moved things to the next level.

  "Are you sure, Harper?" He moved his hand up to cup her jaw, his thumb stroking her soft cheek. She gasped and pride rippled through him as heat filled her gaze. But even with her obvious acquiescence, he needed to hear the words. "I want to kiss you. But I don't want to spook you. Or push you farther than you're ready to go."

  She nodded almost imperceptibly. "I'm sure. I want you here. I want you to kiss me."

  Her quiet words filled him with a tenderness he wasn't sure he'd ever experienced before. "No more running?"

  Her response came on a whisper, "No more running, Declan. I want to see where this goes with you."

  He couldn't hold himself away from her for another minute even if he wanted to. But just in case, he wasn't taking any chances. Instead of leaning in to kiss her waiting mouth, he scooped her from her spot on the couch and dragged her into his lap.

  She squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Declan!"

  He grinned and held her firmly against his chest. "Just a little insurance."

  "Insurance, huh? Is that what the cool kids are calling it these days?"

  And that's how he found himself with his smiling mouth on hers. How could he resist her?

  Her tongue slid timidly out to stroke his bottom lip and he lost his smile. He cupped her shoulders pulling her closer so he could explore her mouth thoroughly. The tip of his tongue found hers and he felt ready to explode, thoroughly lost in her taste, her warmth, the softness of her curves against his.

  And what curves. One of his hands moved from her shoulder, down her arm and onto her ribcage. She pressed closer, telling him wordlessly that she was enjoying his mouth and his touch just as much as he enjoyed hers. Declan slid his mouth from hers, moving his lips down her jawline with nipping kisses and teasing licks as the hand on her ribs moved up. With the tip of his tongue, he traced the delicate curve of her neck, and down until he found the tender spot where her shoulder and neck met. He moved his hand up to cup her full breast, moving his thumb over the peak. At the same time his lips closed over her skin, nipping and sucking and kissing. She bucked against him with a moan.

  His dick, already hard, became like iron. The feel of her tight ass writhing and rubbing over him as she squirmed under the attention of his hands and mouth was almost enough to make him come in his pants. But instead of pulling back, he wanted more. He cupped her breast, the nipple now hard against his hand, straining through the thin t-shirt she wore. He pulled his head back and returned to her lip, kissing her hungrily, his tongue diving in and slipping back out, plundering and tasting her.

  She moaned again and then wrenched herself back from him. He blinked and shoved his arms around her in an effort to keep her from spilling off his lap onto the floor.

  "Hey. You okay?" Had he spooked her? He thought she'd been feeling the same things he was, but maybe he'd pushed too far, too fast. He grimaced. He hadn't gotten that carried away with a girl since middle school. He searched her face, looking for some clue about what she was thinking.

  "I-I'm fine." Harper laid a hand against his chest gently.

  "You sure? Was I pushing things too fast for you?"

  She gave him a soft smile and his heart stuttered in his chest. Fuck him. He could actually feel his heart pounding from just the sweet look she was giving him. He. Was. Fucked.

  "It's not that," she said.

  Slightly reassured, he moved his arms down, locking his hands behind her waist. He held her loosely enough to give her some breathing room, but not so loose she could slip away. He wasn't about to let her run away from him again.

  "What is it?"

  "It just that, this...," she bit her bottom lip and gestured between them, "...whatever this is between us...I can't help but wonder..."

  When her gaze dropped to his chin and her words trailed off, he scrunched down a little until he
could hold her eyes with his, "Whatever it is, Harper, it's fine. Talk to me."

  She raised her head and peered at him from under her lashes. God that look made him want to forget conversation all over again.

  "Is it just between us?" She blurted out the question, as if she had to get it out before she lost her nerve.

  "We talked about this. I'm not going to hide this. Us. I don't want to throw you in front of the paparazzi, but...."

  She shook her head and laid her fingertips gently against his lips, silencing him. “I know. That's not it. I mean...are we, while we're...dating...each other...are we going to be dating other people too?" The end of the sentence came out on one long rush of air. "I mean, I don't expect you to like, make a huge commitment or anything. We just decided to give this a try. But I guess, if we're getting...closer...."

  He grinned. He couldn't help it. Her cheeks had turned an adorable shade of pink as she babbled on. Even the tips of her ears had a tinge of red. He pulled her closer, smiling down into her upturned face.

  "While we're trying this dating thing," he said, his voice low and husky, "I'm not going to be seeing anyone else."

  She blew out a long breath. "Oh, good. I was worried."

  He smiled gently. "You've got nothing to worry about."

  The look she gave him was soft and full of wonder. Like nobody had ever let her know they were looking out for her before. He was transfixed by the smile that curled her lips. Until a niggling thought worked its way up to the surface.

  She hadn't responded to his statement. He just promised fidelity to the tiny blonde girl in his arms who he'd been dating for less than an hour. But she still hadn't said a word back.

  As much as he sought her out on campus, he'd never seen her with another guy. But he didn't see her every day. Hell, sometimes he was lucky to catch a glimpse of her once or twice a week. It was totally possible she was already involved with someone else. Was she asking him because she wanted to see other people? He couldn't ask her without sounding like a total pussy.