Almost Never

by Amy Lamont

  "Hey, you okay?

  She shrugged and pasted a fake smile on her face. "Yeah, I am. I'm happy we straightened all this out."

  He nodded but kept his intense gaze glued to her face. "You're sure we're good?"

  She nodded and then realized she was doing it so hard she must look like a bobble head doll. "We're good. We'll just...keep our working together as quiet as possible. And when your experiment is done and I get accepted into my program, we can go back to the way we were before."

  She was proud of herself for not allowing her voice to break.

  He squinted at her. "That's not exactly what I meant, Harper."

  His sharp voice caught her attention. "What are you talking about? You just said we can't have any kind of real relationship, or um," she stumbled trying to rephrase that so it didn't sound like she wanted more with him than they already had, "friendship. We can't...whatever. We need to keep this strictly business."

  He stared at her, long and hard, and then he grinned. His full on, confident, annoying, totally sexy, Declan Cooper smirk.

  "Wh-why are you looking at me like that?"

  "You don't mean it."

  "What? Mean what?"

  "You don't want us to be strictly business."

  Heat rushed into her cheeks. "Of course I do. And you just gave me a whole song and dance about why we can't ever have any kind of relationship."

  "Harper, you have to know...what I feel about you goes deeper than a strictly business thing." His grin grew even wider, if that was possible. "And I'm beginning to think you want more than that, too."

  "What-what are you talking about?"

  "I'm talking about the fact that I've been attracted to you since I laid eyes on you two years ago." He slid his chair over until he was sitting right next to her, his thigh pressing against hers. "I'm talking about how I know I fucked up and I've wanted to apologize to you since about two seconds after I walked away from you at that party."

  Words escaped her. She sat there, speechless as Declan Cooper leaned into her, his face mere inches from hers. She could feel his warm breath against her ear. She tried to make sense of what he was saying, but she was at a complete and total loss. She shifted, trying to put a little space between them, but he followed her, keeping them pressed together.

  "Declan, I..."

  He stopped her with a kiss. Not a simple, easy, gentle kiss. He dove right into her. His lips sliding over hers. His tongue demanding entrance. Heat pooled in her belly as he pushed against her a little harder, and suddenly she could hold herself back no longer.

  She returned his kiss with equal force, opening her mouth to his tongue and meeting it with her own. He slid his lips back and forth over hers, nipping at her bottom lip.

  A small moan escaped her as he twisted in his seat, pushing forward until he caught her legs between his. His mouth moved down over her cheek, moving towards her neck and she dipped her head back to give him better access. He licked and nipped and kissed his way to her ear.

  "We can make this work," he whispered. "We just have to be careful about getting caught."

  Harper froze, everything inside her turning cold and brittle. She pulled away from him, pushing against his chest to put as much distance between them as she could.

  He dragged his head back, his eyebrow scrunched. "What's wrong?"

  She stood, scraping her chair against the concrete in a shrieking whine. "I can't believe I fall for your bullshit. Every. Single. Time."

  He stood. "My bullshit?" His voice had a hard edge to it.

  "Yes. I'm not going to be your dirty little secret, Declan." She whirled around, snatching her bag off the back of her chair and striding away.

  Thudding footsteps from behind her told her he wasn't going to give up easily.

  "Harper, will you stop, please?"

  "Go away, Declan." She sped up, keeping her head up. At least now she was too pissed to cry. Seriously, how many times was she going to fall for his crap? He obviously saw her as nothing more than a game, something to play. She was so done. "And find someone else to help you with your experiment."

  From the corner of her eye she saw the bus chug to a stop at the top of the U-shaped road at the front of the quad. She started jogging and as she got closer, broke into a full out run. She slid on the bus just as the driver snapped the door closed.

  Sinking into a seat, she couldn't stop herself from peering out the window. Declan stood a few feet from the bus as it pulled away. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his pants, his face expressionless. She stared at him until the bus turned onto the main road and she lost sight of him.

  Harper stepped into the apartment and stopped to listen. The clatter of plates came from the kitchen. She sighed, not sure if she should be grateful or disappointed Jamie was home. She stripped off her jacket and dropped it, along with her messenger bag, in the chair by the door. She inhaled, letting her eyes fall closed. She needed to calm down. No way was she sharing her latest Declan drama. How many times did she need to hear Jamie say I told you so?

  She popped her eyes open and turned the corner of the entryway into the open living room and kitchen combo.

  "Hey," Harper said, keeping her tone light and friendly.

  Jamie's eyes snapped to her and narrowed. "Hey. Everything okay?"

  "Sure. The party went...well it went." She shrugged and slid onto one of the kitchen stools. "It wasn’t as horrible as I expected.”

  "A stellar endorsement if ever I heard one," Jamie said and grinned.

  Harper chuckled. "Well, I guess my expectations were rather low."

  "Shocking. You, expecting the worst? Who would have thought?"

  Harper rolled her eyes at Jamie's teasing. But then gave in to the giggle bubbling up. "I know, I know. But really, it was good. I'm not going to say I felt comfortable. But I did manage to string a few sentences together without totally humiliating myself."

  "See, I told you. I think you build things up to be a lot worse than they are."

  Harper bit her lip and traced a pattern on the counter, fighting off laughter. Even though Harper hadn't been complaining, Jamie still managed to fit an "I told you so" into the conversation. If Harper was Miss Doom and Gloom, then surely Jamie held the Miss Know-It-All title.

  "You'll be happy to hear I even managed to chat with one of my professors," Harper said. "Even better, she remembered me acing her class and promised to put in a good word for me with Professor Costa."

  "Harper, that's so awesome!" Jamie swung around the counter and hugged Harper. "Maybe this plan you and Declan concocted isn't so harebrained after all."

  Damn. The conversation Harper most wanted to avoid. She sighed. There was no way around it. She was going to have to fess up. "No, I think you had the right idea about that. I think..."

  She swallowed hard as her thoughts went back to the way his lips felt against hers, and the way she felt completely safe and ready to face the world when he folded her hand in his. She shook it off. That was before he'd opened his mouth and admitted he had feelings for her....feelings he had no intention of letting anyone else know about.

  "What happened this time?" Jamie asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  She struggled for a way to explain what happened to Jamie without telling her too much. No, it would just be too painful to share that Declan thought of her the same way all those married men thought of her gold digging aunt--good enough for a quick fuck, but not good enough to take out in public.

  "Nothing. Just...I guess you were right. The way he acted, I don't know. I finally got what you were trying to tell me. It was all just a game to him."

  "Oh, Harper, I'm sorry." Jamie gave her a quick, tight hug. "I knew something was off with him."

  A sharp twinge squeezed Harper's heart. Jamie meant well, but her words left Harper feeling like maybe she was that girl. The one nobody would ever want to be seen with. Someone's invisible little piece on the side.

  She pulled out of the hug. "It's fine.
No big deal. I made some headway. And it gave me some ideas about how to handle Professor Costa."

  "What're you going to do?"

  "It was actually talking to Professor Flaherty that helped. I guess I thought because Professor Costa had no clue who I was, nobody else would either." She shrugged one shoulder. "But maybe I have it wrong. Maybe some of the other's noticed me doing so well in their classes. It can't hurt for me to go talk to some of them and ask if they'll give me a recommendation."

  Jamie clapped her hands and bounced in place. "That's a great idea! I can't believe we didn't think of that before."

  "Well," Harper rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling, "I may have been a little...emotional about how things went the first time I talked to Professor Costa."

  "You think?"

  Jamie's sarcastic tone made them both giggle.

  "Okay, okay." Harper held her hands out in front of her in a placating move and then turned them to give Jamie a "bring it" wave. "I know you're about to burst. Go ahead and say it."

  "Say what?" Jamie sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and clasped her hands in front of her.

  "Don't give me that. Come on. I know you're dying to say it."

  Jamie's breath came out in an exasperated huff. "Fine. I may have told you so."

  Harper cupped a hand around her ear. "What? I don't think I heard you. Can you repeat that?"

  "I told you so," Jamie mumbled.

  "Now, James, I know you can do better than that."

  "Fine!" Jamie threw her arms out to the side and started to shake her booty as she said in a sing-song voice, "Told you so, told you so. I told you so."

  Harper laughed as Jamie did her told you so dance around the living room.

  Jamie jerked to a stop right in front of Harper and grinned. "Happy now?"

  "Ecstatic," Harper deadpanned. "One of these days I'm going to make you do the I'm-sorry-I couldn't-have-been-more-wrong dance around the living room."

  "Doubt it." Jamie twirled around and headed back into the kitchen to pick up where she left off doing the dishes.

  Harper hopped off her stool and grabbed a dish rag, happy to be back in Jamie's good graces.

  "Harper," Jamie knocked on Harper's bedroom door, "you sure you want to stay in? Again?"

  Harper rolled her eyes at Jamie's tone and scooted off her bed. Throwing her bedroom door open, she spread her arms out so Jamie could get a gander at her in all her glory. "Do I look like I'm planning anything more strenuous than a trip to the microwave for some popcorn followed by a trip to the couch for some movie time?"

  Jamie shook her head at Harper's yoga pants and baggy sweatshirt. "I can wait if you want to take a few minutes to change." Her gaze traveled up from Harper's outfit. "And, um, maybe pull a brush through your hair."

  "And ruin this do?" Harper yanked on one of the messy knots she’d twisted her pigtails into. "I think not."

  Jamie shrugged. "Suit yourself."

  Jamie headed into the living room and Harper followed. One of these days she'd shock the hell out of Jamie by agreeing to a girls' night out.

  But not tonight. She moved into the galley kitchen and shuffled through the cabinets while Jamie grabbed her coat from the entryway. She threw a bag of microwave popcorn in to pop.

  "Last chance," Jamie said, tugging her long blonde hair free of the collar of her coat. "I could text Jenny and Lori and tell them I'm running late."

  Harper had no desire for a night out after her trying day, but she felt like she owed Jamie something. "How about next time?"

  The hand Jamie had raised to smooth down her hair froze in mid-air. "Seriously?"

  Harper held up her hand, pointer, pinky and thumb raised. "Scout's honor."

  "I think that one means rock on, but I'll take it." Jamie pointed a finger at her. "I have your word. Next night out, you're coming!"

  "Yes, yes, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die a lonely old spinster." Harper wrinkled her nose. At the rate she was going that probably wasn't too far from the truth. She shook off that depressing thought. "Now, go!"

  "I'm going. I'm going." Jamie clomped towards the door, calling over her shoulder, "Tell Robert Downey, Jr. I'll catch him next time."

  Harper grinned at the reference to her obsession to all things Iron Man.

  "I might be getting a little predictable," she admitted to the empty room, as she snagged her bag of popcorn and snitched a bag of M&Ms out of the drawer where they kept their chocolate stash. She plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote.

  "Oh, Harper!"

  Harper jumped a few inches off the couch, sending a large handful of popcorn flying. Her hand flew to her throat, and she yelled out, "I thought you left!"

  Jamie poked her head around the doorway, catching Harper in a narrow-eyed glare. Harper sat up straighter. What the heck could have happened in the last second and a half to piss Jamie off so royally?

  Declan appeared in the doorway next to Jamie.

  "It seems you have a gentleman caller you forgot to mention," Jamie said.

  Harper would almost swear she could hear Jamie's back teeth grinding together from all the way across the room. She blinked, staring at Declan and then moving her gaze back to Jamie. She blinked a few times, at an utter loss for words.

  "You think I had this," Harper threw out a hand, waving it towards Declan, "planned?"

  Jamie sighed and straightened, but her eyes failed to warm. "You know what? I don't know what to think. And I'm starting not to care. I'll leave this," her hot gaze shot daggers at Declan, "for you to handle."

  Before Jamie could get another word out, the door slammed behind Jamie.

  She turned her attention on Declan. "What are you doing here?"

  Oddly, her earlier anger had left her, leaving only a vague sensation of sadness and maybe disappointment in its wake. She'd really started to believe Declan was different. But it was obvious her judgement left a lot to be desired. Maybe she'd have to have Jamie vet all potential friends and male companions in the future.

  "Can I come in?" Declan hadn't moved from his spot in the doorway.

  Harper waved him into the room. "I can't imagine why you'd come here, but by all means, come on in."

  "You can't imagine why I'd come? Harper I don't really get what happened today. One minute we were kissing and the next thing I know you're taking off like a shot. I'd like to know what I did wrong."

  Weariness filled Harper. She sank down into the couch. "Do we really need to go over this again?"

  Declan shrugged off his jacket and tossed it on the overstuffed chair. He dropped down next to her on the couch. "Go over it again? Harper I have no clue what happened today. Please just talk to me."

  She leaned her head back against the couch cushion, but turned so she faced him. "Declan, you basically told me that I'm the kind of girl you'll fool around with but not take home to meet your mother. How did you expect me to react?"

  As soon as the words were out, Harper's mind danced with images of the women who would probably stand in line for the chance to fool around with Declan, no strings attached. She shook her head. That just wasn't her.

  He scooted to the edge of the couch until their knees touched. She slid a millimeter back, breaking the contact. That's what got her in trouble in the first place.

  "First of all, I wouldn't think of being introduced to my mother as something that makes you special. She's a mess." His head dipped down, hanging between his shoulders, and his hands dangled between his knees. "Harper, my family is...I know I explained some of this to you this afternoon, but I guess you didn't really get it."

  She bit her lip. She wanted so badly to shove his jacket at him, shove him out the door, and send him on his merry way. This afternoon he'd made her feel like the cheap whore she'd always been accused of being.

  But something about the tone of his voice and the way his whole body sagged, so different from his usual cockiness, held her still. Damn if she still didn't want to be with him, talk to
him, hear about his home life.

  "What didn't I get?" she asked softly.

  "I think--I want..." He rubbed a hand over his head. "Since the first day we met, there's been something between us." He kept his head low, but turned to pin her with his dark stare. "Tell me you didn't feel it?"

  She grabbed a pillow from the end of the sofa and held it in front of her, squeezing herself back into the couch cushions. She kept her attention on a thread on the edge of the throw pillow, tugging at it. Anything to avoid his probing gaze. "I did. Feel something." She turned her eyes on him. "Right up until the moment at that party freshman year when you listened to the lies Caitlin was spewing and turned your back on me."

  "Caitlin? That was her name?"

  She gritted her teeth, so pissed at the surge of happiness that shot through her at his question. Ever since that night when he'd handed Caitlin the beer he'd gotten for Harper and she clomped back up the basement steps in that frat house, an insidious fear had dug its way under her skin. She never let herself dwell on the thought for longer than a second, but there was always the idea somewhere in her head that he'd hooked up with Caitlin that night. That she was the girl he'd gone home with instead of Harper. For reasons she wouldn't allow herself to think too much about, the thought almost brought her to her knees.

  Almost. She'd been fighting too long to give up on herself from that setback.

  "Yes. Caitlin Capshaw. The girl who spent a large amount of our high school years thinking up rumors she could spread about me and turning everyone against me." She shrugged. "She had her reasons for hating me. But she had everyone in school too afraid to say even two words to me. Let's just say that seeing you walk off with her went a long way in killing any feelings I might have thought I had for you back then. And the last two years, you know where you ignored me and your friends kept up the rumors about me? Yeah, pretty much any hint of a feeling I had for you died back in that basement."