Clutch_A Rock Bottom Novel

by Gabriel Love

  The thought of watching from a distance while she finds the perfect house, the perfect man, the perfect dog and has the perfect kids eats at me. Straightening up, I remind myself I said I’d keep her fucking safe. And I fucking meant it. No matter what it takes.

  “You fucking prick,” Dex snarls. “You come home then ditch out on me for a woman?”

  “You’ve got my number. Don’t be a stranger.” I hang up the phone as Caitlin walks back into sight with the agent.

  “One second,” she says sweetly to the woman who nods and heads toward the sliding glass back door. I watch Caitlin approach, her eyes shining with joy and mischief. “I think this is the one.” She confides in me and I nod. I knew it the second we stepped inside.

  “What if the yard sucks?” I ask and she gives me a look that could freeze hell over.

  “Don’t you dare jinx this,” she hisses, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the sliding glass door at the back of the place. Together, we step out into the large backyard and I feel her inhale. Her fingers lace with mine and she clings to me. I feel her heartbeat slamming in her fingers and tapping the inside of my wrist like a drum.

  This is the one. There’s no doubt about it. This place feels like home.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Caitlin

  Everything is falling into place. I turn and drop onto the bed on my back. Staring up the ceiling, I feel the bed shift as Axl stretches out next to me.

  “It’s all going to work out,” I say softly, then roll onto my side to look at him. “Remember when you told me you knew I’d be okay?”

  He nods.

  I can’t keep the smile off my face as I speak. “I expected you to say I was strong or something like that. Some pandering response.”

  His head rolls toward me and he fixes me with that serious stare and I wonder what’s going on under the surface.

  “But you said you knew I’d be okay because I broke the cycle.” How do I tell him how much that meant? How he’s managed to change my entire outlook on life over these last few months? I owe him my life many times over. He made me step up, pushed me to be strong, taught me to trust myself.

  Every step of the way, he’s been exactly what I need, when I need it.

  “I need to go,” he growls and my heart sinks in my chest.

  I begin to shake my head. “No, you don’t. You can stay. Just stay with me.” Panic and fear battle for control in me even as my eyes fill with those frustrating tears. I hate that I cry when I’m stressed. I hate that I can’t even control the rage tears. It makes me look and feel weak.

  “You’re getting too attached.” His throaty voice rumbles through my brain like a steam roller and I shake my head like I can deny what he’s saying. But we both know it’s true.

  “You can’t go,” I say. “I need you still.” I’m not asking. I’m demanding he stay. And I feel him hesitate, like he’s not sure how to handle this. Good. He spent time teaching me to stand up for myself. He better believe I’ll do it. Even if I’m standing up to him and this stupid fear he has that he’ll somehow ruin my life.

  “It’s better if you move on.” He’s focused on me and I blink back my tears. “You need to start fresh.”

  “Better for who?” I ask and he blinks. “You’re doing this for you,” I accuse him, hating myself for the words spilling out of my mouth. “I told you I want you here. I want you in my life. I can handle who you are. Who you were isn’t important to me. You’re running because you’re afraid.”

  His lips curl back from his teeth as he growls. “Yes, I am afraid. Your safety is all I give a damn about.”

  Then why is he leaving? How will that keep me safer?

  “You can keep me safer if you’re here,” I say. Doesn’t he get it? If he’s really worried about keeping me safe, he’ll freaking stay here and keep me safe. Not run off and leaving me at the mercy of the world. A world that seems bigger and emptier without him. A world that he’s admitted is cruel and unforgiving. He’s been the driving force of my hope. He’s been the reason I feel like I can do this. He’s been the one keeping me strong.

  Besides, it’s not like I can trust anyone like I trust him. He had me at my worst. Saw me at the lowest point in my life. And instead of tearing me down or taking advantage of me, he gave up things that were important to him to keep me safe. He walked away from his own life to help me.

  The corners of his lips curl back and his eyes shift back and forth between mine. “You’ll be surprised what you can do,” he growls. “You’re stronger than you think.”

  He’s trying to say I don’t need him. And maybe I don’t need him. But I want him here. I want him in my life. I want to keep enjoying the way he makes me feel. Rising up off the bed, I begin to pace, feeling worry and fear, anger and frustration boiling around my gut.

  Back and forth, back and forth. I nibble on my thumb, struggling with the churning emotions and trying to keep them in check. Axl walks over and pulls me into his arms. Then he backs off to lock eyes with me and speak in that low, soothing voice that makes my heart beat a little too fast.

  “You’ll be just fine.”

  I want to tell him how he affects me. How he pulls me inside out. “I don’t want to be just fine,” I whisper, trying to make him see what this means to me. I want more. I want better. I want him. I want this excitement he conjures in me. I want this thrill I feel when he speaks to me. I want the flutter in my chest every time he looks at me with all this raw intensity. I want to melt at all his carefully controlled motions and gentle power.

  With a sigh, he pulls me into his arms. My body melts into him like it’s the most natural thing ever. His fingers find my chin and lift it, tilting my head back. Without a word, I rise up on my tiptoes and kiss him. His lips are soft on mine and I feel his teeth sink into my lip and tug it gently.

  My heart pounds so hard I feel faint and I try to imagine my life without this pounding excitement. Pain washes through me and I drag a deep breath through my nose. It’s just not an option. It hurts so bad I can’t even breathe normally. Clinging to him, I feel my fists ball up in his jacket. I can’t do it. I can’t let him walk out of my life.

  “I’m not going to let you just walk away,” I say.

  His lips press to mine. “I know,” he says.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Axl

  Her body sags against mine and I pick her up. Carrying her to the bed, I feel her kiss turn hungry. And I realize the chewing ache of leaving her isn’t going away. I’ve been trying to get my fill of her. Hoping that I could just get enough of her by spending time, by listening to her talk, by feeling her body move with mine.

  But none of it has been enough.

  Not only that, but I’m pushing her away. The look on her face when she’d told me I was running because I’m afraid surfaces and I hold her a little bit tighter. I am afraid. But not for the reason I told her. I am afraid of losing her. Of watching her life move on without me. Of seeing her find that perfect husband and have those perfect kids. Because the husband will likely be a douche fucking his secretary on the side and the kids will likely grow up in a broken home because she’s too smart to stay with a man who cheats.

  And if it’s not that exact scenario, then it’ll be something. Life is fucking messy. It’s imperfect. It’s painful.

  Her legs spread as I push her back into the bed with my weight, pinning her down even as I internally remind myself she’s not fucking mine. I need to fucking get off her, back away, let her move on with her life. Because I also don’t want to be one more man proving to her that we’re all assholes. Because we are. Every last one of us is an asshole in one way or another.

  She breaks the kiss enough to speak to me in a hushed whisper. “Don’t go. Not yet.” Her hands move up under my shirt, running over my chest and up to my shoulders. Pulling away, I take off my shirt and throw it aside.

  She takes me in, her eyes roaming my flesh, my tattoos, my scars. But she never looks at me with di
sgust. Fascination, curiosity, perhaps even a hint of sadness. But never disgust. Her hands reach for me as if to pull me back in and I lower on her.

  I feel her hand wrap around the back of my neck. Feel her pull me down. Feel her hesitate to look me in the eyes. Then she rises up to meet me and her lips part under the hungry force of my tongue. I don’t have gentle in me. I can’t restrain this craving I feel for her. With a growl, I lift her and yank her shirt off. Her bra follows and I’m pretty sure I hear the sound of ripping fabric.

  Burying my face between her breasts, I feel her hands on my pants. Feel her freeing me. Then, she pulls back, a hand on my chest to push me away. And I back off. She looks up at me trustingly before leaning in. Her soft lips pull me in and I growl, my hand fisting in her hair. The heat of her mouth is exquisite as she takes me bit by bit. It’s all I can do not to plunge home, but I don’t want to hurt her. I need her to stop. Pushing her away a bit, I groan as she releases me with a popping sound and touches the corner of her lips with her fingertips. Every little gesture is hyper sexy and I have to talk myself down before I do something I can’t come back from.

  Pulling her pants off, I notice how she scrambles back on the bed, then climbs up on her knees, facing me with excitement and heat in her eyes. I reach out and haul her up into my arms. Her lips meet mine and her thighs grip my hips as I turn her toward the wall to brace.

  “Fuck,” I growl, reaching for my pants and grabbing a condom. Unrolling it over myself quickly, I imagine going without one. Fucking her bareback and getting her pregnant. My cock surges hard and I line up and bury myself in her with a sigh of relief.

  She cries out, dropping her head back to the wall. Needing a softer surface I turn and we fall onto the bed. Her hips buck and we roll so she’s riding me. She straightens up, placing her hands on the headboard. And I revel in her.

  Hand on her hips, I enjoy her moans. I enjoy how she moves, the quick, hard bucking motion of her hips. Her lips part in shock and I watch her nipples harden. Goose bumps spread like wildfire along her flesh and I chase them with my fingertips before taking double fistfuls of the unmade sheet and bracing it against her backside.

  She cries out as I pull her, using the sheet for leverage and shoving me deeper inside her. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops into an o of shock. How the fuck can I leave her? How can I let some other man be the one fucking her?

  The thought hits my stomach like battery acid and I grit my teeth against the pleasure as I haul her close again. The punishing motions wring a moan of pleasure from her that only makes me harder. I’m so damn hard if aches. Her perfect tits bounce and I want my mouth on them. And my hands. But I keep pulling her close and feeling her insides tighten around me.

  “Axl,” she whimpers, but I’m not backing off. I’m not going to be gentle now. Her eyes lock on me and I feel her gasping breaths on my face. “Don’t stop.”

  Fucking hell. Not a damn chance, woman.

  Pulling her close again, I feel her muscles tighten around me. I feel her whole body growing tight like she’s wound up and ready to snap. And I try to imagine never seeing her like this again. It’s like a fucking gunshot to the abdomen.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Caitlin

  “Let go,” he growls.

  But I’m not holding onto him. And it hits me. He knows I’m on the edge. Something in the way he’s using the sheet to control my motions leaves me on the brink. Deep in the confused and hazy recesses of my mind, I feel like if I don’t come, he won’t go.

  It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. But every bit of me wants him to stay. I don’t want to believe this is the last time he’ll hold me like this. There’s still so much I want him to show me, to do with me, to me.

  Gripping the headboard with every ounce of strength I have, I use it to keep me upright as his abs tighten and his arms bulge as he pulls me forward. The strain on my hips is legendary and I feel the ache down to the bones. It’s like he’s trying to split me in two.

  I know my breasts are bouncing and I must look ridiculous, but the sensation overload is too much for me to really think. Every time thoughts crowd in, sensations push back.

  Pleasure erupts through my core and explodes outward. I toss my head back with a moan of sheer gratification as he forces my jolting body to keep moving. The orgasm steals the breath right out of my lungs and I feel my core rippling around him.

  He growls, his hands abandoning the sheet as my whole body tries to freeze up. He rolls us roughly and I whimper as he plunges home in me. There’s nothing sweet or gentle in his motions. It’s indescribable how incredible he feels plunging into me.

  The wet sounds of sex fill the air and I notice the bed is squeaking a little bit. My cheeks sting pink, but as he fills me over and over, his fingertips digging into my thigh as he grips me, it ceases to matter if people hear.

  I can smell his heat, his sweat, and I inhale, loving how he invades every sense as the pleasure of my orgasm begins to finally fade a little. But I still feel high. That sense of excitement and adrenaline I’d felt before when I stood up to my demons is here. That on top of the world sensation fills my chest and I blink back tears and bite back a sigh of pleasure as Axl rams into me mercilessly. My tits bounce and my body jolts with his force. Pain and pleasure mingle in my core and I tilt my hips to give him a better angle.

  His teeth close around my nipple and I whimper, my back arching up into him. This can’t be it. He can’t go. He can’t leave. I need him in my life. His mouth leaves my nipple and his damp lips find mine. I whimper, opening my mouth to him and he plunders with his tongue like I’m his.

  My heart is thundering in my chest and I feel faint with all the pain and pleasure washing over me. “Don’t stop,” I gasp.

  He growls, his teeth sinking into my lower lip before he kisses me again. I feel my body gathering again, but there’s just not enough pressure on the right places in this position. And that’s fine with me. I can’t complain since before him, orgasms were something I could only give myself when no one else was around and all the lights were off. He breaks off the kiss and his breath cools my damp lips and chin.

  I’m just in too deep. Letting go isn’t something I’m good at. And letting go of him seems like an impossibility right now.

  With a growl, he pulls back and I yelp in shock as his heat leaves me. I feel so empty without him buried deep in me. I stare up at him in shock as he backs off and stands at the edge of the bed, looking down at me. There’s tight control in his expression as he lifts a hand to his mouth like he’s thinking before leaning in and wrapping both arms around my thighs. He hauls me toward him like I weigh nothing and I whimper in anticipation.

  He grips himself and enters me slowly as he places his other hand on me. His thumb probes and gently circles my clit. Pressing my head back into the blankets, I struggle to handle the change. Sure, his roughness had been a bit painful, but this is painful in another way. I want him to just fill me already, but he’s moving slow and careful.

  And his thumb on my clit isn’t giving me any options. My belly twists up tight and I whimper as pleasure begins to gather at the edges of my being. His slow slide finally bottoms out and I moan, a low guttural sound I should be ashamed of. But I’m not. And all the tightness in me unfurls as pleasure rips through my being.

  “Axl,” I moan as my body comes undone and begins to spasm and ripple around him. Pressing my eyes closed, I hear him speak.

  “Look at me.”

  I open my eyes and focus on him as the blinding pleasure beings to recede and the pulsing of my body begins to ease a bit.

  And I feel him swell, putting pressure on my internal muscles. His eyes narrow a little bit as he gives a sigh.

  Liquid heat pools in my belly and I melt into a puddle on the bed, panting as I try to catch my breath.

  He backs off and leaves the room while I put a hand to my forehead, feeling the thump of my heartbeat through my whole body.

  He’s back in a momen
t and stretches out on his back beside me. With a hand behind his head, he looks relaxed, but I sense the tension in him.

  And the weight of the world comes crashing back.

  He’s going to leave.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Axl

  I flip through the news stations, still waiting. I’m still fully expecting some story about a dude claiming to have beaten up by a biker to show up. But nothing. Not yet. Still, I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “You’re so tense,” Caitlin says, walking up behind me and rubbing my shoulders. We’d agreed I’ll stay another few days until I know she’s settled in. I’d told her I’ll visit. But she doesn’t know I swore to myself I’ll keep my damn hands to myself.

  “The news sucks. Why are you watching the news?” she asks, reaching down over me to pick up the remote. I feel her breasts press to my shoulder and squeeze my eyes closed. Fucking hell. I don’t want to keep my damn hands to myself. I want her again now. I wanted her seconds after I came. I can’t fucking get enough of her.

  The TV stations flip to the guide and we watch the scrolling text. I grab her arm and pull her around the chair and into my lap. She giggles and sits on me, her scent invading every breath as I inhale her.

  Her hair tickles me as she shifts, changing the channel to something about a rare shrew in some remote African wilderness. She’s rapt on the program and I wrap my arms around her waist. Her hands find mine and she rests on me, still glued to the TV.

  And I wish I could stay like this forever.

  Her phone rings and she rises up off my lap. I watch her go, loving the cute little shorty shorts she’d picked up to feel more comfortable lounging around. Her short, curvy little legs still drive me wild; especially when I think about them wrapped around my hips as I plunge up into her wet, waiting pussy.

  “Hi mom!” she says, tilting her head and glancing at me, her eyes dancing with joy. I mute the TV and wait for her to come back and warm my lap again. But her smile quickly dies and I feel a cold stone sink in my gut. “What? Slow down.”