A Wyoming Christmas to Remember

by Melissa Senate

  “Yeah, I didn’t want to mention that added zinger when I brought it up. But it made it a lot worse for me.”

  “You had a good day with him. I’m glad.”

  “Me too. And...” He trailed off as if suddenly shy about something, and Sawyer Wolfe wasn’t typically reticent with what was on his mind.

  “And what?” she asked, slipping her arms around his neck.

  He looked at her, putting his hands on either side of her face. He kissed her, and she felt her knees wobble. With love. With desire. With everything that had come before and everything that was to come. She loved this man.

  “And I felt something shift in me, Maddie. Just a little. But something happened tonight at the community center, watching Cole with Jake, the way the two of us were talking, really talking. I felt something give way, loosen up.”

  Wait—was he saying what she thought he was saying? Was he ready to start a family—and not because of the bargain?

  As if he could read her mind, he added, “I’m not saying I’m completely over the hump. But something feels a little different inside.”

  She squeezed him into a hug and held him tight, resting her head on his chest and hopefully saying more than she could manage right now. He had to know how much that meant to her—even to the Maddie she was with one-eighth of her memories. She’d take that little different inside. It was very likely more than Maddie-with-all-her-memories had ever gotten from Sawyer. It was a beautiful start.

  We’re on our way, she thought.

  “I’ll go make the garlic bread,” he said, and she could tell he was feeling vulnerable and needed some space with what he felt, what he’d admitted, the newness of it all.

  She glanced at the clock. “Yeah, timing seems right. He should be back in ten minutes.”

  As Sawyer went into the kitchen, she missed him immediately. She missed the twins too. Felt strange to be in the house with Sawyer yet without Max and Shane.

  Maddie spent those ten minutes appreciating the delicious aroma of garlic bread baking in the oven and having absolutely nothing to do but anticipate eating it and the Bolognese. She didn’t have to be on red alert for a crying baby or diaper duty or feed a little being. She stretched out on the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. She’d absolutely loved being a mom to the twins this past week, but it was also nice to do nothing at all.

  “I stirred the sauce,” Sawyer said as he came into the room. He looked up at the big wall clock. “Garlic bread’s on warm right now, but if he’s not back in five minutes, we’ll have to gobble it up ourselves to save it.”

  Maddie smiled. “I’m sure he’ll be back any minute.”

  Except he wasn’t. Not five minutes later. Or ten.

  He should have been back twenty minutes ago.

  Sawyer grabbed his phone. He called the store. “April, it’s Sawyer. Has my brother been in?” Maddie watched him listen. “Oh, good. Yeah, that does sound very cute. Great. Thanks.” He clicked his phone off. “Your mom said Cole came in with the twins and she helped him change them into their new personalized pajamas, their names across the front. He left about five minutes ago.”

  So why wasn’t he back? Now it was five minutes after that. Then ten minutes. It was a forty-second drive from their house to MacLeod’s.

  Sawyer was staring at his phone. “I just texted him. No response.”

  Maddie grabbed her own phone and called him. “He’s not picking up. Because he’s driving? Maybe his car doesn’t have Bluetooth?”

  “It does.”

  Maddie’s stomach twisted. “Why isn’t he back?” She heard the wobble in her voice.

  He grabbed his phone again and pressed in a number. “Hey, Mobley. Do me a favor and look around for a small black Chevy, muffler on the fritz.” He read off the license plate. “My brother was supposed to be back a half hour ago, and I’m worried he may have gotten into an accident. Any calls come in?”

  “Nope, not in the past hour. Although I did see—and hear—a very noisy little black Chevy pass me on Main Street twenty minutes ago. It was headed toward the service road, not your house, though.”

  A chill ran up Sawyer’s spine.

  “Should I go looking for him?” Mobley asked.

  “I’ve got it. Thanks, though,” he said. He pocketed his phone, his expression grim.

  “What’s going on?” Maddie asked.

  He closed his eyes for a second. “My rookie saw Cole driving south on Main Street twenty minutes ago. Headed out of town.”

  “What? Why?” The panic in her voice scared her even more than she was already.

  “I’m going after him,” he said, grabbing his leather jacket.

  “I’m coming. It’s not like there are babies here requiring me to stay.”

  She thought she felt a chill before?

  * * *

  What the hell, Cole? Sawyer thought as he headed to the Johannsen ranch, which was about fifteen minutes from town. The ranch—Cole’s home now—seemed the likeliest place to start to look for his brother and the twins.

  “He’ll be there, right?” Maddie asked, worry in her blue eyes.

  “I can’t imagine where else he could go.”

  Maddie nodded. “He’ll be there. Why didn’t he just come back to our house? Why’d he take off?”

  “We’re going to have to get that answer from Cole. I just don’t know.”

  They drove the rest of the way in silence, Maddie staring grimly out the window, Sawyer holding the steering wheel a little too tightly. Finally, they approached the sign for the Johannsen ranch and drove up the quarter-mile dirt road until a weathered gray farmhouse and two barns came into view. There was no sign of the little black car.

  The border collie Cole had been telling Jake about at the community center came running toward the car to greet them. “Hey, boy,” he said, giving the dog a pat as he got out. “Have you seen my brother?”

  “Dog doesn’t talk, so you’d better ask me,” a grizzled voice said.

  Abe Johannsen came off the porch and down the three steps. Sawyer had known Abe a long time; he was a fixture in town, particularly at Dee’s Diner every morning at six for breakfast. His son, Joe, ran the ranch with a cowboy or two over the years, and now that cowboy was Cole. “Chief. You say you’re looking for your brother?”

  Sawyer met him near the base of the steps. “Nice to see you, Abe. Yes, I’m looking for Cole. Works for you, right?” Unless Cole was lying about that.

  “Sure does. Hard worker too. He impressed Joe the past two days, and Joe’s a tough one to impress. Of course, we only gave him the job because we knew he was your brother.”

  Okay by him. And he was relieved to hear Cole was working out here. Joe was a serious dude, married to an equally serious wife named Lauren, so Cole had to be bringing his A game to impress them. Their own kids, twins, had graduated from high school the year before and had enlisted in the army, if Sawyer remembered correctly.

  “Glad to hear it,” Sawyer said. “Is he here?”

  Abe nodded. “Heard that mess of a car pull in about forty minutes ago. Over dinner Lauren said she might just have to front Cole a car so she doesn’t have to listen to that muffler. If you drive down that way two minutes, you’ll come to his cabin. Oh, and say hello to Maddie for me.” He gave a wave toward the car, and Maddie waved back, though she likely didn’t remember Abe.

  Sawyer said he would and thanked him and got back into the car, where Maddie was waiting. He reiterated what Abe had said, and the relief on her face was something to behold. He drove the two minutes and saw Cole’s car, then the cabin, small, rustic and dark brown. The evergreen out front was encircled with white lights, and he wondered if Cole had done that or if Abe had.

  Sawyer and Maddie walked up the two porch steps to the landing. A small wreath was hanging on the front door. Another nice to
uch. Sawyer knocked, then found himself holding his breath.

  No answer.

  Sawyer knocked again. “I know you’re in there, Cole.”

  Footsteps sounded, and the door opened. Cole stood there, looking a bit shell-shocked. As if he couldn’t believe what he’d done and was now just realizing it. Good. Sawyer and Maddie would take the twins and go home.

  “It’s really cold out,” Maddie said to Cole. “Can we come in?”

  “Oh, uh, sure.” Cole opened the door wide.

  The twins were in the car seats at the edge of a big oval braided rug in the main room, one asleep, the other fighting sleep and losing. Sawyer caught Shane’s eyes close and stay closed.

  “I have everything under control, as you see,” Cole said. “So if you were worried about my sons, they’re fine.”

  My sons. Had Cole actually used that phrasing before?

  “So last we heard, you were going to MacLeod’s and would be back in twenty minutes,” Sawyer prompted.

  Cole bit his lip. “I took them to MacLeod’s and it was a madhouse—really crowded. All these women were coming up to me and the twins and saying how adorable they were and asking their names and saying how proud I must be, and I was like, I am proud. I didn’t really think about that before. I am proud to be their dad.”

  Where the hell was this going? Nowhere good.

  He’s their father, he reminded himself, so many emotions slamming into him he couldn’t tell them apart.

  Maddie moved over to the tan sofa and sat down. She patted the seat beside her, and Sawyer sat too. He knew his wife, and she was telling him not to be combative. “You should definitely be proud, Cole.”

  He gave her something of a smile and sat in the chair across from the sofa. “Maddie, your mom helped me change them into their new pajamas with their names, and when I saw the twins wearing them, something just connected inside me. I can’t fully explain it. It’s like all synapses finally fired or something.”

  Sawyer could explain it. It was what he’d felt at the community center when he and Cole and Jake were together. The shift inside him—something big and previously unmovable had budged. Just a little for him, but it had. Now Cole had experienced that same thing.

  Which meant what, exactly?

  “Maddie and I are happy to raise the twins,” Sawyer said. “I just want you to know that before we go any further here. We love these boys like they’re our own. If you’re not up to being a father, full speed ahead, full commitment, we’ll take them home right now.”

  Cole glared at him. “If you want a baby so bad, Sawyer, have one.”

  Sawyer felt the blood rush from his face. He glanced at Maddie, who had a million emotions on her face. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you and the twins.”

  “Stop calling them the twins and start calling them my sons. That’s what they are. Mine. Shane and Max are my sons and they should be with me. I should be raising them.”

  “You should be raising them if you’re in a position to do that,” Sawyer said.

  “I’ll make it my position,” Cole snapped. “I’ve been thinking about this. A lot. Yeah, I’ve got a lot to learn. But I’ll learn it. Just like I learned to change a diaper tonight. I’m not abandoning my kids the way my dad abandoned me.”

  Ah. There it was. What this was really about. Sawyer had no doubt that Cole wanted to raise his children—because he knew what was it was like to be cast aside. But Sawyer did doubt that Cole had the necessary tools right now for the job.

  “Cole, I understand what you’re saying,” Maddie said. “And you should be commended. You are their father. But I also hear what Sawyer’s saying—for one, you work full-time.”

  Cole crossed his arms over his chest. “So do a lot of other working parents. You’ve heard of nannies?”

  “On your salary?” Sawyer asked.

  “I’ll make do. I’ll figure something out. There are day cares too. I think they’re supposed to be less expensive.” He turned to Maddie. “Don’t even think about saying you’ll be the nanny for free, because I won’t take advantage of you like that. I’ve done enough of that already.”

  That surprised Sawyer. He stared at Cole, once again unsure what the hell to make of this. Part of what Cole was saying was right. Yes, he should raise his kids. Yes, single working parents managed every day.

  But the part that was wrong had to do with Cole—and who he was right now. Could he surprise Sawyer and become a decent parent? Maybe with a question mark? If he really tried? But Sawyer was going to be very honest with himself and say not in the near future.

  “So you plan to be a full-time father,” Sawyer said. “Do you really understand how much your life is going to change? Starting right now, Cole.”

  Cole lifted his chin. “Yes, I do.”

  Sawyer looked at Maddie, who seemed to be trying to hide the same worry as he was. This felt too fast, too impulsive on Cole’s part. But it wasn’t like Sawyer could pick up the twins and leave with them and say, That’s all nice to hear, but we’ll take them home. Come visit anytime.

  As his brother had pointed out, Cole was the father here. Not Sawyer.

  Sawyer stared at the twins, both asleep, so peaceful, so beautiful. He wanted to rush over and scoop them up and run. But they weren’t his. And he couldn’t.

  He cleared his throat, his chest all tight. “Well, then. We’re fifteen minutes away if you ever need help, Cole. We’re both here for you and the twins. You know that, right?”

  Cole’s expression softened. “Yeah, I know. I’ve got this. And they’re easy babies. You said so yourselves.”

  Maddie slid a glance at him. Cole had no idea. But there was only one way for him to find out.

  It’s like you want him to fail, Sawyer thought, shame creeping in. That wasn’t fair to Cole. Or the twins.

  “Since I gave you their bag,” Sawyer said, “you have what they need for the night. But stop by in the morning or your lunch break and you can pick up some of their other things. The bassinets, their favorite lullaby player, clothes.”

  “I’ll do that,” Cole said.

  Maddie looked like she might burst into tears. He needed to get her out of here, but the thought of leaving Shane and Max here was almost unbearable.

  “Make sure to wash their bottles out well. And the nipples too,” she said. “And use ointment if you see redness or chafing during diaper changes.”

  Cole grimaced. “I will. I bought a book on twins’ first year from MacLeod’s. Actually, your mom wouldn’t let me pay. For their personalized pajamas either.”

  “Yeah, my mom’s like that,” she said. “You’re family.”

  Surprise lit Cole’s eyes, and he gave her a smile.

  A cry came from behind them, and Maddie popped up, then sat back down. They were off-duty from here on in.

  “Well, fatherhood calls,” Cole said, standing and turning toward his sons.

  Sawyer sure hoped so. For the sake of two newborns Sawyer loved very much.

  He and Maddie stood and inched toward the door, both of them watching Cole pick up Max and cradle him against his chest. So far, so good.

  But getting himself to actually walk out the door of this little cabin and leave his heart in those carriers was another story.

  “I’ll be fine,” Cole said. “Really. I’m a grown-up.”

  Sawyer nodded. “Well, like I said, you need anything, we’re here for you.”

  “Anything,” Maddie said. “Text or call anytime, day or night.”

  “Honestly, you two can go now,” Cole said, impatience in his tone. “I think Max wants to hear the book I got him today.”

  Maddie linked arms with Sawyer, almost hanging on him as if she needed the help physically walking out the door. But they did leave.

  When they got outside, the door closing behind him, Madd
ie staggered a bit, almost like she had too much to drink. But she’d barely had a half cup of eggnog a couple hours ago.

  “Maddie?”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Maddie?” he repeated.

  She hung on to him harder, as though her knees would buckle if she didn’t.

  She was not okay. At all. He was upset about the twins, too, but Maddie was clearly taking it even harder. Although as he looked at her, she seemed physically ill right now.

  “Help me to the car,” she barely managed to say.

  He opened her door and got her inside, then closed the door and ran around to the driver’s side, sliding in.

  Then all hell broke loose.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maddie couldn’t stop shaking. But when she looked at her hands, they weren’t even trembling. Or were they?

  She closed her eyes, dimly aware of Sawyer calling her name.

  “I’m going to call 911,” he said, reaching for his phone.

  “You hate pickles,” she said, wonder on her face. “Your father broke his ankle, and one of his many fiancées broke up with him because he’d need too much help. MacLeod’s did even better this year than last year, and that’s saying something.”

  He stared at her, his jaw dropping open slightly. “Maddie? Your memory is completely back?”

  Tears filled her eyes and she nodded five times. “I remember! I remember! Oh God, Sawyer, it’s all back!”

  He let out one hell of a deep breath. “You scared me to death.” He wrapped his arms around her best he could with a console between them. “My Maddie is back.”

  He had no doubt the stress of leaving Max and Shane in that little cabin with Cole had shocked her system.

  “I’m back!” she said, laughing and crying at the same time. “I know my life again! What you’ve been through this week, Sawyer. Wow.”

  “I’m not the one who got into a car accident and lost my memory,” he reminded her.

  “I was in blissful ignorance, though. You, on the other hand, faced just about every one of your deepest fears. Head-on. And came out stronger.”