Hard To Love You (The Love Series)

by Smith, Megan

  Cooper and I are renting a house near Hunter and MacKenzie since it’s pointless to spend the money to buy one when we’re barely there. It works for us, the house is a split-level, Cooper takes the lower half and I have the upper. The only thing we share is the laundry room. Jaylinn stays here when we’re on the road, just to keep things up for us and to get our mail. I’m still not really sure what is going on with them. Cooper used to bang random girls all the time, and then something changed between him and Jaylinn while we were away at school. I haven’t seen Cooper with anyone in months, that’s like a lifetime for him.

  Jaylinn is never far from Cooper when they are both in town, I mean never. She comes to every home game that she can when she isn’t away for one of her soccer games and always spends the night with Cooper when they are both home. I see them kiss and they flirt all the damn time and it’s to the point of disgust. Cooper worships the ground Jaylinn walks on. I’ve talked to Cooper about Jaylinn but he just says they’re friends and dismisses the conversation. I don’t know what is going on with him. He used to talk to me about everything.

  This Brittany shit is eating me up inside but in the pit of my stomach I feel like it could be true. Cooper was sleeping around a lot before, maybe he really did it. I know I have to talk to him but I’m just trying to figure out a good time to do it. I figure I’ll wait until after the wedding, it is only a few days away. No-one needs the drama at this wedding.

  I’m sitting on the couch watching highlights of the day’s baseball games on ESPN when Cooper comes up, “You ready to go? Jay wants to check out this band that’s playing at the bar tonight.”

  I click off the TV, flip my black Yankees hat backwards on my head, and grab my wallet and phone. “Let’s go.”

  We walk out just as Jaylinn is pulling into the driveway. Coop rides shotgun and I climb in the back seat.

  Cooper leans over and kisses her on the cheek, “Hey sexy.”

  She giggles and looks in her rearview mirror; I lean up and kiss her cheek, “Hey hot stuff.”

  She continues to giggle while Cooper turns and glares at me. I call it how I see it, she’s hot. She always has been and the older she gets the better she looks, from what I can see she’s wearing a black dress and her eyes are all smoky colored, like how Hailey does hers all the time. Cooper’s gonna have one hand on her all night I’m sure. I guess I’m flying solo tonight. Nothing new there.

  “You gonna behave tonight Masey?” Jaylinn asks. She’s the only one who I will let call me Masey, she always has.

  I laugh, “Do I ever?” I try to keep the smile on my face but she sees right through me. She knows I’m thinking about Hailey but am too damn stubborn to admit it. I miss the hell out of her, which is why I’m drinking myself stupid. Things haven’t changed since we split, the only way I can turn off the hurt is to drink until I pass out. I tried to stop and I did manage it for a few days, but it was too much. Nothing stops the heartache.

  “Nope, I guess not.” She says. Cooper grunts.

  “So who are we seeing tonight? Coop said there is a band playing?” I ask, needing a distraction from Hailey.

  “It’s a band called Waking Beats. Chloe and I have heard them a few times and I really like them.” She answers. “We’re gonna have some fun tonight, you and Coop can drink and I’ll be DD. That’s why I drove anyway.” She reaches over and grabs Cooper’s hand.

  The rest of the drive is pretty quiet, thankfully. We find a parking spot in the back of the lot and make our way in. We walk up to the bar, order our drinks and then try and find a booth, which we just happen to be lucky enough to get, in the back of the bar. Hopefully we won’t be noticed that much in the shadows from the stage. Sometimes being home is a pain in the ass. It’s hard to go unnoticed now that Cooper and I have moved up to the minor leagues and our team is having a fantastic year.

  Cooper and Jaylinn are both looking at me with worried looks on their faces. “What?” I ask.

  Jaylinn looks towards the stage and Cooper curses under his breath as he reaches for his beer.

  “What?” I ask again.

  Cooper looks down, Jaylinn hasn’t moved so I followed her gaze and I feel like someone has kicked me in my stomach. Hailey is sitting at a table near the stage with a bunch of guys and the one guy with a black shirt on has his arm hung over the back of her chair.

  I start to slowly scoot out of the booth, my intention is to go and claim my girl but Cooper stops me, “Mase, don’t. Leave it alone; you can’t go over there all caveman like I know you fucking want to.”

  Yeah because I’m fucking protecting my damn family, again!

  He’s right though, that’s exactly what I would have done and she would have been more pissed because she hates the extra attention. I take my hat off and throw it on the table and run my hands through my hair, pulling on it hard.

  Jaylinn clears her throat and excuses herself to go to the bathroom, I look over towards Hailey and she is gone too. I’m sure they were meeting there, girl code or some shit. This is my chance to talk to her; I put my hat back on and pull it down so my face is shielded. Cooper calls my name but I don’t want to hear it.

  I stand outside the bathroom, waiting for them to exit; she can’t avoid me. I’m blocking her only way out. She’s going to talk to me one way or another.

  Jaylinn walks out first and stops when she notices me. I look her in the eyes, her lips are thin but she keeps walking. Hailey hasn’t noticed me yet, which is even better because she can’t lock herself in the bathroom. Damn. She looks good but I can tell she isn’t eating, she’s lost some weight and her eyes aren’t their normal pool blue color. They are more like a dull grey now.

  She walks out of the bathroom with her head down, texting on her phone, so I take advantage of that and step right in front of her.

  “Shit, I’m …” she stops when she looks up and sees me.

  I smirk, I know it’s an asshole move but I can’t help it. Just that little touch from her has my body on fire. Who would have ever thought, the playboy Cahill is turning into such a pussy. “No need to be sorry.”

  She tries to go around me but I step in front of her, careful not to touch her. “Move, please.”

  “Talk to me, Hails, yell at me, hit me. Just do something.” I beg.

  “I’m not doing any of that, Mason, we’re done.”

  I flinch.

  She is calm. No emotions, no flames in her eyes, just blank. Empty.

  “We’re not done and you know it, Hailey. What you saw with Lily never happened.” She looks intently into my eyes, I stare right back. “I know what it looked like it, call it shitty timing but I never touched her. She has nothing on you, Hailey.” I want to keep going until she believes me but I can tell I’m not going to get through to her, she’s closed me off.

  She laughs, “You actually expect me to believe that? You looked like a deer in headlights; like you were caught doing something you shouldn’t have been.”

  “I didn’t fucking touch her, Hailey.” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. “Believe what you want, I have no reason to lie to you. You want us to be over, fine whatever. At least I tried. Can you say the same?”

  She looks like I kicked her puppy but then her phone lights up, she types out a text and then slips it in her back pocket and steels her emotions again. “Yeah, I did try, for how many years Mase? Look, I’m here with someone. I’m sure you’ve moved on, you never could keep a girl around for that long.” She smiles, she fucking smiles at me. “Why I ever thought I could finally be the one to settle Mason Cahill was beyond me.”

  She looks over my shoulder and her smile widens. “Hailey,” I hear from behind me.

  “Hey Cole, I’m coming.”

  She glances at me, and this time as she tries to walk around me I let her go. I turn and watch her walk away; she stops where Cole is standing and places her hand on his chest and then kisses him. I clench my fist, wanting to wreck this guy. He has my girl. I take a deep breath,
checking my emotions. On any other given day I would have fought him but he isn’t to blame for any of this shit. Protecting my family, once again, gave me the shitty end of the deal. I use my better judgment, which doesn’t happen often, and walk right past them.

  As soon as I walk around the corner Cooper throws his arm around my shoulder, “I’m proud of you dude. I saw Cole heading this way and I thought I would have to step in.” He hands me a shot and I down it.

  He drops his arm and I give him a pat on the back, “Thanks man.”

  We walk back to the table where Jaylinn is all smiles. “What did you do with my hot headed Mason?” she asks me.

  I laugh, “Smartass. Now you owe me a shot.”

  “Done.” She flags down a waitress and orders shots for me and Cooper.

  I purposely keep my eyes away from Hailey for the rest of the night. A few girls come over to our table and sit with us for a while but I know Hailey is looking so I keep them at a distance. I f there is a chance of me getting Hailey back I can’t have these girls hanging all over me.

  It’s near closing when I finally see Hailey out of the corner of my eye; she is dancing with Jaylinn. I try not to look but fuck I can’t help it and of course I have a fucking hard on watching her sway her hips back and forth the way she is.

  Cooper is watching me; I can feel his eyes on me. I look over at him and sure enough he is. He nods his head towards them and gets up from the booth. I don’t follow right away; I need a minute to calm myself down.

  As soon as my feet hit the dance floor the perfect song for Hailey and I comes on, Changed By You by Between The Trees. I heard when I was traveling to one of my away games. I wanted to have Hailey listen to it but that never happened. Maybe this is a sign for us after all.

  Hailey’s back is turned towards me; I don’t see her arm candy anywhere so I know I am in the clear, at least for now. I walk up behind her, slide both my arms around her and rest my hands low on her stomach. Her body responds like it always has, and she melts into me; fitting together like puzzle pieces.

  I whisper in her ear, “Listen to the words. Just listen.”

  She nods, for once not fighting me. We start moving, slowly. Very slowly. As the words start talking about change, taking care, melting fears away, reaching inside and seeing the real person, being the one. As the song continues her body becomes stiff and she trembles.

  I start turning her around, never giving her enough space to push away from me, afraid I’d lose our connection. “You’re the one for me, Hailey. I’m letting you go for now but know you will always be the one for me. You can hate me all you want.” I kiss her forehead. “You’re my mirror; you make me see things that no one else can, not even Coop. You challenge me, you tear me down, and you build me back up. Somewhere along the way you lost your mirror, me. When you’re ready to see it again you know where to find me.”

  Inhaling her warm vanilla scent that I love into my memory, I pull her in and hug her tight. Slowly her arms circle me and I feel her body shudder, I tilt her chin up so that I can see her. Tears are flowing freely and it is another stab in my heart. She stands up on her tiptoes and places a gentle kiss on my lips.

  The kiss was too quick and before I know it she is running into Cole’s open arms.

  Fuck, what did I just do?

  Cole is my saving grace tonight. He came after me with no questions asked when I sent him a text that Mason had me cornered in the hallway near the bathrooms. Then again, right before I was about to say “screw everything” and take Mason back, he appeared, and seeing him brought me back to reality. Seeing Cole reminds me that Mason isn’t mine because he cheated on me; or at least that is definitely what it looked like.

  As we stand here on the dance floor, holding each other, I feel calm even though my heartbeat is erratic, I feel secure even though I know I am anything but, and I feel like a weight has been lifted even though that is furthest from the truth. I need to be strong and stand my ground with Mason; it’s the only way with him. If I cave and go running back to him he’ll just keep breaking my heart.

  “You ok?” Cole whispers in my ear.

  I’m able to muster up a small smile, “I am now.”

  He doesn’t ask what just happened and I’m grateful for that. “You ready to get out of here?”

  I nod, Cole squeezes me one last time before he lets go. He reaches up and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. Once all my tears are dry he reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. Even though I only met Cole this afternoon I feel comfortable with him. Cole and I could become great friends; I almost feel like he knows what I’m going through. Maybe one day he’ll tell me his past. As for me telling Cole about mine, I don’t have a choice - he seems to be seeing it unfold right before his eyes.

  As we start to walk off the dance floor I know Mason isn’t here anymore, I can’t feel him. I look over my shoulder in search of Jaylinn, I don’t want to be rude and not say goodbye, even though I know she would understand. She is still wrapped in Cooper’s arms, swaying back and forth. My heart aches and when she sees me she waves her goodbye and Cooper winks at me.

  Our way back to my house its quiet, I hate it. It’s making me think of Mason and how badly I want to be with him. Locked behind closed doors where the real Mason is. Not the one everyone else knows; the bad ass Mason Cahill, the unattainable one. I want to run my fingers in his dark thick hair, stare into his stormy blue eyes, and engulf my body into his rock hard one.

  “You want to talk about it?” Cole finally breaks the silence.

  We’re about five blocks away from my house and those five blocks seem like miles away. I want to run into my bedroom, dive into my bed and bury myself in there for days until I can overcome this heartache. “No, I’m good.” I rest my head back against the headrest.

  “He was the one, huh?” Cole questions.

  I can’t answer him; I know my voice will tell the truth, so I just shake my head.

  “I thought I’d found mine too. We were high school sweethearts.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “We actually knew each other growing up, our parents were friends. It was like we were set up to be together way back then.”

  He stops talking; he is staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel hard. I wait a few minutes before I ask, “What happened?”

  Cole looks over at me, so many emotions flash over his face, “She broke my heart.”

  We leave the conversation at that. He doesn’t want to tell me how and I’m ok with that because I’m not ready to tell him what Mason did to me just yet. We pull into my driveway and all the lights are off, except the front porch. We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us in a hurry for the night to end.

  “Thanks for coming tonight.” Cole says, breaking the silence.

  “It was fun.” And it was, until Mason showed up. All the guys in the band are a riot and I see myself hanging out with them again.

  He laughs, “No reason to lie.”

  I look over at him and smile, he can already read me. “It was, minus the two mishaps.”

  He shrugs, “Yeah I guess you’re right. The guys really like you, too. We are playing again Friday night, you want to come again?”

  I shake my head and he nods, thinking I’m rejecting him. “I want to, but my best friend, MacKenzie, Mason’s sister, is getting married Saturday. So I have to play maid of honor this weekend.”

  “That’s going to be awkward.” He chuckles.

  “Understatement of the year.” I mumble back. I should ask him now to be my date; it’s the perfect time although I should talk to MacKenzie first. I’m sure she’ll understand, I’ll promise her nothing will happen but I just can’t do this by myself.

  I look over at him and he smiles that perfect smile. If it was another time and place, then I could see myself with Cole. “You want to be my knight in shining armor and be my date?”

  He studies me for a few minutes, staring into my eyes, it causes me to squirm. Why is he starin
g at me so intently? There isn’t anything good inside me, it’s all tainted. Always feeling unwanted, unloved. My parents got a divorce because of me. Mom’s around and she’s great and all but she works her ass off to keep a roof over our heads. My sister blames me for them splitting. The only one who has ever made me feel special, loved, was Mason. But now I don’t even have that.

  He reaches over and pats my leg, “Yeah. I’ll go. I may be signing my own death warrant but why the hell not.”

  I squeeze his hand that is still resting on my leg, “Thanks Cole, and don’t worry, nothing will happen at MacKenzie’s wedding. I think everyone is going above and beyond to see to that.”

  “No big deal, I was only messing with you. I could use a fight anyway.” Cole says with a wink.

  “I’m sorry there’s so much drama that surrounds me. It seems to follow me wherever I go.”

  “Hailey, really don’t worry about it. Everyone has their own share of drama. God knows I have enough of it to last me a lifetime.” I stare off into space for a few minutes. The silence is comfortable.

  Cole looks over at me and grabs my hand. It’s not weird or unfamiliar.

  “Cole?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m using you because I’m not. I’m just in a shitty situation. I wish I were in another time and place in my life. I’d like to see where things would go with us but I just can’t. You’re don’t seem ready, I’m not ready. So the only thing I have to offer is friendship.” I admit to him. I feel better for getting that off my chest.