Punishing The Players (Spiritual Discipline Book 1)

by Ivy Barrett

  Her impatience set Fyn in motion. He stood and began pacing beside the bed. “I only sense what’s there. Josiah isn’t sure why he wants to continue, so all I could feel were conflicting emotions.”

  Josiah had certainly left her feeling jumbled and conflicted. It was only fair that he be just as confused. “I promised to have lunch with him tomorrow. Should I cancel?”

  “That’s up to you.”

  “Well, how did they leave it? Is the bet still on?”

  “It is, but I think you need to change tactics.” He paused beside her, his gaze shimmering. “You’re too attracted to Josiah to pretend indifference. You want him and he knows it, so we need to use that intensity.”

  “If I sleep with him, I’ll be just like all the others.”

  Fyn grinned, his even white teeth visible despite the lack of light. “I’m not saying you should give in completely. I think you should ask for a whole lot more of what they gave you tonight.”

  “I really do love oral sex, but it always leaves me ready for the rest.”

  “You’re being too literal. You need to encourage other sensual encounters. Touch him, even go down on him—if you’re comfortable with that—but always pull back when he’s ready to actually fuck you.”

  “There’s a phrase for people who do that. They’re called a cock tease.” She shook her head. “I’m not comfortable with that strategy.”

  “All right, how about if you ask him to tutor you. Tell him you’ve always been curious about less mainstream forms of pleasure, but your lovers have always been too straight-laced to let you play, to experiment and find out what you like. Trust me, Josiah will eat it up, figuratively and literally. Didn’t he say as much on your doorstep? He knows you’re ready to play with the fire and he wants to make sure you don’t get burned.”

  The now familiar ache erupted between her thighs. Just thinking about all the things Josiah could teach her made her edgy. “I knew he was aggressive, even suspected he was a Dom, but this punishment thing is kind of scary.”

  Challenge lifted one of Fyn’s brows. “I don’t see fear when I look in your eyes. Finding out he has a cruel streak has made you even more curious.”

  Heat crawled up her neck and she lowered her gaze. “Maybe. But how will any of this teach him not to screw with people’s emotions?”

  “Because as soon as it becomes obvious that he’s really into you, you’ll thank him for the lessons and go off to find someone worthy of your affection.”

  She scrubbed her face with both hands, not at all sure she could be that cruel. “But I really like him, Fyn. How do I just turn that off?”

  “He’s charming and he’s intense, but he’s a heartless bastard.” He sat back down and reached for her hand. “I think this will help you decide.”

  Her skull caught fire and images exploded within her mind. She saw Josiah and his lovers, men, women, and every conceivable combination of the two. He gave and received physical pleasure, but only with Chase did Josiah offer any portion of his soul. And even with Chase, Josiah was guarded, emotionally distant. The parade of naked flesh went on and on. Katie felt cold, hollow. What had happened that left him so...broken?

  “Enough,” she cried. “I’ve seen more than enough.” She shuddered, feeling dirty and sad. “You weren’t exaggerating. None of them meant anything to him.”

  “He seems to have feelings for you, which makes you uniquely qualified to teach him this lesson. He deserves this, Katie. No, he needs it.”

  There was a significance in his words that she didn’t understand. She sighed. Fyn was right. This lesson was long overdue.

  But what about her? How could she break Josiah’s heart without risking her own?

  “I’ll help you.” Fyn reached for her hand again, only this time he sent warmth and encouragement flowing through her. “Each time pleasure blinds you, I’ll help you see his true nature. I’ll make sure you’re protected from his lessons.”

  “Then I’ll ask him tomorrow at lunch.” She slipped her hand out of his, ready to be alone with her troubled thoughts.

  “Are you all right? I know this will take you a lot deeper than you’d originally thought.”

  “I’m fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He seemed reluctant to leave, so she stressed, “And you really do need to leave this time. I want some time alone.”

  “Understood.” He winked and started to fade from view.

  “Promise.”

  He lingered for a moment, transparent yet still there. “I will not return until tomorrow unless you call out to me. Rest well.”

  Fyn wasn’t known for his honesty, yet he seemed sincere. Besides, she had no real choice but to trust him. Even if he hung around, what was she worried about? That he’d see her naked? That ship had sailed and then some. He’d watched her abandon herself to the ruthless skill of two master seducers—and enjoy every minute of it!

  She rolled to her side and tucked her hand under her cheek, fighting back a wistful smile. It sucked. She finally found a man, make that men, who made her seriously consider risking her heart again. One was hopelessly in love with his ex-girlfriend and the other had a lot in common with the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz.

  She couldn’t rid her mind of all those faces, all those bodies. Josiah had fucked them all, used them for physical gratification while he’d felt absolutely nothing but lust. Tears stung her eyes and she stubbornly blinked them back. Something had to have made him like this. No one was that cold without a damn good reason.

  Part of her needed to discover the cause of his emotional paralysis. Who or what had wounded him so deeply? But common sense held her back. The more she knew about his past, the less likely she’d be to play her part. Regardless of what had brought him to this point, Josiah had to stop hurting people. And like it or not, she was the instrument Fyn intended to use to open Josiah’s eyes to all that pain.

  THE 16thStreet Mall was always bustling with activity and today was no exception. Josiah had knocked on Katie’s front door promptly at 12:30 and driven her downtown. He pulled into a parking garage and they walked two blocks to the Rialto Café. They were greeted by a smiling hostess who confirmed their reservation, and then escorted them to a table near the front of the restaurant. The floor-to-ceiling windows offered an unobstructed view of the activity on the outdoor mall.

  “Is breakfast all right? They have other entrees, but their breakfast items rock,” Josiah asked as the hostess left.

  “Give me a mimosas and I’m good with anything.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  She smiled, then explained, “I’m not much of a drinker, but I can’t say no to mimosas. There’s just something about them I really enjoy.”

  “And I’ll do my best to provide you with the things you enjoy.” His casual words took on a sensual undertone as he gazed into her eyes. His eyes were so dark it was hard to distinguish between the irises and pupils. Still, they were incredibly reflective and full of mischief at the moment.

  “Or the things I’m fond of?” Heat spread up her neck, so she turned her head and looked out the window. Automobiles weren’t allowed on this portion of 16th Street, encouraging shoppers and sightseers to stroll at leisure or hop on one of the frequent shuttles. It created a relaxed yet active environment that Katie had always liked.

  He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “I won’t allow you to regret last night. It was an open, honest exchange between three consenting adults.”

  She looked around, concerned that his comment would be overheard, but everyone seemed engrossed in their own conversations. “I’ve never done anything like that before.” She dropped her voice to just above a whisper.

  “I know.”

  The waitress arrived and took their drink orders, momentarily postponing their conversation.

  It had only taken a few minutes to reach downtown, but they’d exhausted the expected small talk about jobs, movies and the weather. She w
anted to know how long he and Chase had been lovers and if they’d ever attempted to include Vanessa in their intimate encounters. But opening the door to those sorts of questions would give him permission to ask about her sex life and she wasn’t sure she was ready to revisit her relationship with Dillon.

  “How are your knees?”

  “They’re fine. It was never a big deal.”

  “Did you have fun at the party or was it awkward and boring?”

  It wasn’t a complete reversion to small talk, but it was close. She seriously doubted Josiah cared one way or the other. He was easing his way back around to the real subject. Sex. “It was a little of everything. Endless introductions to people I’ll likely never see again. Dancing with a man who couldn’t keep his eyes off another woman and—”

  “I don’t know why they don’t get back together. It’s obvious neither of them is ready to move on. Vanessa calls me at least once a day to find out if Chase is okay.”

  “Have you told Chase?”

  “Repeatedly. He needs to drive over to her apartment and fuck her into next week. I’m tired of all the drama.”

  His voice had been a menacing rumble, but Katie still blushed. “How do you really feel about it?”

  “I hate seeing him this miserable, especially when he doesn’t need to be.”

  “I’m sure she wasn’t at her best last night, but I can’t help wondering what Chase ever saw in her.”

  He bristled then laughed. “Are you expecting me to defend Vanessa? The woman detests me.”

  “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

  He reached across the table and covered her hand. “I didn’t mean to snap. Chase dragged you into the middle of the mess. I guess you deserve the basics.” He returned his hand to his side of the table and began with a sigh. “You saw her last night, so you know she’s beautiful, but there really is more to her than her looks. Vanessa can be warm and charming. I’ve witnessed that side of her personality, but always from a distance. As soon as I enter her orbit, she turns into the woman you met last night.”

  “You were a part of his life long before she was. Why did Chase put up with her abusiveness?”

  “That’s a loaded question, sweetheart. I’m not sure how much of his past Chase is ready to share.”

  She cocked her eyebrow in silent challenge. “He didn’t seem to have a problem sharing last night.”

  He shook his head. “It’s really not my story to tell.”

  “Fair enough. You said you weren’t the primary reason for the breakup. Can you tell me what was?” It was obvious Josiah cared about Chase. It offered her a rare glimpse behind Josiah’s emotional defenses. As long as Josiah was capable of loving someone there was still hope for his redemption.

  “She didn’t trust him and mistrust makes people paranoid. The harder Chase tried to convince her nothing was going on behind her back, the more suspicious she became.”

  “Chase couldn’t have been completely blameless. These things don’t work that way.”

  “I wasn’t saying he was. He’d give her the silent treatment instead of trying to talk things out.” Their drinks arrived, and the waitress took their order, so it took Josiah a moment to finish his explanation. “Chase knew she wasn’t comfortable with there being anything sexual between us, so Chase cut me off. In fact, he didn’t touch anyone else while he was with Vanessa. Unfortunately, Vanessa didn’t believe him.”

  “Did that make you resent Vanessa or Chase or both?” She lifted her mimosa to her lips and took a sip. The fresh tartness awakened her taste buds and encouraged her to take another sip.

  “My relationship with Chase has always been fluid. It wasn’t the first time Chase told me ‘never again’.”

  He sounded so nonchalant that she didn’t believe him. “And you were okay with being cut off? It didn’t make you angry or jealous?”

  He smiled at her, then looked away. “My friendship with Chase is the constant. Our physical relationship comes and goes. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted a ‘normal’ life, wife and kids, dog out back, the whole nine yards. He could have had that with Vanessa. There was no way I was going to stand in the way.”

  “What about you? What do you want out of life?”

  “At the moment?” His gaze snapped back to hers and his lips twisted into a salacious grin. “I want to corrupt my angelic neighbor.”

  She cringed at the evasion. He was avoiding the fact that Chase’s priorities hurt him. “I’ll admit to being less experienced than you, but I’m hardly angelic.”

  “So how inexperienced are you? Let’s start with the basics. How many lovers have you had and have they all been men?”

  She set down her drink and leaned in. “I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.”

  “Go for it. I have nothing to hide.”

  “Were you Chase’s first man?”

  “Yes.” He motioned toward the fruit and pastry bar. “Should we grab an appetizer before we continue?”

  She was far more interested in his answers than in the food, but she nodded. He stood and pulled back her chair, a gesture she found endearingly old-fashioned. The buffet held a wide variety of selections, yet her curiosity overshadowed her appetite. She took a small serving of melon, a few slices of cheese, and a miniature pastry, suspecting that most of the food would remain on her plate.

  He escorted her back to their table and resumed as if there hadn’t been an interruption. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

  “Nineteen.” She poked a melon ball with her fork and stuffed it in her mouth.

  “You made it through high school without giving in to some football player?”

  “I dated a musician in high school and my reluctance to give in to him was the reason he dumped me. But I’m stubborn. Instead of making me feel like I was missing out on something important, it made me all the more determined to enter the sexual arena on my own terms.”

  That earned her a thoughtful nod before he asked, “How many have there been since?”

  She shook her head. “It’s my turn, and technically you asked me two questions. But I’ll only charge you for one.”

  “The second question was a qualification of the first.”

  “I agree. Have you had more male or female lovers?” He looked off into the distance. Was he counting them up? They’d be here for hours. The realization sent a shiver down her spine. “Estimate.”

  “I think it’s about even, perhaps a few more women.” He focused on his food as he waited for her to ask the next question.

  “Have you ever been in love?” Thanks to Fyn, she knew the answer, but she wanted to see if Josiah would be honest with her.

  He shook his head and took a drink of coffee before he answered. “Chase is probably as close as I’ve ever come. I love Chase, but I don’t think I’m in love with him.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “Is that your next question?” His smile turned playful again.

  “A clarification.”

  “You can love a puppy and love your sister, but you aren’t in love with them. Unless you’re seriously twisted.” She chuckled, which seemed to make him bolder. “How many people have shared your bed?”

  She swallowed hard. He was going to have a field day with this. “Three, but only one mattered. His name was Dillon.”

  His coffee mug hit the table with a hollow thunk. “You’ve only had one serious relationship. Ever?”

  “Don’t sound so shocked. So have you.”

  He didn’t react to her point. Instead he asked, “When was the last time you had sex?”

  “Do you count last night?” She looked back out the window, torn between embarrassment and frustration. Why should she be ashamed of the fact that she’d poured her heart and soul into one relationship instead of screwing everything that crossed her path?

  “Tell me.” For once his tone requested rather than commanded.

  “Two years, okay? It’s been
two years.” She tried not to sound defensive, but failed.

  He touched her chin, guiding her head back around. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Tell me about Dillon. How did you meet? How long did it last? Why did it end?”

  A server set their entrees in front of them, giving her a moment to regain her composure. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, letting her annoyance burn through her awkwardness. “The past can’t be changed. I try to stay focused on the present.”

  “Our pasts shape us, make us who we are. The events can’t be changed, but we’re either encumbered with or empowered by the events that we survive.”

  “Which are you?” She picked up her fork, but watched him rather than digging in to her omelet. “Do you draw strength from your past, or have you been crippled by it?” Fyn hadn’t shown her anything she didn’t already know. Living across the street from Josiah had revealed his lack of commitment to any lover. Still, the utter lack of emotion he offered his partners made her wonder why.

  “Tell me about Dillon and I’ll tell you about Chase.” He quickly took a bite of scrambled eggs, but his gaze never left her face.

  Trepidation tingled down her spine and she hesitated. Was this another way for him to avoid any meaningful exchange? She quickly took a few bites before giving in. “Only if you promise to answer my questions as thoroughly as I answer yours. No half-truths or evasions. You tell me everything I want to know.”

  He stilled and his gaze locked with hers. “Why are you so interested in me and Chase?”

  “You said it yourself. He’s as close as you’ve ever come to a serious relationship. I want to understand how it developed and the challenges you’ve faced along the way.”

  “No evasions and no half-truths. I won’t stop until you beg me to.”

  The double entendre brought the night before scrolling back through her memory. His lips and tongue. His fingers. She could still feel the demand in each caress and the obvious pleasure he’d gained from watching her come so hard she saw stars. Fyn was right. It was pointless to pretend she didn’t want more. Josiah would know she was being dishonest with herself and pursue her all the harder.