Punishing The Players (Spiritual Discipline Book 1)

by Ivy Barrett

  A server stopped by to refill Josiah’s coffee mug and he told the young man to bring Katie another mimosa. As usual, he controlled his environment with confidence and a subtle expectance that Katie found admirable and intimidating.

  She took a few more bites as she waited for the server to return with her drink. No way was she starting the explanation until she was gone. “I was a sophomore when I met Dillon. He was four years older.”

  “A sophomore in college or high school?”

  “College. We met at UC Denver.”

  “Chase and I met in college too, but we attended CU in Boulder.”

  She nodded, not willing to admit how much time she’d spent digging into their pasts on the internet. Between public records and social network sites, it was relatively easy to assemble an accurate picture of almost anyone’s past.

  “Dillon was a second year med student and I was still deciding on a career path. I knew I wanted something in the medical field, but I didn’t have the money, or the focus, to go the distance.”

  “Do you regret not becoming a doctor?”

  “Not at all. I enjoy what I do, but...”

  “He made you feel like you were selling yourself short?”

  She pushed her plate aside and pulled her glass in front of her. Thoughts of Dillon always left her feeling empty and inferior. She’d dedicated so much of herself to the relationship. Even six years after the breakup, part of her mourned the future she’d imagined at his side. “Dillon was a perfectionist and he required perfection in every area of his life. I tried to live up to his expectations, but I’m not perfect.”

  “Maybe you just weren’t perfect for him.” He shook his head and something cold and distant hardened his expression. “If your partner can’t accept you the way you are, he’s not a worthy partner.”

  “You’d never try to improve yourself to please someone else?”

  “Depends on the improvement. Compromise is vital to any relationship, but lasting change has to be self-motivated.” The waitress cleared their plates and asked if they needed anything else. Josiah thanked her without shifting his gaze from Katie. “How long were you together before it became intimate?” he asked once the waitress left.

  “Six weeks.”

  His smile was incredulous. “A man in his early twenties, he must have been going out of his mind. Did he know you were a virgin?”

  “Yes. I told him and he agreed to take things slowly.”

  “Did you do more than kiss before that first time?”

  Feeling as if every person in the room had to be listening in, she looked around again. As before, everyone was engrossed in their own conversations. Still, she scooted closer to the table and lowered her voice. “We came really close to having sex about two weeks after we started dating. That’s when I told him I’d never done it before. He assured me he was willing to wait until I was ready.”

  “And he never pressured you after that, never tried to convince you to change your mind?”

  “He was affectionate. He held my hand and put his arm around me, but we never did more than kiss until our first night together.”

  “Tell me about that. Was it planned or spontaneous?”

  “Spontaneous?” She laughed. “Dillon didn’t know the meaning of the word. His entire life was regimented and meticulously organized.”

  “Did he decide it was time to have sex or did you?”

  She’d never really thought about it, but Dillon had made the vast majority of all decisions in their relationship. “I guess he did. It was New Year’s Eve and he wanted me to spend the night. When I agreed, I knew he expected me to sleep with him.”

  “So you did?”

  She just nodded.

  “Was he a good lover?”

  She shrugged, staring down at the tabletop.

  A warm chuckle drew her gaze back to his face. “How often did he make you come?”

  Heat spread up her neck, making her acutely aware of his perceptive stare. “Sometimes.”

  “Give me a percentage.”

  She sighed. He’d agreed to be as forthcoming as she was with him. If she dodged his questions now, she had no doubt he’d do the same. “Twenty-five.”

  “You only had an orgasm twenty-five percent of the time? Did he realize you weren’t satisfied, or did you fake it so he wouldn’t feel bad?”

  The anger in his tone made her even more uncomfortable than the unpleasant memories. She was a strong, independent woman, so how could she have allowed herself to settle for so long? “Some of both. Whenever he realized I didn’t make it he became really agitated.” Like she was right now. She crossed her arms, looking anywhere but at Josiah. “It was just easier to pretend.”

  “Easier for whom?” His voice grew louder. She shushed him with a look and he reluctantly obliged. “I bet he came every damn time he climbed on top of you.”

  Why was he so angry? “Can we talk about something else?”

  “Did he ever tie you up?”

  Apparently, he wasn’t finished humiliating her. “No.”

  “Did you ever ask him to?” The sensual purr returned to his tone so she risked looking at his face.

  God, he was sexy when he scowled. Tingles teased her spine, then hardened her nipples, and he was still waiting for her answer. “I made suggestions a couple of times, but he didn’t react well to either.”

  The waitress set their check on the corner of the table and left without breaking stride or uttering a word. She might not have heard what they were talking about, but she’d obviously known better than to interrupt.

  Josiah reached across the table and caught her hands, encompassing hers within the warmth of his. “What did you suggest?”

  At least he was keeping his voice low. In fact, she’d had to strain to make out the last two questions. “Role playing.”

  “That’s a common suggestion. Why did he refuse?”

  “He said he didn’t need gimmicks to enjoy being with me.”

  His fingers tightened around hers and then gradually released as his thumb brushed over her knuckles. “I’m really starting to dislike Dillon. It takes courage to make those sorts of suggestions. He should have tried it a least once.”

  She’d thought the same thing at the time. But Dillon’s reaction had made her feel foolish, and worse, like there was something wrong with her for not being satisfied with their passionless sex life.

  “What was your second suggestion?”

  “A friend of mine invited us to a party.”

  Heat smoldered in the depths of his eyes and his thumb continued its mini-massage. “What sort of party?”

  “An adult toy party.” She shrugged, trying to downplay the conflict resulting from the suggestion. She knew the party wasn’t responsible for their breakup, but it had been the catalyst that brought the simmering conflict to a boil. “I’d heard they could be a lot of fun. Dillon was not amused.”

  “Why do I get the impression that having fun was never a priority for Dillon?” When she only nodded, he asked, “Was he angered by the suggestion or just unwilling to consider it?”

  “He was halfway through his residency when he received an offer from one of the hospitals in Boston. I was having second thoughts about going with him and we’d already had several heated arguments. He told me that his ‘potential wife’ would have found such a party demeaning and the fact that I’d wanted to go made him reconsider our compatibility.”

  “He used a toy party as an excuse to end the relationship?” A different sort of heat erupted in his eyes, but she couldn’t tell if it was anger or protectiveness. “What an asshole.”

  “Our compatibility issues began long before that. I guess I was in denial. I was in love with the security of our life together more than I was in love with Dillon. The relationship was comfortable, or at least it had been until his long-term goals kicked in. He suddenly outgrew Denver, which meant he outgrew me.”

  “You’d never consider relocating for a long-term rel
ationship?”

  “I didn’t say that.” She drew her hands out of his and put them in her lap. “I wasn’t willing to relocate for Dillon because that’s where the changes would have started. When I told him I’d decided on medical imaging, he calmly explained that his ‘potential wife’ needed to have a career as prestigious as his or she could stay home and raise the children. He made it clear that those were the only two options.”

  Josiah shook his head, clearly baffled by the attitude. “Was he a trust fund brat or something? Where did he get these pompous ideas?”

  “He’d downplayed it when we met, but his parents have money, lots and lots of money. I was acceptable for a college fling, but when he started imagining me in his life long-term, I became less and less...appropriate.”

  Josiah stroked his chin as his gaze moved over her face. “And this was four or five years ago?”

  She swallowed hard. “Almost six.”

  “Why hasn’t there been anyone since?”

  “I date. Even occasionally become intimate.”

  “Twice. You said you had three lovers and asshole was your first, so the other two came after. How long were you with each one?”

  She sighed. “Not long.”

  “Why?”

  It was a reasonable question, yet she wasn’t sure how to answer. “I don’t know. I was with Dillon four and a half years. We lived together for the last two. I guess I figured if I couldn’t make it work with him, I was better off single.”

  “A successful relationship takes two active participants. Dillon was only willing to participate as long as you conformed to his idea of the perfect wife.”

  Relieved that she’d made it through the tale without crying, or smashing something, she took a deep breath and relaxed back in her chair. “It wasn’t just him. We’d both stopped trying.”

  Without a visible reaction, he asked, “What keeps you from becoming intimate with more of the men you date?”

  “I just didn’t feel enough of a connection with any of them to risk going through it all again.”

  He stopped with his mug halfway to his mouth. “Do you feel a connection with me?”

  As if he needed to ask. She’d abandoned herself more with Josiah and Chase than she’d ever done with Dillon. “Fishing for compliments?” She waved away the topic before he could respond. “Enough about me. It’s your turn. Tell me about your relationship with Chase.”

  Chapter Five

  Josiah didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to analyze the choices he’d made in his past or reveal his inner secrets. He wanted to drive Katie back to his house and finish what they’d started the night before. With or without Chase, Josiah didn’t care, as long as they didn’t stop until everyone was too exhausted to move.

  He could still feel the silky weight of her breasts filling his palms and her nipples tightening between his fingers. She’d arched and wiggled as he fucked her with his tongue and filled his mouth with the taste of her pussy. But that one taste, regardless of how intoxicating, would never be enough. He wanted to pull down her jeans and spank her round ass until it was hot to the touch and deeply reddened. He wanted to pinch her nipples until she cried out and watch pleasure glaze her eyes. Only after she was begging for his cock, would he thrust into her soft, warm body and hear her scream his name.

  But Katie needed this first, needed to see if he’d trust her with his secrets and determine if she could trust him. She couldn’t or maybe shouldn’t trust him. He was selfish and cold, while she was sweet and generous. She deserved so much better than he could give her. Even knowing all that, he was bastard enough to want her anyway.

  “What do you want to know?” No need to volunteer information she’d never request. She was pretty damn squeamish when it came to talking about sex. If he made her speak the words, this would likely be a short conversation.

  “You met Chase in college.”

  He smiled. “That’s not a question.”

  It was a struggle just to keep his gaze on her face. Her outfit was casual, jeans and a short-sleeved sweater. The scoop neck was modest, almost demure, yet the clingy material lovingly outlined the lush fullness of her breasts. And her jeans weren’t overly tight or daringly cut. So why did they make him want to cup her round ass with both hands and feel her wrap her legs around his waist? No wonder she wore scrubs so often. Her body propositioned each person she passed even when sex was the farthest thing from her mind.

  “Had you been with anyone before Chase?”

  Tension crawled up his back and bunched his shoulder muscles. “That’s outside the established parameters of our conversation, but yes. I’m two years older than Chase and I was good friends with his older brother, James.”

  Her brows arched at that revelation. “How does James feel about you and Chase?”

  “We’re all really close.”

  As usual, she easily read between the lines. “You and James were lovers too?”

  “James was experimenting with everything back then, women, men, drugs, danger. He encouraged me to test my boundaries and I eagerly followed his example. Well, except for the drugs. I’m too much of a control freak to enjoy drugs.”

  “Does he know your exploration led you to his younger brother?”

  He should have realized she wouldn’t let this go with a few vague statistics. He wasn’t ashamed of his past. Still, he wasn’t sure how sweet, innocent Katie would react to all the debauchery. “James knows everything and he wasn’t concerned about the things you think would worry him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He knew Chase would never be satisfied with a non-traditional relationship and he knew when I fall, I tend to fall hard.”

  Her smile was almost sad. “James was afraid Chase would break your heart?”

  “Something like that.” If he didn’t shift her focus, she’d scratch at the scab until his entire past was raw and bleeding. He understood curiosity, suffered from the affliction himself, but there were things in everyone’s past that were better left there.

  “Was James your first?”

  “Yes and no.”

  That earned him another quizzical look. “Not your first lover, but your first man?”

  He nodded. “I thought you wanted to know about Chase.”

  “So did I, but I’m starting to think James might be more interesting.”

  “Back then James was all sorts of interesting. He gleefully led me into all my current perversions, and then just as gleefully walked away. Today, he’s happily married with his third child on the way.”

  She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “So only perverted people are interesting?”

  He’d obviously struck a nerve. Was the typical American dream something she craved or had her close call with Dillon soured her on the entire concept? “You’re putting words in my mouth.” And he could think of all sorts of things he’d rather put in his mouth—her fingers, her nipples and her delightfully responsive clit. “James, like many others, sowed his wild oats while he was young. James’ oats just happened to be wilder than most. But once those oats were sown, he returned to the lifestyle and priorities he’d been surrounded with as a child.”

  “A traditional family unit.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But Chase wasn’t able to make the same transition?” The most adorable crinkle appeared above her nose as she tried to puzzle it out.

  Parts of this really were Chase’s story to tell, but so much of Chase’s past and his own interlocked that it was impossible to untangle the threads. “With James it was just exploration. Once he’d experienced all the taboo pleasures, he lost interest. Chase, on the other hand, discovered his true nature during his explorations. And he’s been running from it ever since.”

  “That’s what he was doing with Vanessa, trying to follow his brother’s example?”

  “It’s not just James. You’d have to know their parents to really understand. They have the sort of marriage we all hear about, b
ut few actually see. They’re so damn perfect together it’s nauseating, or it would be if it wasn’t so utterly authentic.”

  After a thoughtful pause, she said, “You’re right. We’re off track.” One of the servers stopped by to refill their drinks, buying her a moment to collect her thoughts. “Tell me about your first intimate encounter with Chase.”

  This would surprise and fascinate her, so he was looking forward to the tale. “Chase’s flavor of the week was—”

  “Flavor of the week?” She chuckled, but the tension around her mouth belied the humor. Apparently, she didn’t find the concept amusing. “He dated a lot back then?”

  “I don’t know that you’d consider them dates. More like casual hookups.”

  The tension spread to her other features. Little miss innocent was definitely a traditionalist at heart, or at least she would never be content without a serious commitment from those with whom she was involved. “Go on. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “Her name was Ronnie Something-or-other. Much to the delight of our friends, she had no problem with nudity. We saw her in nothing but a thong so often, some of us wondered if she owned actual cloths. Anyway, she was curled up on Chase’s lap and they were going at it pretty heavy.” The memory was still vivid in Josiah’s mind. As he told Katie what happened with enough detail to make her blush, his mind provided every sensation, every sound.

  A party at a nearby sorority had lured everyone but Chase and Josiah away from the frat house. Josiah pretended to watch an action flick, but his gaze kept drifting to the couple on the other end of the couch. Ronnie straddled Chase’s legs, putting their faces on a level. With chestnut hair and large brown eyes, Ronnie was cute rather than beautiful. And she enjoyed sex. Refused to pretend otherwise. Suddenly, she pulled off her shirt and arched her back, offering Chase her tiny breasts. Everything about Ronnie was tiny, no, delicate was a better word to describe the feisty coed.

  Chase lowered his head and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth. Josiah watched Chase’s lips latch on, release, then suck even harder. Ronnie gasped, drawing Josiah’s attention to her face. Her dark gaze captured his, pulling him in, surrounding him with sensual heat. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she liked being watched. Only Chase’s self-consciousness took their encounters behind closed doors.