Behind the Robe

by Barbara Sattler

  “You don’t have to give me any details. I wish I could be her friend. I’ve been in lots of relationships, short term, long term. I’ve had my heart broken, but I don’t remember it being this intense. We weren’t even together that long.”

  “I have no answers. I’ve been with Carlos almost a decade and it’s all coming apart. We had a big blow out the other night.” Lourdes wants to confide in Jack. “Carlos wants me to get pregnant. I want kids, but not now, right after I start a new job.” Lourdes wonders if the new job is just an excuse. She doesn’t want to have kids with Carlos the way he is.

  “Doesn’t he get that?”

  “He doesn’t see any problem with me taking maternity leave.” Lourdes hears some barking and sees a small white poodle approach. Toby pulls towards them.

  “They’re friends,” the woman with the dog says. “This is Oliver.” The two dogs smell each other. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the phone.” She pulls Oliver away.

  “Calm down, good Toby.”

  “Isn’t Toby, Molly’s dog?”

  “Yeah. I’m staying with her. Walking Toby.”

  “You were telling me what happened with Carlos.”

  Lourdes waits till Oliver is gone. “We had a big fight. I hit Carlos in the face.”

  “I’m sure he deserved it.”

  “He hit me back.” Lourdes decides that’s enough information. Probably too much.

  “Has he hit you before?”

  “Sort of. He grabbed my hand and twisted it once.”

  “He seems angry.”

  “Yes, he is. He has PTSD. And he lost an appeal of his discharge status.”

  “I can see why he’s angry. Can you appeal that?”

  “I don’t know. I wrote the appeal for him. He should have won.”

  “You expected the government to be fair? Didn’t you join the PD because something unjust happened to your uncle?”

  “You’ve got a good memory. Yeah, my Uncle Andres, was charged with a crime he didn’t commit. He committed suicide shortly before the real culprit was found.”

  “I didn’t have a personal reason like that to be a defense attorney. I just always side with the underdog.”

  Toby pulls. “I better get back to Molly’s. She’ll wonder where I am.”

  Lourdes understands why so many women are attracted to Jack. He’s good looking and smart, but so are many men. There is something else. He’s easy to talk to. He makes you feel like you’re the only person that matters.

  “You and Toby have a good walk?” Molly asks.

  “She’s so easy going.” Lourdes phone pings again. Another text from Carlos. I’m so sorry.

  She doesn’t respond.

  “Lourdes, maybe you’d want to stay here a couple more days. I don’t think Jared will come over, but he might. If you’re here it’ll be easier to get rid of him.”

  Lourdes had been thinking of asking Molly if she could stay. She isn’t ready to go home.

  “Sounds good. Why don’t I go over to my place so I can pick up some clothes and stuff?”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “Then let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

  “I hate to leave Toby.”

  “Bring her. There are lots of places where you can eat on the patio and bring dogs.”

  FORTY

  Another week almost over. Her first child molestation trial. Lourdes had feared this type of case from the moment she got her judgeship. Could she be fair? Would she go out of her way to help the defendant win? Her Uncle Andres’ life had been ruined by a false accusation. Andres’ mother her abuelo, had never been the same. At least, neither the victims nor the defendant are Latino.

  To her surprise, Lourdes found it no more difficult to preside over the child sex case than any other. Picking a jury has become routine as has ruling on objections. The defendant, a 70 year-old white man was accused of fondling three young children while he baby-sat for them. She felt sorry for the defense attorney. He might have had a chance if his client didn’t look like the attorney had called central casting and asked for a pedophile.

  The jury was out only an hour. Guilty all counts. Justice? She wasn’t sure. What about the mothers who left their children with a man anyone could see was not babysitter material?

  The case over Lourdes tries to catch up on her work. She begins to go through her in-box when there’s a knock on the door and Becca enters. “You got a letter from the Court of Appeals. I can tell from the format it’s an opinion. You want me to open it or do you want to?”

  “I think you’re as excited as I am.”

  “It’s your first opinion, don’t you want to find out?”

  “Sure. Open it. Right under the caption it will say affirmed or reversed.”

  There are a few seconds delay. “Affirmed, Judge, congratulations.”

  It’s the first DUI she’d presided over. The defense attorney argued she had incorrectly refused a jury instruction. The higher court had sided with her.

  Lourdes and Bev had planned to eat lunch together in her chambers. Bev arrives with a large salad. She’d been trying, if nothing else, to stop gaining weight. Her doc said she’s pre-diabetic. Lourdes has a tuna sandwich and some chips. Bev eyes her food.

  “I got my first opinion from the Court of Appeals. I was affirmed.”

  “Congratulations. Most of the time you will be. You should know that from being a defense attorney. Just remember that when they reverse you. And they will. Remember Judge Riley? I told you about him.”

  “The one with balls,” Lourdes blushes.

  “That’s him. He used to say, ‘I’ve overruled the Supreme Court many more times than they’ve overruled me.’”

  Lourdes smiles. “I’ve been wondering how you ruled on the Conspiracy case, the one where the victim didn’t exist?”

  “A tough call. I figured either way the losing side would appeal. I ruled against the defense. Refused to dismiss the case.”

  “What was the verdict?”

  “Hung jury. I reset the trial, but the state offered the defendant a plea to attempted manslaughter. Three to five years. He was facing twenty-five to life and wisely decided to take the plea. Sentencing is next week. I’m leaning toward three. I’ve got some news. You heard Judge Meecham retired?”

  “Of course.”

  “I know who got his job.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I shouldn’t, but it should be public later today. David Atkins.”

  “He applied when I did. Should have gotten my slot. Way more qualified.”

  “Don’t say that. A terrific guy, but you’re doing great. You’ve become much more confident lately.”

  “Maybe because I like the job. When I was appointed, Atkins called immediately and congratulated me. He was very kind. As soon as the word’s out, I’ll call him.”

  “One more thing,” Bev says, a shit-eating grin on her face. “Two of the interns from the County Attorney’s office filed a complaint against our chief judge for sexual harassment.”

  “Interns. That takes a lot of guts.”

  “Both are top students. Going to clerk for federal judges next year. Probably not worried about getting on anyone’s bad side around here.”

  “What did the judge do, say?”

  “That I don’t know. But I’ll find out.”

  Bev looks at her watch. “I gotta go. I have a 1:30 p.m. hearing.”

  Lourdes is sorry their time passed so quickly. She wants to discuss the latest with Carlos. She trusts Bev.

  Ironically her career has moved along, but not her home life. She never would’ve applied to be a judge without Carlos pushing her. They haven’t seen each other since the fight. When Lourdes left Molly’s after the fight and went home, Carlos wasn’t there. Some of his clothes and possessio
ns were gone. The toilet seat was up. She thinks maybe he’d moved in with Rick. He must have taken his stuff when he knew she wasn’t there.

  Carlos still texts asking if she’s okay or if she needs anything. He hasn’t asked to see her. Sometimes she answers, sometimes not. She doesn’t miss him, but she misses having someone to eat dinner with, confide in, and cuddle with.

  She and Molly had intense talks while she stayed there. Molly realized she could’ve lost her job, and killed Toby. She beats herself up for everything past and present. “I drove drunk, almost killed a person on a bike, wasn’t that enough for me to stop drinking? Now a year later, I almost killed Toby.”

  She worried her sister Rose will find out she’d fallen off the wagon. “They might never let me take Diego anywhere. I want to be part of his life. I love him.” Lourdes has heard all this before and hopes, this time, Molly can follow through She knows from Drug Court people don’t alway kick their habit the first time, or the second—or ever.

  “I think you’re addicted to men. Bad men. You need to learn to rely on yourself, and like yourself, even if you’re not in a relationship.” Who am I to give relationship advice? “The way things are going, we could be permanent roommates.”

  “That would be great, Lourdes, but you love Carlos. If I lived with you I could be sober, and not need a man, but it’s more important that you work out your problems.”

  “I don’t know if I love Carlos. I was so young when we chose to be together. I’ve only dated one other man for a short time and we never even had sex. We’re both so different from how we were in high school.”

  Love him, love him not. Lourdes feels like a child. She knows Carlos cares about her, but she doesn’t know if they have the same values any more. He’s probably ruined her relationship with his parents after telling them about the abortion. He needs help for his PTSD, but he’s not willing to see anyone. He hasn’t tried to see her or even asked to talk to her.

  Her email chimes. She changes the screen on her computer. A message from the Chief Judge: I’m proud to announce that David Atkins has been appointed to be our new colleague. He will be taking Judge Meecham’s place. More information about his investiture will be forthcoming.

  She buzzes Mary. “Could you get me David Atkins number.”

  Mary walks in and hands her the number written on a stickie.

  “David, it’s Lourdes Velasquez.”

  “Hi Judge.”

  “Hi Judge, to you. I wanted to be one of the first to congratulate you. I’m so glad you got this slot. You should have gotten mine.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, but I’m so glad we’ll be colleagues.”

  “Me too. I’ll never forget how kind you were to me.”

  “Now that you’re an old pro you can return the favor by letting me call you when I have questions.”

  “Of course.”

  “And I hope we can work together even though I’m a male. And an Anglo.”

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  and ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Barbara Sattler spent over three decades in the criminal justice system first as a criminal defense attorney and then a judge. After she retired, she joined a writing group and found a new passion. She has written three previous novels Dog Days, Anne Levy’s Last Case and My Name is Molly. (Available at Amazon and Antigone book store in Tucson) She lives in Tucson with her husband, Kenney Hegland, a retired law professor and author of Law School Chronicles, and her dogs, Toby and Teddi.

  Barbara and Kenney are currently at work on Martinez and O’Rourke their first attempt at writing a novel together.

  Learn more about the author at her blog, SOME THINGS CONSIDERED, barbarasattler.com.

  In 2001 Barbara was diagnosed with a rare neuro-immune disorder, Transverse Myelitis. All profits from her novels go to the Transverse Myelitis Association, (TMA). Go to myelitis.com for more information about the TMA.

  Barbara would like to thank everyone in Meg Park’s writing group who attended from 2009 to present. Special thanks to Kenney Hegland, Jodi Weisberg, Mary Lawrence, MaryAnn Pressman, and Beth Smith who read, re-read, edited and made suggestions which made this book better. Also Roslyn Schiffman, Marie Trump and Terry Tanner.