Fashionably Dead in Diapers: Hot Damned Series Book 4

by Robyn Peterman

  "By eating you or blowing up the world?" I inquired in exasperation.

  "Nope, by shrinking you to her size. She can do visual fucking voodoo."

  I froze. The old bat was brilliant. Susu's eyes lit up and she began to turn flips.

  "Can you get us out of here?"

  "Yes," she squealed. "I think I can."

  "We'll stay here," Martha said. "They'll be coming to get us for the competition soon, and if we're gone, it will cause more motherfucking trouble than it's worth. I'm pretty sure no one but that traitorous shitball The Reggie even knows you're here."

  "When did you grow a brain?" I asked as I gaped at her.

  "Good one, Jugs McBoobalicious." She chuckled and curtsy crapped again.

  "One quick question," I said to Susu. "Can you make me big again after we get out?"

  "I'm ninety seven percent sure that I can."

  I paused for only a brief moment. "I can live with those odds. Shrink me. Now."

  And she did.

  Chapter 17

  Playing with dolls is fun. Being one? Not so much. If your child ever finds a Genie in a bottle flush it immediately. Many children wish for things that are very difficult to reverse…like being doll sized. If this happens, move to Oz. There are many people of small stature there. And yes, it really does exist.

  I giggled as I looked at my tiny hands. I was amazed and thankful that my clothes had shrunk too. Being naked and three inches tall was not my idea of a good time. We flew north through the park, headed for the Palace. Susu had decided we should stay small for a bit. She was positive it would be easier to get into the Grand Fun Palace and we could get around quickly to scope out our plan. I pushed the nagging worry that Susu was terrified that she couldn't make me normal size again to the far recesses of my mind. I'd cross that bridge, hopefully never.

  "There it is," she said as she swooped lower.

  "Should we cloak ourselves?" I asked as I wondered how much of my magic was available to me at this size.

  "Nope. They're all in a tizzy about American Idol and when we fly fast we look like humming birds. Besides, most of them will be drunk on Fairy Juice."

  The Palace was grand and beautiful. The rest of the park might be in sad disrepair, but The Corrine's home was pristine. It shimmered in the late day sun. It was all white with solid gold trim. Graceful turrets rose high into the air and poked through the clouds. A crystal clear river circled the Palace and I spotted wildly colored fish swimming in schools. Lavender ivy climbed the walls and masses of blood red roses complemented the perfectly manicured lawns. Hundreds of vicious looking guards also covered the grounds and they didn't appear to be intoxicated at all. Shit.

  "Are we going through the front door?" I asked as I hovered high in the air next to my kooky friend.

  "Hell no. Do you have a death wish?"

  "It was just a question, Asswad," I snapped.

  "Well, it was a dumb one, Boobs McGee."

  "You clearly don't value your life."

  "Why would you say that? I'm fabulous," she trilled as she turned a few flips.

  "Because if you call me that again, I'll give you a third nipple and acne." I smiled and turned a flip myself.

  "So noted. You see that open window?"

  "Nope. There have to be hundreds of windows on the front side alone," I said as I scanned the windows of the Palace.

  "Sixth row ten over from the right. It's not open really wide, but there's enough of a crack that we can fit through."

  I looked again, but got discombobulated counting windows. "I'm gonna trust you on that."

  "Take my hand," Susu instructed. "Keep your eyes open and pull your feet forward when we get close to the ledge or we'll bash into it, which hurts like a motherfucker. Ready?"

  "Um…no, but let's do it."

  We flew at a speed that unnerved me. I was tempted to shut my eyes, but I wanted to keep my head. With Susu's hand firmly in mine, we made it and landed gracefully.

  "Holy shit," I muttered as I peeked through the glass. The room was empty of people, but it looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Expensive furniture, lamps and paintings were broken and lay strewn in pieces all over the place. "Looks like they could use a new cleaning service."

  "Hmmm…something is very fucking wrong here. The Corrine is a neat freak. She would never allow this," Susu said as a frown marred her pretty face.

  My stomach dropped. The wreckage of the room was clearly from a struggle. The question was, who was struggling? I needed to get in there now. I wedged my little body through the crack and floated around the room. I scented Fairies. I smelled no Vampyres and no Demons. Ethan and his son had not been part of this altercation, thank God…but—oh shit.

  "The Kev," I gasped as I wildly looked around the room for clues. "I smell The Kev's blood. Do you know the layout of the Palace?"

  "Yes, but it's been a long time," Susu said as she wrung her hands and flew right on my heels.

  "What is this room?"

  "This entire floor is filled with sitting room and bedrooms," Susu said.

  "Follow me. I can feel him. He's not far."

  Every instinct I had was buzzing. My hair flew crazily around my head and teeny tiny sparks shot from my little hands. Very few immortals could take The Kev down, but were there Fairies that could? From the scent of things, I'd have to say yes. Fuckbuttdickballs.

  We darted from room to room and found nothing but more blood and more decimated furnishings. This battle had been large, but they hadn't used magic…It seemed as if only brute force was used. Odd.

  "No magic residue. Why?" I wondered aloud.

  "They must have something on him. They have something he can't live without and they threatened him with it, but I could be wrong. Plus, The Corrine would shit a cow if they blew up the Palace with magic."

  "Good to know," I muttered as I imagined causing this fucker to go up in flames. "What could they have? Gemma's in Hell."

  "What about you, Ethan and the Baby?"

  "I'm basically unkillable, but the baby and Ethan can be killed," I ground out as I flew faster through the rooms, looking for any clue to The Kev's whereabouts. It wasn't until we came to a locked door that I knew we'd hit pay dirt. He was in there, but I had no clue what shape he was in.

  "Under the door," Susu said as she yanked me to the floor.

  "I was going to blow it out." I told her as I tried to pull away.

  "Absofuckinglutely not, even though it would be all kinds of awesome to piss off The Corrine." She slapped her hands on her hips and put her finger in my face. I was tempted to bite it, but I wanted to hear her reasoning. "No announcing our presence. I only sense one Fairy on the other side of the door, but I am not going in all vigilante. There's a reason I'm over seven thousand years old."

  "Good point. Well made," I said. I was glad I didn't bite her. "Let's crawl."

  It was a tight fit, but we managed. What I saw made me want to scream, but I held it in. I wouldn't be helping The Kev if I called attention to our rescue mission. He was bound in thick iron chains. Iron for Fairies was like silver for Vamps. He'd been beaten within an inch of his immortal life and the iron kept his body from healing itself. If I didn't know it was The Kev by his scent and aura, I would have bet money that this was not my friend and mentor—he was almost unrecognizable. Fury built inside me at the injustice. They would pay for this and I would be collecting.

  "Motherfucker," I hissed as I flew to The Kev. His eyes were practically swollen shut, but his lips curled into a semblance of a smile as he heard my voice.

  "Astrid?" he whispered brokenly.

  "Who did this to you?" I demanded as I darted around the iron chains searching for a weak link. I had to get this shit off of him or he would die. I had no plans to explain to Gemma that The Kev was no more. "I'm going to blast the iron. It's gonna hurt."

  "Do it," he choked out. "I'm numb to pain now anyway."

  I was tiny, but I knew in my gut that meant nothing. I mi
ght blow myself up in the process of freeing him, but leaving The Kev and letting him die was not an option. Hopefully since the Sword of Death wasn't involved I would be able to come back from anything—even blowing myself to smithereens.

  Here goes nothing. I closed my eyes and pulled magic from the bottom of my soul. My small body jerked and swayed as the rush of power exploded inside me. I was floating away from him until I felt little hands on my back, pushing me to where I needed to be.

  "Susu, there's a chance I'm going to implode," I frantically told her as the heat from the Black Magic coursed through my veins.

  "I know," she said simply.

  "I can come back from this. You can't."

  "I know," she repeated. "If he dies Gemma will lose her will to live. I will have no purpose. I will take my chances. Free him, because I'm getting hungry and some bad Fairies are sounding quite tasty at the moment. Plus, I can help you. You're too small right now to do this alone."

  "Make me bigger," I told her. My voice sounded desperate to my own ears. "Do it quickly."

  Susu chewed on her lips and I realized she wasn't sure she could restore my size. Fuck me, I knew this was a chance I took, but if I was successful in saving The Kev, Ethan, the baby, Martha and Jane it would simply be the price I would have to pay.

  "Forget it," I yelled as a wind laced with my Black Magic began to billow ominously throughout the room. There was no time to experiment and even less time for error. "Just help me."

  Something foreign and mystical entered my system and whipped airily through my body. Susu was breathing hard and chanting in a language that I had no hopes of understanding. It centered me and cleared my mind. I had no clue what voodoo she was doing, but it was perfect. Focusing on the iron chains, I envisioned The Kev's body covered in a protective light and mentally sent a shield to protect him—hopefully that would be enough. I was ninety eight percent sure I could do this, which were slightly better odds than me being normal size again.

  With a quick prayer to my Uncle God, I closed my eyes and let her rip. The explosion of magic was certain to be noticed, but that was now beyond my control. Pressure like I'd never felt threw Susu and me across the room with such speed and violence I was sure we were goners—or at least she was. The wall felt like a mountain as my tiny body connected with it. Fuck, I should have told her no. How could she live through this? Hell, how could The Kev live through this? The wind was brutal and glittering icy pink and blue flames engulfed The Kev. Fighting the wind, I flew to Susu and put her unconscious body on the remnants of a soft pillow and then I fought my way to the magical inferno that was The Kev.

  "Fuckshitfuckfuckfuck, please don't let him be a crispy Fairy corpse when the fire dies out," I whispered as I watched in horror. I shook my head as an instant calm washed over me. Memories flowed back. I was Compassion. My power was for justice. Saving The Kev was right. I knew I was capable of great violence, but it would always be for the purpose of fairness and empathy.

  "Enough," I yelled at the fire. The sound of iron chains clanking open was music to my ears. With a grunt and a small scream, I doused the fire and flew to the unharmed The Kev.

  "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod," I cried out as I ran my tiny hands all over his face. He was breathing and his body began to heal before my eyes. "You're okay."

  Prying one still swollen eye open he gasped and stared at me in shock. "Are we dead?"

  "No, jackass. I saved you."

  "Krumecaca, you are the size of my pinkie finger. Either I'm hallucinating or we're dead."

  "Oh no," I shrieked. "Susu!" I darted over to where she lay and my stomach lurched. She didn't look so good. She was still out, her hair was a mess, her bones were at an angle they shouldn't be. Her clothes were torn and she was bleeding from all sorts of places. She would fucking hate this. She adored being beautiful. To me she was more exquisite than ever, but I was certain she would disagree. Why in the Hell did I let her risk her life?

  The Kev crawled over and looked at the little Mini Elf. "Is that Susu?" he asked as he gently took her small broken body in his palm.

  "Yes." My voice sounded hollow and my non-existent heart hurt.

  "Poor little Elf," The Kev cooed as he softly blew on her.

  A poof of silver and pink glitter engulfed my tiny buddy as The Kev continued to blow on her. Slowly, her broken body mended and the wounds closed. However, her clothes and hair were still a wreck.

  "Um, The Kev?"

  "Yes, Astrid?"

  "Susu is a little, um, vain…is there any way you could repair her outfit and hair too?" I asked. If you do not ask you shall not receive.

  "That, my precious child, is an understatement. Susu borders on narcissistic, but she delights me and I adore her." The Kev laughed as he snapped his fingers and conjured a lovely new gown for Susu and put her hair right back into place.

  "She Gemma's Guardian Angel," I whispered as her gorgeous eyes slowly opened.

  "I thought as much," The Kev said.

  "Holy fucking shithellbastarddickpussycock, what happened?" Susu sat up and rubbed her head in confusion.

  Her use of all the legal swear words in one sentence made me smile. She was going to be fine.

  "You almost bit the dust," I told her as I grabbed and trapped her in a tight hug. "What the fuck were you thinking?" I yelled.

  Her grin made me laugh and I reluctantly released her. She winked at The Kev and blew him a little kiss. "I hear you're boinking my new charge."

  "You would be correct, little Elf," he said as his big body sagged against the wall. He still looked like Hell.

  "Do you love her with every fiber of your being and will you treat her right for all eternity?" she asked with her little arms crossed over her chest.

  "Yes and yes," The Kev replied and then closed his eyes in exhaustion.

  "Okay," she said happily. "I'm good with that."

  "How were they able to trap you like this?" I wanted to let him rest but I needed answers.

  "They threatened Samuel. They sliced his skin in front of me. I let them bind me so they would stop," he said in a voice so laced with hatred that I moved back.

  Wait. What? Those bastards took a knife to a baby? Ethan's baby? A feeling I didn't know I possessed came roaring to the surface. Sparks of every color under the rainbow flew from my fingers and I trembled with rage. Susu darted away from me and The Kev took cover under a broken table. There was no sound guttural and mournful enough to make. I was sickened and felt like part of my soul had been ripped out. What the fuck was happening to me? Nothing could satisfy my rage. I wanted to peel my skin and weep to the Heavens. A lot of somebodies were going to die tonight.

  "If they take the life of the child there will be nothing left of Xanthia." I paced the room like a caged animal. I needed to calm down or I would be of no use to anyone.

  "They cannot kill him," The Kev said as he risked his life by coming closer to me. "Not without the Sword of Death."

  I froze in my tracks. "He's a True Immortal?"

  "He is." The Kev nodded. He picked me up and placed me in his hand. "They cannot kill Samuel, but mentally they can scar him."

  This information relieved me somewhat, but Fairies were still going to die tonight.

  "How many True Immortals are there?" Susu asked as she flew over and sat next to me in The Kev's palm.

  "Nine, and Samuel is the most powerful of them all."

  "Why doesn't he just kill the shit out of everyone here?" Susu asked what I thought was a pretty good question.

  "He's just a baby," The Kev said as he stared at me intently. "He doesn't understand his power yet and he is quite reckless with the power that he has discovered."

  "He needs his father," I said quietly.

  "And his mother," The Kev added.

  God, that statement tore through me. "Yes," I conceded sadly. "He does. I need to kick ass and take no prisoners. I need to save Ethan and his son so we can bring them back to his mother."

  The Kev closed his
eyes and looked up at the ceiling for a long moment. Slowly his gaze dropped back to me. "Yes, Astrid. That is what we need to do."

  "Well, what the fuck are we waiting for?" Susu asked. "I'm hungry."

  "I need time to recover," The Kev said.

  "We don't have time," I said as I took to the air and flew in agitation around the room.

  "We'll go and you will join us when you can," Susu told The Kev as she fluffed her hair and smoothed her dress. "Oh. My. God," she screeched. "This dress is fabu! I look gorgeous!"

  Ignoring her, I flew back and got in The Kev's face. "What do we need to know?"