Fashionably Dead in Diapers: Hot Damned Series Book 4

by Robyn Peterman

  "What will you do with them?" I asked as they all crawled to their knees and prostrated themselves before me.

  "A tribunal will be formed and each one will stand trial," The Kev said. "Gemma will preside."

  She was going to be thrilled. Not. All I wanted to do was go home with Ethan and my baby. I never wanted to lay eyes or feet in Xanthia again—too many horrific memories. I was happy I'd listened to my conscience and didn't kill The Reggie. He might be put to death after his trial, but that would not be on my head.

  "I want to go home," I said.

  "In the morning," The Kev said. "You, Ethan, Samuel, Martha and Jane will go back to the safe house. I will stay here with the Mini Elves and imprison these Fairies until they face their judgment day."

  Martha and Jane came out from the backstage area and handed me a sleeping Samuel. Ethan's body surrounded me with his warmth and made my world come back into focus. My baby's weight in my arms grounded me and I closed my eyes and let my head fall back onto my mate's chest. There would always be more to learn and unfortunately I had an eternity of lessons in front of me. Samuel would need to go to therapy for many of my sins, but tonight by the grace of God and whomever else I did not sin.

  "Hooters McHoulihan, let's get the fuck out of here. This G-string is so far up my ass, it's making my brain hurt," Jane grumbled.

  I winked at the nutty old loon and laughed. "Your wish is my command."

  Chapter 22

  Once upon a time there was a child. He had a mommy and a daddy that loved him and would protect him till the end of time. The mommy and the daddy loved each other too. This was a very lucky child. He was full of mischief and untold power. His life would be filled with many adventures—some tragic and some glorious. However, he would always know that blood was thicker than water…the most important thing is life would always be his beloved family.

  "Oh my Hell, they're finally asleep." I flopped down on the couch and let my body relax.

  "Please tell me you mean all of them," Ethan begged.

  We were back at the charming safe house—operative word being safe. Thankfully, it was far bigger than I had realized. The upstairs was spacious and had several bedrooms. I had no plans of sleeping up there. Martha and Jane's wheezing and snuffling would keep me up all night in which turn might make me inclined to behead them. That would be a bad move.

  "Yep, they're all asleep. Snoring like babies."

  "Samuel snores now?" he asked, surprised.

  "No, but Martha and Jane sure as Hell do." I winced as I thought of them sleeping under our son's crib, but they'd insisted. After a massive pillow fight and a re-enactment of their performance for Sammy, they passed out. Shockingly the snoring didn't bother my baby. He fell promptly to sleep with a smile on his face as the foghorns blew out their calls from below. Amazing.

  "Come sit with me," Ethan said. "I've missed you." His silky voice made me tingle all over.

  "I've missed you too," I told him as I curled up on his lap and laid my head on his strong shoulder.

  "I'm proud of you. You humble me," he whispered as he played with my hair.

  I hid my face in his neck and closed my eyes. "I almost killed an innocent man tonight."

  "But you didn't."

  "But I could have," I insisted. I wasn't as good as he thought I was.

  "But," he repeated, "you didn't. You wouldn't have killed him even if The Kev hadn't shown up—even if you didn't know the full story. You wouldn't have killed him."

  I so wanted to believe him. "How do you know?"

  "Because I'm your mate. You're mine and I'm yours. I can feel you in ways that are impossible to explain. You're inside me."

  "Well, I sure hope you're right because I was fairly certain I was going to rip the fucker’s head off with my bare hands earlier."

  Ethan's chuckle made me feel better. Was he correct? Would I have spared The Reggie's life, even if The Kev hadn't shown up? I'd be ecstatic to believe that was true, but…

  "I have a question for you, my love," Ethan said as he pulled me closer.

  "Does it have to do with Fairies or Mini Elves?" I asked as I ran my hands lightly over his chest. Hell, I hadn't even told him about being miniature…that would have to wait until another day.

  "No. No Fairies. No Mini Elves."

  "Then ask away." I grinned as I traced his lips with my finger. God, his mouth was beautiful.

  "Do you miss being human?" He put his hand under my chin and raised my face so our eyes met.

  Of all the questions that existed in the world, I never expected that one. I was certain he was going to ask me if I wanted to be on top or on the bottom or if I was wearing panties…

  "I don't know," I said honestly. "I haven't really thought about it much." He stayed quiet and waited. "I suppose there are things I miss about being human like pizza and black raspberry chip ice cream and French fries and Coke in a styrofoam cup with extra ice with a straw and…um, well, you know…food."

  The corners of Ethan's lips curled into a smile, but his eyes and demeanor were serious. Was he worried that I was unhappy? Had I somehow led him to believe that he wasn't enough?

  "Why do you ask?" I took his face in my hands and pressed my forehead to his.

  "When you lost your memory, you made repeated reference to human traditions."

  What the Hell was he talking about? Human traditions? My strong, invincible Vampyre seemed insecure for the first time since I'd met him. This simply wouldn't do.

  "No, Ethan. I don't miss being human. How could I? I have you and you gave me Samuel. While the food choice of our people is somewhat off-putting, and having Satan for an uncle and the Seven Deadly Sins for cousins is a pain in the ass, never in a million years could being human replace what I've gained. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Forever will never be long enough for us to be together," I whispered.

  Ethan's body relaxed and his lips brushed my cheek. His smile now reached his eyes. "I have another question for you."

  "Is it as deep as the one you just asked?" I inquired warily. It had been a really long day.

  "Deeper," he said as my stomach dropped. "But you will have to stand for this particular question."

  "Stand?"

  "Yes, stand."

  Little butterflies tangoed in my tummy as I crawled off of his lap and stood hesitantly next to the couch. What was he thinking? What had I done? If I had breath to hold I'd be blue. My curiosity level was in a state of panic and I shook for reasons I couldn't figure out. Had I not actually regained all of my memory? Was there something monumental I'd missed? Something that would ruin what I was so happy to have back?

  I bit down on my bottom lip and pierced it with my fang without even realizing it. A thin tendril of blood ran down the corner of my mouth. Ethan's eyes turned a brilliant green and I reached up and frantically grabbed him by the shoulders. "You need to feed. You haven't eaten." I quickly offered my neck, but he shook his head no.

  The wave of anxiety that roared through me was horrible and my eyes filled with tears. There was more that I didn't remember. There had to be. He didn't want my blood. I felt unsteady and broken.

  "Astrid, stop. I will feed from you while we make love, but I have to ask a very important question first."

  I nodded and clutched the back of the couch for purchase. He didn't seem angry or repulsed by me—just the opposite.

  "Ethan, I'm having a mini breakdown here. As you are well aware I have an overactive imagination. Prime example, in case you've forgotten—Grandma's house, high school, virgin stripper. I'm going to freak any moment now, so if you'd like your mate to be in one semi-sane piece you should really fucking get to the question."

  "Are you through?" he asked. His sexy half smirk jumbled my brain, but I took his inquiry seriously. Was I done?

  "Um, I think so," I mumbled.

  "Good." He smiled as he dropped to one knee and took my hands in his. I was speechless and in shock. No words would come from my lips, but it was
n't my turn to talk. It was his.

  "Astrid Porter, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful and courageous woman I have ever known. I have waited for you longer than you can comprehend. You have brought meaning to my endless life and given me the gift of our son. In my world to be mated is the highest honor. It's a sign of complete trust and fidelity. It's an unbreakable bond and to call you my mate brings me joy that I don't I deserve, but I want more. I want your Vampyre, your Demon and your human self—I want both your body and your soul. I want to make you mine in every legal and illegal way possible."

  My legs shook like a leaf and I was certain I was going to land in a mushy puddle at his feet. "Is that the question?" I whispered.

  "No, it's not."

  "Um…okay."

  "Will you marry me?"

  I would swear I was hyperventilating, however that was an impossibility. Blood thundered in my ears and I wanted to tackle him and ride him till we were both blind, but…I wanted to hear the words again. Maybe there were a few human things I missed.

  "Repeat."

  His laugh reverberated through me and my grin practically split my face. "Astrid, will you marry me?"

  There was screaming and there was blubbering. Son of a bitch, I should have locked those old bags in a closet. They were horning in on one of the most magical moments of my life. I whipped around to rip them a new one, but no one was there. Martha and Jane weren't sobbing and Ethan certainly wasn't blubbering. The only option left was me… It was me crying like a fool, but I didn't care—not even a little. Until this moment I had no idea how much being married to Ethan would mean to me. I knew it was considered a silly formality amongst Vampyres because it could end in divorce. A ritual so flimsy wasn't worth speaking of, but it wasn't silly to me. My tears flowed freely and I had no clue I could love the man kneeling before me more than I already did.

  "Will you be my wife?"

  "Yes, Ethan. Yes, I will be your wife."

  His grin of delight made me giddy and I threw myself at him. We tore at each other's clothing until we were skin to skin. His body felt new to me and I reveled in the smooth, beautiful skin over the hard muscle.

  "Come with me." He took my hand and led me outside and down a trail to a breathtaking garden. Massive ivory flowers that shone in the moonlight spilled from delicate trellises. Tall grasses swayed in a light breeze and rushed over my skin like a caress. Flowering vines of riotous colors made a natural wall around the huge garden.

  "Ethan?"

  "Yes?" he said as he pulled me farther into the maze.

  "We're kind of naked here," I replied. His carnal grin caught me off guard and I almost tripped over a blossoming shrub.

  "Very astute," he said with a sexy crooked smile. "We need to be naked for what I have planned."

  "And what exactly do you have planned?" I asked as everything in my tummy started to dance with excitement.

  "I suppose you'll have to wait and see." He dropped my hand and sprinted into the maze. His strong naked body in the moonlight was like watching a statue of a god come to life.

  "I suppose so." I grinned and took off after him. The wind in my face made me feel free and happy. I was young and in love. I had a man who loved me and a child I adored…and I was getting married. Gemma would freak. I couldn't wait to tell her.

  "Where are you?" I called out. I could find him easily by scent—just as easily as he could find me, but this was fun.

  "In the bedroom, darling," he called out. "Why don't you join me?"

  "Perhaps I will." I giggled as I pushed my way past a fragrant weeping cherry tree in full bloom and opened a charming lattice gate. I stopped dead in my tracks. A smaller garden appeared before my eyes. It was pure magic. Candles hung in the air connected to nothing but the breeze. Flowers swayed in the wind and the stars in the sky appeared bigger and brighter. Flocks of wildly colored birds darted in and out of the grasses and trees. I was either in Disneyfuckingland for grownups or my own private paradise. The best part was the massive bed in the middle of the chaos and magic—and what was lying atop it.

  How was it possible to love someone so much? Could this feeling last? The most perfect Vampyre in the world watched me with eyes full of adoration and lust. I had never felt so beautiful, so wanted—so powerful. I approached the bed knowing the image of my lover would stay with me for eternity.

  "You are exquisite," he murmured as I climbed on the bed and straddled his chest. The evidence of his need thrilled me.

  "You have me beat," I whispered as I leaned in and ran my tongue along the seam of his full lips.

  I wanted to explain to him everything that was bubbling over inside me, but words were simply not adequate. A song would better describe my thoughts, but I had a voice like a cow…and when words and music fail, dance is the only thing left. With movement I could explain to him the depth of my need for him. With gesture and touch I could lay out my soul. Running my hands over him and memorizing every nuance fed my wildest desire.

  "You will keep your eyes open," he said roughly as his strong hands cupped my breasts and his lips captured mine. "You will watch what you do to me. You are my miracle."

  My body felt molten, and I was slowly coming apart in his arms. He flipped me beneath him and his tongue and lips feathered over my skin, sending wave after wave of desire roaring through me. I wanted to be closer. I needed to be closer.

  "More," I said as I writhed against him.

  "Are you sure?" he asked with narrowed eyes and a sly grin. "My grandmother will be home soon. If she catches us, we’re dead."

  Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, this was so the man for me. Almost painful desire took the express train right to my core and I ramped up the stakes by taking him in my hand. "Not a problem," I said as I stroked him from root to tip.

  "How do you figure?" He moaned and grew even larger.

  "It's not a problem because we're already dead. So I say let's get rid of my embarrassing virginity and give your granny a show she won't forget."

  "I can work with that," he said.

  It went from silly to serious in a heartbeat. His hands and his mouth were everywhere. My nipples beaded painfully and I rubbed against him with abandon. His scent filled my mind, but I wanted his body to be one with mine. I arched my back and opened my legs, begging for more. Our eyes blazed green and our fangs clashed as our kisses became violent with need.

  "More," I moaned. "I want more."

  "As you wish," he hissed as he entered me in one swift thrust.

  We both cried out and color burst behind my tightly closed eyes. Orgasm number one ripped through me and a scream flew from my lips. I trembled and clenched him inside me as I rode out the waves. As soon as it ebbed another took hold and I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned.

  "Open," he said as he held still inside me. "Open your eyes. I want to see you come."

  I dragged my lids open and gasped when I saw the raw power and savage desire written across his face. He was not a man. He was a Vampyre with needs that could destroy a mortal woman, but I wasn't mortal, and I would willingly give him what he wanted—everything he wanted.

  "I. Love. You," he ground out, punctuating each word with a deep thrust that sent intense pleasure through my body. "You. Are. Mine."

  The speed of his thrusts increased and I bucked wildly beneath him as we careened toward an orgasm so intense it would certainly kill us for real dead. My gaze locked on his and the vulnerability I felt was overwhelming. His eyes were wild and the sexy sounds he made went all through me. I knew now what it meant to love completely—to be one with a person. He was my miracle and I was his.

  "Come with me," he demanded.

  And I did.

  I always would.

  He would never have to ask twice.

  Epilogue

  Dear Susu,

  Me miss you so much. You asked me to tell you a story, so I will tell you about a little boy named Samuel (hehehe). Come and visit me soon. I want y
ou to teach me how to flip and I will show you how to turn people’s skin purple.

  xoxo Samuel

  There was once a boy. He was a very special child. He had a wonderful mommy and daddy who adored him. He was very excited because his mommy and daddy were going to get married. Everyone called his mommy a Bridezilla. The boy thought that was a very funny word. However, his mommy did not. Daddy promised the little boy he could be the best man. This made him happy. Of course he had to promise not to change the color of people's skin, not to shift into Shrek and most importantly not to call others names like assjacket and fucker. This was difficult for him, but he was becoming such a big boy he was sure he could behave. Plus, he was negotiating for a pet baboon, so it would behoove him to be good.