Forbidden Desires

by Jenna Hartley

  He’s definitely worked up. They both are. It was supposed to be a quiet evening together at the house with the four of us enjoying a drink at the end of a long work day.

  Instead, Cora and I stand to the side, while the two siblings have at each other after Julia told him she was moving out in the next few days into a temporary place while she’s looking for a permanent place.

  Oliver told Julia straight out that it makes no sense, and while I absolutely agree with him, I know attacking her the way he did, won’t get them anywhere. They’ve done this exact same thing, with other topics, of course, a million times before.

  Yet here we are. Once more. Different problem, same reaction.

  I’ve always thought they’re too similar in some aspects, knocking heads at every turn, especially when it comes to their pride. I’m ninety-nine point nine percent sure they won’t be getting anywhere tonight.

  “You’re driving me nuts.” Ollie clenches and unclenches his hands into fists, sending me a pleading look.

  I immediately shake my head and hold up my hands. “Not going there and you know it.” I’ve taken sides before when I was younger, and a lot more stupid, and I paid for it every single time. They both reconciled each time within a few hours or days, but whoever was mad at me, held the grudge for far longer than that.

  “You said you’re still looking for an apartment?” While I won’t get in the middle of them, I can at least try and help.

  Julia looks at me and nods. “Yes.”

  Before I can respond, Ollie cuts in. “Why can’t you just stay with us until you find an apartment then? Why do you have to move out so suddenly?”

  Her eyes flicker to me for a split second before she faces her brother, who’s slowly starting to turn red. Poor dude.

  This whole situation makes me feel guilty as hell. I’m the reason Julia’s moving out so quickly. I’m the moron who basically drove her out of her own house, and boy, do I feel like shit about it.

  “I have my reasons, Ollie. I want my own place.” Her voice sounds strong and confident. “I need to be alone right now. I realized yesterday I’ve never truly been alone, and I think it would be really good for me. It’s also still harder to be here than I thought.”

  Oliver’s hands go limp at his sides at her admission. He still doesn’t look happy but nods. “Okay.”

  She gives him a timid smile. “Thank you.”

  After putting his hands in his pockets, he lets out a big breath. “Let us at least help you find a good place. I don’t want you ending up in some dump. I know a realtor I can call in the morning. Maybe she can help.”

  “Sounds good.” Julia’s giving in, even though I’m sure she’d rather do it her way.

  It’s something. I’m glad this didn’t escalate.

  Cora shifts next to me. “We can push our trip back too if you want, babe.”

  Ollie groans. “Crap, I didn’t even think about that. It’s been a long day.”

  Julia looks back and forth between them. “Oh, that’s right. You’re flying out to New York tomorrow afternoon to meet Cora’s family.”

  They both nod.

  “No way you’re postponing that for me. I’m totally fine by myself. Promise.” Julia clicks her tongue, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting into laughter.

  Despite the still slightly tense situation, and after what went down yesterday between us, all I can think about is how fucking cute she is.

  And sexy.

  If I don’t get my body under control, this whole situation is going to get even more awkward in a few seconds. I clearly have some issues when it comes to Julia, my dick liking her a whole lot being one of them.

  Oliver turns my way, instant boner-deflation. “Could you go look at some places with her?”

  All eyes are on me, everyone waiting for an answer.

  I try to keep a straight face and nod. “Sure.”

  “Oh, that’s not necessary.” Julia waves her hands around in front of her as if she’s directing an incoming airplane to the gate.

  I keep my voice low and gentle, not wanting to push her away. “I really don’t mind, Jules.”

  Ollie pushes off the kitchen counter and walks over to Cora, taking her hand in his. “It would make me feel better to know CJ will be with you.”

  “Fine.” Julia looks at the clock on the wall before getting a glass from the cupboard, filling it with water from the fridge. “I have a headache, so I’m gonna call it a night.”

  Cora and Ollie turn into a blur of motion at her words, Cora the first to go over to give her a hug before Ollie does too. “No worries. We’re gonna head over to Cora’s place. Get some sleep and feel better. You know how to reach me if you need anything.”

  Julia nods before waving her hand around the room one more time. “Night, everyone.”

  And then she’s gone, the door to her room closing with an audible click.

  Ollie comes over to me and claps my shoulder. “Thanks, man. I hate that I haven’t been around much to help. The timing has been awful.”

  “It’s nothing.” I nod in the general vicinity of the front door. “You guys have a good night, and I’ll see you at the office in the morning.”

  After another shoulder clap from Ollie, and a wave from Cora, they’re gone, and I head to my room.

  I stop in front of Julia’s door, debating what to do, but then I see her light’s out. The message couldn’t be louder, so I head to my room, my footsteps shuffled, because it’s not what I want.

  I want to be with her, not separated by doors. I want to reassure her that we’ll be okay. I want to offer to move out so she can stay in her own home, but Ollie’s right. It’s crazy at work, and I don’t have time to find anything at the moment.

  Mostly though, I want her in my arms where I can hold her close.

  After dropping off Ollie and Cora at the airport, I decide to visit my mom on the way back. This underlying urge to see her has become stronger this last week, and I guess it’s long overdue anyway. I rarely come here without her asking me to.

  After parking the car at the curb, a few feet away from her bright green mailbox, I walk through the little white gate, spotting her in the middle of her flower beds. When she turns at the noise, the tired expression immediately transforms into a happy one, the smile on her face as warm as it always is when she sees me.

  “Carter. What a pleasant surprise.” The words are barely out of her mouth when her smile drops a little. “I didn’t expect you. Is everything okay, honey?”

  Of course, she thinks something’s happened when I show up out of the blue. “Yes, Mom. I just thought I’d stop by to see you.”

  Not really the truth, but close enough. At my statement, she practically glows, giving the blazing sun some honest competition. Standing up, she takes off her garden gloves and brushes her dark-blonde hair out of her face.

  Then she opens her arms wide, waiting for her welcome hug. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long.”

  “I know, Mom. Sorry I’ve been so busy.” For some reason, I enjoy the embrace more today than I do during most of my visits.

  “Doesn’t matter, you’re here now. Should we go inside?”

  “Sure.” I follow her inside the modest one-story family home. She moved a few towns away with her husband, Tom, when I went to college, and it’s easy to tell how much she loves living here. “Is Tom home?”

  “No, he went golfing with his brother.”

  “I see.” He’s without a doubt my favorite out of all of her husbands, and I’m glad they still seem to be going strong. I can’t imagine being married at all, let alone five times. But he treats her well, and that’s what I care about the most when it comes to my mom.

  Once we’re in the kitchen, she rummages around, washing her hands at the antique farmhouse sink before getting us some homemade lemonade from the fridge. We settle down at the round kitchen table, a place she’s always preferred over the living room—probably becau
se she likes to stay busy, multitasking by prepping or cooking food whenever she can.

  After sitting across from me, she leans forward as far as the table will allow her, tilting her head to the side. “So . . . to what do I owe the pleasure?”

  I give her a one-shoulder shrug. “Nothing specific really. Just thought it would be nice to visit.”

  “I always love seeing you, and I’m happy you stopped by.” Folding her fingers atop the table, her gaze is solely focused on me. “So, how is everything? Are you still staying with Oliver?”

  “I am.” For some reason, I pause before rushing through the rest of the sentence. “Julia moved in about two weeks ago too.”

  My mom’s whole face lights up at the mention of Julia’s name. “That’s wonderful. And a surprise. How’s she doing?”

  I occupy myself with my glass, wiping the condensation away with my finger. “Good. She broke up with that guy and is looking for a place of her own.”

  My mom nods. “She’s such a sweet girl. You should bring her with you next time. I’d love to see her.”

  Because that wouldn’t be awkward.

  Plus, who knows how much my mom would read into things if she saw us together. “We’ll see. Maybe.”

  We stay quiet for a moment while I continue to play with the glass. My mom’s doing her silent mom game where she waits for me to speak, knowing that’s the only way to get me talking.

  “Mom, why have you wasted so much time getting married over and over again? You clearly don’t believe in relationships that last.”

  She lets out the most wistful sigh I’ve ever heard, and my head snaps up.

  For a moment, I’m worried I’ve offended her by my question, but she’s actually smiling. Even though the smile might be more on the sad side.

  She reaches across the table and touches my hand briefly. “Oh, sweetie. Is that what you think I’ve been doing?”

  “Kind of seems like it.” My voice is rough, and I wonder why the tightness in my chest won’t loosen.

  A dog howls in the distance as my mom stares at the orange tablecloth.

  When her gaze lifts back to mine, her eyes are glossy. “I know I didn’t always make the best decisions when it comes to love and definitely rushed into most of my marriages. I should have taken time to see how things developed first, but I’ve always been such a sucker for love. I was also trying so hard to give you a more stable home life that I unfortunately did the opposite. Repeatedly. You have to believe me though that I always did what I thought was best at that moment, for both of us, and I loved each one of them in my own way. And even though my first four marriages turned out to be mistakes, I don’t regret the relationships. They prepared me for the best one.”

  “You don’t even regret Dad? Even after he cheated on you and left us in the middle of the night without saying a single word?” My mother’s the only reason I refrain from slamming my fist on the table. Instead, the venom collects in my voice as I push the words through gritted teeth.

  In a weird twisted way, I love my dad. We sometimes talk on the phone, but I’ll never forgive him for the way he treated my mom, even though he did apologize to her several years later.

  At my comment, she laughs, and I wonder if I missed something.

  “Your dad might be my favorite mistake of them all because he gave me you.” She chuckles some more at the grimace I can’t keep off my face. “Was your dad a crappy husband? Absolutely. Probably not the best dad either. But I still won’t regret the time I had with him. You know, love and relationships can be incredibly tricky. I’ve always fallen in love too fast and clearly accepted marriage proposals too quickly. Most people are a lot smarter than I am when it comes to this love business. I’ve always thought too much with my heart and not enough with my brain. Thankfully, I’m done with that now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Tom is it for me, silly. No relationship has ever felt this right before. I’ve never felt so content or happy either. There was always something missing before, something that felt incomplete, but since that was all I knew, I believed it was normal. Turns out I was wrong. It was due to the wrong partners. Now, in hindsight, I believe you know when you’ve met the right partner, and you should never settle for less like I did so many times. Being in love with the person you’re meant to be with, is single-handedly one of the best things that can happen.”

  We’re both quiet for a moment while I try to absorb everything she said, her words replaying in my mind as images of Julia pop up in my brain. I let out a low groan, and my mom pats my arm reassuringly, probably mistaking it as a reaction to what she said.

  “Honey, I can’t ever tell you how sorry I am for screwing up your view of relationships, because it breaks my heart to see you alone. I want you to find your other half and experience how wonderful a great relationship can be. Life is so much better when you can share it with someone you love. It changes everything.” She studies me for a moment. “I’m guessing there’s a reason you’re wondering about this now?”

  I’m sure I look like a sullen teenager when I cross my arms over my chest and shrug. It’s less because I don’t want to tell her though and more about not knowing why I suddenly need this answered.

  Her tone is gentle, the same way it gets whenever I’m hurt or she’s worried. “You don’t have to marry the next available girl that comes knocking on your door—actually, please don’t do that—but maybe you can test out the waters? Really date someone and give a relationship a chance before you throw it out the window? If you decide it’s not for you after all, then that’s what it is. Just don’t miss out on something special because of my mistakes. I don’t want you to regret it later when it might be too late.”

  Her words hit me in a way I didn’t expect them to. Am I worried about missing out on something special? Or it actually being too late for me at some point?

  It awakens something inside me I can’t identify. Something I’ve never felt before. It’s strong and wild, just like my heartbeat right now.

  “I’ll think about it, Mom.” I push my chair back and walk around the table, hugging her extra tight before I say my goodbyes.

  I still can’t get my head around the fact that she doesn’t regret any of her marriages. How is that possible? I saw her heartbreak. I saw her tears. But every time, she bravely picked up the pieces of her failed marriages and started over. I hated watching her get hurt, especially knowing there was nothing I could do to help her heal.

  But why did I come here now? Why have I finally found the courage to ask her rather than assume she regretted each and every relationship she’s been in?

  Julia.

  She’s the reason. Her husband checklist, her passion for life, her strength, her ability to make me feel whole. Tomorrow, I’ll spend time apartment hunting with a girl I can’t stop thinking about. Tomorrow, I’ll help her leave us.

  Leave me.

  And then Mom’s words hit me again: Life is so much better when you can share it with someone you love. It changes everything.

  It changes everything.

  Chapter 21

  Julia

  “What do you two think about this one?” Linda, our real estate agent says, looking at me and then Carter.

  Even though she knows we aren’t a couple, she keeps treating us like one. Or maybe she just thinks I’m incompetent. It might be my leggings and tank top outfit that throws her off, which couldn’t be more opposite to her designer clothes that are only outshone by her sparkly jewelry.

  If this doesn’t show my failure at upgrading my wardrobe, I don’t know what does. I did buy those dresses with Carter and wore some of them in Vegas and on dates, so I’ve maybe upgraded it by about ten percent. I’m sure that’s considered a success, isn’t it?

  Linda’s phone rings, and I’m relieved when she excuses herself to take the call. We listen to her high heels click across the hardwood floor until she steps outside and shuts the door behind her.

  “I don’t th
ink she likes me very much.” I blow up my cheeks and slowly push the air out of my mouth. I’m definitely in a mood, which seems to amuse Carter, who laughs in response.

  “Who cares if she likes you? You’re apartment shopping, not friend shopping. She’s only here as a favor to your brother, but she’s been doing a good job so far, so don’t complain.”

  At that, I groan. I hate being scolded in any way, but I guess he’s got a point. Which makes it even worse, and I only manage a grumble. “Fine. She does seem to like you though.”

  He offers another bemused smile. “Maybe that’s because I’m not scowling at her all the time.”

  I shake my head and feel the bun on top of my head loosen, a few strands falling out of it. “Nah. She had her eye on you before she even saw me.” Which is typical, of course, because Carter is looking seriously hot in his navy slacks and gray button-up, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. No tie, but the man doesn’t need it to be the sexy executive. He did admit to dress to impress though, whereas I clearly missed the mark on that one.

  Pushing his hands in his pockets, he levels me with an even stare. “I can leave if you’re bothered by it.”

  “What?” I almost scream before switching to whisper-yelling. “Don’t you dare leave me alone with her.”

  Thankfully, he laughs, the deep rumble of it immediately relaxing me.

  “All right. Let’s focus then. The faster we can find a place you like, the faster you can leave your new frenemy.” He winks at me, and I give him a well-deserved eye-roll in return.

  When his eyes don’t leave mine immediately, I fight the desire to flee. Carter’s acting a little strange today, and it’s throwing me off. I prepared myself to hear lots of comments about wanting to move out, maybe some flirting since that seems to be his thing.

  Instead, I’ve felt his intense gaze on me often, but it’s not been in a sexual way. He isn’t sending me any I-want-to-drag-you-into-the-next-room-and ravage-you looks, but looks that suggest I’m this new puzzle he’s trying to figure out. Which makes even less sense. Because nothing has changed since I saw him last.