Forbidden Desires

by Jenna Hartley

  Then he gives me one of his smiles that makes my heart beat a little faster. “Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 36

  Carter

  The car trip to the doctor is filled with silence, as we’re both stuck in our own heads with the impending visit.

  On the one hand, I truly enjoy being in Julia’s company, even without talking. Just being around her gives me this overall feeling of weightlessness nothing else has ever given me before.

  On the other hand, there are still about a million things we should talk about, and I’m definitely getting antsier the more time passes. There’s no doubt how I feel about her or what I want. If anything, the accident made it all clear as day.

  The thought of losing her has been enough to give me nightmares.

  Talk about understanding what a blessing in disguise means.

  I’m not sure a hit straight to my head would have been able to help me see things clearer.

  Now, I just need to make sure Julia understands that too.

  When she’s ready.

  Or when I lose the last of my restraint and confess my love for her.

  “We’re almost there.” The navigation system informs me we only have one turn left. “Are you nervous?”

  Since we’re still on the highway, she’s enjoying the ocean view until I have to take the next turn. I keep my eyes on the road but feel her gaze turning to me. “A little, but the doctor came highly recommended by the hospital. That makes it better.”

  Her voice is soft but steady, just like mine. That makes me hopeful she feels as certain and positive about things as I do, or at least starting to get there. “I agree. I’m glad you got that recommendation. We only want the best for the baby.”

  Our baby.

  I don’t say “our baby” since we still haven’t talked about the fact we’re actually going to be parents. Together. To our child.

  Shit. We need to talk about this soon before I explode.

  Julia only nods in response, and I park the car in front of the white, nondescript building when we arrive a minute later. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem very busy, and we’re checked in and sitting in the waiting room in no time. It probably helps that we’re here so early in the morning. Julia’s always flexible with her job anyway, and nothing and no one can get me back to work until I’m absolutely sure she’s okay, even if she refuses my help most of the time anyway.

  I couldn’t handle the thought of leaving her by herself.

  Ollie wants to take care of her too, but Julia said his overbearing nature would be too much at the moment. She knows he means well, and I know exactly what she means. Even though I’m having a super hard time giving her the room and quiet she so obviously longs for, I know my best friend wouldn’t be able to do the same. He’d hover and be in her face like it’s nobody’s business.

  So, Ollie and I made the necessary arrangements that has allowed me to work remotely as much as possible.

  “I think we’re up next.” Julia’s next to me on the small loveseat, nervously twisting her fingers.

  “Are you sure you want me to come in with you?” I don’t think she knows how badly I want to go with her.

  “Of course I do. You have just as much right to be there as I do. It’s your baby too.” The last words come out in a whisper, and all I want to do is pull her into the biggest hug.

  Before I can reply, a young nurse opens a door on the other side of the room. “Julia Bradford?”

  We both get up, and I put my left hand on her lower back, hoping to give her some comfort since her nerves are clearly shot. She’s probably redone her ponytail about ten times since we got here, and she might add some holes to her jeans if she rubs them any more with her hands.

  After taking Julia’s vitals and asking some standard questions about the pregnancy and our family histories, the nurse leaves us alone in the examination room.

  Thankfully, we don’t have to wait long until the doctor comes in. I was a little unsure if I’d be happy with a male doctor when Julia told me about him, but Dr. Yamatochi is a small guy with a big personality, and I like him immediately. Julia seems to feel the same if the smile on her face is anything to go by. He definitely has a way with patients, even when he talks about risks, complications, and everything else than can happen or that we have to watch out for.

  “Well, let’s take a look at the baby, shall we?” Dr. Yamatochi claps his hands together.

  Since I was sitting in the visitor chair on the other side of the room, I get up to stand next to the examination table, putting my hand on Julia’s to give it a light squeeze. My chest fills with warmth when she not only returns the gesture but also holds on to my hand like it’s her new lifeline.

  The doctor squeezes some gel onto Julia’s exposed stomach and starts moving the ultrasound wand around for a few seconds before stopping. “There it is.”

  I stare at the screen, unable to see much more than a little blip. The doctor does his thing, taking measurements before pushing a few buttons on the machine, until the room fills with the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.

  The baby’s rhythmic heartbeat.

  “A strong heartbeat at one hundred and sixty-five beats per minute. With the dates you’ve given us and the measurements of the embryo, you should be right around eight weeks, seven weeks and six days to be exact. And everything looks great. Let’s get some more blood tests done, and then we’ll see you back in four weeks.” He gives us another reassuring smile as he hands Julia the ultrasound picture he printed out.

  The picture has captured my full interest, and I barely notice when the doctor leaves the room.

  I momentarily forget about everything except the little body in the picture. It’s still too early to make out much, but it’s easy to see the head and the rest of the body.

  It’s absolutely incredible.

  “Wow.” Julia lets go of my hand, bringing it up to cover her mouth instead as she stares at the little printout.

  “Wow indeed.” I gulp, my mouth suddenly dry, as I somehow manage to help Julia off the table, watching her as she fixes her clothes and gathers her things.

  It’s like I’m surrounded in a bubble, stuck in my head where my thoughts are busy bouncing around like little rubber balls.

  How is this my life?

  Two months ago, I was living the life of a bachelor, and now, I have the love of my life beside me and a little person soon to enter the picture. Surreal.

  I lift my head when Jules walks to the door, looking back over her shoulder. Her grin softens into a genuine smile as she utters the words I know will forever change my life. “Are you coming, Daddy?”

  Chapter 37

  Julia

  “That’s it.” The words rush out of my mouth as I put my fork down on my plate with a loud clink. Carter looks up at me from across the table, a forkful of pasta halfway to his mouth.

  It’s been two busy days since the doctor’s visit, and we still haven’t talked about anything baby related, or us.

  I’ve been trying to catch up with work—getting all those boxes shipped out with Carter’s help and starting on new orders, slowly of course—while Carter has been out a few times for renovation-related appointments.

  When he’s here, he mostly spends his time on the computer, closing it every time I come close enough to catch a glimpse of the screen.

  He told me it’s house stuff, and he doesn’t want to spoil the surprise, but enough is enough. The curiosity has been killing me, only adding to the things we’ve been pushing under the rug.

  The baby. Us.

  “I know you’ve been giving me room and space since the accident because you mean well. I understand you want to make my life easier and avoid adding any stress. And I really appreciate all of that, but not talking about what happened is starting to stress me out more than everything else.” My voice is laced with frustration, but I also feel relief.

  So much better.

  To my sur
prise, Carter chuckles. “I was wondering how long you’d make it.”

  My eyes turn into slits as I glare at him. “You knew this was going to happen?”

  “Not for sure, but I thought it might. Now we know you’re really ready to talk about everything. I know how important it is for your recovery to get as much rest as possible, not just because of the baby but also because of your injuries. I know you’re pretending to feel better than you do.” His gaze moves to the floor, his voice gentle.

  My throat feels suddenly dry and swollen, and I close my eyes for a moment. “I’m just a baby about the bruises.”

  Getting up, he grabs his chair and moves it around the table to sit right next to me, personal space be gone. I turn to face him when he grabs my hand. “You’re not a baby, Jules. It hurts, end of story. Everyone would be in pain when half of their body is covered in bruises and they can’t take strong medication. I’m here for you because I want to be. I want to help as much as I can. And you can always talk to me about this stuff, anything, you know that.”

  My hands tremble as I nod, mad at myself that I didn’t say anything before. “I know you are, and there’s so much I want to talk to you about, but I just never know where to start.”

  I’ve wanted to bring it up several times since we got home from the hospital last week, but I always end up chickening out.

  For some reason, I’m terrified he’s going to get up and leave once we actually have “the talk.”

  “How about we take it one topic at a time and start with the biggest elephant in the room? That little nugget in your belly.” He lifts one of his hands toward my stomach but pulls it back at the last moment as if he isn’t sure he’s allowed to touch me that way. His gaze is gentle though when it snaps back to mine.

  “Okay. I can do that.” I’ve been catching myself in the same situation since I found out I’m pregnant—my hand hovering over my belly or actually touching it. Which is a funny thing considering I don’t look or feel very pregnant yet—besides the consistent nausea and growing boobs. Also, the baby is only the size of a raspberry, which makes this whole experience even crazier.

  When I realize I just disappeared in my own head again, I focus back on Carter’s face. “Well, what are your thoughts on the pregnancy?”

  “Did you know you were pregnant before the accident?”

  We both ask our questions at the same time and chuckle.

  I decide to go first, shaking my head—thankfully sans headache now. “I had no idea, I swear. Otherwise, I would have told you right away. I was just as shocked as I imagine you were when you found out.”

  Carter gives me a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I wouldn’t have blamed you considering how I always used to talk about never wanting children.” He sighs heavily. “But to answer your question, it’s still a little hard to wrap my head around it, but at the same time, I’m also excited. I catch myself thinking about how it will be, holding my baby in my arms, or later on, playing sports together. All kinds of things. It . . . it feels right.”

  My heart pounds rapidly as I carefully listen to each of his words, even more so when he starts rubbing his thumb over the sensitive skin of my palm.

  His voice is gentle and light, mirroring his smile. “There isn’t anyone better I can imagine having a baby with than you. You’ll be the best mom out there.”

  Unexpected tears sting my eyes, and I rub them away before they can spill onto my cheeks. “Thank you. I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you feel that way. I think that was the biggest reason I waited until now to ask. I was so scared you were only here out of obligation or guilt.”

  He shakes his head before brushing his fingers over my cheek so tenderly, I feel it all the way to my heart. “You still haven’t gotten it, have you? I’m here for you, for you and the baby, because I want to be, not for any other reason.”

  Swallowing has become a real task as he grabs the sides of my chair and pulls until it bumps into his.

  My legs are caged in by his, and the yearning in his eyes is so intense, it registers deep in my bones. I can’t decide on what sensation to focus on first. The butterflies in my belly, or my racing pulse. No matter which one, it’s intense to the point of making me dizzy.

  “My beautiful and stubborn Julia. I love you with a magnitude that rivals the thrills of the ocean. This time with you has shown me that relationships aren’t perfect, but they can be incredibly fulfilling when you open your heart to them.”

  The buzzing in my ears is loud, the tears spilling down my cheeks faster than Carter can wipe them away. For a moment, I wonder if I’m dreaming, putting my hand over my heart when it feels like it might break out of my chest at any second.

  I grab Carter’s hand to put it in the spot mine just was. “Feel this.”

  “Your boobs? They feel nice. Have they grown?” He wiggles his eyebrows and I laugh.

  I laugh before I cry some more, tears soaking Carter’s shirt when he pulls me in for a hug.

  When I’ve finally calmed down, I grab the napkin, trying to wipe my face as best as I can before gazing at Carter again.

  He’s still in the same spot, the same position, waiting for me. For my reaction.

  My words.

  My love.

  This beautiful man, who etched his way into my heart long before I even understood what love is. The way he read me adventure stories in the fort my parents built for us even though Ollie thought it was lame, or the way he taught me how to surf when my brother’s patience had long dissolved into thin air.

  A small part of me aches that it took us this long to get to this point, but I’m not sure we would have been able to make it work before now, without these tragedies that lined the way to something so beautiful.

  “I love you, and I hate that you’re sleeping on the couch.” I sniffle, swallowing hard as I’m still trying to wrap my head around what’s happening.

  “You say when, and I won’t ever leave your side again.”

  “When.” Tears fill my eyes again, and I point at them. “I swear, it’s the hormones.”

  He chuckles, leaning in for a kiss that has desire burning in my belly even though Carter’s keeping it light.

  I groan, ninety-nine point nine percent certain, he probably won’t touch me until I’m completely healed. Unless I can convince him otherwise. At least I’ll enjoy trying.

  Chapter 38

  Carter

  Three weeks later

  “Jules, please open the door so I can help you.” I let my head hit the bathroom door once more, hating to feel this helpless.

  “Go away. I’ll come out when I’m done. I don’t need you standing right on the other side of the door listening to me throw up. That just makes it worse.” Her voice is gravelly, and she barely gets the words out before another bout of heaving hits her, and I finally take a step back from the door.

  “You win. I’m gone.” I take a few more steps and lean against the wall, staring a hole into the bathroom door. No matter what she says, I’m not going far.

  It’s been three weeks since we had our little baby talk, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy or content before. It’s not always easy, especially when Julia’s pregnancy hormones visit, but now that we know the reason behind her mood swings, it’s a lot easier to handle them.

  Now, it’s basically like it has been before the accident.

  No, never mind, we still haven’t had sex yet.

  Much to Julia’s dismay, and the few choice words she likes to throw my way whenever I tell her we can’t yet.

  Everything looks great with the baby, but the bruises have only started to fade this last week. I couldn’t handle the thought of hurting her any more.

  She doesn’t know it yet, but tonight I’m planning to make up for all the lost time, with great detail to attention, having missed our physical intimacy as much as she has.

  “I hate this.” The toilet flushes while Julia mutters aloud to herself. The faucet tu
rns on before the buzzing sound of her toothbrush filters through the door.

  I push off the wall when she finally comes out a few minutes later, taking in her pale complexion. “You don’t feel well. Let’s do this another day.”

  Holding up her hands, she shakes her head. “No way. You’ve been teasing me with that house for weeks now, and I want to have my surprise. As much as I dislike this whole sickness thing, it might not go away anytime soon. So we might as well do it now. It’s as good as any other day.” She shrugs and walks out of the room, and I follow her into the kitchen. “Let me just grab my water bottle and a few snacks, and I’m ready to go.”

  I catch up with her as she opens the fridge. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Now stop asking me, or you’ll drive both of us crazy.”

  I salute her and grab my own things, so we can leave when she’s ready. “I’ll be waiting by the front door then.” I catch her small smile before she disappears behind the fridge door again.

  A moment later, I stop in my tracks when she calls my name, drawing it out like it has a million syllables. I press my lips together to keep from groaning, hoping it isn’t what I fear it is.

  Turning around, I give her an innocent look. “What is it?”

  She points at the fridge door before looking at me. “Did you take some of the magnets off? It looks different?”

  I bite the inside of my cheek so hard, I might have drawn blood, trying as hard as I can to not think about what I did, because she reads me like a book most of the time. “Nope. Didn’t touch the magnets.”

  “Huh.” Julia shrugs before walking over to me, thankfully completely oblivious.

  Thank you, pregnancy brain.

  * * *

  Less than half an hour later, we pull off the main road onto one of the small side streets filled with houses. The properties aren’t huge, but still decent sized, especially for this area.

  Julia’s eyes are wide as she stares at me. “Wait a second. Did you seriously buy a house right by the ocean?”