Forbidden Desires

by Jenna Hartley

  Thankfully, smiling doesn’t hurt. “Looks like we’re getting a new family member.”

  He brushes one of his hands through his hair and scratches the back of his neck. “I know, huh? Crazy.”

  “Crazy indeed, Uncle Ollie.”

  He smiles when I say that, and so do I. “I’ll be the best uncle ever.”

  “I have no doubt about that.” The words come out tenderly, exactly the way I mean them.

  There are still about a million things I’m uncertain of right now, and I know they haven’t simply disappeared because of the accident. I’m not sure I’m ready for what’s to come, but I do know I have a new priority.

  A new reason to keep focused and keep well, both emotionally and physically. No matter what happens, whether I’m with Carter or have to return to the family home, I’m going to love this baby with all of my heart.

  Chapter 34

  Carter

  The hospital hallway smells as uninviting as it did yesterday, but at least the staff here seem top-notch. They kept Jules overnight as promised, and I know she’s thrilled to get out of here. I’m the lucky one who gets to pick her up.

  Rounding the corner of her room, I immediately spot her by the window. She’s nestled into the corner with her arms crossed in front of her chest and her head leaning against the wall. I come to a stop, watching her in this quiet moment before she sees me.

  The desire to be still and let the relief sink in that she’s okay—truly okay—hits me as hard as when I first saw her after the accident, even though it feels like I’ve aged ten years. Seeing for myself she’s okay, definitely relaxes me.

  “Are you ready to go?” I keep my voice low so I won’t startle her, but one of her hands still flies to her chest.

  Her eyes flicker to the clock above the door. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you yet. I must have lost track of time. Let me get my things, so we can head out. If you don’t mind waiting, I’m a bit slow right now.”

  She’s been doing this, acting like she’s an inconvenience, like the only reason I’m here is because she was in an accident, and because she’s having a baby. My baby. Since I didn’t want to cause her any more stress, I haven’t said anything.

  We haven’t really talked about what happened either.

  Ollie thought I was crazy not to bring it up, but she doesn’t have to deal with everything at once and can work through one issue at a time. After all, she was in a fairly major accident, was hurt badly, and found out she’s pregnant.

  Every one of those things would be enough for most people to work through at any given time.

  Since I’m not planning on going anywhere, I’ll wait until she’s ready to talk about us, the baby, and whatever else is going on in her beautiful mind. For now, it’s enough for me to be able to see she’s okay, and to spend as much time with her as possible.

  When she’s ready, I plan on sweeping her off her feet the way she deserves—both figuratively and literally.

  Walking over to her, I put both of my hands on her arms and wait for her to look up at me. “Jules, it’s me. Of course, I’ll wait for you. Stop driving yourself nuts with all those crazy thoughts flying around in that pretty head of yours.”

  She brushes a strand of her dark hair out of her face but it falls straight back down. I lift my hand to push it back softly, safely tucking it behind her ear.

  “Thank you.” She touches the bandage that’s wrapped around her head without looking at me, and I wonder if she feels self-conscious about it or if something else is going on.

  I’ve been having a hard time reading her. It’s almost like she’s trying as hard as she can to block out her feelings, and I hate it.

  When she’s done, I grab the small bag from the bed and hold out my hand to her.

  Thankfully, she takes it. “One of the nurses is waiting with a wheelchair, so let’s get out of here. Hospitals freak me out.”

  I shudder, and one corner of her mouth lifts a little. I swallow the urge to fall to my knees and beg for things to go back to the way they were before this shitshow happened, or rather the way they were before that awkward evening before, but that would only make the situation worse without being helpful.

  Patience seems to be the only way to go.

  On second thought, I can’t be patient about one thing. I stop her before we get to the door. “One sec, Jules. I know this has been incredibly hard for you, and I don’t want to add any more stress, but I can’t live another second without talking about that text message you saw. The one I lied about.”

  A fresh round of regret slices through my heart, feeling like it’s cutting me open from the inside, displayed in my shaky voice.

  Tears well in Julia’s eyes at my words, and I’ve never hated myself more than right now, knowing I’ve caused her such pain.

  Cupping her cheeks as gently as I can, I lower my head to be on her eye level. “Jules. That text was from Linda, the real estate agent. She was looking for houses for me and found one. We met up yesterday morning. The only reason I lied about it was because I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  Julia closes her eyes, tears spilling over from behind her closed lids as a quiet whimper escapes her mouth. My limbs tremble at the sight. Seeing her like this pains me more than I ever thought anything could.

  My voice is weak, the words barely audible when I try to plead with her. “I’m so, so sorry, baby. This is all my fault. I should have just told you the truth. None of this—”

  Her hand goes up to cover my mouth as she shakes her head once. “No, don’t say it. It’s not your fault.” She blows out her cheeks, inhaling and exhaling deeply before opening her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes are still covered in a thick layer of tears, almost glittering as she stares at me. “Your reply to me . . . before the accident . . .”

  “It was all about the surprise, about the house. Nothing else, I swear.” I lower my head to hers as gently as I can, trying not to put any pressure on hers but unable to stay away. “It was so stupid. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

  There hasn’t been a minute since the accident where I haven’t berated myself for what I did, the guilt eating at me until it was almost unbearable.

  One of her hands comes up to cover one of mine. “You couldn’t have predicted my reaction, Carter. Or the unfortunate timing of the car driving down the street when I decided to run blindly across it. You have nothing to blame yourself for, but thanks for telling me about the message. I should have just asked you, but I was so in my head, not to mention irrational. Since it’s so unlike me, I blame it on the early pregnancy hormones, but that’s a topic for another day.”

  A noise in the hallway reminds of where we are.

  She blinks. “Let’s leave, okay?”

  Her posture looks a little straighter, her gaze a little stronger—and I hope I’m not imagining it, but also a little less sad—as she wipes away the remnants of her tears.

  Just then one of the nurses stops in front of the door with a wheelchair in front of her. “Hop in, Miss Julia.”

  There’s still so much I want to say but it has to wait until later. For now, I’m happy she can go home, even allowing me to hold her hand. It gives me a glimmer of hope that things might turn out okay.

  * * *

  Julia winces at every bump and corner, and I want to drive at a snail’s pace, having pissed off more than one person on the road already. “The doctor told us to make sure you take it very easy, especially since you aren’t allowed to take any strong pain medication, which means the pain will stick around for a bit longer. Everyone’s there to help you.”

  She huffs. “Yeah, it’s really fine.”

  On the outside, she seems okay, but we all know better. The way her forehead creases when she thinks no one is watching, how she breathes harder whenever she moves around, or the way she constantly wrings her hands.

  Her answer doesn’t surprise me in the least. Oliver and Julia are very similar when it comes to pride and accepting help.


  Time for my plan to come into action. “Well, I actually wanted to ask you something.”

  That gets her attention, and she looks at me. “What is it?”

  “Well, as you now know I found a house, but since there are a few things that need to be done first, it will take some time until I can move in.”

  “It’s awesome you found something so fast, and I can’t wait to see it. If you want to show it to me . . . of course.” Her voice is sweet, and I bask in the sound of it.

  “Absolutely. I think you’ll like it. Well, I hope you will.” I stare at her for a moment, swallowing at the contrast of her tired eyes and her long, dark hair shimmering in the sunlight.

  When we stop at a red light, I turn toward her. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’d mind if I bunk with you until my place is done? I’ll sleep on the couch, so I won’t disturb your sleep. That way I can be there for you too. You know, just in case you need help.” I blurt out the words before biting the inside of my cheek, not wanting to ruin this whole plan.

  She doesn’t say anything for a while, only chewing on her lip.

  It feels like hours later when she gives me a small smile. “I know what you’re doing, and I really appreciate it, but I really don’t need any help. But you’re welcome to stay with me until your place is done. I told you before, you’re wasting a ton of money on that hotel room.”

  I give a shaky laugh, grateful she agreed. That’s all I wanted. “And as so often, you were absolutely right. Do you want to stop at the Chinese place to pick up some food?”

  “Sure. Why not.” Her response is immediate, and the small smile remains on her face, which I savor.

  It also reminds me of the doctor’s advice, to take things one day at a time, which I’m more than willing to do. All I want is for her to be safe and happy, and staying with her is going to be the best chance I have at making sure of that.

  We stop to get the takeout and end up getting enough food to feed a whole football team, but at least that means we’ll have plenty of leftovers. When we reach Julia’s apartment, she insists on taking one of the food bags while I go to the trunk to remove both of our bags.

  She looks from my hands to my face before she smirks. “Seems like someone was a little presumptuous, huh?”

  My own smirk at her playful question turns into a huge grin in no time. “I like to call it optimistic and prepared.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I almost miss her soft chuckle as she walks away, leaving me to stare after her like an idiot.

  After a moment, she looks back at me over her shoulder. “Come on, doofus. You know I have no problem eating most of this stuff by myself.”

  And there she is. My girl. Throwing out commands in that sassy and adorable way of hers. Grabbing the rest of the food, I quickly catch up with her.

  We’re going to be fine. More than fine. Awesome.

  Chapter 35

  Julia

  This pain sucks.

  It’s funny how you think you’ve experienced pain until you go through something a lot worse. Then you’d much rather experience the previous kind of pain again since comparably, that suddenly seems like a walk in the park.

  But hey, there’s always childbirth waiting for me now too.

  Needless to say, my mood hasn’t been the best since the accident last week.

  Even though everyone’s been trying their best to help and cheer me up, most days I feel utterly unmotivated and just want to hide in bed all day. The aches and pains, the constant fatigue, and surprise, surprise, this newfound nausea that doesn’t seem to go away.

  The only good thing is that my head finally feels a little better, and despite feeling like I want to puke my guts out, I actually don’t.

  The sun shines through my bedroom window, which is usually a good motivator to get me out of bed, but it doesn’t seem to help today.

  “Suck it up, Jules.” I push my hair out of my face, and take a few calming breaths.

  I lie there for a moment longer, staring at the ceiling and wondering what Carter’s doing out there. I told him to go back to work, but of course, he hasn’t. Ollie is one hundred percent behind him on this, so I gave up after a few days of trying. I’m not sure why he wants to stay here with me since it must be incredibly boring for him. All I do is nap, eat, and watch TV in bed. That’s pretty much it. Carter’s making sure of that.

  He’s still sleeping on the couch, which was a little awkward at the beginning. On one side, I wanted to ask him to come to bed with me, but on the other side, I wanted to be alone and appreciate him understanding that.

  I’m also pretty certain Carter’s right about the reasons why sharing a bed right now isn’t the best idea. Even in our sleep we gravitate toward each other, and I feel crappy enough as it is. No need to push my luck.

  I’m also not completely sure where things stand with us as a couple. He’s still affectionate toward me but hasn’t brought up my kind of love confession I screwed up majorly, and I’m incredibly grateful for that.

  For now, I’m happy with this avoidance game we’re playing, at least until I feel a little more like myself.

  Hopefully, the pain will start to ease up soon so I can get a good night’s sleep and stop feeling like crap.

  After a long, warm shower—that takes about ten times longer with me moving like a turtle, not to mention Carter checking in on me to see if I’m okay, pretty much every single time—I feel more human. I’m actually ready to leave my room, ready to face the day, and quite possibly, my new roommate-slash-maybe boyfriend-slash-definite baby daddy.

  What a mess.

  “There you are.” Carter’s cheery voice greets me before I’ve even fully stepped over my threshold. He’s walking toward me, a big smile on his face until he looks me up and down, inspecting every inch of me as if he can see what’s going on under my clothes. “How are you feeling? Is the pain any better?”

  “Not really. Getting hit by a car from one side and then falling onto the ground with the other one wasn’t a good combination.”

  He flinches, a worried expression marring his face. “I can only imagine. I wish I could take away the pain.”

  I know he would in a heartbeat, because he’s that good a person. He always has been. Even when we were kids and my brother once had a scare about possibly needing a new kidney, Carter was right there, offering one of his. Luckily, it turned out to be a false alarm, and all organs could stay with their owners.

  I look him straight in the eye to make sure he’s really getting my message. “It’s not your fault this happened, and I’ll get better soon. It’s just bruising, and I’m lucky nothing worse happened.” I let out a deep breath, happy to have gotten that off my chest. Because I truly am grateful, even though I’m not performing any happy dances.

  After studying me for another moment, he nods. “Fine. One more thing, and then I’ll zip it. Please promise me you’ll let me know if it gets too much so I can help, okay?”

  His gaze is alert and his jaw set, and I know there’s no point in arguing with him, not that I want to.

  I’m actually happy to give him this. “Promise.”

  “Thank you.” The smile he gives me makes my heart skip maybe a tiny bit faster.

  Squeezing my hand, he gently pulls on it. “Come on. There’s something I wanted to show you. It’s nothing major though. I’m probably too excited about it.”

  We come to a stop at the dining room table where he points excitedly at the contents covering every possible surface. Dozens of my business shipping boxes are lined up, filled with bags of my jewelry.

  “Did you . . . did you get my jewelry ready for me to send out?” My mouth hangs open at the mere thought of anyone doing such a thing for me, but especially Carter, since it’s clearly not his thing.

  I press my fingers to my smiling lips, warmth tingling in my limbs.

  Carter pulls me closer, pointing at every little bag and box as if I didn’t already see them. “You mentioned
you were really behind with your orders, so I found your finished orders, packed them ready to be shipped, and I printed out your new orders too, so you can get started on them as soon as you’re up for it.”

  Tears spring into my eyes at the thoughtfulness, but I wipe at the corners of my eyes before they spill over. “You really didn’t have to do this, but I appreciate it more than I can tell you. Thank you.”

  He waves me off in the nonchalant way that’s typical for Carter. “Don’t mention it. I’m just happy I could help. I left everything unsealed, so you can double-check them before we tape it up. And then I can drop them off at the post office.”

  I open my mouth to say something, but he’s on a roll, still babbling away. “And I’m also meeting up with the brother of a good client of ours in the next few days. He’s in his last year of business school and looking for a job to make some extra money. He sounds like a good fit, so I thought I could check him out and see if he’d be a good fit for you. You’re going to need even more help with the business now, and I want to make sure you get someone good. That way you could completely focus on making the jewelry without having to worry about the business side of things.”

  I go up on my toes—one of the only parts of my body that doesn’t hurt—and press a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you. It would be nice to find someone like that.”

  My simple gesture must have thrown him for a loop because he’s still blinking at me, so I do a one-eighty and change the subject. “So, I was thinking about something. You really don’t have to if it’s too much, but . . . do you want to come to the baby doctor with me tomorrow?”

  That does the trick, his whole face immediately changing at my question. There’s a shimmer in his eyes I’ve never seen before, but it’s gone when he blinks.