Forbidden Desires

by Jenna Hartley

  With my hands on my hips, I keep my voice down, still aware enough of my surroundings to know there could be dozens of eyes on us. “It’s just about you and me and . . . us. Everything. I’m confused, and unsure, and angry too. So angry all of a sudden, and I hate it.”

  His eyebrows draw together and he tilts his head to the side. “You don’t like where this is going?”

  “That’s exactly my problem, because I do. Maybe too much. We’ve been spending so much time together, and you’re sweet, and kind, and I’m falling for you more and more every day. It’s so intense, it scares me sometimes.” The words just keep coming out of my mouth while Carter’s staring at me with wide eyes. “And then there’s this whole thing about that text message you got last night and lied about. It started all these thoughts in my head, these scenarios of how this could end badly, and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s driving me insane and . . . and it’s just too much.”

  Carter stiffens, a panicked expression flittering across his handsome features. “Shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. You weren’t supposed to find out.”

  My brain finally catches up with my mouth, not only realizing what I admitted to him, but also how he responded.

  My heart feels like someone took a hammer to it, and for a moment I feel like my body isn’t working anymore, like everything continues to live around me while I die on the inside.

  Carter takes a step toward me.

  He reaches for me, but I flinch away. “Let’s talk about this.”

  The last bit of self-preservation kicks in, and I turn around to run to the parking lot across the street.

  My focus is on my car, my safe zone. I need to get myself together before I can deal with Carter. My head feels too foggy, the heartbeat in my ears so loud, I can barely hear him yelling.

  “Jules, watch out. No.”

  The sound of screeching tires is the only thing I hear as something hits the side of my body. Pain shoots through me as I tumble onto the hard asphalt.

  “Shit. Jules.” Carter is suddenly above me, frantic. I’ve never seen him like this, the color drained from his face as he turns and yells, “Call nine one one.”

  Dark spots flash in my vision, and my whole world turns black.

  Chapter 32

  Carter

  “Where is she?”

  I hear Oliver before I see him, his voice identical to the panic I feel deep inside my bones. When he comes to a halt at the front desk, he looks like he’s five seconds away from a breakdown.

  Not that I can blame him. I had to sit down too when I felt like I couldn’t stand anymore without losing it.

  When he’s done talking to the clerk, his gaze searches the waiting area on the other side of the room until it lands on me.

  He heads my way, turning a few heads when he starts yelling at me, “What the hell happened?”

  His face is white, completely drained of any color, his eyes frantically moving back and forth between mine when he collapses in the chair next to me.

  I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

  “CJ, talk to me.” He grips my shoulder with a shaky hand, pleading with his eyes.

  My head moves left and right on autopilot. I don’t feel in control of my body in general. “I don’t know. One minute we’re talking, and the next she’s running into the street and straight into a car. It all happened so fast, and she wasn’t facing me, so I didn’t see her face before she collapsed on the ground in a heap.”

  I barely choke out the words before pressing a fist to my lips, just thinking about what happened, of Julia lying lifeless on the street, makes a wave of nausea roll through me.

  He gives me some room, slumping deeper into his chair like something knocked all the air out of his body.

  It seems like my brain got a jump start, the words suddenly pouring out of my mouth. “There was all this blood on her head and on the ground. She must have hit it when she fell. And she didn’t respond to anything.”

  Oliver runs his hands over his face, his shoulders dropping. “What did they say? How bad is it?”

  “I don’t know . . . I just don’t know.” I exhale a long breath, my own terror bubbling up. I don’t think I’ve fully processed what happened yet.

  A million questions fly through my head in a constant loop. Not to mention the many ways today could have gone differently. What I could have said differently. Reacted differently.

  Pain funnels into my heart. I can’t stop reliving those few minutes that changed my life.

  Fear clenches like a tight fist around my chest, and I’m unable to shake it off, no matter how hard I try. “By the time I reached her, she’d already passed out, and the paramedics couldn’t tell me anything when they got there. They kept talking about needing to do more tests. I’m not sure if she ever gained full consciousness—they didn’t let me ride in the back with her—and once we got here, they wheeled her off right away and told me to wait.”

  “Shit.” His hands go up to his face again, rubbing at his eyes. “Why would she run into the street anyway?”

  His eyes are red-rimmed as his gaze bores into mine, waiting for an answer.

  I swallow loudly, rubbing my hands up and down my pants. “I . . . I’m still not really sure what happened either. We met for lunch at the Hawaiian Grill. She was a little off but said she hadn’t been sleeping well. When we walked to the parking lot, she suddenly started talking about being confused and angry and something about falling for me, and some other stuff.”

  He groans. “Shit.”

  “I know. That’s what I said.”

  Ollie’s face turns into a sour mask, and I’m afraid he might either attack me or spit in my face. “Your answer was shit?”

  I cross my arms over my chest before letting them drop again, drumming my fingers on my legs. “Well, yes. But it wasn’t about the falling for me part. She said something else . . . and it hadn’t even registered what she’d said before. But before I could explain anything, she’d already taken off . . . Fuck.”

  Oliver’s nostrils flare like an angry bull, and I instinctively lean back in my chair, not that it really puts much distance between us.

  Before anything else can transpire, a nurse walks over, coming straight for us. “Are you both here for Julia Bradford?”

  She’s tall with a huge mop of brown hair on top of her head. I immediately recognize her as one of the nurses that took Julia from the EMTs. She looks tired, like she’s been here for more than just a couple hours already.

  “Yes.” We both shoot up at the same time, a tendril of panic seizing my chest.

  “How is she?” Oliver asks.

  “She’s stable and in her room. I can take you to her if you want. Dr. Miles will be with you shortly to update you on her condition.” That’s all she gives us before she spins around, expecting us to follow her. Which we do, of course. We’re trotting after her like two loyal dogs, not letting her out of our sight.

  After going through the security door, it’s only a short walk down the hall, Julia’s is one of the first rooms after the nurses’ station. My breath speeds up when the nurse reaches for the doorknob, blocking our view for a few more seconds until both Oliver and I get our first glimpse of Julia, a collective gasp echoing around the room.

  There’s only one bed in the room, and Julia looks tiny in it. She’s pale, with white gauze wrapped around her head. Several machines beep, cables running from it, the parts attached to her body disappearing under the sheets.

  The nurse gives both of us a nod that I tell myself is supposed to be reassuring. “She’s sleeping right now, but use the nurse call button if you need anything. The doctor will be with you shortly.” Then she leaves, shutting the door quietly behind her.

  Almost simultaneously, we both move closer to the bed, quietly staring at her until there’s a knock on the door. A lanky man walks in, wearing the typical doctor outfit of dark blue scrubs with a white lab coat. We walk over to him, both of us shaking his ex
tended hand.

  “I’m Doctor Miles.”

  “How’s my sister?” Ollie sends the doctor a darting gaze, his voice a little shaky.

  The doctor looks at the chart in his hand, writing something on it before closing it. “She’s doing okay considering the circumstances. She’s been in and out of consciousness, still in shock, which is normal. We did the FAST exam when she came in—our sonography test that allows us to check for serious abdominal injuries—so we know there aren’t any internal bleeds. All signs for a mild concussion are there, but all in all very promising. Some bed rest, fluids, and a mild pain reliever should allow her body to pull through this rather fast. Her head wound looked a lot worse than it was, which is common for head injuries. She was lucky nothing worse happened, and miraculously, the baby is doing well too. We were able to find a strong heartbeat.”

  He looks at us with a small smile on his face, obviously happy to give us the good news.

  When neither Ollie nor I react with anything but stunned silence, he tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “I take it you didn’t know about the pregnancy?”

  The question earns him simultaneous headshakes from my best friend and me. Our gazes meet, and even though I didn’t think it was possible, he has even less color in his face now than he did before. As if on reflex, I shake my head again, silently conveying I really had no clue.

  Oliver looks back at the doctor and clears his throat, his voice shaky. “Do you know how far along she is?” Then he turns to me and asks on a shaky breath, “Is it yours?”

  Fuck. Three words. Is it yours?

  Is it mine?

  The enormity of what he’s implying hits me like a freight train straight into the chest. The possibility of Julia’s ex being the father didn’t even cross my mind. It takes everything in me to keep the nausea at bay.

  The doctor checks the chart again, his right index finger quietly moving across the paper. “It’s hard to be sure at this point without additional tests, but it looks like she might be around seven weeks. She’ll need to see a gynecologist to ensure the baby’s all right, but at this point it looks promising. We’re going to run some more labs to make sure she goes home with everything she needs.”

  I faintly hear Oliver thanking the doctor before he leaves the room.

  The room isn’t huge, and it only takes me a few steps to walk from one side to the other, which I do. Repeatedly.

  Back and forth.

  Back and forth.

  When the walls close in on me, and I almost blindly grab for something to steady me, I can feel the freak-out build in my chest. “I was just getting used to the idea of being in a relationship, but a baby. Fuck.”

  Ollie grabs me and pushes me into a chair. “Sit down before you faint, asshat. You look as white as a sheet. You’re lucky Jules was just in an accident, or I’d beat the crap out of you.”

  He grabs his hair and looks like he’s ready to pull it out. “A baby. Shit. I’m gonna be an uncle.” He chuckles, but I’m too out of it to be able to tell if it’s a happy one or not.

  Julia’s pregnant.

  She’s having a baby.

  My baby.

  I’m going to be a father.

  Chapter 33

  Julia

  My brain feels fuzzy when I wake up, my head throbbing like a marching band is parading in it. At least this time, the extreme disorientation is gone, and I know where I am.

  I woke up for the first time a few hours ago in the ER before passing out again, tired beyond measure—but not until a nurse and doctor saw me to tell me what happened.

  This time, I also know I’m not alone even before I open my eyes. I take a deep breath, knowing the familiar scent all too well. But having the confirmation right in front of me when I finally manage to peel open my eyes is a million times better.

  Carter.

  He’s in a chair next to the bed, staring at me. His hair is a mess, the expression on his face pained. He blinks several times before jumping out of the chair to get closer.

  “Hey.” His voice is raspy, like he hasn’t used it in a while. I wonder if it sounded off to him too when he clears his throat almost immediately.

  I hold out my hand to him, and he grasps it desperately between both of his. “Hey.”

  My eyes drift behind him for a moment before focusing back on him.

  “Ollie will be right back. He went outside for some fresh air and to call Cora.”

  Then he looks at me again like he can’t believe I’m awake. His hands shake around mine, and he swallows several times before letting out a soft curse. “Don’t you ever do anything like that to me again, you hear me? You scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this.”

  When I notice his shiny eyes, tears well behind my eyelids too, and I want nothing more than to give him a big hug. I’m not sure how possible that is with the IV and blood pressure reader attached to me.

  The lump in my throat is hard to get past, but somehow I manage. “I’m so sorry.”

  The first hot tear runs down my cheek, and Carter manages to give me the most gentle and careful hug anyone has ever given me.

  “Tell me if it hurts, okay? The last thing I want to do is cause you even more pain.” His words are a soft whisper next to my ear, and I nod into his shoulder, sniffling nonstop until I manage to calm down.

  “Luckily, the pain isn’t too bad, at least until I move. The hip pain and headache are the worst, but it’s manageable.” The car that hit me wasn’t driving very fast, so I was very lucky and “only” have a mild concussion and some nasty bruises and scrapes, but at least, nothing’s broken, or worse.

  I move around to adjust my position but quickly regret it when the movement pulls on my IV. “I can’t wait until I’m free of these tubes and needles.”

  He sits back in the chair that’s pushed to the bed as close as possible without letting go of my hand.

  “I can imagine. They’re never fun.” After sighing heavily, he regards me with a cloudy gaze. “The doctor told Ollie they’ll keep you overnight for observation, but you should be able to go home tomorrow.”

  “Yes. Lots of bed rest, fluids, and mild pain meds if I need them.”

  His eyes shut for a moment at my response. “I’m so happy they don’t have to keep you for longer.”

  I look at our intertwined hands. It feels so good to have him here. When I woke up earlier, all I wanted was to see his face so I could apologize to him. To imagine that this happened because of my behavior is beyond embarrassing. Heat creeps into my face as I stare at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry I ran away like that. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my stupidity.”

  “No, no, no. I don’t want to hear a peep about that, or for you to even think about it. All that matters is that you recover as quickly as possible. You have to focus on yourself right now and on getting better. Not to mention . . . you know.” His gaze flickers to my midsection, and I draw in a sharp breath.

  Right before my eyes tear up again as I remember the doctor telling me about the news.

  I’m pregnant.

  I’m still in denial, because it doesn’t feel real. At all. They showed me ultrasound pictures though, proving there’s actually a human growing inside of me.

  “The baby.” My voice is barely audible, my other hand automatically going to my belly, IV be damned.

  He nods, his eyes trained on my stomach. “We’ll figure it all out, no need to stress about anything. You hear me?” Our eyes meet, the sincerity in his easy to detect. “I’ll take care of you, both of you. I promise.”

  His mouth opens again like he wants to say more, but after the shortest knock in history, the door opens, and my brother rushes in with a frantic look on his face, and I wonder if Carter somehow messaged him.

  “Jules.” He rushes over to the bed and stands awkwardly at the foot of it. With the table and the machines on one side and Carter on the other side, he has no direct access to me.

>   Carter reluctantly lets go of my hand, but steps away immediately, making room for my brother.

  He pats Ollie on the shoulder. “Here, man, sit down. I’ll go find us some coffee.”

  “Thanks, CJ.”

  I’m beyond relieved the two of them still seem to be doing well, even after the baby news. The doctor told me he’d informed them, but I had no idea how they took it, and I was honestly half-expecting to see at least one of them with a black eye.

  Carter gives us a small smile and heads out the door, my brother immediately jumping to my bedside.

  He grabs my hand, and as much as I love my brother, it makes me long for Carter’s touch again. It’s just not the same. Thankfully, he only squeezes it once before letting go.

  Flopping back in the chair, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

  I lift my shoulder in a small shrug. “Okay, I think. Tired and bruised, but nothing unmanageable to be honest. They gave me some pain medication that’s safe for me to take, and it seems to be helping.”

  He lets out a harsh breath before leaning back and clasping his hands behind his neck. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that.”

  The expression on his face is pure agony when he rubs his eyes with the base of his palms, causing my chest to tighten in a way where even rubbing doesn’t make it go away. I’ve thought about how incredibly hard this must have been on him.

  Since we’ve never been close to the rest of our family—despite the fact that my dad used to work with my uncle—it’s always just been us. First us four, and after the accident, only us two. He must have been out of his mind when he got the message about my accident.

  “It’s okay, Ollie. I’m okay,” I try to reassure him, not wanting to see this anguish on his face anymore.

  He lifts his head, wiping away the remnants of his tears before taking several deep breaths. “I know, I know. It just all seems so surreal. Not just the accident but the other news too.”

  “You mean that I’m pregnant? You can say it, you know. You guys are both acting like it’s a forbidden thing to talk about or something.” I can’t help but grimace, and out of nowhere, a chuckle escapes my mouth. It feels really good for a moment, until my head starts pounding, but I manage to keep the flinch to myself.