Emma Ever After

by Brigid Coady

  ‘I know, I know. No Mr Right for another year. But this is Halloween and there is nothing in that plan of yours that says you can’t have a dalliance with a Mr Right Now. How are you going to get into practice to pull him if you don’t flex the muscle?’ He’d stopped and turned towards her. ‘For tonight, Ems, will you do something for me?’

  He looked so hopeful and sincere, damn him.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Drop your mask and all those plans you have just for the night. Be Emma living in the moment instead of wondering about the ever after?’

  She wanted to laugh, she was at a masquerade ball and the host wanted her to lose her mask. But she knew what he meant and it made her want to cry. She felt as if she were teetering on the edge of something, and her stomach swooped. She opened her mouth to say no, but Lew pushed his mask up and raised an eyebrow, challenging her. She could do this, couldn’t she?

  She took a large swig of the cocktail, now enjoying the burn of the pepper infused alcohol as it slipped down and warmed her stomach. Settling her nerves.

  What did it matter, anyway? It was one night, that wouldn’t wreck anything. She was in a safe place, Lewis wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She could drink till she was tipsy, and flirt with people knowing no one would know it was her. Knowing she didn’t have to check every person’s credentials in case they didn’t meet her rules. Because she’d never have to actually see them.

  Okay she’d do this. She stood up taller, and pushed the satin red cloak that she had wrapped round her body so that it fell from her shoulders, the blue gingham dress underneath suddenly revealed.

  ‘Yeah, I can do that but I prefer to be called Red,’ she said and she let loose the strings on her life, and winked at Lewis. She felt weird, untethered. But it would only, could only, be for the night.

  ‘Well, with that dress you could also be called Dorothy,’ He winked, and she giggled. ‘Come on, Red. I think we have a few big bad wolves for you.’ His hand slipped down and grasped hers. Laughing, she let him lead her to the bar.

  ***

  How many of those sugar snakes had she had? She pushed back her hood, making sure her wig stayed put as she tried to count. There was the one when she came in. Then the second of the wolf boys that Lew had introduced her to had got her another one. But when he’d made some disgusting comment about her finding out how big his dick was, she’d downed it fast, grabbed Lew and got lost in the crowd.

  But now she’d misplaced Lewis. It was after wolf boy number three. She’d turned back to find him gone, and once that happened she’d lost interest in the man she was talking to and drifted away

  Was that Harry, she thought as a tall lanky skeleton danced past twirling a mermaid.

  Could be.

  She saw a vampire leaning moodily against a pillar. Was that Gee? Her heart stuttered for a moment, until it sank when she saw the way he moved. That wasn’t him. Dracula didn’t have his fluidity.

  ‘All alone, Red?’ the voice growled into her ear.

  She shivered. And from the corner of her eye she could see the wolf-faced mask peering over her shoulder. It was beautifully constructed, like some crazy Venetian mask. It gleamed black and silver in the light. She turned to face him. The wolf’s hair was hidden beneath a powdered white wig, and he was dressed in a gorgeous black and silver Georgian frock coat. He was a man out of time.

  ‘Not anymore,’ she said without thinking. She blinked in surprise. Why had she said that? He made her feel safe. He moved closer, and she was enveloped in a familiar smell, the breadth of his shoulders obvious even under the coat. She wanted to lean into this wolf’s embrace.

  Obviously, Gee had changed things up this year, she thought, as she swallowed more of her drink. Moving on from Edward Cullen to Team Jacob. Or it was probably his recent obsession with Teen Wolf.

  Did he know it was her? She quickly drank to try and distract herself from the thought that this was what he did with random hook ups. No, he had to know it was her, if she had guessed it was him. Were they going to pretend they didn’t know each other?

  She opened her mouth to say it was her, to acknowledge that she knew it was him. But then she remembered her promise to Lew. That she would be Emma Right Now not Emma Ever After. And Emma with the plan would let Gee know, but Emma living in the right now, what would she do?

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  As if she were a different person, she took a step over the edge she felt she’d been teetering on all night. Would she fly or fall?

  She lifted her finger and brushed it gently down the muzzle of the wolf’s mask.

  ‘Oh, what big eyes you have,’ she said laughing as she dipped her head and then looked up at him through her eyelashes.

  Would he play along? She could laugh this off if he didn’t want to. But, if he did… Excitement fizzed in her stomach along with the alcohol that she’d drunk. For one night could she pretend that she and Gee could be more? She’d missed her chance back at university, had been too scared. But she could tonight. Even if he wasn’t the man she had listed in her Google doc. In this minute, it didn’t matter. For one night only, she would try and see how Gee lived.

  But what would happen tomorrow? No. She drowned that thought with another mouthful of a Sugar Snake.

  Say something, Gee, she thought, anything. But what she wanted him to say she didn’t know. If he said her name and broke the illusion would she be upset or relieved?

  The wolf had frozen when she’d flirted. But then he tilted his head to one side before a slow grin spread across the part of the face she could see.

  ‘All the better to see you with.’ He leant down to say it in her ear.

  She shivered in relief and excitement.

  They were going to do this. She was going to flirt with him as if he were a stranger and not the guy she went home with every night. Her best friend for ten years.

  Okay, she could do this. Lewis was right, she was out of practice. He was safe to practice with, wasn’t he?

  Standing on her tiptoes, she whispered in his ear.

  ‘What big teeth you have…’ She wanted to giggle and laugh at the absurdity with him, but she also wanted to melt in his arms.

  ‘All the better to…’ But instead of finishing the sentence, he leant down and captured her ear lobe with his teeth and with very little pressure, bit her.

  Oh. Wow.

  Sparks raced up and down her skin. She felt both numb and over-sensitised. That small tug on her ear, his hot breath on her neck – she had never felt so alive.

  She swallowed hard against the moan she could feel growing in her throat.

  Emma couldn’t help it. She rested her forehead on his shoulder and shuddered. Her arms came up and wrapped themselves round him.

  Without a word, he took her drink from her, setting it on the bar. His arms came around her. One high on her back between her shoulder blades, the other in the small of her back. The first kiss he pressed to her neck, she wondered if she was imaging it. With the second she moved so he had better access. He delicately tasted her skin. It was glorious, freeing, terrifying. She wanted it to stop and she never wanted it to end.

  She pushed back slightly, he pulled back until they were staring down at each other.

  Was there still time to pull back from this? Before they took a step they couldn’t recover from?

  ‘What’s the time, Mr Wolf?’ she found herself saying, asking him more. Seeing what he made of it.

  ‘Red time,’ he whispered, his hazel eyes glinting in the slits of the mask. He pushed it up enough that it uncovered more of his mouth and then bent down, his lips in hers.

  If she had felt sparks before, now as they kissed she felt fire. It engulfed her.

  Was this what she’d been missing? And then she stopped thinking, sank into the sensations. Like coming home in a blaze of glory, they fitted together like jigsaw pieces. She could feel something click and lock in place as he held her tighter. She could feel his body against hers, an
d for the first time she allowed herself to mould to it. To fit herself against all his hard planes and angles, his curved muscles.

  Music was blaring around them but all she heard was the sound of her heart racing in her ears. A small moan escaped from Gee’s, no, Mr Wolf’s mouth. If she let herself think that this was him…

  He pulled away and rested his forehead on hers.

  ‘Em…’ he said, his breathing heavy.

  ‘No.’ Her voice was shaking. He couldn’t. If she thought too much, if he reminded her that there was an Emma that existed somewhere outside of this here and now, then she’d have to wear her mask again. Have to go back to preparing for the rest of her life and her plan.

  ‘But, Em.’

  ‘No, here and now. This was between Mr Wolf and Red. I don’t know who those other people are…’ She was pleading with him to go with her. For once could he go with her stories and spin?

  She couldn’t see his eyes behind his mask, couldn’t see his eyebrows but she knew they’d be furrowed. She could see that from the stubborn thrust of his chin. He was going to be difficult.

  The fizz and magic of the kiss started to fade, she could feel her mask start to slip back in place. The flying feeling she’d had as she’d taken that step off the edge was beginning to flounder, she could feel the ground get closer as she fell.

  ‘Please…’ She couldn’t help but reach up with a finger to trace his lips. Had she really fulfilled her teen fantasy of kissing Gee Knightley? No, she’d fulfilled her grown up fantasy of kissing her friend, Gee.

  She needed to leave before she hit the floor. This was why she didn’t go off script. The highs were high, but they never lasted.

  ‘But…’ he started again. She impulsively reached up, and brushed her lips against his. She wanted to taste him for the last time. Tuck that memory away to take out and relive, when no one else would know.

  It hurt. Feeling his warmth and tasting him only this once.

  His arms tightened as though he wasn’t going to let her go. Maybe she could have a little longer. But then it would be too hard.

  She could feel him taking a breath to say something. She couldn’t let him. This was the right here, right now. Only existing for this night, anything he said couldn’t be taken away.

  She felt something knock into her, loosening his arms. The cow was back and still not in control of its appendages. She took the chance to slip out of his arms. His fingers tried to grasp her but the satin feel of the cloak thwarted him. She slipped into the crowd.

  It was as if she were leaving part of herself behind.

  No. This was silly. It was a moment in time. He was wearing a mask and for once she wasn’t wearing hers. Tomorrow. Well, they’d deal with that then but tonight she needed to get her life together again.

  Emma took off her cape and tucked it under her arm, the red of it hidden so that if anyone were trying to find her they couldn’t. But he wouldn’t come, because he knew it was just an aberration. She reasoned with herself, she would slip home and be the normal Emma again.

  Stopping at the top of the stairs, before leaving the bar, she turned back.

  There, almost spot lit by the bar was Mr Wolf, the white of his wig glinting in the light. She watched as his fingers touched his lips. He tilted his masked head towards the door where she was standing. Could he see her? She wasn’t sure but his hand came up from his mouth and touched his forehead in what seemed to be a salute.

  Everything in her yearned to run back and throw herself in his arms. To feel that completeness that she’d felt for that one moment. She’d felt safe but also alive.

  But what would happen when he didn’t want to do it anymore. She could almost feel the emptiness, the chaos it would leave behind.

  No. This was a one off. It couldn’t happen again.

  Please, don’t let it change anything, she thought as she hurried out.

  At home, she took the red cape and folded it carefully before burying it at the back of her wardrobe, piling other clothes on top of it so not even a glimpse of red could be seen.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  There was a reason she’d stopped dating or at least looking for a Mr Right Now and that was the awkward morning after.

  Why hadn’t she thought through the awkwardness when she had decided to pretend she didn’t know Gee last night? It was ridiculous. She was lying in her own bed in the house she paid rent for and she was hiding.

  She could hear the banging and crashing of Gee getting ready for the day downstairs. Could she pretend last night didn’t happen? Wander downstairs in her pyjamas with a borrowed hoodie on top. Make coffee and bacon sandwiches with him, move round each other without speaking. The unspoken agreement to curl up under blankets on the sofas watching mindless TV until the caffeine kicked in or the gym appointment came too close.

  She could do it, couldn’t she?

  ‘Em,’ Gee called out from the living room as she snuck downstairs to the front door.

  Damn it. So close.

  He came out of the room and stood in the doorway.

  ‘Where are you off to?’ he said confused.

  She looked down as if surprised to see the gym clothes she was wearing, even though she’d thrown them on as soon as she realised there was no way she could spend the morning going through their usual routine. Not yet, anyway.

  ‘Got a waitlist bike at Psycle,’ she said, meaning the spin studio that she used frequently. She couldn’t meet his eyes. Not yet. Okay, staring at his lips was not a good alternative, she decided. The ghost of their kiss lingered and tingled on her own mouth. She could taste him, still.

  ‘Come on, Emma.’ He said part pleading, part exasperated.

  ‘See you later.’ Some people would say that she was running away, she thought as she jogged down the road to the bus stop. And she could see that it could look that way to an outsider. But it wasn’t a lie, she really did have a bike booked. Admittedly she’d only booked it about ten minutes before she left the house.

  It was more what she would call a strategic retreat. It was only until she worked out how to act around him, how they could be Em and Gee again. And maybe if she sweated enough today she could forget the way she’d fitted so perfectly in his arms.

  But perfect moments didn’t make for a perfect life. They were fleeting as snowflakes and once they melted they were gone. They weren’t something you could build forever on. Bloody Lewis for making her forget.

  ***

  ‘The bears.’ Jamie was the one who eventually said what they had all been trying not to address since late October. No one wanted to add them into the official monitoring reports to McKee or Si but it was getting harder and harder to keep quiet about it. But how the hell did you explain that you suspected that someone was communicating with BOTP fans through soft toys?

  Emma’s eyes were struggling to stay open as she sat in the meeting room. She didn’t need this. When had the wheels come off the bus? Ever since she’d taken on this project, she could feel her promotion getting further and further away from her. It was keeping her awake at night.

  Okay, and maybe a little bit of her sleeplessness was the fact she and Gee hadn’t actually spoken properly in a fortnight. She rubbed her thighs which were still sore from her now daily, sometimes twice-daily, spin classes. She had been meaning to get fitter and now seemed like a really good time just before the Christmas season started. Not that it kept her out of the house more often.

  And she was so tired by the time she got home, she was crawling into bed. And Gee, well he’d tried to talk to her, but what would he say? She didn’t want to know. It was amazing how easy it was to ignore texts and only answer with practical everyday things.

  But she missed him. Desperately. She felt as if she had a limb missing.

  So, yes, there was that but really work was the biggest worry she had. Those damn bears. Maybe if she could get control over them, then everything else would fall into place.

  Why was her life start
ing to revolve around stuffed bears?

  Because it was easier than dealing with what was going on at home – the thought crossed her mind before she ruthlessly suppressed it.

  Nope, she and Gee would be fine. She’d never divert from the plan again.

  ‘The bears? What about them? They’re kind of cute.’ She said playing dumb and ignoring the glaring issue with them. She hadn’t been keeping up with them as closely as Jamie. He had become obsessed with them. Muttering about cryptic clues before diving into Tumblr and spending hours reading blogs that were writing about them. She wasn’t totally sure that it could really be counted as work. Except it did give him an encyclopaedic knowledge of current fan theories. Even the most bizarre ones.

  ‘Emma, they are causing the fandom to go up in flames.’ Jamie thrust his hands through his hair, making his curls go wild.

  Flames? It couldn’t be that bad. It was a few stuffed toys stuck on the stage and a handful of tweets, how could it cause the fandom to be in such a state?

  ‘Okay, I know you’ve been distracted for a few weeks, and your sudden obsession with going to Psycle has been taking precedence, but here. Look.’

  Jamie projected his laptop to the screen in the room. He had Twitter open and he began flicking through the @bop_bear account. There were a mix of original posts made by whoever owned it and retweets of posts from fans. Jamie clicked through the photos from the retweeted fan accounts. They were from every Breach Of The Peace concert, and there was always a tableau of bears somewhere at the edge of the stage. They were spot lit and arranged in increasingly weird and wonderful ways. They wore different costumes and held props. Sometimes they repeated the staging for a few nights in a row and then for the next week it was new every night. And there were the ever-present smiley or frowny coloured sticker faces. They were usually stuck to the feet of the bears, with the larger bear usually with a green sticker and the smaller with a blue one.

  ‘I’m sorry, I don’t get it? What are all these pictures meant to mean? Is it to say that someone has a fetish for soft toys?’ She asked. It all seemed a bit random and she wasn’t sure why it was making the fans so upset.