Pulled

by A. F. Crowell

  I washed and shampooed my hair, then dried off with the soft, cottony towel. As I combed out my damp hair, I heard Brody holler my name. I opened the bathroom door to see him throwing the blankets off himself in a panic. “Brody, are you okay?”

  His eyes were wide with terror. “Oh God, you’re here. You’re okay.” He seemed to relax slightly.

  “Of course, I’m here.” I tightened my grip on the towel and walked over to him, sitting down next to him on the recliner bed. “What’s wrong?”

  He grabbed my hand. “I had the worst dream, and it seemed so real. The medicine didn’t work and you had the baby, but something happened and you started bleeding. And the baby was so small, God Lei, she was so tiny.” Tears welled in his eyes. “They couldn’t stop the bleeding and they tried surgery, but then Dr. Rogers came out shaking her head and I knew I lost you. I was holding our daughter thinking I couldn’t raise her without you.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. “It was so real,” he whispered against my hair. “I can’t lose you. I love you Leila. I need you. Our daughter needs you. Please don’t leave me. Please,” he begged.

  “Brody, I’m okay. I’m not going to die. Look at me.” I pulled back and seized his hand, placing it on my belly. “She’s right here and the meds are working. Brody, it’s okay. We’re fine.”

  He looked down at his hand, then his eyes found mine. They searched like he was looking for my soul. Our daughter decided at that very second to wallop the hell out of my side.

  “Ouch.” I placed my hand over his.

  “I guess that was you reassuring Daddy that you’re okay, huh princess?” He looked at our hands as he talked to our daughter.

  I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was damn near naked, sitting on a bed with someone who wasn’t my fiancé. I stood up, gripping the top of the towel above my breast. “I’m gonna get dressed and reconnected.” I didn’t want to lead Brody on or give him any false hopes. I crossed the room, entered the bathroom and resumed my morning ritual.

  As I was brushing my teeth I heard Brody raise his voice at someone.

  “—course I stayed here last night. She was in labor you dick. I wasn’t gonna leave her here alone and scared. Not like you did.”

  “Fuck you.” It was then I realized Jaxon was there. I scrambled to put my clothes on thanking God Jaxon hadn’t walked in ten minutes earlier.

  “Tell me, how do you look at yourself in the fucking mirror? Knowing she called you crying and fucking begged and pleaded for you to be here with her. While she was scared and in pain,” Brody seethed.

  “I could ask you the same fuckin’ thing,” Jax spit right back.

  “Except the difference is, she wasn’t in labor. She wasn’t in pain. She wasn’t crying because she was afraid her child was gonna be born too early.” He paused. “I was stupid and I ran because I was scared. What’s your excuse?”

  I finally had my bra, panties, shirt and yoga pants on and I flung the door open. My eyes settled on Jaxon first. He was wearing a pair of well-worn Levi’s hanging low on his hips, a white Henley that was almost too small for his thick arms. As he turned his attention to me, I saw that a few days worth of scruff covered his beautiful face.

  “Stop. Both of you. I don’t need this shit right now. Get over yourselves for five goddamned minutes.” I started to climb into the bed and Brody tried to get past Jaxon to help me, but Jaxon blocked him and helped me himself.

  I was well past due for my next dose of Zofran and Stadol; I was starting to feel nauseous again. If the contractions stayed the same time apart, I would be having another one shortly.

  “Brody, can you please go see if the nurse can bring me in my meds? I’m not feelin’ good again.” I smiled sweetly as he stood at the end of the bed.

  He glared back and forth between Jaxon and me before huffing, “Yeah, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  I turned to Jaxon. “So you finally decided to show up?”

  “Doesn’t exactly look like I was needed here anyway.” He dropped his eyes to my left hand. “Jesus Lei, we aren’t even apart and you’ve already taken your engagement ring off.”

  “Actually, Jaxon, I just got out of the shower.” I got up, grabbed the front of his shirt, turned and pulled him to the doorway of the small bathroom before letting go. I picked up my ring that was sitting in the middle of my watch on the Formica countertop, near my toothbrush and comb, and held it up for him to see. “Before I overheard you two asshats out here thumping your chests, I was doing bathroom stuff. Then, ’cause you both can’t be normal, civilized people, I threw on my clothes and ran out here. So forgive me, I was worried about you two punching each other in the face again and forgot my ring.” I slipped on the ring, grabbed my watch and slid it on my wrist.

  “Shit, babe, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. Just that he’s here. Again.”

  “Yeah, he was here when you weren’t. I called you and texted you and called you. You didn’t come to the doctor’s appointment or you would’ve known. I was alone. And for the record, Barb brought me to the hospital because I knew you’d have a fuckin’ baby goat if Brody drove me.” I cut him off before he could say anything. “He stayed because he knew I was terrified, in preterm labor and violently ill.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.” He backed up and sat down on the chair as I hooked myself back up to the IV and EFM.

  “You’re sorry you didn’t call? But you’re not sorry you didn’t come?” As I said it, it was a realization. He wasn’t sorry he wasn’t here for me.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He was visibly frustrated. “I am sorry that you were scared and not feeling good, but like I said, he was here.”

  “Barb conveyed Cole’s message. Ya know, Brody offered to leave last night so you would come up here because he knew I wanted you here and that it was because of him you weren’t here. He was willing to put my needs and wants above his own.” I scowled at him as a wave of nausea hit me like a freight train. I swallowed hard and looked for the pink basin or trash can. “Can you please hand me that pink basin?”

  “Yeah.” He snatched it from the floor near the bedside table and handed it to me just in the nick of time. I hadn’t eaten since last night, but I had been sipping ginger ale. After I finished throwing up Jaxon took the basin from me.

  “Can you grab a washcloth from the bathroom or some tissues?”

  “Yeah.” He went to the bathroom and ran water over a washcloth, came back out and handed it to me.

  “Thank you.” I took the damp, folded washcloth and wiped my mouth.

  Brody returned to the room. “You okay?” he asked me.

  “Of course she’s okay. Why wouldn’t she be? You think I’d do something?” Jax cut his eyes at Brody.

  “No, dickhead. She looks pale. The same way she looks after she gets sick.” He looked back to me. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “A little better now.” I frowned. “I just got sick, again.”

  “Speaking of which, the nurse will be in with the medicines in a minute.” He glanced at Jaxon, then quietly spoke. “Do you want me to leave for a while so you can talk?”

  “Thanks Brody that would be good. Arghh.” Pain racked my abdomen. I squeezed my eyes closed and groaned.

  “Breathe Lei, you can’t hold your breath. Slow deep breaths.” Brody was by my side immediately. I rolled to face away from him and stared directly at Jaxon. Brody dropped the side rail and started massaging my back, just how I like it. “Good, you’re doing good babe. Almost to the peak.”

  “Get your fuckin’ hands off of her.” Jax jumped up.

  “Ehhhhhh. Shut up,” I yelled as I hit the climax of the contraction. “Owwww. Oh, this one’s really bad,” I gritted out.

  “Sorry baby. What can I do?” Jax looked on helplessly as he stroked my face.

  “Grab the pink basin and the wet washcloth. She gets really sick after the contractions,” Brody informed him.

  “Uh, okay,
but she just got sick?” he asked Brody.

  “Yeah, it’s the magnesium sulfate they’re using to stop labor,” he explained. I was shocked. They were speaking to each other like human beings and not two little boys fighting over a baseball card. “Doing good. You’re at the peak and should feel it easing off now.” Brody had become a pro overnight. He knew exactly what I needed to hear and when I needed silence.

  True to form, I got sick again as soon as the worst part of the contraction was over. Jaxon held back my hair and handed me the washcloth. For a moment, we were us again. Quiet, Intimate. Close.

  Brody cleared his throat. “I’m gonna run down to the cafeteria. You want anything Lei?”

  “No thanks, I’m good right now.” I turned and gave him a halfhearted smile.

  Jaxon stood and began pacing the room.

  “Why did you decide to come here this morning? Honestly,” I asked as I eased back, trying to relax.

  “You really have to ask me that?” He stopped and looked shocked.

  We were interrupted by a knock and the nurse coming in. “Good morning, Leila. Brody said you weren’t feeling well and were ready for your next dose of Zofran and possibly Stadol.”

  “Yeah, I started getting sick again and the last contraction was really uncomfortable.” I pulled my arm out from under the covers, giving her access to the barcode on my wristband.

  She laughed. “Uncomfortable is one way to describe labor honey. Let’s see if we can’t get you back to comfortable and maybe even sleeping again.” She drew up the meds, then asked me my name and date of birth. “Okay, remember not to get up without help.”

  I smiled as the warmth of the pain medicine coursed through my veins. “I will.”

  She logged off the computer and left the room.

  “As I was saying before the nurse came in, I can’t believe you need to ask why I’m here,” he said again.

  Feeling no pain and my filter falling away, I started rambling. “Well, I wonder why I’d ask that? Hmm, maybe ’cause I begged you to come yesterday. And did you? Oh no, you couldn’t stand to possibly be in the same room as Brody, even though you swore you could deal with all of this. As fucked up as it is, you said you’d deal. Well, when I needed you the most, you bailed. You promised, yet you weren’t here. I was scared and crying and you still couldn’t get over your own shit for my sake. So yes, I need to ask why you decided to show up today.”

  He was quiet, pensive. I waited. Finally he said, “I needed to see you and make sure you were okay. I hate the way we left things. I love you Lei. Both of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday. I was on a run and shit got messed up on the delivery—” He stopped himself from saying more. “I got your message and Viper called me and told me you were here with Brody, so I was pissed.

  “Honestly, looking back, most of it probably wasn’t about this, but about the club. I met up with the guys at the clubhouse and started drinking. I just couldn’t deal with all of it at the same time last night.”

  “So in other words, the club’s bullshit pissed you off and I pissed you off even further, so you got drunk?” I pursed my lips. “While I was sitting here trying to decide whether or not to have our daughter? Terrified that she might not make it because it’s too soon? Questioning whether to take medicine that A, makes me violently ill and B, might slow down labor enough for the other medicine to speed up her lung development, so she would have better chances.” He had the decency to look contrite. “While you were drinking, Brody was here helping me. He even offered to leave so you, who were being a big baby, could come up here and be with me.”

  The look on Jaxon’s face said it all. He was surprised and totally caught off guard by my outburst. “I wasn’t being a fuckin’ baby. I was dealing with other shit—”

  I cut him off. “Exactly! I was in labor. I still am, if you haven’t noticed. Most men in your position would have rushed to the hospital, regardless of who was here.” I was getting more hostile by the minute. “If you wanted to be here, then you should have shown up. You knew Brody was going to be around and in our lives because of our daughter. You told me you understood and would deal. I need you here, but I also want him here too.” My tone softened. “I’m sorry if that hurts you, but he’s her biological father Jax. I won’t cut him out of her life. She deserves to have him. I want more for her than what I had.”

  “I’m sorry Lei—” He was interrupted by Brody coming back into the room with a large Starbucks coffee and a white Styrofoam cup.

  “I got you another ginger ale, with extra ice.” He sat down on the makeshift bed after handing me the soda.

  Jax stood up. “Can we have five more minutes?”

  Brody looked from him to me, then back. “That’s up to Leila.”

  “Don’t you have some work or something you need to do. Just give us five fuckin’ minutes,” Jax said coarsely.

  “It’s fine Brody,” I huffed.

  Brody got up with his coffee and stalked out the room.

  “Now, you have me all to yourself again. What?”

  “Put yourself in my position Lei.”

  “Sure, right after you do the same. You come lie in the bed and have your body feel like it’s tearing in two, then you puke your brains out.” I took a deep breath. “I understand this isn’t easy Jaxon. It’s not easy for me either, but you told me you could do this. Are you saying now you can’t?” My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears. The silence told me I didn’t want to hear his answer.

  “I don’t know.” He hung his head. “I guess…I need to get my head on straight.”

  “Well, it would be great if you could figure it out really quick. Our daughter could be here any time now, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.”

  “I am sorry, Lei. I wish I could ignore him, but he’s always here. He’s arrogant and I see how he fuckin’ looks at you.” He clenched his fists. “It fuckin’ kills me to see him touch you and for him to tell me what my woman needs.”

  “He wouldn’t be touching me or telling you anything if you were here. You’d be massaging my back and you’d know I get sick after contractions. So stay.”

  He looked at his boots. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I really am, but I just can’t right now. I need some time to think.” My words, my excuse, came back at me in spades. And it felt like a scalpel carefully wielded to inflict precise wounds. Tears dripped from my eyes as I stared down at my belly. “Don’t cry babe.” He tried to grab my hand, but I jerked it away.

  “Please just go.” I rolled away from him and faced the windows and recliner. I sniffled back a few tears.

  “Babe,” he rumbled, “I’m sorry. God. This is so fucked up. Lei, I love you. I really do. I’ll text you later and check on you.” I felt his weight on the bed, then he kissed the side of my head.

  I didn’t say a word as he left.

  I did the only thing I could do.

  I cried.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  ~Leila~

  Brody came back in the room and sat down on the bed next to me. He didn’t say a word, just rubbed my back and let me cry. We stayed like that long enough for another contraction to come around.

  “Oooh, this one feels weird. It’s like I can feel it, but I can’t feel the pain. Does that make any sense?” I sat up in the bed with a cloud of pillows cocooning me.

  “Well, considering you just got pain meds, it does make sense. Even if you don’t,” he teased.

  I started to argue, but the PCT brought in my breakfast. “Good morning Ms. Matthews. I’m Lorrie, I’ll be your patient care tech today. I saw dietary a few doors down and grabbed your tray since I knew you were awake.” She sat the tray on the rolling table and slid it over to me as Brody stood and moved back over to the now folded up recliner. “Is there anything I can get ya?”

  “Nah, I’m good right now, but thank you Lorrie.” I adjusted the bed to accommodate the bedside tray table.

  “Well, please buzz me if you need anything.”
She turned to Brody. “Can I get you anything sir? I see you’ve already been out for coffee. Musta been a long night.” She chuckled quietly.

  “Thank you, but I’m fine.” Brody, ever the gentleman.

  “Okay then, ring if you need anything.”

  “So now that you’re a little calmer, do you want to talk about what happened or do you want to wait for Barb?” Brody asked from the recliner, his coffee in hand.

  “Honest, I’m not really sure what’s happening.” I lifted the cover off of the pancakes and sausage. Thank God it wasn’t eggs, there is nothing worse that hospital eggs. “He said he needed time to think. I’m not sure if he can handle the situation. He hates that you’re here, but I told him you were gonna be around. Shit…this is so fuckin’ complicated.” I dropped my head back to the pillow. “I just want a normal life. Is that too much to ask for?” I spoke to the ceiling like it had all of the magical answers to my ridiculous questions.

  “Good morning.” My nurse Lucinda knocked and entered the room. “I’ve got to give you the second IM injection of the dexamethasone and then Dr. Rogers should be in.”

  “Lei, I’m gonna step out in the hall.” Brody stood as I rolled on my side and pulled my pants down, exposing the top half of my right butt cheek.

  Lucinda was done before I knew it. Even though I was a nurse, I wasn’t a big fan of intramuscular injections. She was good; I didn’t even feel it.

  “Okay, you’re all set.” She clicked on the mouse as she charted the injection.

  A few minutes later Dr. Rogers came in and Brody followed. She was happy to see the contractions had tapered down to once an hour. She agreed to release me on one condition. I had to have someone with me at all times, which would be difficult at the condo. Drew worked crazy hours and was on call. Barb worked the next three nights. Jaxon…well, I didn’t think that was an option right now.

  I knew Brody would probably drop everything if I asked, but that would just add fuel to the fire with Jaxon. I made the decision to call him and ask anyway. That way, if he said no it wasn’t like I just asked Brody. The ball would be in Jaxon’s court.