Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs

by Anne Warner

  PART FIRST

  MISS CLEGG'S SPECULATIONS

  Mrs. Lathrop, rocking placidly in her kitchen window, was conscious of avague sense of worry as to her friend over the fence. It appeared to herthat Susan was looking more thin and peaked than nature had intended. Itis true that Miss Clegg was always of a bony and nervous outline, but itseemed slowly but surely borne in upon her older friend that of late shehad been rapidly becoming sharper in every way. Mrs. Lathrop felt thatshe ought to speak--that she ought not to lead her next door neighborinto the false belief that her sufferings were unnoticed by theaffectionate spectacles forever turned her way,--and yet--Mrs. Lathropbeing Mrs. Lathrop--it was only after several days of rocking andcogitation that the verbal die came to its casting.

  That came to be upon a summer evening, and it came to pass across thebarrier-fence where Miss Clegg had come to lean wearily, her shouldersand the corners of her mouth following the same dejected angle, whileher elderly friend stood facing her with a gaze that was at onceearnest, penetrating, and commiserating, and a clover blossom in hermouth.

  "Susan," said Mrs. Lathrop, in a voice mournful enough to have renovatedJob; "Susan, I--"

  Miss Clegg shut her eyes firmly and opened them sharply.

  "I 'm glad you have," she said, in a voice whose tone was dividedbetween relief and reproach,--"I certainly am glad you have. I try to beclose-mouthed 'n' never trouble any one with my affairs, Mrs. Lathrop,but I will say as I have often wondered at how you could sit 'n' rock inthe face of what I 've been grinnin' 'n' bearin' these last few weeks.Not that rockin' is any crime, 'n' I always feel it must be fineexercise for the chair, but it 's hard for one who has the wolf at theirdoor, 'n' not only at their door, but nigh to bu'stin' it in, to seetheir dearest friend rockin' away, like wolf or no wolf she 'd go onforever."

  Mrs. Lathrop looked aggrieved.

  "Why, Susan--" she protested.

  "That ain't no excuse," the friend said, not harshly but with a colddistinctness; "you may talk yourself blind if you feel so inclined, 'n'I don't say but what you really did n't mean nothin', but the factremains, 'n' always will remain, as you 've took a deal of comfortrockin' while I 've been kitin' broadcast tryin' to see if I could keepsoul 'n' body together or whether I 'd have to let one or the other of'em go."

  Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth and eyes widely.

  "I never--" she gasped.

  Susan hooked herself on to the fence-rail with both her elbowspreparatory to a lengthy debate; her eyes were bright, her expressionone of unreserved exposition. Mrs. Lathrop continued to keep her eyesand mouth open, but reasons which will soon be known to the readerprevented her making another remark for a long time.

  "Mrs. Lathrop, I may as well begin by goin' 'way back to the beginnin'of everythin' 'n' takin' you right in the hide and hair of my wholetroubles. It ain't possible for you to realize what your rockin 's meantto me unless you understand to the full what I 've been goin' through'n' crawlin' under these last weeks. I want to spare your feelin's all Ican, for it ain't in me to be unkind to so much as a gooseberry, but Ican't well see how you can keep from bein' some punched by remorse whenyou hear how I 've been cleanin' house with a heavy heart 'n' no newmop. That's what I 've been doin', Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' so help me Heaven,it's death or a new mop next year. The way that mop has skipped dirt 'n'dripped water!--well, seein' is the only believin' when it comes tomops, but all I can say is that you never looked more spotty than I havesince that mop, 'n' you know how lookin' spotty is mortal agony tome--me not bein' one who can be happy rockin' on top of dirt.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I said I was goin' to begin at the beginnin', so Iwill, although the whole town knows as it was that fine scheme of Mr.Kimball's as set my ball bouncin' down hill. I was n't the only one asgot rolled over 'n' throwed out feet up, but I don't know as bein' oneof a number to lose money makes the money any more fun to lose. Mr. Dillwas sayin' yesterday as he would n't have listened to nothin' but whitefor Lucy's weddin'-dress if it had n't been for Mr. Kimball 'n' hislittle scheme, but I don't get any great comfort out of knowin' thatLucy Dill 's got to try 'n' get herself married in her Aunt SamanthaDill's blue bengaline. The blue bengaline 's very handsome 'n' I neversee a prettier arrangement of beads 'n' fringe, but every one says toomuch of Lucy shows at the top 'n' bottom to even be romantic. They _can_hook it, but Lucy can't stay hooked inside but five minutes at theoutside. I 'm sure I don't see how they 'll ever fix it, 'n' Gran'maMullins says she cries whenever she thinks that at Hiram's weddin' thebride won't have no weddin'-dress. Polly Allen wanted Lucy to open thedarts 'n' let in puffs like Mary Stuart's husbands always was puffed,but Lucy never see Mary Stuart 'n' the only picture in town of any ofher husbands has got him in bed with the sheet drawed up to his chin 'n'his hands folded right on top of where they 'd want to copy the darts.Such a picture ain't no help a _tall_, so Lucy is still shakin' her headthe same as at first. _My_ idea would be to make no wish-bones about it'n' just be married in her travelin'-dress 'n' then wear it when shegoes away, but it seems she wants her travelin'-dress for church, 'n'does n't mean to wear it travelin' anyhow, because she 'n' Hiram is justwild over the no-one-knowin'-they 're-married idea, 'n' Lucy is goin' towear old gloves 'n' some buttons off her shoes, 'n' Hiram is goin' towear his mother's spectacles 'n' Mr. Shores' store umbrella. Gran'maMullins feels awful over Hiram's goin' away like that; she says she 'sbrought him up so neat 'n' always a vest on Sunday 'n' onlyshirt-sleeves in summer, 'n' now to think of him goin' off on hisweddin'-trip in Mr. Shores' umbrella!--but Lucy don't care--nor Hiramneither--'n' they 're goin' to take along a piece of sand-paper 'n'sand-paper the shine off the ring on the train. Polly Allen 'n' thedeacon is laughin' to fits over them. Everythin' 's very different withPolly 'n' the deacon. The deacon says it ain't in reason as a man ofsixty-two can look forward to many more weddin's, 'n' he 's goin' to sitwith his arm around Polly, 'n' he don't care who chooses to suspeck they're weddin'-trippin'. They 're goin' to be all new clothes right throughto their skins, 'n' Polly 's goin' to have a orange-blossom bunch on herhat. The deacon says he 'll pay for all the rice folks are willin' tothrow, 'n' it 's a open secret as he 's goin' to give the minister agold piece. The minister was smilin' all over town about it until Mr.Kimball told him he see a gold quarter-of-a-dollar once. He's hopin' fora five, but Mr. Shores says he knows positive as the deacon got twotwo-dollar-and-a-halfs at the bank when his wife died, and he gave oneto the minister then 'n' probably he 's been savin' the other to getmarried again with."

  Susan paused for breath--a vital necessity--and then went on:

  "But dear me, Mrs. Lathrop, all that ain't what I set out to tell you,'n' even if it's a pleasure to you to hear it, it ain't in reason as Ishould take my time to talk to you about other people's affairs. You maybe interested in other people's affairs, but I ain't, 'n' we started totalk about mine 'n' what I set out to talk about I talk about or else Istay at home. It was my troubles as I was goin' to make a clean highbreast of, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I 'll lay any odds as by the time I getthrough you 'll have little feelin' to sleep in you. The Lord says, 'Tohim who hath shall be given,' 'n' I will in confidence remark as I 'vejust been achin' to give it to you for these many days. You 've alwaysbeen poor, but you 've never seemed to mind; now I 'm poor (yes, Mrs.Lathrop, jump if you like"--for Mrs. Lathrop had started insurprise--"but it 's so) 'n' _I_ mind; I mind very much, I mind all up'n' down and kitty-cornered crossways, 'n' if I keep on gettin' poor,Lord have mercy on you, for I shall certainly not be able to look oncalmly at no great amount of rockin'."

  Mrs. Lathrop stared widely--and gasped openly. Susan continued:

  "It all began with Mr. Kimball 'n' his gettin' the fever ofspeckilation. Mr. Kimball said he thought he 'd rather get rich quickthan not get rich at all. That was the way he put it 'n' it sounded sosensible 't I felt to agree. Then he begin to unfold how (he had thenewspaper in his hand), 'n' as soon as he was unfolded I read theadvertisement. It was a very nice advertisement an' no patent medicinecou
ld have sounded easier to take in. You buy two rubber trees 'n' thenwait two years 'n' get fifty per cent till you die. Well, Mrs. Lathrop,I went over that advertisement fifty times to try 'n' see what to do 'n'yet the more I studied it the less faith I had in it somehow. Thepicture of the man who tended the trees was up on top 'n' littlepictures of him made a kind of pearl frame around the whole, 'n' he washonest enough lookin', as far as I could judge, but--as I told Mr.Kimball--what was to guarantee us as he 'd stick to the same job steady,'n' I certainly did n't have no longin' in me to buy a rubber tree insoutheast Peru 'n' then leave it to be hoed around by Tom, Dick, 'n'Harry. So I shook my head 'n' said 'no' in the end 'n' then we looked uprailway stocks. Mr. Kimball read me a list of millionaires 'n' he askedme if I would n't like to be called 'Susan Clegg, queen of the WesternPacific'--but I 'm too old to be caught by any such chaff, 'n' I toldhim so to his face, and then it was that we come to his favorite schemeof the 'Little Flyer in Wheat.' That was what he called it, 'n' I mustsay that I think it's a pretty good name, only if I know myself I 'llbuy wheat as never sets down hereafter.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it took a deal of talkin' 'n' Mr. Kimball had to doa lot of figgerin' before my eyes afore I was ready to believe him whenhe said as five of us could go in together 'n' double our money everyfew days for a month or so. He showed me as what he was figgerin' fromwas printed in plain letters 'n' red ink in a city paper, 'n' after awhile I opened my mouth 'n' swallowed the whole thing, red ink 'n' all.Mr. Kimball, Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, me, 'n' me over again, was the five,'n' we bought the share right off, fully believin' as we 'd begin thewheat-flyin' the same way--" Susan paused and set her teeth a littlevigorously for a moment,--then:

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, that was the way it all begun, 'n' I can lay myhand anywhere 'n' swear as all my bad luck is founded solid on Mr.Kimball in consequence. The very day after we begun with our fly instidof doublin' he halved in the mornin' paper 'n' it seemed we 'd got tobuy him all over again or it was good-by Johnny. Me bein' the only onewith money known to be ready 'n' idle they brought the paper to me tosave the share, 'n' I can only say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I wish as you couldhave seen their faces when they saw mine. I saw I was a lamb sittin'among the sharks, but I see, too, as I 'd have to come to time 'n' I gotthe money, 'n' then we set down--Mr. Dill, Mr. Shores, 'n' me--to figgeron how much of the share was mine on the new deal. It struck me, 'n' itstrikes me now, 'n' it always will strike me, as any one as ownstwo-fifths of a thing and then buys the whole thing over again ownsseven-fifths of it from then on, but Mr. Dill had the face to tell me tomy face as it wa'n't so at all. He figgered the share at 100 'n' us paiddown at 50 'n' me all together as aggravatin' up to 45, 'n' I could onlysit starin' 'n' stark ravin' dumb to see where he would come out afterthat. I did n't say nothin' of what I felt to him or Mr. Shores, for thevery good reason as I wanted to save all my feelin's for Mr. Kimball,but I tell you that a volcano gettin' itself made in the beginnin' isfloatin' lily-pads beside the inside of me that hour.

  "I went down-town that afternoon 'n' I aired myself pretty thoroughlyover the whole town, I can assure you. Mr. Allen said I 'd better pocketmy loss 'n' give up dabblin' in stocks, but I did n't see no great sensein what he said. I did n't have nothin' to pocket, everything wasgone,--'n' so far as dabblin' goes I wa'n't dabblin', I was in up to mynose. But Mr. Kimball come out as brassy as a bass-drum 'n' showed me apicture of wheat layin' on his back in bed takin' a tonic with fourdoctors doin' up his room work for him. The doctors was all millionaireson that stock list of railroads 'n' I counted on their knowin' what theywere givin' him, so I come home quite a little easier, 'n' that night Islept like a ton of hay. But the next day!--my Lord alive, you rememberthe next day, don't you, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it must have been arsenic asthem four had put in his bottle, for I was up in the garret makin' athistle-down pillow 'n' there come Ed tearin' up on his bicycle to tellme as I must stick in ten dollars more on a margin. 'On a what?' Ihollered from the window. 'On a margin,' he hollered from under theporch. Well, really, Mrs. Lathrop, I do believe if he had n't been underthe porch I would have throwed something down on him. My, but I was mad!I come down that garret-ladder like a greased pan 'n' I tied my bonneton 'n' walked straight in on Mr. Kimball. That was one time as he didvery little jokin', 'n' in the end he put in five of the ten himself 'n'then we both sat down 'n' tried to figger out as to how much of thatshare we each owned. I will confess as takin' down stoves was lookin'out of the window beside that job, 'n' in the end he made out as that ifthe share was worth the whole of itself I 'd own half, but bein' worthonly what had happened to it there was n't the half in the whole. So Icome home 'n' dreamed nothin' but nightmares runnin' wildly up 'n' downme.

  "You know what happened next!--it was the next mornin', 'n' I was makin'bread with a very heavy dough when Ed come bouncin' in for three dollarsmore margin. Well, I honestly thought I 'd bu'st. I blazed up so quick'n' so sudden that Ed fell back agin the table, 'n' then I shook tillthe window rattled. It was a good minute before I could speak, 'n' whenI spoke, I may in truth remark, Mrs. Lathrop, that I never spoke plainernor firmer in my life,--'Edward Andrews'--I says--'Edward Andrews, youpaddle yourself right back to Mr. Kimball 'n' tell him that my patienceis very short 'n' is gettin' shorter each minute, 'n' you may justcasually mention that I ain't got no more money to margin with not now'n' not never. If a thing as I 've paid nigh to eight-fifths for isshrunk to less than half of itself Mr. Dill 'n' Mr. Shores can marginfor it from now on--I'm done forever.' 'N' I was done, too--but I neverbargained on what came next!--Mr. Kimball traded that share in wheat fortwo in a Refrigerator Trust 'n' never even so much as sneezed about itto me, 'n' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I consider that the Bible sayin''Honor among thieves' ought to apply to me just as much as to any oneelse. 'N' there I went into the city as unsuspectin' as a can brimful ofbuttermilk 'n' bought a paper to read comin' home on the cars, 'n' whatshould I unfold but wheat runnin' up a ladder along with a bull to getout of the way of a lot of wild-lookin' lambs! The ladder-rungs wasnumbered 'n' I was sharp enough to see as them numbers was money 'n'that wheat had one leg safe on 110; so I kited home to sell out--'n' itwas then I learned about the Refrigerator!

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop!--well, _Mrs_. Lathrop, what do you think was myfeelin's then?--I tell you boilin' lava 'n' India's sunny strand was n'thotter than me that minute. Me--the backbone of the whole thing 'n' soldout like I was a mummy while I was in town buyin' darnin'-cotton!"

  Miss Clegg shifted her weight to the other foot and drew a long, freshbreath.

  "Mr. Kimball 'n' me has never been the same since," she continued withwarmth;--"we had enough to make us different, Heaven knows, for fromthat day on misfortune has just dogged and rabbited me, I know. Thewinter was so cold that the only way the Refrigerator Trust could comeout even was to burn up toward spring, 'n' the day it burnt wheat wassittin' on 140, kissin' his hand to the new crop."

  "But Mr. Kim--" interposed Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh, well, of course, havin' Mr. Shores fail right opposite brightenedeverything for him--I 'd smile myself if any one was to fail rightopposite me, 'n' I said just that very thing to Mr. Shores the mornin'after. I says,--I says, 'Mr. Shores, you must consider that this is aworld of ups and downs, 'n' that if you don't like to fail your failureis makin' Mr. Kimball happy 'n' your loss will be his credit.' But Mr.Shores was too busy to talk, so I bought two skewers to encourage him'n' come out, 'n' within a week I found to my sorrow as I was prettyunpleasantly near to a mark-down sale myself."

  "It was--" observed Mrs. Lathrop, sadly.

  "Yes," said her friend, "that's just when it was,--that very self-sameweek. I was in the square listenin' to Gran'ma Mullins' everlastin' taleof woe over Hiram 'n' Lucy, 'n' up come the blacksmith with a tale ofwoe for myself. Now, Mrs. Lathrop, you know me 'n' you 've known me along time 'n' you 've heard me tell this a good many times 'n' yet Iwant to ask you one time more,--_do_ you think any one but theblacksmith 'n' Mr. Dill would ever have blamed me for the crick'swas
hing out back of the blacksmith's 'n' lettin' the anvil 'n' the hindlegs of Mr. Dill's horse slide out sudden? Of course, I own theblacksmith shop 'n' of course I rent it, but--as I told him 'n' Mr. Dillboth that very day--nobody can't rent common sense nor yet keep track ofmen's washouts 'n' horses' hind legs. I knowed all the time I waswalkin' towards the crick that it was goin' to be a bad business, but Inever expected to see nothin' as looked like Mr. Dill's horse, 'n' Inever again shall hope to see nothin' as 'll look like Mr. Dill's looksas he looked at the horse. Not as his horse was n't worth lookin' ateither. His legs had gone out behind so far 'n' so unexpected that itseemed like he could n't get them high enough 'n' close enough to suithim, 'n' he just stood there drawin' them up alternate for all the worldlike a fly on fly-paper. Mr. Dill said he felt like if his horse was n'tever goin' to be able to h'ist his legs no quicker'n that he 'd have tohave damages, 'n' at that word I nigh to sat right down. I tell youwhat, Mrs. Lathrop, Mr. Weskin has bred this damage idea too deep intothis town for any comfort. It 's got to where it's better to hurtyourself most any way than to damage some one else only a little. Iwould n't take the chances of sayin' 'shoo' to a hen on a slipperymornin', 'n' things has come to a pretty pass when you 've got toconsider a hen's back-slidin's. Such bein' the case I felt more 'n alittle troubled when Mr. Dill said damages, but I tried to look on thebright side, 'n' I told him that it seemed to me that a proper-mindedhorse would have hauled in his legs when he felt himself slippin' inhalf. Mr. Dill said his horse unfortunately could n't see with his tail'n' was also brought up to consider anvils as solid. I answered as all Icould say was as it was a great pity as his horse was n't built enoughlike the rest of the world to have better hindsight than foresight,--'n'then I looked at the anvil in the crick--'n' then I come home."

  "'N' that--" said Mrs. Lathrop, sadly.

  "Yes, that very night!--it was that very night that the lightnin' struckmy house"--Susan halted a moment to turn and look at the house. "I neverwill see why the lightnin' had to strike my house, Mrs. Lathrop, withyours so handy right next door; but it did strike it--'n' me insidesleepin' the sleep of the nigh to poverty-stricken 'n' done-up, 'n'never as much as dreamin' of bein' woke by a brick bouncin' out of myown flesh 'n' blood stove-hole. My heavens alive! what a night that was,'n' even if nothin' catched fire everythin' in kingdom come rained in,'n' when mornin' come 'n' I see what a small hole it was after all Iwould n't ever have believed it if you 'd swore it till the week afterdoomsday."

  "And then--" said Mrs. Lathrop, sympathetically.

  "Yes, 'n' then come the roof-mendin'. I never can feel to blame myselfthere because I did n't want to pay no carpenter, 'n' you know yourself,Mrs. Lathrop, as it looked just as easy to get up on that roof as tofall off any other. I hung the shingles around my neck 'n' put the nailsin my mouth 'n' the hammer down my back, 'n' then I went up the lattice'n' got over the little window on to the ridge-pole. You know, Mrs.Lathrop, how simple it all seemed from the ground, 'n' I was to just sitedgeways from the end of the peak right along up to the hole, but you've heard me remark afore 'n' I will now remark again as no one on theground has any notion of ridge-poles as they really are. A ridge-polefrom the ground, Mrs. Lathrop, looks like it could n't be fell off, butfrom itself it feels like it could n't be stuck on to, 'n' I thought I'd swallow the last one of them nails gaspin' afore I got to the hole.You saw me tryin' to get to the hole, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' then you saw metryin' to get the hammer. I thought I 'd go somer-settin' head overheels afore I got it fished out 'n' then there was n't no place to layit down!

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I never shall be able to look back on that day andhour without a cold conscience. It was certainly a awful time. I took anail out of my mouth 'n' a shingle off my neck 'n' made ready to begin.I took the hammer 'n'--just then--I looked down--'n' if there was n'tthe minister 'n' his wife just turnin' in my gate!

  "Well, of course, that came nigh to endin' me ever 'n' ever! NoChristian would ever dream of answering her front-door bell from herback ridge-pole, 'n' I never was one to do nothin' as folks could talkof. I see it was do or die right then or there 'n' I made a quick slidefor the porch roof. You know what happened, 'n' I never have felt toforgive the minister, even if it was n't him as drove that unexpectednail in my roof. Mrs. Lathrop, we 've spoke of this afore, 'n' I 'vesaid then, 'n' I 'll say now, that in spite of my likin' for you, _no_one as rocks forever on a cushion can be able to even surmise what it isto slide quick over a unexpected nail, 'n' so it was only natural thateven in the first hour I never looked for anything from you but Pond'sExtract. But I may remark further--for it 's right you should know--thatnothin' in my whole life ever rasped me worse the wrong way of my hairthan to watch you rockin' that fortnight that I had my choice to standup or go to bed, 'n' even in bed I had to get up 'n' get out if I wantedto turn over. Mr. Shores told Mrs. Macy as probably it was the sun ashad drawed that nail, 'n' all I can say is that I hope if it was the sun'n' he ever takes it into his head to draw another of my nails, that he'll either draw it completely out or leave it completely in, for I knowas I never want to come down from another ridge-pole by way of anothernail--not while I 'm alive anyhow."

  A short pause and a long sigh. Mrs. Lathrop sighed, too.

  "Then come the bill from the carpenter 'n' from young Doctor Brown, 'n'for raisin' the anvil, 'n' I was hardly onto _my_ legs before Mr. Dill'shorse quit his hind ones. Mr. Weskin was up 'n' doin' as usual 'n'advised bringin' a joint suit with the blacksmith for the anvil 'n' mefor the crick, but even if I was helpless the blacksmith wa' n't goin'to be sued if he could do anything else, 'n' he brung Mr. Dill up to seeif we could n't arbitrate ourselves. Mr. Dill 's always been very niceto me, but that wheat-fly made him so mad to be paid something bysomebody that it took the blacksmith 'n' me and four glasses of rootbeer to bring him to reason. In the end he said if the blacksmith wouldshoe everything he owned till it died 'n' if I would put up Lucy'scurrants till I died that he 'd call them two legs straight. We wrote apaper 'n' signed it 'n' I went to bed, 'n' seemed like my trials werecertainly more than any mortal could stand under, particularly when youconsider that a good deal of the time I had n't been able to sit down.

  "I don't see why any one should be surprised over me lookin' worried. Itsays in the Bible that if you 'n' Mohamet ain't on the mountain you 'rebound to have the mountain 'n' Mohamet both on you, 'n' I must say Ibelieve it's true. I 've had to take the ten dollars as I never touch,'n' the ten as I never will touch, 'n' the ten as I never will touch sohelp me Heaven--'n' spend 'em all. 'N' I don't know what I am goin' todo now, I 'm sure. Bein' yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, you can't in reason beexpected to understand what it is to me to have no one but you to turnto. You 've got your good points, but you ain't no hand to have ideasnor yet to advise. I 've been slow in comin' to that view of you, but I've got to it at last, 'n' got over it, 'n' I 'm walkin' alone now onthe further side."

  Mrs. Lathrop looked apologetic, but remained tritely silent. Susanbacked away from the fence.

  "It 's gettin' damp," she said; "you 've got rheumatism anyway, so youdon't care if you take cold, but I ain't very anxious to, 'n' so I thinkwe 'd ought to go in."

  Mrs. Lathrop nodded, and turned to go.

  "I hope I have n't made you feel uneasy, Mrs. Lathrop," Susan said, asshe also turned; "you know me well enough to know as if I come tostarvation it would never be nothin' but a joy to me to see you starvewith me."

  Mrs. Lathrop nodded.

  Susan nodded.

  And thus they parted for the night.