Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs

by Anne Warner

  PART SECOND

  GRAN'MA MULLINS'S WOE

  It was some days later--a summer afternoon. The setting sun wasbrightening the western sky, and Susan, with her bonnet on and hersun-shade leaning beside her, sat on Mrs. Lathrop's porch and discoursedin a fashion that partook alternately of the lively and of the dejected.Mrs. Lathrop rocked calmly and listened yet more so.

  "Things is goin' worse 'n' worse," said the caller; "I 've had to bringmyself down to doin' my own weedin', so as to save that ten cents a weekI give Augustus, 'n' Lord knows I 'd gladly put up anything for anybody,but everybody in this town puts up themselves. I don't know how I willget along if suthin' don't turn up, 'n' I can't see what can turn upwith every one head over ears deep in the weddin's 'n' young DoctorBrown settin' the whole town mad over the crick. That 's a very strangething about the crick, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it seems to be pretty generallyadmitted now that inside or out the crick 's good for most anything inanybody, but this new idea as it 's a sure cure for asthma is just doin'folks up alive. Young Doctor Brown says he's been investigatin' underhis own microscope, 'n' he says there ain't a doubt but the crickpolliwogs can eat up the asthma polliwogs as fast as you can shake 'emtogether in a bottle. He 's goin' to Meadville 'n' shake 'em up for oldDoctor Carter, 'n' then he 's goin' to send to the city for a pint oftyphoid fever 'n' a half-pint of diphtheria 'n' let 'em loose on that.Mr. Kimball asked him if he was positive which side was doin' theswallowin' 'n' if he had the crick ones wear a band on their left armswhen they went into battle, but young Doctor Brown explained as therecould n't be no mistake, for asthma has got four claws in its tail andthe crick has horns all over. Mrs. Macy says, under them circumstancesshe shall make her tea with boiled rain-water hereafter, 'n' she saysshe ain't sure as she 's got enough faith left in the crick to evenscrub with it."

  "If I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Gran'ma Mullins is a good deal upset," said Susan; "she don't like thenotion of young Doctor Brown's bringin' so much typhoid and diphtheriainto town just as Hiram 's goin' to get married a _tall_. She says she's got enough to worry over about Hiram without that. She says she 'sfeelin' worse over him every day. She can't talk about it withoutchokin'. She says she 's got his rattle and his first sock pinned up bythe clock, so every time she looks up at the time she can see 'em 'n'cry again. She says it ain't in reason as Lucy 'll ever understandHiram. She says Hiram 's a very singular disposition, but if you alwaysask him to do what you don't want done 'n' to never do what 's got to bedone right off he 's one of the handiest men around the house as sheever see. She says he eats a lot of sugar 'n' you must n't notice it,'cause he always says as he never does; and he most never goes tochurch, but you must n't tell him so, 'cause he says he goes regular,'n' she says as he likes to keep molasses candy in his pockets 'n' underhis pillow, 'n' heaven knows, likin' molasses candy ain't no crime, andyet she 's almost sure Lucy 's goin' to make his life miserable over it.She says her cup was full enough without no pint of diphtheria added,'n' I d'n know as I ever see any one more downhearted. Mrs. Macy 'n' mestayed and shook our heads with her for a while 'n' then we went on tMrs. Allen's to look at Polly's weddin' things. Every one in town isgoin' to look at Polly's weddin' things, 'n' you 'd really suppose asthe deacon was any one in the world but the deacon to see how they 'vefixed Polly up to marry him. Four of everythin' 'n' six o' some. Onlynot a apron in the whole,--the deacon would n't have it. He said rightout as he wa'n't marryin' Polly to work her to skin 'n' bone, and heknows how he wants his house kept 'n' his cookin' done, so he 'll justkeep on keepin' 'n' cookin' as usual. He 's fixed up a good deal; thecanary bird 's got a brass hook after all these years o' wooden-peggin','n' he 's bought one o' them new style doormats made out o' wire with'Welcome P. W.' let into it in green marbles. 'P. W.' stands for 'PollyWhite,' 'n' Mr. Kimball told Mr. Macy they had a awful time oversticking the marbles in 'n' a awful time gettin' the letters to suit.The deacon was for 'P. W.' all along 'n' Polly was for the deacon, butMrs. Allen was for Polly's name, because Polly ain't married yet, 'n'they got P. A. stuck in afore any one knowed how it'd look, 'n' thenthey tried to patch it up with a 'W' added 'n' that seemed like it was anew way to say to be sure 'n' wipe your feet. Mr. Kimball told Mrs. Macyhe nigh to died laughin', 'n' he did n't mind how he broke his nailspickin' marbles in 'n' out when he could have so much fun. So theysettled for 'P. W.,' 'n' Mrs. Macy 's more than a little bitter over itall, for she says the deacon 'll soon come to his senses 'n' then it'llbe too late to get that 'P. W.' off of his door-mat again. But thedeacon ain't carin'. He's friskin' around like a colt, 'n' they say he's got two new suits of clothes 'n' a new hat for the goin' away. He wasalways that way though--I recolleck Mr. Kimball's sayin' when Mrs. Whitedied that the deacon had been dyein' his hair 'n' bein' patient for overfifteen years.

  "Well--about them weddin' things of Polly's!--Mrs. Allen took meupstairs 'n' I saw 'em all. The weddin' veil is looped along thelamberquin with a glove pinned to each curtain, the dress hangs on aframe between against the window shade, 'n' the under things is foldedon a table at one side with the stockin's tied together in a truelovers'-knot. I must say they 've done it all real tasty, with thedeacon's picture in the middle leanin' up against her shoes. It 's aopen question about the shoes still, 'cause if Polly wears any shoes a_tall_ it only makes her that much more higher than the deacon, but Mrs.Allen says, seein' as it 's as it is, she hopes Polly 'll only think o'how the higher her heels is the more room it 'll give her train tospread. It 's a very handsome train 'n' they 've measured so 's it 'llmake the next set o' parlor curtains at the Whites'.

  "I declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I can't tell you how all these weddin's 'n'talkin's do blue me up! To see every one spendin' money 'n' me withoutany even to save. Mr. Dill asked me yesterday if I did n't want to takeGran'ma Mullins to board for the honeymoon, an' I suppose I could maybedo it, but oh my! I can't say as I take to that idea much. I 'm fond o'Gran'ma Mullins, but these days Hiram is nothin' but a bottomless pitwhen she gets at him, 'n' a honeymoon is a long time to hear one persontalk about one person. I can 't say as I ever had anythin' again Hiramexcept that time 't he did n't catch Jathrop to lynch him, but all thesame I ain't over fond o' any one as goes around with their mouthhalf-open the year through. Mr. Kimball said once as Hiram Mullins wasthe best design for a penny bank as he ever saw, 'n' Polly Allen saysshe 's more 'n sorry for Lucy, 'cause no matter how hard Lucy was totry, Polly says it stands to reason as she could n't get more 'n half akiss at once. Mrs. Allen giggled, 'n' we all did, too, 'cause the deaconcarries his mouth so tight shut that it's a question if Polly ever getsa kiss a _tall_.

  "Mrs. Brown says Doctor Brown is gettin' surer 'n' surer about thecrick. He 's been paintin' the cat with asthma 'n' then washin' him incrick water, 'n' Mrs. Brown says he wa'n't dead up to the time he runaway anyhow."

  "That big--" queried Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Yes, with the yellow eyes. He 's been gone a week, but they don't care.Mrs. Brown says that cat was so everlastin'ly around that he made herfeel like she was married again, 'n' she was glad to have him light out.She says he was so like a man it was awful,--wantin' to sit by the fire'n' think till you was dyin' to empty the tea-kettle over his head, 'n'forever placidly yawnin' when you was turned a hundred ends at once.Mrs. Brown says Amelia 's goin' to give a wash-cloth shower for Pollyand Lucy day after to-morrow. She says young Doctor Brown says if hecomes out on top about that crick-cure for asthma Amelia can do anythin'she pleases. He says this town 'll be a real cure then, 'n' we 'll seeno end of money flow into us,--she says he says we can all take boardersat fancy prices 'n' serve 'em to the crick at a penny a glass. I don'tknow but what I might take a few quiet boarders myself that way. They 'dbe quiet because they could n't be lively, 'n' the asthma 'd choke 'emto where they could n't eat much."

  "I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "I could have 'Liza Em'ly to help me, I presume. I could advertise 'n'when they answered I could go in town 'n' look at them and take my pick.I 'd want to be sure as
they were quiet, 'n' I 'd want to be sure asthey were sick--I would n't take no chances at havin' one o' thesemerry-go-round summer families land on me, I know. Like as not there 'dbe a boy, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that while a boy mayperhaps accidentally happen to be a comfort he 's very much more likelyjust to be a boy."

  "Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop--"I--"

  "Yes, o' course," said Susan, "'n' look where he come out! If Jathrophad been a girl how different everything would have been for him--not tospeak o' the rest of us. You can't deny that, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' youcan't deny either as Jathrop would have been better off himself if he 'dbeen any other thing as God ever made."

  "He--" said the mother.

  "You thought so," said Susan, "but nobody else ever did. Mothers isalways mothers 'n' the best will in the world don't seem able to help'em out o' the scrape. There's Gran'ma Mullins just cryin' her eyes outthese days over Hiram, 'n' you 'd think Lucy was a sea-serpent and Hiramwas chained to a rock to hear her go on. She says she 's raised Hiram socareful to be a comfort to her all these years 'n' she says he promisedher when he was only two 'n' a half years old that he 'd never smoke nordrink nor get married. She says she 's trusted him all his life 'n' thisis the first time as he ever broke his word to her. She says all hislittle ways is just so sweet, but she feels sure Lucy won't never lethim dip his bread in the platter-gravy 'n' Hiram 's so _awful_ fond ofplatter-gravy. She says he likes to have the potato-smasher right by hisplace at the table 'n' pound the meat to make more juice come out, 'n'she says it 's been nothin' but a joy to her always to let him, 'causehis father died when he wa'n't but eleven months old. But she says shejust knows Lucy 'll be death on Hiram's potato-smasher, 'n' she says shemost feels as if Lucy was goin' to be death on Hiram, too. She says shecan't look at Hiram these days without chokin' over thinkin' how Lucy 'sgoin' to look at him inside o' three months. She says Hiram 's a verytender nature, he can't be hurried awake mornin's, 'n' if he wakes up inthe night he _has_ to have gingerbread 'n' whistle till he drops off tosleep again. She says no one as really loved Hiram would mind suchlittle trifles as that, but she says she has her doubts as to Lucy'sreally lovin' Hiram, 'n' even if she does really love him now, she saysit ain't no reason as she 'll keep on lovin' him long. She says timealone 'll tell what the end 'll be, 'n' she only hopes 'n' prays thatwhatever Lucy does or does n't do, that she 'll never forget as she waswell 'n' richly warned beforehand, for she says she went herself instreamin' tears 'n' begged her not to marry Hiram, an' she 's keptstraight on till now she 's almost done it."

  Susan ceased speaking and took up her parasol.

  "Are--" remonstrated Mrs. Lathrop.

  "I must," said her neighbor; "I 'm hungry 'n' I want time to beat upsome soda-biscuit. It 's no use your askin' me to stay to supper,because my heart is set on soda-biscuit 'n' I like my own better thanany one could ever like yours. I don't say that unkindly, Mrs. Lathrop,for I ain't got a unkind thing about me, 'n' I could n't lay anything upagainst you even if I wanted to. Even when I get all at outs with youover your rockin' I never lay it up against you--we 've been friends toomany years. If you can be happy rockin' through life till some fine dayyou rock over backward into your coffin, all I can say is that it won'tbe my funeral, 'n' bein' as it will be yours, I shall be too busy thatday to fuss over ifs 'n' ands. I 'm keepin' the board 'n' saw-horses asfather had for you, 'n' the black bow from his door-bell, too, 'n' afteryou 're done with them I 'm intendin' to give them to the first needy'n' deservin' person as comes along in need of 'em."

  Susan started down the steps.

  "But--" protested Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Probably not," said her friend, "but you never can tell. Anyhow I 'mgoin' now. You don't appear to consider how valuable my time is, Mrs.Lathrop, but that 's another thing as I don't lay up against you."

  * * * * *

  For the next week Miss Clegg's financial difficulties rubbed on in muchthe same way. So did the wedding preparations of Polly Allen and LucyDill. Debts and dates are two things which are famous for movement, andin between her periods of repose in her own house and of activity abouttown Susan seized every chance possible to impart the impending state ofevery one's affairs to her neighbor.

  "The blacksmith was up again last night," she said one sunny morning,when the need of hanging out her wash had brought her and Mrs. Lathropwithin conversational distance; "he wants to have his rent a littlelowered so as he can bric-a-brac the side of the crick himself. He saysthere 's stones enough to do it, only he must hire a man to help him. Itold him I 'd consider it, 'n' goin' out in the dark he fell over thescraper. I declare I got a damage-suit chill right down my spine 'n' Irun out with a candle, 'n', thank heaven, he had n't broke nothin' butthe scraper. I 've been wonderin' if it would pay to sue him for that,but I don't believe I will, because folks has been fallin' over it eversince father nailed it to the front o' the step so 's to let his petweasel go back 'n' forth at the side. The weasel 's been dead for ages,but the scraper 's never been changed. I wish I could remember thatweasel. Father loved him 'n' mother hated him,--she said she was alwaysfindin' him asleep in her shoes and sleeves. I was speakin' about it toGran'ma Mullins to-day 'n' she said she remembered comin' to tea atmother's once 'n' their findin' the weasel in the tea-pot. I guessthat's the first time Gran'ma Mullins has spoken of any livin' soul butHiram in six months. She 's feelin' worse than ever over Lucy's decidin'to be married at home on account o' the blue bengaline. She says that'sa extra turn o' the ice-cream-freezer handle as she never counted onhavin' to submit to. She says she naturally supposed if Hiram gotmarried as she 'd sit in the front pew for once in her life, 'n' see thebride's dress good, 'n' hear the answers plain, 'n' now instid her onlychild, as she 's loved like a mother ever since he was born, is goin' tobe married in a parlor as private as if he was bein' buried from thesmallpox! She says, oh dear, oh dear, seems like she never will be ableto live down that mirror as she smashed with her head the first time shesaw what she looked like. She says she wa'n't more 'n nine months old'n' yet that mirror has tagged her right through life ever since. Shesays she missed all her school examinations 'n' did n't get the deacon'n' did get her husband, 'n' as if that wa'n't enough she must needslose her husband, 'n' she 's had no choice but to be a widow ever since,'n' she 's been sprained in all directions 'n' been broke in alldirections 'n' her mince-meat 'most always ferments 'n' Hiram 's beenher one bright spot 'n' now he 's got to get married in a parlor. Shesays the worst is as it would draw bread right out of a stone to see howcheerful Hiram is these days,--she says any one would suppose as LucyDill was goin' to surely make him happy to see how he goes smilin'around. She says it 's one of the most pathetikest sights as she eversee to watch Hiram markin' off the days on his calendar, 'n' she criedwhen she told me. She says no one need n't tell her as there 's any oneelse like Hiram, for she knows him well enough to know as it could n'tpossibly be true. And then she cried again. I tell you what, Mrs.Lathrop, I may be pretty well churned up over my money troubles, but Ican assure you as I feel like a monkey jumpin' through three rings atonce beside Gran'ma Mullins. Mrs. Macy says that when Hiram goes to seeLucy you can hear her sobbin' way to the crick,--Mrs. Macy says thefirst night she thought it was Mr. Jilkins comin' into town with a hotwheel. I would n't be surprised myself to see Gran'ma Mullins drop deadwhen she hears Lucy get Hiram for better for worse. It 's awful to see amother suffer so. I don't see how Hiram stands it. If I was him 'n' shehad a stroke at my wedding I should call it a stroke o' luck 'n' nothin'else. Not that I don't feel kindly disposed towards Gran'ma Mullins, butI 'm pretty tired hearin' her tale o' woe. Other folks' troubles isgenerally more interestin' to other folks than they are to me, andbesides, if it really comes to talkin' of troubles, nobody ain't got nomore to talk about than I have myself. This money question is nippin' mesharper in the calves every day, and when Mrs. Macy told me yesterday asher steps was givin' out I felt like sittin' down on 'em when they doneit. Lord knows, I 'd never be one to wave my
flag from no post-hole inthe thick of no flight, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that as ageneral thing I keep a stiff upper-cut through black and blue, but stillif Mrs. Macy's steps really do break down I feel like I shall have nochoice but to Jack-and-Jill it after 'em."

  "Maybe--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop, hopefully.

  "Well, I ain't a-expectin' it anyhow. I 'm expectin' ruin, 'n' I canhear it howlin' and nosin' around my house all night long. Somethin' wasswimmin' in the cistern last night, too,--if it made the other side safeI 'm all right, but if it drowned there 'll be another bill. It ain't nouse your tryin' to cheer me up, Mrs. Lathrop, because I ain't to becheered. I know I 'm goin' to the poorhouse, 'n' I don't thank you norno other man for tellin' me to my face as what I know ain't so. Gran'maMullins 'n' me is two very sad hearts these days, 'n' Heaven help usboth. To hear her talk you 'd think the Siamese twins was the sun andmoon apart compared to her 'n' Hiram, 'n' now she 's got to give him upto Lucy Dill. She says Lucy ain't old enough to appreciate Hiram; shesays Lucy 'll expect Hiram to be pleased, 'n' Hiram ain't never pleased;she says when Hiram keeps still 'n' don't say nothin' he's pleased, 'n'when he goes to bed 'n' to sleep right off he 's real pleased. She saysLucy won't understand, 'n' then there 'll be trouble. She says troubleis a awful thing to have, 'n' she knows all about it 'cause she had itwith her husband. She says the only good o' havin' trouble with yourhusband is the comfort you get out o' talkin' about it, 'n' that whenshe thinks as Lucy 'll get her comfort out o' talkin' about Hiram shepretty nearly gets up and goes right out of her mind."

  Susan stopped suddenly; she had been standing with her basket in herhand, in the attitude of one arrested for a moment's inquiry, throughoutthis conversation.

  "Did you--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Yes, I did. It was n't no great joy, pinched as I am, but I believe indoin' what you can for people gettin' married--God help 'em--'n' I give'em each somethin'. I give Lucy a very good pair of scissors as motherhad, as always grabs me in the joint so I can't use 'em, 'n' I givePolly our best carvin' knife. They was both sharp things, so they eachhad to give me a cent to hold on to friendship. I know two cents ain'tmuch, but it 's better 'n nothin', 'n' I may tell you in confidence,Mrs. Lathrop, as all my presents 'll be sharp right along from now on."

  Mrs. Lathrop raised her eyebrows to testify to the acute perceptionwhich had grasped her friend's point at once.

  "Are you--" she asked presently.

  "Goin' to the weddin's?--oh, yes. It may make me a little blue to lookat Lucy, but it could n't but cheer anybody to compare themselves withGran'ma Mullins. She says it 's goin' to half murder her, 'n' she 'smade Hiram promise as he 'll give her his first husband's kiss. Lucy 'sgot the idea as she 'll have a weddin' procession o' Mr. Dill 'n' her,an' Hiram 'n' his mother, down the stairs 'n' in through the backparlor. Hiram don't want to, 'cause he 's afraid his mother won't let goof him when the time comes. Hiram says he ain't lived through these lastweeks o' half stranglin' without knowin' what he 's talkin' about allright, but Lucy 's dead set on the procession. They 're goin' to try 'n'keep Polly 'n' the deacon a little back 'n' out o' sight, 'cause there's a many as thinks as half o' Gran'ma Mullins's tears is for thedeacon, only she can't say so. Mrs. Allen says every one is talkin' thatidea, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit says she hopes to Heaven as it ain't so, for howthe deacon is to be kept a little back God only knows, for he 's sohappy these days that he 's more than ever everlastin'ly on tap. Mrs.Sperrit 's been very kind; she 's goin' to take Gran'ma Mullins to theDills', 'n' she says she 'll take her home afterwards. Gran'ma Mullinsis goin' to carry ammonia 'n' camphor, 'n' be sure an' have the corksout of 'em both."

  "I wish--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Yes, I do, too," said her friend, heartily, "but I 'll come 'n' tellyou about them both right afterwards. I d'n know as I was ever morecurious in my life than I am to see how Lucy is going to claw Hiram freelong enough to marry him. 'N' I 'm interested in Polly's weddin', too.But there is no use deceivin' you as to one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n'that is as what interests me the most of all, is what under the sun I 'mgoin' to do myself to get some money. I can't live on bread 'n' wateralone, 'n' even if I could, the flour 'll soon give out if I bread italong steady for very long. I 've got to get some money somehow, 'n' I've about made up my mind as to what I 'll have to do. It makes me sickto think of it, 'cause I hate him so, but I guess I 'll have to come toit in the end. I 'll go to the weddin's, 'n' then I 'll brace up 'n'make the leap."

  Mrs. Lathrop looked perturbed--even slightly anxious.

  "I 'm sorry not to be able to tell you all my plans," Miss Cleggcontinued, "but--"

  She stopped suddenly--a train-whistle had sounded afar.

  "My heavens alive! if that ain't to-day's ten-o'clock comin' fromMeadville, 'n' me solemnly promised to be at Lucy's at half-past nine tohelp Mrs. Macy stone raisins! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I would n't havebelieved it of you if I had n't been a eyewitness!--"