Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs

by Anne Warner

  PART THIRD

  LUCY DILL'S WEDDING

  "Well, Lucy has got Hiram!"

  There was such a strong inflection of triumphant joy in Miss Clegg'svoice as she called the momentous news to her friend that it would havebeen at once--and most truthfully--surmised that the getting of Hiramhad been a more than slight labor.

  Mrs. Lathrop was waiting by the fence, impatience written with awandering reflection all over the serenity of her every-day expression.Susan only waited to lay aside her bonnet and mitts and then hastened tothe fence herself.

  "Mrs. Lathrop, you never saw nor heard the like of this weddin' day inall your own ays to be or to come, 'n' I don't suppose there ever willbe anything like it again, for Lucy Dill did n't cut no figger in herown weddin' a _tall_,--the whole thing was Gran'ma Mullins first, last'n' forever hereafter. I tell you it looked once or twice as if it wouldn't be a earthly possibility to marry Hiram away from his mother, 'n'now that it 's all over people can't do anything but say as after allLucy ought to consider herself very lucky as things turned out, for ifthings had n't turned out as they did turn out I don't believe anythingon earth could have unhooked that son, 'n' I 'm willin' to swear thatanywhere to any one.

  "Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Gran'ma Mullins was so bad off lastnight as they had to put a mustard plaster onto her while Hiram went tosee Lucy for the last time, 'n' Mrs. Macy says as she never hear thebeat o' her memory, for she says she 'll take her Bible oath as Gran'maMullins told her what Hiram said 'n' done every minute o' his life whilehe was gone to see Lucy Dill. 'N' she cried, too, 'n' took on the wholetime she was talkin' 'n' said Heaven help her, for nobody else could,'n' she just knowed Lucy 'd get tired o' Hiram's story 'n' he can't behappy a whole day without he tells it, 'n' she 's most sure Lucy won'tlike his singin' 'Marchin' Through Georgia' after the first month ortwo, 'n' it 's the only tune as Hiram has ever really took to. Mrs. Macysays she soon found she could n't do nothin' to stem the tide except todrink tea 'n' listen, so she drank an' listened till Hiram come homeabout eleven. Oh, my, but she says they had _the_ time then! Gran'maMullins let him in herself, 'n' just as soon as he was in she bu'st intofloods of tears 'n' would n't let him loose under no consideration. Shesays Hiram managed to get his back to the wall for a brace 'causeGran'ma Mullins nigh to upset him every fresh time as Lucy come overher, 'n' Mrs. Macy says she could n't but wonder what the end was goin'to be when, toward midnight, Hiram just lost patience 'n' dodged outunder her arm 'n' ran up the ladder to the roof-room 'n' they could n'tget him to come down again. She says when Gran'ma Mullins realized as hewould n't come down she most went mad over the notion of her only son'sspendin' the Christmas Eve to his own weddin' sleepin' on the floor o'the attic 'n' she wanted to poke the cot up to him, but Mrs. Macy saysshe drew the line at cot-pokin' when the cot was all she 'd have tosleep on herself, 'n' in the end they poked quilts up, 'n' pillows, 'n'doughnuts 'n' cider 'n' blankets, 'n' Hiram made a very good bed on thefloor 'n' they all got to sleep about three o'clock.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think? What _do_ you think? They was soawful tired that none of 'em woke till Mrs. Sperrit come at eleven nextday to take 'em to the weddin'! Mrs. Macy says she hopes she 'll be putforward all her back-slidin's if she ever gets such a start again. Shesays when she peeked out between the blinds 'n' see Mrs. Sperrit'sSunday bonnet 'n' realized her own state she nearly had a fit. Mrs.Sperrit had to come in 'n' be explained to, 'n' the worst of it was asHiram could n't be woke no-how. He 'd pulled the ladder up after him 'n'put the lid on the hole so 's to feel safe, 'n' there he was snug as abug in a rug 'n' where no human bein' could get at him. They hollered'n' banged doors 'n' sharpened the carvin' knife an' poured grease onthe stove 'n' did anything they could think of, but he never budged.Mrs. Macy says she never was so close to beside herself in all her lifebefore, for Gran'ma Mullins cried worse 'n ever each minute, 'n' Hiramseemed like the very dead could n't wake him.

  "They was all hoppin' around half crazy when Mr. Sperrit come along onhis way to the weddin' 'n' his wife run out 'n' told him what was thematter 'n' he come right in 'n' looked up at the matter. It did n't takelong for _him_ to unsettle Hiram, Mrs. Macy says. He got a sulphurcandle 'n' tied it to a stick 'n' h'isted the lid with another stick,'n' in less 'n two minutes they could all hear Hiram sneezin' an' comin'to. 'N' Mrs. Macy says when they hollered what time it was she wishesthe whole town might have been there to see Hiram Mullins come down toearth. Mr. Sperrit did n't hardly have time to get out o' the way 'n' hedid n't give his mother no show for one single grab,--he just bouncedinto his room 'n' you could have heard him gettin' dressed on the farside o' the far bridge.

  "O' course, us at Lucy's did n't know anythin' a _tall_ about Mrs.Macy's troubles. We had our own, Heaven help us, 'n' they was enough,for the very first thing of all Mr. Dill caught his pocket on the cornerof Mrs. Dill 'n' come within a ace of pullin' her off her easel. Thatwould have been a pretty beginnin' to Lucy's weddin' day if her fatherhad smashed her mother's glass to bits, I guess, but it could n't havemade Lucy any worse; for I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I never see no onein all my born life act foolisher than Lucy Dill this day. First she 'dlaugh 'n' then she 'd cry 'n' then she 'd lose suthin' as we 'd _got_ tohave to work with. 'N' when it come to dressin' her!--well, if she 'dknown as Hiram was sleepin' a sleep as next to knowed no wakin' shecould n't have put on more things wrong side out an' hind side before!She was n't dressed till most every one was there 'n' I was gettin'pretty anxious, for Hiram was n't there neither, 'n' the more fidgetypeople got the more they caught their corners on Mrs. Dill. I just savedher from Mr. Kimball, 'n' Amelia saw her goin' as a result o' JudgeFitch 'n' hardly had time for a jump. The minister himself was beginnin'to cough when, all of a sudden, some one cried as the Sperrits wasthere.

  "Well, we all squeezed to the window, 'n' such a sight you never saw.They was gettin' Gran'ma Mullins out 'n' Hiram was tryin' to keep herfrom runnin' the color of his cravat all down his shirt while she wassobbin' 'Hi-i-i-i-ram, Hi-i-i-i-i-ram', in a voice as would wring yourvery heart dry. They got her out 'n' got her in an' got her upstairs,'n' we all sat down 'n' begin to get ready while Amelia played 'Lead,Kindly Light' and 'The Joyous Farmer' alternate, 'cause she'd mislaidher Weddin' March.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you never knowed nothin' like it!--we waited, '_n_'we waited, '_n_' we waited, 'n' the minister most coughed himself intoconsumption, 'n' Mrs. Dill got caught on so often that Mr. Kimball toldEd to stand back of her 'n' hold her to the easel every minute. Ameliawas just beginning over again for the seventeenth time when at last weheard 'em bumpin' along downstairs. Seems as all the delay come fromLucy's idea o' wantin' to walk with her father 'n' have a weddin'procession, instid o' her 'n' Hiram comin' in together like Christians'n' lettin' Mr. Dill hold Gran'ma Mullins up anywhere. Polly says shenever see such a time as they had of it; she says fightin' wolves waslayin' lambs beside the way they talked. Hiram said frank 'n' open asthe reason he did n't want to walk in with his mother was he was sureshe would n't let him out to get married, but Lucy was dead set on theprocession idea. So in the end they done it so, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins'ssobs fairly shook the house as they come through the dinin'-room door.Lucy was first with her father 'n' they both had their heads turnedbackward lookin' at Hiram 'n' his mother.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it was certainly a sight worth seein'! The way thatGran'ma Mullins was glued on! All I can say is as octopuses has gottheir backs turned in comparison to the way that Hiram seemed to be allwrapped up in her. It looked like wild horses, not to speak of LucyDill, would n't never be able to get him loose enough to marry him. Theminister was scared; we was all scared. I never see a worse situation tobe in.

  "They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin' back, Mr. Dillwhite as a sheet, 'n' Hiram walkin' like a snow-plough as is n't surehow long it can keep on makin' it. It seemed like a month as they wasunder way before they finally got stopped in front o' the minister. 'N'then come _the_ time! Hiram had to step beside Lu
cy 'n' take her hand'n' he could n't! We all just gasped. There was Hiram tryin' to getloose 'n' Mr. Dill tryin' to help him. Gran'ma Mullins's tears drippedtill you could hear 'em, but she hung on to Hiram like he 'd paid forit. They worked like Trojan beavers, but as fast as they 'd get one sideof him uncovered she 'd take a fresh wind-round. I tell you, we all justheld our breath, 'n' I bet Lucy was sorry she persisted in havin' aprocession when she see the perspiration runnin' off her father 'n' poorHiram.

  "Finally Polly got frightened 'n' begun to cry, 'n' at that the deaconput his arm around her 'n' give her a hug, an' Gran'ma Mullins looked upjust in time to see the arm 'n' the hug. It seemed like it was the lasthay in the donkey, for she give a weak screech 'n' went right over onMr. Dill. She had such a grip on Hiram that if it had n't been for Lucyhe 'd have gone over, too, but Lucy just hung on herself that time, 'n'Hiram was rescued without nothin' worse than his hair mussed 'n' onesleeve a little tore. Mr. Sperrit 'n' Mr. Jilkins carried Gran'maMullins into the dinin'-room, 'n' I said to just leave her fainted tillafter we 'd got Hiram well 'n' truly married; so they did.

  "I never see the minister rattle nothin' through like thatmarriage-service. Every one was on whole papers of pins 'n' needles, 'n'the minute it was over every one just felt like sittin' right straightdown.

  "Mrs. Macy 'n' me went up 'n' watered Gran'ma Mullins till we broughther to, 'n' when she learned as it was all done she picked up wonderful'n' felt as hungry as any one, 'n' come downstairs 'n' kissed Lucy 'n'caught a corner on Mrs. Dill just like she 'd never been no trouble tono one from first to last. I never see such a sudden change in all mylife; it was like some miracle had come out all over her 'n' there wasn't no one there as was n't rejoiced to death.

  "We all went out in the dinin'-room 'n' the sun shone in 'n' every onelaughed over nothin' a _tall_. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from insideso his tear did n't show, 'n' Lucy 'n' he set side by side 'n' lookedlike no one was ever goin' to ever be married again. Polly 'n' thedeacon set opposite 'n' the minister 'n' his wife 'n' Mr. Dill 'n'Gran'ma Mullins made up the table. The rest stood around, 'n' we was allas lively as words can tell. The cake was one o' the handsomest as Iever see, two pigeons peckin' a bell on top 'n' Hiram 'n' Lucy runnin'around below in pink. There was a dime inside 'n' a ring, an' I got thedime, 'n' they must have forgot to put in the ring for no one got it."

  Susan paused and panted.

  "It was--" commented Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully.

  "Nice that I got the dime?--yes, I should say. There certainly was n'tno one there as needed it worse, 'n', although I 'd never be one to calla dime a fortune, still it is a dime, 'n' no one can't deny it thehonor, no matter how they feel. But, Mrs. Lathrop, what you 'd ought tohave seen was Hiram 'n' Lucy ready to go off. I bet no one knows they're brides--I bet no one knows _what_ they are,--you never saw the likein all your worst dreams. Hiram wore spectacles 'n' carpet-slippers 'n'that old umbrella as Mr. Shores keeps at the store to keep from bein'stole, 'n' Lucy wore clothes she 'd found in trunks 'n' her hair incurl-papers, 'n' her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, 'n'Gran'ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove'em to the train, 'n' Hiram says he 's goin' to spend two dollars a dayright along till he comes back; so I guess Lucy 'll have a good time foronce in her life. 'N' Gran'ma Mullins walked back with me 'n' not oneword o' Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly 'n' the deacon. She saidit wa'n't in reason as Polly could imagine him with hair, 'n' she saidshe was thinkin' very seriously o' givin' her a piece o' his hair as she's got, for a weddin' present. She said Polly 'd never know what he waslike the night he give her that hair. She said the moon was shinin' 'n'the frogs were croakin', 'n' she kind o' choked; she says she can'tsmell a marsh to this day without seein' the deacon givin' her thatpiece of hair. I cheered her up all I could--I told her anyhow he couldn't give Polly a piece of his hair if he died for it. She smiled a weaksmile 'n' went on up to Mrs. Brown's. Mrs. Brown 's asked her to staywith her a day or two. Mrs. Brown has her faults, but nobody can't denyas she 's got a good heart,--in fact, sometimes I think Mrs. Brown'sgood heart is about the worst fault she's got. I 've knowed it lead herto do very foolish things time 'n' again--things as I thank my star I 'dnever think o' doin'--not in this world."

  Mrs. Lathrop shifted her elbows a little; Susan withdrew at once fromthe fence.

  "I must go in," she said, "to-morrow is goin' to be a more 'n full day.There 's Polly's weddin' 'n' then in the evenin' Mr. Weskin is comin'up. You need n't look surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, because I 've thought thesubject over up 'n' down 'n' hind end foremost 'n' there ain't nothin'left for me to do. I can't sell nothin' else 'n' I 've got to havemoney, so I 'm goin' to let go of one of those bonds as father left me.There ain't no way out of it; I told Mr. Weskin I 'd expect him at sharpeight on sharp business, 'n' he 'll come. 'N' I must go as aconsequence. Good night."