The Light: Who do you become when the world falls away? (New Dawn Book 1)

by Jacqueline Brown

  There was boiled water in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I had dirt on my face and straw in my hair. No wonder Jonah was repulsed by the idea of me. I rinsed my face. The chill of the water was like a shock going through my body.

  I went to JP’s room and found my hairbrush. I brushed my hair and pulled it back in a ponytail. The oil didn’t show when it was pulled back, or at least that’s what I told myself. I found clean clothes and took them with me into the bathroom. I took the bucket of freezing boiled water into the bathtub, took a deep breath, and washed myself as quickly as possible.

  I put on my clean clothes.

  Back in JP’s room, I was still freezing. I looked through my suitcase for warmer clothes. I shook my head when I pulled out my bikini. How I wished for a sweater, but I had none.

  “Planning on going swimming?” East asked, amused. She held a sleepy Quinn in her arms.

  “No, I was looking for something warm to put on, but I don’t have anything,” I answered.

  “Come with me. I have some things you can wear.”

  We entered the room she and Quinn shared when she was home from college. It was decorated for Quinn, with a purple rug and butterflies stuck to the wall. A toddler bed covered by a purple-and-pink flowered quilt was against one wall and a twin bed against the other wall. It had no quilt or pillow, only gray sheets. She sat Quinn down on the small bed. Quinn immediately buried herself under her quilt. East knelt before the twin bed and pulled a plastic storage bin out.

  “Quinn has taken the entire closet and most of the dresser space in here. All of my things are in these,” she said, popping the lid open.

  “Does it bother you? Losing all your space to your sister?” I asked. I knew several friends from college who were upset when their childhood room was turned into something else.

  “Why would it bother me? I’m eighteen. It’s right that she should have this space as her own,” East said as she rummaged through the plastic bin.

  “Here, you can wear this,” she said, handing me a sweatshirt that read, SAINT JOHN SEMINARY.

  “Thanks,” I said, pulling it on. “Where’s it from?”

  “It’s the seminary where Eli went and Jonah goes—or went, before all of this happened,” East said, pulling out more clothes from the bin.

  “What’s a seminary?” I asked.

  “It’s sort of like a school that trains priests. I mean it’s more than that, but that’s the main point of it, I guess.” She closed the bin and slid it back under her bed.

  Trying to hide the shock in my voice, I said, “Jonah’s going to be a priest?”

  “That’s his plan, or was his plan. I don’t know now.” She sat on the floor. “He hadn’t told you?” she asked, looking up at me.

  I shook my head. “Why would he?” I said, hoping she couldn’t hear the hurt in my voice.

  “It seemed like you two were spending a decent amount of time together. I thought you might talk about things,” she said.

  “We really haven’t talked about much more than Talin and Fulton,” I said, chewing on my lip.

  Quinn sat up in bed. “Can I get dressed now?” she asked, sounding irritated.

  “Yeah, sure, pick out something warm,” East said. She stood and picked up the pile of clothes.

  “Here, you and Blaise and Sara can wear these if you want to,” she said, handing me the clothes. I reached for them.

  “I’m sorry he didn’t tell you. He can be so stupid sometimes,” she said, letting go of the pile.

  “What? No, he had no reason to tell me. Thanks for the clothes. Blaise and Sara thank you too,” I said, forcing a smile.

  * * *

  Back in JP’s quiet room I sat on his bed and stared out the large window. The world was white and it looked beautiful. There was ice on the inside of the window. I shivered and pulled a pair of East’s jeans over my yoga pants. I rolled up the cuffs and thought of Jonah. He owed me nothing. He had no obligation to tell me anything about himself or his life, but still I felt hurt that he hadn’t told me he was going to be a priest. I knew nothing about religion or the specific types of religions, but I did know Catholic priests didn’t marry or date. His not telling me confirmed how little I meant to him. No wonder he was mad at his dad for asking about us. Not only did he find me repulsive, but he was also going to be a priest.

  I heard footsteps behind me. “There you are,” Sara said from the doorway.

  I turned to face her.

  “What are you doing up here?” she asked, coming to sit next to me.

  “I wanted to try and get cleaned up,” I said.

  “Where’d you get the sweatshirt?” she asked.

  “From East. She was bringing Quinn up to get dressed and she said I could wear it. Here, she gave me these for the three of us,” I said, handing her the stack of clothes.

  “Awesome! I’m freezing,” she said, digging through the clothes and pulling out a plain gray sweatshirt. She took off her coat and pulled it on over her thin sweater.

  We sat in silence for a moment, each of us staring out the window. Our breath froze as it left our lips.

  “Are you worried about your dad or Trent?” she asked. I could hear the worry in her voice.

  “I try not to think about them,” I answered. “What about you? You worried about your mom and sister?”

  Sara nodded, and sudden tears spilled. I pulled her to me and held her while she cried.

  Eleven

  The days passed hard and slow. Things that once had taken minutes now consumed hours. The primary focus of every day was securing enough food and water, and not freezing.

  The snow melted after only two days. We gathered as much as we could the first day, when it was clean and fluffy. We filled everything we could. The stream was no longer an option for us or the horses. We never knew when Mick would try and poison us again. We did use it for washing our clothes. Though it was so cold my hands turned numb before I finished washing even one pair of underwear.

  The diagram Quint had been drawing on the legal pad the first day I met him was for a meat smoker. Smoking meat was the only way we had of preserving it. Everyone worked with him to build it; even Quinn and JP contributed in their own ways. Once it was finished we began smoking the meat, first from Charlotte’s freezer and then from Nonie’s. Each batch took two days of almost constant attention to ensure the fire was smoking the right amount. Two good-sized batches were completed. We were fortunate—the freezing temperatures bought us time and kept the meat from spoiling.

  At every meal we ate some kind of meat and whatever vegetable was most likely to go bad first. We saved items from the pantry as a last option. We always had enough food to survive, though never enough to feel satisfied. Charlotte and Quint ate the least of any of us. They would take their allotted servings but would never eat it all, always saving some for JP and Quinn.

  It had been only a week since the light, but already our bodies were changing. The softness was gradually leaving, replaced by harder muscle. Faces were slimming, adhering more closely to the bone structure beneath the skin. All of the men had beards in various stages of growth. The hair on my own legs had gone beyond the initial cactus stage and was now soft. Before the light I would have thought this gross; now I was happy for the small amount of insulation it offered.

  When I wasn’t working I was keeping an eye on Talin and Fulton, shepherding them away from the stream if they ventured near it. We all took turns doing this, but Jonah and I spent the most time watching over them.

  I did my best to avoid Jonah. I was polite when he was near, but tried not to look into his eyes or notice how sweet his smile was beneath his light brown beard. When all else was done and he was watching the horses, I sat by the fire in the house, trying to stay warm. The days were tolerable, but the nights were brutal. The temperature was often below freezing. The Pages’ house was modern, with an open floor plan and high ceilings. Their fireplace put out some heat, but not enough to overpower the blanket of
cold that engulfed every room.

  * * *

  We sat around the kitchen table eating dinner. Josh and Blaise volunteered to watch the horses while they grazed, to allow both Jonah and me to eat in the house—a rarity.

  Pops put his fork on his plate that had contained a small piece of grilled steak and half a potato. He looked around the table. “We can’t stay here,” he said.

  “What?” Charlotte said, looking up at him.

  “We can’t stay here,” Pops repeated.

  “I think she wanted you to explain what you meant, not just say the words again,” Nonie said from her place between Charlotte and Pops.

  “We haven’t got water; this house is too darn cold. We have a lunatic next door. We need to leave,” Pops said, leaning back in his wheelchair.

  Quint looked at his father. “Where would we go, Dad? Your house?”

  Pops shook his head. “No, our house would be no better,” he said.

  “Then where?” Quint asked, confused.

  Pops looked at me. “Bria’s house,” he said.

  I choked on a bite of potato. Sara hit me on the back. Harder than she needed to.

  “Oww,” I said, looking at her and twisting my back to make it feel better.

  “Sorry,” she said, “I forgot how strong I am now.”

  Jonah laughed, though his eyes remained focused on the two small bits of food he had left on his plate.

  All other eyes were on me. I shifted and tried to ignore the stares.

  I looked at Pops. “What do you mean, my house?”

  “I mean your house. Or your grandparents’ house, to be more accurate,” Pops said.

  “My grandparents’ house?” I asked.

  Quint leaned back in his chair, looking at his father as if something was becoming clear to him. “I’d forgotten about that house,” he said.

  “Your father and I had too, until this morning,” Nonie said, looking at Quint and nodding.

  Pops turned his attention back to me. “There are two houses on your family’s property. The one you lived in which is newer and small, and the much much older one. It never had electricity. It was built different. The walls are stone, there are fireplaces in almost every room, the kitchen fireplace has an oven built into it, the way it was done two centuries ago. And it is upstream from Mick. He would have to find a different way to kill us,” Pops said, seemingly unfazed by the thought of someone trying to kill him and his family.

  “There’s no way it’s still standing. And if it is, there’s no way it’s safe for us to go in, let alone live in it,” Quint said, shaking his head.

  “When that house was built, it was meant to last generation after generation. No doubt it will have decades’ worth of dust and probably a few critters we would need to kick out or eat, but we wouldn’t freeze like we’re doing now. Not to mention the thousand acres that it sits on. We could hunt and cut down trees as we needed,” he said.

  “A thousand acres?” I said, staring at him.

  “That’s how much your family owns. The largest in the county, probably the largest in the state,” Pops answered.

  “Wow, Bri, I had no idea,” Sara said.

  “Neither did I,” I said.

  “What about Talin and Fulton?” Jonah asked.

  “We’d take them, of course. That’s how we’d get there,” Pops answered.

  “I remember an old barn. I’d be shocked if it was still standing, but it might be,” Quint said.

  “What if the house and barn, what if all of it is gone, fallen down or uninhabitable?” Eli asked.

  “Then we could either come back or stay at Esther and Holt’s house,” Nonie said.

  I flinched at the mention of my parents. I hadn’t thought of it as their house. I forgot for a moment all the memories it would hold.

  “At least we would still be upstream, have the land to hunt. The house is smaller than this one, so it would be easier to heat,” Pops added.

  “What about our home?” Charlotte said.

  “If things change, we could come back,” Nonie said, trying to sound hopeful.

  “If Mick hasn’t burned it to the ground,” Jonah said under his breath, yet loud enough for all to hear.

  “This is our home. This is where our children were raised,” Quint said, his arm around Charlotte.

  “Yes,” Pops said, “and it’s where they will freeze to death or die of poisoning if we don’t leave. The snow and cold has kept Mick away, but it’s only a matter of time until he gets on a rampage of some sort and heads our way. And we aren’t hard for him to get to, being right next door. At least there we’d have thirty miles between us, and stone walls to protect us.”

  I watched as JP leaned on his elbows, slowly eating his beef. The hard work and freezing temperatures had taken its toll on him too. The gregariousness that had defined him when we met was gone. He was subdued, still happy much of the time, but the exuberance and joy were gone.

  “Pops is right. We have to leave,” I said, looking at Quint and Charlotte.

  Jonah lifted his head and looked at me. I pretended not to notice. Eli watched his brother watch me.

  “I don’t think we should make a rash decision,” Charlotte cautioned.

  Careful not to look at me as he spoke, Jonah said, “Bria’s right. We have to go. We can’t stay here. Not with Mick next door.”

  “What do you think, Mom?” Quint asked, looking at Nonie.

  She paused and looked at Charlotte. “I know what it means to leave your home, to leave this home. This is where Pops and I raised Quint, where I have watched my grandkids grow. I want them to continue to grow, to continue to live. We all know Mick has caused our family immense sorrow, but out of that sorrow something good was brought forth. However, I think the next hurt he causes us will lead to death—his or ours, and neither is acceptable. The next time we meet him someone will die. I feel it deep within me. I do not want that to happen. None of us at this table wants that to happen.” She glanced at each of us and then at Charlotte, who sat beside her. “I agree with Jonah and Bria—we must leave our home,” she said, taking Charlotte’s hand in her own.

  Charlotte wiped a tear from her eye but said nothing.

  Sara asked, “How will we get to Bria’s? Don’t we have to go right by his property?”

  “If we’re all together and enough of us are armed, he won’t try anything,” Jonah said, looking at Sara.

  “Then he would know we were no longer here,” Charlotte said, her voice cracking. “He would destroy our home. We could never return.”

  No one spoke. She was right. I hated the thought of that man in their home. These people who were so good, so kind. They did not deserve their home destroyed, their collective treasures stolen or disgraced.

  “We don’t need to make this decision tonight,” Nonie said, still holding Charlotte’s hand.

  Pops spoke, “I disagree. We do need to make this decision tonight. We have a lot of people here, not to mention two horses and a handful of chickens. We require a lot of water. What we have won’t last but another day or two.”

  “Is there no way to drink the water from the stream?” Charlotte said, looking at Quint. “What if we boiled it longer?”

  Quint shook his head. “Boiling it will kill bacteria but won’t necessarily get rid of poison like he used on Fulton and Talin. That was probably some sort of heavy metal, battery acid, antifreeze, the list goes on. And even if we could boil all of that out, we can’t keep the animals out of it forever, and we can’t keep taking turns sleeping in the barn to protect them. That isn’t safe,” he said, looking at his wife and apologizing with his eyes.

  “Excuse me,” Charlotte said fleeing from the table. Escaping into her room.

  We sat in silence, each of us eating the few morsels remaining on our plate.

  * * *

  That night, as every night, we slept on the family room floor. Nonie and Pops each had a couch. Charlotte and Quinn shared the recliner. JP slept betwee
n his father and oldest brother. Josh volunteered to sleep with Jonah in the barn. They would sleep lying as close to the fire as possible without catching themselves on the fire. The horses would sleep nearby. The doors would be latched and the pistol would be within Jonah’s reach. East, Blaise, Sara, and I filled in the rest of the floor. The room wasn’t overly large; its floor was completely covered in sheets and blankets.

  The floor was hard, the fire warm. The bedrooms, with their soft mattresses, were out of the question. Quint had an old mercury thermometer which he took up to JP’s room. It got as high as 50°F during one sunny day, but it was often 36° or lower at night.

  Pops was right; we couldn’t stay here. Not if we had another choice, a choice that was created for the world we now lived in. A world without electricity, without machines, without heat.

  Twelve

  A week and a day after we arrived at the Page home, we walked away from it.

  Silent tears slipped down Charlotte’s face as we loaded everything we could into her full-size van. It was packed from floor to ceiling, every inch full of clothes, blankets, what food we had left, tools, Quint’s veterinary supplies, books, and family treasures that Charlotte could not leave. We’d gone through all of the water and much of the food brought from Pops and Nonie’s home. Even on a rationed diet we were going through our resources way too fast. We needed to hunt and we needed fresh water. It took a day for Charlotte and Quint to agree on what to bring and what to leave. We all helped pack the van. Eli and Sara were in charge of stacking and organizing to get everything in. They said it was like a life-sized version of Tetris.

  East made a plea to go into town to check on the people who had once been part of their lives. Quint and Charlotte had sympathized with her, but in the end said it was too dangerous. By now, people from the larger cities had probably made their way into their small town looking for resources. People were hungry, thirsty, desperate. No, we would not go into town. Not because they did not care about these people, but because Quint and Charlotte were determined to keep their family alive and together.