The Light: Who do you become when the world falls away? (New Dawn Book 1)

by Jacqueline Brown

  Now with every step we took we got closer to the home I had once shared with my parents. I pushed the memories down, not allowing them to surface.

  Pops, Nonie, and Quinn rode inside of the van pulled by Fulton and Talin. A large shotgun sat between Pops and the driver’s side door. I held Talin’s reins and Jonah held Fulton’s. We each carried packs on our backs and Jonah carried a broken shovel. The metal snapped at the base of the wood, when Jonah tried to dig in the frozen earth. The result was a perfect spear.

  He and I said nothing as we walked. We’d spent little time together since the night in the barn and no time alone except in passing. It seemed neither one of us wanted to be alone with the other. It was better that way. Easier.

  The rest of the family flanked the van on either side. The chickens were in a small cage on top of the van, covered with blankets to help ease their nerves. We needed them to lay eggs and they wouldn’t do that if they were totally stressed. At least that’s what Nonie said.

  Quint led our caravan, the pistol at his side and a duffel bag on his back. Behind me walked Josh and Blaise, Quint’s hunting rifle slung across her shoulders. Her dad had taught her how to shoot when she was younger. It turned out she was really good. Josh carried a large pack on his back, with the few items he and Blaise possessed.

  Sara walked closely behind Jonah. She’d noticed the lack of contact between Jonah and me, and had increased the attention she showed him. She knew he was going to be a priest; I’d told her the day East told me, but she didn’t care. I wished I didn’t.

  Charlotte and JP walked behind Sara. JP carried a small backpack full of the few toys and books he had been allowed to bring with us. His mom carried a small bag on her back and a rifle in her hands. She, too, was a good shot. Though not as good as Blaise.

  Eli and East followed behind the van. Eli, because he refused to carry a gun despite the command of his father, carried an ax. I respected his beliefs that it was wrong to kill, though I had to think that I would prefer to be shot to death than chopped to death. East, like her mother, carried a gun, one of her grandfather’s. All were loaded, ready to defend us if necessary.

  The trek to my parents’ house would take close to fifteen hours. We left at first light. Quinn had been carried, sleeping, to the van and laid on her grandmother’s lap. She was wrapped tightly in blankets. Still, she moaned when she felt the freezing wind brush her face.

  Unlike at Thanksgiving, the moon was now almost nonexistent. We would not be able to walk far in the dark; it would not be possible. We had less than twelve hours of daylight. I was scared, though I would never admit it. I didn’t know how we would make it before the freezing temperatures of the pitch-black night enveloped us.

  I didn’t know what we’d find when we arrived. One house held memories of a past I barely knew, yet it defined every aspect of my life. The second was built by my great-great-great-grandparents. It hadn’t been inhabited by humans in over eighty years. I had no memory of this house. Quint and Charlotte had each only been there once. But Pops had known my grandparents and he had been there a few times.

  I felt the heat on the back of my legs and arms as the sun rose behind us. The temperature was becoming more tolerable. My fingers and toes started to warm. We each carried a small bottle of water. I tied Talin’s reins to the strap of my backpack and took a sip of water, knowing it had to last all day. I untied her reins and held them again.

  As I resettled the pack, a dog could be heard barking in the distance. I tensed and looked toward Jonah.

  “Hold the reins tight,” he said, barely above a whisper. “One of us has to always be holding them. If I let go, you’re in charge.”

  “Okay,” I said, and doubled my grip on Talin’s reins. My hands sweating more with every bark.

  I walked as quietly as I could. We all did, but the barks sounded closer and closer … until Wrath was bolting through the tree line. He lunged for JP, the easiest target. East ran forward and hit Wrath hard with the butt of her gun. He shook his massive head, bared his teeth, and lunged for her. She didn’t have time to react. He was too fast. In an instant East was on the ground. He tossed her from side to side like a rag doll, her arm held in his massive jaws.

  Eli stood motionless. JP screamed. Jonah, in the time it took me to gasp in fear, was above his sister. He kicked Wrath hard in his side. Wrath let go of East. She clutched her arm and rolled out of the way. Jonah raised his spear. Wrath snarled and snapped at Jonah, keeping a few feet from him, stalking slowly from side to side as if trying to decide how best to kill this larger prey. Jonah watched him, his spear ready.

  JP darted from behind Jonah, running to his mother. Wrath locked his eyes on the boy. The muscles in the dog’s shoulders expanded as he ran hard, driven to kill. Jonah’s aim was true. The life poured from Wrath’s body in red pools as dark as night.

  “Don’t stop the horses,” Quint said as he ran past me.

  Though I couldn’t think, I could follow the command I’d been given. I pulled on Talin’s reins and picked up Fulton’s discarded reins. I pulled the horses forward.

  Blaise took over as head of the caravan, the rifle securely in her hands. Josh walked beside her, watching wherever she wasn’t.

  Nonie opened the passenger door and handed Jonah an old blanket. “Wrap the dog in this. We need the meat, and we can’t have his blood leaving a trail,” she said.

  My stomach heaved. From behind me I heard Sara running to the far side of the road and vomiting. I turned, but I did not stop.

  Jonah did as his grandmother instructed. He and Eli threw the blood-soaked blanket containing Wrath’s limp body onto the top of the van. The thudding sound was followed by the startled clucking of the chickens and Sara vomiting again.

  Eli used his ax as a sort of shovel to bring dirt from the side of the road over to the asphalt, in an attempt to cover the pool of blood. Jonah did what he could, using his hands to bring more dirt onto the road and his feet to spread it over the red stain.

  Quint and Charlotte helped East to her feet. She was wearing a heavy coat, a sweater, and a long-sleeved T-shirt. The dog’s teeth had not pierced her skin. Though she held her arm in pain, Quint said it wasn’t broken, just badly bruised. Charlotte hugged her daughter.

  JP stood near his sister, crying. Charlotte picked him up. He was almost as big as her, but she carried him swiftly to the passenger door. Nonie opened the door and took him into her arms. She soothed him while he cried. Quinn seemed not to have noticed all that had happened. When JP entered the van, tears running down his face, she left her grandfather’s lap and gave him a hug. Nonie held them both tightly against her. I exhaled, relieved at least those four were safe in the van.

  Quint ran up and took over his spot as lead. Blaise and Josh returned to their previous posts. Jonah stayed back, watching the Jacobson property for any sign of movement. He clasped his spear, ready to defend again if necessary.

  Charlotte walked beside her daughter, gun in hand. East was visibly shaken. She held her right arm bent against her body. Her left hand, holding the gun, trembled.

  Sara walked with Eli. He was trying to distract her from the now red blanket on top of the van. She glanced that way every now and then and her face drained of color. He asked her a question to get her attention back to him. She took a deep breath and answered. They went on like this for a few minutes, until she finally stopped looking where Wrath lay, the blood now nearly drained from his body.

  Few words had been said above a whisper. Everyone was as quiet as possible, working as quickly as possible to move us away from the spot of Wrath’s death and the Jacobson property. I jumped at every noise, but Mick did not come.

  Jonah returned and took Fulton’s reins from me, his blood-covered spear held in his dirt-stained right hand.

  We continued on. With the sun higher in the sky and the temperature increasing, I unzipped the oversized coat I wore. It was a coat Jonah had outgrown a few years back. Charlotte said they were saving i
t for JP. It was far too big for me, but its size made it that much warmer.

  In the distance I could see the outline of Eli’s car, but it looked different. As we got closer I gasped. What had once been Eli’s car was now a scorched metal frame. Nothing else remained.

  Charlotte started to cry softly behind us. Eli left Sara’s side and put an arm around his mother’s shoulders.

  “It’s just a car, Mom. It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway,” he said, holding her gun as he supported her while they walked.

  “Don’t you see?” Charlotte said between tears. “If this is what he did to your car, imagine what he’s going to do to our home.”

  My heart broke for Charlotte. I knew she was right. I knew Mick would destroy their house and then burn it to the ground. I hated him. With every step I took, I hated him more.

  * * *

  We reached the interstate as the sun was almost directly overhead. I hadn’t noticed this the night of the light, but at the horizon there was an abandoned car heading south and, a bit closer, an abandoned truck pointed north. I wondered where the people had been going and where they were now. I felt gratitude for Jonah and East. They saved us that night. Had they not taken us with them, where would we be now? How would we have survived? The answer was, truthfully, we probably wouldn’t have survived. If we had decided to leave the interstate and go east, the first house we would have come to would’ve been Mick’s. I shook my head trying to shake out the thought.

  “You okay?” Jonah asked.

  I hadn’t realized he’d been watching me.

  “I was thinking what would’ve happened to us had you and East not found us that night. We were very lucky,” I said.

  “Like East said, luck had nothing to do with it. It was God,” he said, his voice tense.

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked, curiosity rising within me.

  “For me it is a matter of faith, but I suppose for someone else they could look at the probability of us being a hundred yards or so behind you when the world went dark, or at least our corner of it, and you turning out to be who you are. I’m not sure how anyone could really call that a coincidence. And if it isn’t just chance that brought you back to my family, then what is it?” he asked, looking at me.

  “God?” I said, feeling confused.

  “That’s what I think,” he said.

  “You know I’m an atheist, right?”

  “I gathered as much,” he said, walking beside me.

  “What do you think of that?” I asked, feeling anxious. I cared deeply what Jonah thought of me. I accepted that for many reasons we would never be together. And I knew he was going to be a priest. His world view intrigued me. It was completely different than my own and though my friends were not atheists or even agnostics, they weren’t exactly devout in any faith they possessed. Jonah and his family were the first truly Christian people I had ever met.

  He laughed, some of the tension leaving his voice. “That’s a funny question. What do you mean, what do I think of that?”

  “I mean, does it make you not like me or think I’m going to hell or something?” I felt nervous, afraid of what his response would be. I had heard that Christians believed non-Christians were going to hell. I knew if that were the case atheists would be at the top of the list.

  “First of all, atheists don’t believe in hell. You are one; you should know that. Second of all, of course it doesn’t make me not like you. That is your belief. I respect your belief. I don’t share it, but I don’t have to,” he said. “Does it make you not like me or make you think I’m going to hell, knowing that I’m Catholic?” he said, a smile on his lips.

  “No, but atheists are nice and they don’t judge people,” I said, returning the smile.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Some atheists do. I’ve been told I’m crazy for believing in God. Naïve, ignorant, stupid. The list goes on.”

  “Well, that’s a mean atheist, and I’m not friends with mean atheists,” I said, not mentioning that my dad was one.

  “So we’ve established we can be friends. I will go on being Catholic and you will go on being an atheist,” he said, his eyes alight.

  “Are you going to try and convert me or anything?” I asked.

  “Do you want to be converted?”

  “No,” I answered.

  “Then, no.”

  It felt good to talk to Jonah. It felt right. I knew we would never be together. But I was happy we could be friends.

  * * *

  We were well past the interstate. The road was now narrow, barely two lanes, and it was winding. Were we not pulling the van, we could probably cut through fields or forests to find a shorter path. But that was not an option.

  I sat on the ground watching Talin and Fulton eat what few green weeds there were. JP and Quinn climbed out of the van. Unlike the rest of us they had plenty of energy. They played tag up and down the deserted road. My feet throbbed as I watched them. I wasn’t sure how I would make it another mile, let alone another twenty.

  Sara limped toward me and sat beside me. She took off a shoe. Her white sock was stained red.

  “What happened?” I asked, shock filled my voice.

  “Blisters,” she said. Her hand shook as she peeled the sock from her foot.

  I winced, watching her. Her foot was torn and raw, covered with open wounds.

  “I think the other one is the same,” she said, trying to steady her breath.

  “You can’t walk anymore,” I said.

  “What choice do I have?” she said, looking at the blood-soaked sock in her hand as if trying to summon the courage to put it back on.

  “We need to get moving,” Quint said, eating a piece of smoked meat as he stood.

  “Sara can’t walk,” I said. Sara shot me a look, but I didn’t care.

  Quint came over and knelt beside us.

  “No, she can’t,” he said, standing. “John Paul, you’re going to walk. Jonah and Eli, help Sara to the van,” Quint ordered.

  “I’m okay. I can walk,” she said, taking a deep breath as she moved her sock to her foot.

  I pushed her hand away. My body shivering as I neared her raw flesh.

  Quint turned toward his sons. “Jonah, Eli, come on, get her to the van. We have to get moving again if we have any hope of surviving the night.”

  They each supported her under a shoulder and carried her to the van. Nonie made room for Sara to climb between her and Pops. Sara disappeared below the dash, no doubt scrunched between the two seats and the wall of possessions.

  “I want to walk too,” Quinn said as Jonah tried to pick her up to put her back in the van.

  “All right,” Charlotte said, “but just for a little while.”

  Quinn ran up ahead with JP.

  I groaned as I stood. I had no blisters, or at least none that had opened, but my muscles had never felt like this. I gathered the reins of both horses. Josh, Eli, Jonah, and Quint all pushed the van forward as I pulled the reins to encourage Fulton and Talin to pull with all of their might. The van began to inch forward and soon we were going a steady pace.

  Everyone resumed their usual posts. Jonah returned and took Fulton’s reins from me.

  The road began to straighten out some and an old fence appeared on our right. It was broken in more places than it was whole and any paint that had been on it was long gone.

  “This is where your property starts,” Jonah said.

  My heart stopped as I remembered where we were heading.

  Thirteen

  My steps quickened as the road switched to dirt and grass beneath my feet. The sun was gone and the temperature dropping. The deserted road would lead to my family’s home: both the home I knew for a short time as a child, and the home I had never known. The home of the family who had come to this place almost two hundred years ago.

  JP and Quinn had retreated to the comfort and warmth of the van hours before when the sun dropped low in the sky and the wind began to stir. JP had lasted longer
than Quinn, and when he entered, Sara exited. There wasn’t enough room for five of them in the van. Sara winced when her feet first touched the ground. Eli helped her hop out of the moving van. She walked slowly and gently at first, but now she kept pace with the rest of us. I wasn’t sure if the pain had subsided or if she was somehow walking through it.

  “Just a few more miles and we should be at your old house,” Jonah said.

  I felt relieved and nervous. What would this place look like? I had vague memories at best. I was now walking on ground my mom had walked on her whole life. This was the land she was raised on. This was the land she was laid to rest on. I knew she was buried here, but didn’t know where. Charlotte and Quint would know, possibly even their kids. I would ask them someday, when I was ready, to show me her grave and my little brother’s. I wiped a tear from my cheek.

  It was dark now and there was no moon. My eyes were adjusted to the night, but still I could not see the ground beneath my feet. I put my hand on Talin’s neck. I found comfort in her steady strength. I wished I had a walking stick to use as a guide, as Jonah did with his spear. Instead I lifted my feet only an inch or so off the ground, so I could still feel the weeds and loose rocks beneath them. I could hear Josh and Blaise shuffling their feet as they walked near me.

  Time seemed to stand still. My body ached and the cold wind kept making me shiver. My coat now zipped tightly with the collar pulled up did what it could to protect my ears and the sides of my face. I leaned my head forward. I couldn’t see, anyway; I might as well shield my face from the wind. No one spoke; we were all too exhausted. We’d stopped only one time in thirteen hours. We ate smoked meat as we trudged along and sipped the small amounts of water allotted to each of us.

  The ground beneath my feet changed. The horses’ footsteps rang out loudly against hard asphalt. We were on a paved road again.