Almost Loved

by Mira Toria

  She knew the answer scared her and that’s why she refused to answer her own question.

  She was terrified thinking that some sick part of her still cared.

  “You trust me, right?” He leaned in and brushed his lips gently across hers.

  “Always.”

  “You know that I’ll only want the best for you, right?”

  “Always.”

  “You have to stop seeing Hale.”

  Lyris blinked and he suddenly became clearer to her. Stepping back, she held a hand forwards like she was warning Bradley away. “Why?”

  “It’s not just for your own good,” he promised. “This is the best for the both of you.”

  “Why?” she snapped again.

  Bradley cocked an eyebrow, looking at her pitifully like she was refusing to believe the Tooth Fairy was fake. “Because, do you really think he loves you?”

  “I don’t need him to love me.”

  “Stop fooling yourself, Lyris!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. “You’re trying to use him to replace me. You know that no one can love you like I did.”

  “You never loved me!”

  “You loved me enough for the both of us.” Bradley’s fingers dug into her skin, like he was trying to wake her up from a dream. “Do him the favour if you won’t do yourself one, Lyris. You can never love him the same way you loved me. You could never forget about me – you have never forgotten me. Why else would I be here?”

  “Lyris?”

  Lyris jerked awake and rammed her knee into the table from the sudden movement. She had moved into the living room after her nightmare.

  “Sorry.” Lyris winced and rubbed the sore spot. “I couldn’t really sleep.”

  Evey shot her a concerned look before she planted herself on the couch next to her. They had lived together long enough for her to know that it wasn’t insomnia keeping Lyris awake. “Is it Hale or Bradley?”

  Lyris wanted to lie. Every part of her shouted at her to lie, but then she saw something Evey never said. She was her best friend – there shouldn’t be anything in the world she couldn’t tell her.

  “Both,” Lyris admitted, hearing shame in the single word.

  There was a timid silence as Evey was unusually quiet. It was as if she were waiting and silently coaxing her to really talk about what was on her mind.

  “I shouldn’t even be here,” Lyris whispered quietly. She curled into a ball and leaned back. “Why am I still here?”

  “Ly, you’re going to have to explain yourself a lot more clearly. It’s like two in the morning, let’s be glad the both of us are even speaking in complete sentences.” Evey tried to lighten the situation, managing a feeble smile before it disappeared.

  “Bradley.” Lyris hated that she wanted to cry at the mention of him. “I should be done with him. What is it about him that makes it so hard?”

  “Have you ever thought that it’s because you’re trying too hard?”

  “I don’t think I’m trying enough.” Lyris exhaled sharply and braced herself. “He has been sending me texts.”

  Evey’s silence was frightening as Lyris’ confession lingered. She wasn’t shouting and that scared her. She could always expect Evey’s reactions to be dramatic and loud.

  “Eves?”

  “What?” Evey wasn’t yelling, but it was clear she was far from pleased. “You already know what I’m going to say about that. I’ve said it before.”

  “I know I should’ve changed my number right away,” Lyris admitted. “But every time I try to, something pulls me back.”

  For the first time, a flash of disappointment crossed Evey’s green eyes. “It’s you. You’re pulling yourself back. This isn’t just about Bradley anymore, Ly. This is about you being too selfish to let yourself move on.”

  “You don’t know what it’s like!” Lyris felt like she was drowning and desperately reaching out to anything to help her stay afloat. “Every time I think about letting go, I feel like I’m admitting I loved someone that never loved me! I feel like I’m admitting I’m a failure because there was something about me that made it so easy for him to just let go without looking back. I feel – I feel worthless. It’s like I’m admitting that whatever it was between us, whatever happened in London, it all happened in my head.”

  “So you’d rather hold onto your pride even if it means holding onto him?” Evey deadpanned. “That’s a steep price to pay for pride.”

  Lyris leaned back into the couch, biting her bottom lip hard as she tried to find a reason to hold onto her pride. It was all she had left after Bradley, but Evey was right – was it worth it?

  “My gut hasn’t always been right,” she said bitterly.

  “Bradley was different,” Evey argued. “I think he knew you were vulnerable in Europe. You didn’t have many friends and he used that in his favour. You didn’t have anyone telling you what they thought of him, you had only your opinions and they were already blurred because of your crush on him.”

  “It’s so hard to just break something off and pretend it doesn’t matter. The more I pretend, the more I seem to hang onto it.”

  “I get that you need to figure out what you’re going to do with Bradley.” Evey didn’t seem angry, but the definite sound of disappointment ricocheted. “But get that sorted before you get in any deeper with Hale.”

  “I know,” Lyris said quietly. “It’s not fair to him or myself.”

  “Do you want to know what I think?” Evey got up from the couch. “I think Hale might be the best thing that’s happened to you in a while and that scares you.”

  Lyris wiped down the tables in the café and went through everything Evey said to her last night. Every one of her excuses didn’t seem good enough anymore.

  Bradley only has a hold on me as long as I allow him to.

  The door opened and Lyris looked up and her mouth instantly parched at the sight of Hale.

  He seemed perfectly happy as he walked in. In fact, his mouth broke into a grin as he pointed at the cash register. “You still have the flowers.”

  “Um, yeah.” Feeling a little self-conscious, Lyris moved the vase out of sight. “I’m just drying them out a bit. I’ll er, I’ll send you a thank you card and –”

  “A thank you card?” Hale put a hand over hers and shot her a questioning look.

  “For the flowers,” she mumbled.

  “I think you know a thank you card is a little strange in this situation.”

  A part of her wanted to laugh out because there was no chance she even knew anything. “You’d be surprised at how little I know.”

  “What’s bothering you, Lyris?” There was no way of her knowing whether he was concerned because he was a friend, or if he was concerned because something else was on the line. “Something’s changed.”

  “Hale,” she sighed. “I’m just – I have a few things that need to be sorted in my head and having you around makes it hard.”

  “How?”

  “It’s just hard to think straight when I’m around you.” The excuse sounded flimsy out of her mouth, but she didn’t know how else to explain her attempt at pushing Bradley away once and for all from her head.

  “I suppose I should be flattered that you get dizzy around me,” he said flatly.

  Lyris felt as if she’d just shot herself in the foot with how his usual playful manner slipped into something colder. She couldn’t think of anything that could happen to make things more awkward until her sister barged into the café.

  Sporting the same brown hair like Lyris, Lexa pushed her stroller in and huffed out a sigh as she dropped into a chair.

  “There are days where I wonder if I’m cut out to be a mother,” she groaned. She turned and unbuckled the baby from the stroller before cradling her. As tired as Lexa looked, her eyes lit up with unmistakable joy when the baby cooed and laughed. “And then Clara does that.”

  “Hey Lexa.” Lyris shot one last look at Hale before she grabbed a cup. �
��Do you want your coffee here or will you be leaving soon?”

  “I’ll have it –” Lexa stopped midsentence when she realised Hale was in the café. “I’m so rude, sorry. I hadn’t realised you were in line.”

  “I was just talking to Lyris.” He was almost chameleon like in the way he eased into a conversation with Lexa. “It’s really no big deal.”

  “Were you flirting with her?” Lexa looked between the two of them and cracked a grin. “Well, I suppose it could be worse.”

  “Lexa,” Lyris groaned. “Your coffee is definitely going to be carried out.”

  “Hush, baby sister.” Lexa cradled Claire in her arm before she turned her attention to Hale. Lyris knew that look and she silently apologised to Hale as she waited for Lexa to start her big sister act.

  “Hale,” he said, reaching out to shake Lexa’s hand. There was absolutely no indication that the conversation he had with Lyris even happened.

  “Lexa.” She shook his hand, but her stare didn’t soften. “Hmm, from how she’s acting, I’m going to say you’re a little more than just a regular here. How well do you know, Ly?”

  Lyris wanted to warn Hale to not talk because this was Lexa’s lead in to ask him questions he wouldn’t have the answers to, but his reply was quicker than Lyris’ protest.

  “As well as she wants,” Hale admitted, his honesty breaking through to Lexa.

  “Her favourite colour.”

  “Purple.”

  “Her favourite thing to eat in this café.”

  “It’s usually half eaten whenever I see her, but anything with peaches.”

  “How does she like her coffee?”

  At that question, Hale grinned. “Trick question.”

  Lexa’s brow cocked, waiting for him to elaborate, but Lyris knew that was her tell of how impressed she was.

  “I’ve only ever seen her drink tea,” he said casually. “So really, it should be how does she like her tea, and to answer that, she likes it plain without sugar or milk.”

  A part of Lyris warmed knowing that Hale seemed to notice even the smallest things. “He’s right,” Lyris told Lexa. “I’m more of a tea girl.”

  “I know that,” Lexa said, rolling her eyes. “Okay fine, maybe you’re not too shabby, but Ly’s a little more than colours and drinks.”

  “Lexa,” Lyris warned. She loved her older sister, but there was a fine line with what she was able to take in one sitting.

  “I’m just about to go, Lyris.” Hale got up and buttoned his jacket before waving goodbye to Lexa and Claire. “I’ll see you some other time.”

  Before Lyris could convince him otherwise, Hale turned the corner sharply and disappeared out of sight.

  “Well I have to get going as well.” Lexa put Claire back into the stroller and grabbed a bag to stuff a few cookies in.

  “Was the third degree really necessary? You know Evey. She probably gave him one the second he stepped into the café.”

  “Probably,” Lexa agreed, peering at a muffin before putting it into the bag as well. “But I get to do it as well because it’s kind of the perk that comes with being the sister.”

  Convincing Lexa otherwise would be waste of time and Lyris just shook her head as she took out a box to transfer the food. With what Lexa was putting into the bag, she’d only have crumbs by the time she made it home.

  “Well. . .” Lyris swayed on her feet. “What do you think of him?”

  Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I think he’s alright.”

  “Just from meeting him for two minutes?”

  “From how he didn’t book it the second I started throwing questions his way,” she corrected. “I was already impressed with his answer about how well he knew you, and the tea answer would’ve made me weak in the knees if I wasn’t already married.”

  “Let’s not let Kyle hear that comment,” Lyris laughed. “He owns a gun and as cool as Hale was in front of you, I can’t say he’d be the same in a room alone with Kyle.”

  “I’m hardly in the same room with Kyle,” Lexa muttered, annoyance tinging her tone. “I love Kyle, don’t get me wrong. It’s just hard for me to sit still knowing he’s gone undercover somewhere and I can’t call to check if he’s alright.”

  “It’s Kyle, I’m sure if anything, he’s going to be the most okay out of all of us,” Lyris assured her. “And he’s coming home today, isn’t he?”

  “This is kind of why I’m raiding your café.” Lexa took the box from Lyris and balanced it nicely on the stroller. “I swear he always looks underfed whenever he comes back.”

  “It’s kind of sweet.”

  “Your food?”

  “No,” Lyris sighed and smiled lightly. “It’s kind of sweet how happy you look when you talk about Kyle.”

  Lexa’s eyes softened slightly and she put a hand over Lyris’ in comfort. “I think it’s the same way you look at Hale.”

  Her voice was pained with seeing Lexa’s optimism. “I have a few things I need to sort out, Lexa.”

  “Well, I suppose I could tell you something that might make your sorting easier.”

  “What?”

  “I think he looks at you the same way.”

  -

  After Lexa left, Lyris took out her phone and her finger hovered over delete.

  It’s still so hard to say goodbye after all this time.

  She had to do this though. Evey was right, it wasn’t Bradley holding her back. She was doing this to herself. Her thumb pressed on the yes and closing her eyes, she exhaled sharply and lifted. When she found the nerve to open her eyes again, she expected herself to freak out and attempt to rescue the deleted texts, but instead . . . seeing them gone made it easier to breathe.

  Smiling and promising herself that Bradley was only the first step, she sent off a text to Hale.

  Lyris: I’m really sorry about earlier today – did you want to meet up to talk?

  Hale: I have plans tonight.

  It wasn’t hard for her not to feel deflated from his response, but she had tested his patience, and now it was her turn to be on the short end of the stick.

  Lyris: Have a good night then.

  Sticking her phone back into her pocket, Lyris focused on her work. Her mind was so lost in itself, she hadn’t even realised the time until both Evey and West stopped by her bench.

  “Go home, Ly.”

  Lyris blinked as she stared at Evey, confused at what she heard. “Sorry?”

  “Go home.” West threw Lyris’ jacket at Evey before turning to her. “Evey and I can finish up what’s left of the prep.”

  She glanced up the clock, realising she’d been in the back for the past four hours without a break. Looking at her hands, it was covered in flour, coating her fingers in fine white dust. Even more, she didn’t even hear West come in. Her mind had been even more preoccupied than she’d thought.

  “I hadn’t realise I was here for so long.” She rubbed her eyes and surveyed the mess in front of her. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Shrugging, Evey only went behind Lyris and pulled at her apron.

  “What are you doing?” Lyris yelped as Evey spun her taking the apron off and pushing her out the door. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

  “I want you to go home,” Evey insisted. “I’ll clean up and put the rest of the prep in the fridge so it’ll all be ready tomorrow.”

  “I’m not leaving you here alone!” There were only two outcomes if Evey were left in the kitchen herself. Either she’d end up in the hospital or the café would burn.

  “I’ll be here,” West reminded her. “And hello to you too. I can’t believe you were lost so far into your head you didn’t even hear me coming in. If it weren’t for Evey, I’d be scared for your safety.”

  Lyris sighed and gave West a quick hug. “I’m sorry, but come on, you know how Evey’s like in the kitchen. Leaving her alone in it isn’t humane.”

  He refused to budge as Lyris bit her lip in worry. “I know my way around the kitc
hen, Ly. It was kind of hard growing up with you without knowing a thing or two about a stove and oven.”

  “Evey hasn’t really learnt anything,” she pointed out drily. “You’ll take care of Evey, right?” West’s eye lit up with mischief and Lyris whacked in the arm. “That’s a health violation!”

  “It was just a thought,” West said innocently. “It doesn’t mean I’ll go through with it.”

  Lyris’ left brow twitched as she tried to contain her smile. The last thing she wanted to do was encourage him. “I’m serious, West!”

  “So am I.” He started to shut the door, but stopped to poke his head out one last time. “By the way, get home before six because I have a something being delivered and I need you to sign for it.”

  The door slammed shut and Lyris found herself standing at the back of her store, feeling taken back from everything that had just happened. Muttering about Evey and West’s oddities, she walked over to her car to get home and shower.

  After drying off, she checked her phone for missed calls, hoping against all odds that there wouldn’t be any hysterical messages from Evey or West.

  West: Don’t forget about my package!

  Lyris: I’m not going near that thing.

  West: You’d be so lucky. Evey can tell you all about it, babes.

  Lyris: Stop contaminating my phone. Don’t worry, I won’t forget about your package.

  Lyris rolled her eyes before checking the time on her phone – 5:50. She had a few minutes before West’s mysterious package arrived.

  West: Be gentle ;D

  Lyris was about to reply when the doorbell rang. Tossing her phone aside, she hurried to the door to pick up West’s mysterious package.

  “Hey.”

  She swallowed hard when she realised Hale was standing at her front door. She was used to seeing him in his business clothing, so seeing him dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a leather jacket was unexpected.

  Unexpectedly inviting and tempting.

  “Huh, so the two of them managed to get out you of the café. Who would’ve known you’d leave your beloved kitchen in the hands of the tornado duo.” A mischievous glint lit up his eyes. “I suppose you’re dressed for it.”