Almost Loved

by Mira Toria

  His breath was ragged as he shouted back at her. “You never asked me!”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to ask whether I think we’d get shot at today! Because you know, non-dates can’t be complete without that happening!”

  Despite her sarcasm, Lyris could feel the smile frowning on her face. Her heart was racing, partially because of the adrenaline rush, but also because Hale hadn’t let go of her hand the whole time. She felt as if this was the first time in a long time she had been able to be herself without worry.

  Without worrying about second motives.

  They quickly climbed the fence and when they both landed on the ground, Hale laughed as he took deep breaths.

  “You have got to admit that was fun,” he said. “Right?”

  Hale pulled up to her house and she hopped off, wondering if what she practiced in her mind would come out the way she planned it to.

  “I’ll walk you to the door,” Hale said, turning off his bike.

  “Um.” Lyris tugged at her sleeve. “Evey, West and I usually have dinner once a week at the café just so we can always make sure we spend at least a day a week catching up.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “I was wondering if you’d like to join us tomorrow.”

  They were at her door and Hale’s eyes widened at her offer.

  “I don’t want to feel like I’m intruding.” There was a slight bump of hope in his voice and even if she had only invited him to be courteous, she would’ve never been able to admit it. Thankfully that wasn’t the case because she wanted him there as much as he seemed to want it.

  “You won’t be,” she promised. “It’s just a group of friends hanging out.”

  “I still feel intrusive.”

  He looked so unsure, Lyris tried to wrangle up a good way to twist the dinner so that it didn’t seem like an intimate gathering. “Think of it as a way for you to get to know Evey since you already know West,” she tried. “I mean you’ve spoken to her a bit, but I bet you haven’t seen what she can really be like.”

  “Thank you, Lyris.” His eyes were bright despite how dark it was and Lyris wanted to hold him for sake of holding him. There was something so vulnerable about him right then. “Really, it means a lot to me.”

  “It’s Evey’s turn to pick and I’m pretty sure she’s doing a game night,” she said, clearing her throat.

  “Most of the games I play usually have clothing as optional.”

  “If you just want to see West naked, I’m sure there are pictures on Evey’s phone that can be forwarded to you.” Lyris laughed at the face he made as she leaned back against her door. “Tonight wasn’t so bad after all.”

  He rolled his eyes but the corner of his mouth tugged upwards. “I try.”

  “It’s as if guys pool their resources together to figure out what women like. I mean we were literally eating under the stars at night before being shot at,” she wondered aloud. “Despite being chased by a crazy man, it was a lovely date.”

  “So it was a date?” His voice was lower and deep, ringing in her mind and she felt her legs tremble.

  She was about to go into the house, but Hale caught her elbow, turning her around to face him. His mouth lifted into a half smirk as he brushed a finger along her lower lip, a little rougher than he had when they were on the hill, but it still sent waves of anticipation through her.

  “And just so you know Ly, I don’t need to pool my resources. I know exactly what women like.”

  She was starting to feel breathless with being so close to him, but she still couldn’t resist baiting him further. “Oh really?”

  “You think I’m lying?” The smirk deepened with amusement.

  There he was again, challenging her like he wasn’t expecting her to take him on, but like before, she wasn’t able to back down. In fact, she found that it was more fun taking his bait and throwing her own.

  “So you’re saying you know what I like?”

  He caught her by surprise as he leaned over, pressing her back against her door and placing his face just a hair away from hers. Slowly he put his hand on her face and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, his mouth twitching as she exhaled unsteadily.

  They were touching.

  They weren’t touching.

  He was so close to her but yet it wasn’t close enough. She could feel the heat off him and she wanted to curl up against him, to close that breath of distance between them.

  He leaned in closer, his cheek barely touching hers, but it didn’t stop her from tensing with pent up anticipation. As if he sensed how badly she needed him to touch her somewhere, he dragged a single finger from her thigh, then up her torso, then up the side until he reached the crane of her neck.

  “Babe,” he said smoothly, “I think I know exactly what you like.” He pulled back too soon and Lyris knew that his grin was because of her reaction.

  Her breath caught in her throat and she twisted the doorknob, allowing the door to open behind her. Quickly shutting the door, she pressed her back against it, sliding down to the floor feeling elated with both with happiness and mortification.

  Oh boy, am I ever in trouble.

  “Lyris.” His voice came to her softly and she could picture the smile he had on as he spoke. “I had a good time as well.”

  “Not possible.” West glanced over at Lyris with his mouth agape. “Did an asteroid hit you on the head while you were on your date?”

  Lyris glared West as she mixed up her salad. They were all standing in the back helping with making dinner at the café, but when West heard Hale was coming by, he stopped what he was doing to just stare at her.

  “It wasn’t a date,” she said stiffly. Why on earth did everyone but her think it was a date? “And what if I wanted to invite him over for dinner?”

  “Because you’re a – ”

  “If you say frigid bitch, you may die from food poisoning tonight,” Lyris said sweetly. “Just a warning.”

  “I think we’re both just surprised you would do something like this so soon,” Evey chimed. She shot West a look and he busied himself with grabbing serving plates.

  “It’s not weird, right?” Lyris made sure her voice was quiet enough so West wouldn’t hear. “Eves?”

  “Why would it be? Just friends having dinner, right?”

  “Just friends,” Lyris repeated. It should’ve been easier for her to believe the words coming from her mouth. “Nothing else.”

  A soft rapping interrupted the conversation and West opened the door for Hale. Seeing him again was easy enough for her to forget whether inviting him over was the right thing. Just seeing how happy he was talking to West and Evey, the frowns of worry from yesterday disappeared as the corner of his eyes creased with laugher, was worth it.

  Knowing she had a hand in his happiness was worth everything.

  “Hey.” She stepped out of the kitchen and hugged him hello. Her body had already become accustomed to his touch and it wanted more, silently protesting as she pulled away.

  Hale pressed a soft kiss on her cheek in response. “Thanks for inviting me.”

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak because she still hadn’t found her voice. When he had leaned into kiss her, she reacted by moving closer as if it were the most natural thing. More than that, she wanted to turn her head so he would kiss somewhere else.

  This getting out of hand. Admit to yourself – you want so much more than friendship.

  “So are you excited for the game night?” Hale asked her. He followed her into the kitchen to help with setting the table.

  “Trust me,” Lyris said darkly, “West and I both agreed that every time Evey gets to choose what we do for dinner, which is always game night, it’s kind of terrifying.”

  “Because she’s great at games?”

  Lyris grabbed the serving bowl and handed it to Hale. “There’s that, but it’s because she’s crazy competitive.”

  “You’re making it sound as if she’s dangerou
s,” he laughed.

  “Do you know why Leon’s not here today?” she asked him. “He usually comes for dinner, but if he knows that it is Evey’s turn to decide, he usually makes himself scarce.”

  Hale pulled a chair next to Lyris as Evey passed plates around the table. “It can’t be that bad.”

  “Are we talking about Evey’s Pictionary incident?” West glanced over at Evey. “Because that actually explains how bad her competitive streak can get.”

  “I am not competitive.” Evey passed over the plate of chicken to Hale and shot him a sweet smile. “They’re just exaggerating.”

  “I have a scar from that incident because you got so angry you kicked the stand over!”

  Lyris laughed and peered from the corner of her eyes and saw Hale looking like he was having an equally good time. Dinner went by quickly with jokes in between and the noise in the café got louder as the night progressed. Especially once the games started.

  “Oh, we love this band!” Evey grabbed the pepper grinder as a microphone and sang out song titles. “Drowning! I Want it – ”

  “Backstreet Boys!”

  They were playing a word game and with how names were drawn, it was the girls vs. the boys.

  “This is rigged!” West passed the bowl over to Hale for him to draw the next words. “You girls put in the stupidest things!”

  “It’s only stupid if you don’t know it baby!” Evey cheered gleefully before sitting down next to Lyris. “Come on boys, you’re being timed!”

  Hale’s eyes widened and Lyris wondered exactly what he had picked, especially as his face tinted red with embarrassment. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”

  “The girls have like a few points ahead of us and you’re soaping the dishes if we lose,” West warned him. “There is no such thing as pride now. Sing and act it out if you have to.”

  “BYE BYE!”

  “Bye Bye Birdie!”

  Lyris muffled her laugh on Hale’s shoulder as he shouted about how West was terrible at the game, and that it was embarrassing doing it once let alone admitting that he knew something else about the clue.

  “We have to switch teams after this,” Hale decided randomly. “West, you better fucking get it this time.”

  Singing the rest of the song didn't do any good either because West looked as clueless as before.

  "Time's up!" Evey cheered and high fived Lyris before doing a victory dance. "And come on, West! It’s one of my favourite bands!”

  “How was I supposed to know that?” He turned to Hale, disbelief shadowing his face. “And how the hell do you even know those songs?”

  Hale shot West the same look of disbelief and threw the clue on the table. “How could you not? Every girl sang those songs to the ground when we were teenagers!”

  “Nah.” Lyris shook her head and rested a hand on his shoulder. “I think you secretly still listen to them in your car with your windows rolled down. Cruising the scenic road and jamming to them while bopping your head.”

  He caught her hand into his and stood up quickly to spin her around, dropping her into the chair he was sitting in. Her heart was beating fast and she wasn’t sure if it was because of what he did, or if it was because he still hadn’t let go of her hand.

  “I don’t know if I like this cheeky side of you.” The corner of his mouth pulled at the corner. “It’s almost cute.”

  “Just almost?”

  He looked as if he was about to respond but then West groaned loudly from where he sat calculating the points.

  “I can’t – I’m going to just stop counting and say you girls won.” He looked like he was physically sick as he threw the pencil down. “I really hate game nights.”

  As West fumed, Evey came over they both shared a devious expression when they made eye contact. Lyris knew both her and Hale were going to be on the receiving end of a West and Evey plan.

  A Wevey plan.

  To top off the brutally obvious scheme, Evey nudged West with her hip and grinned wildly. “It’s really rude to make our guest do the dishes so I’ll go and help. Why don’t you two stay here and chat while West and I clean up? Or you know, you can go home first.”

  Without waiting for an answer both West and Evey scurried off, but before they were out of sight, they both shot synchronised thumb ups.

  “They really do belong together,” Lyris muttered. “Both of them are crazy.” It would’ve been completely embarrassing if Lyris wasn’t happy that she was alone with Hale.

  “Ready to go home?” he asked her. “I’m guessing West drove the two of you here today.”

  Making sure that all the chairs were pushed in and that the floors were swept, Lyris followed Hale to his car, making small talk along the way. It would seem that Hale had a few adventures when he was a teenager.

  “Wait, you what?” She held onto her side as she doubled over laughing.

  “You would think she’d tell me her dad hunted deer for sport before he found us in her room together. I had to run across town in her fluffy pink robe while keeping it from opening in the front.” He gestured to where the robe had opened up, his eyes wide and animated as he told the story.

  “Serves you right for groping a feel during a tutoring session.” She wheezed and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m surprised you even had time to grab a robe to cover up.”

  “Do you have any idea how scared I was? I could’ve been arrested for being a flasher!” Hale tried to keep a straight face but a grin broke through. “I wasn’t invited back to tutor Elise after that.”

  Her jaw hurt from smiling too hard, but it was welcomed. Hale continued on about how he had to hide in the backyards around the neighbourhood to avoid being seen.

  She was listening to his story, but her gaze kept lingering on his hands. Looking at someone’s hand could tell you a bit about how they were. Hands that were soft and silky were often owned by those that have had little work or by those that care for them daily. Hale’s hands weren’t covered on callouses, but they were still rough and hard, making the way he held her gently that much sweeter.

  As he pulled up to her door, she surprised him by asking if he wanted some coffee inside.

  “Just coffee?” he teased, handing his jacket by the door as he took off his shoes.

  “I know you’ve probably heard a few people ask you in for coffee, but this really is just coffee.”

  It looked as if there was a slight glint of disappointment in his eyes as she spoke, but she ignored it. She wasn’t one for inviting people in under false pretenses.

  “Just a midnight chat then?” Hale thanked her for the coffee and leaned into his chair comfortably.

  “Don’t get any ideas.” She rounded the rim of her cup with her finger. “How did you like dinner tonight?”

  “It’s easy to understand why the idea of family can be addictive.”

  “Was it that bad with yours?” She was probing, but she also had an inkling that if she didn’t ask him now, he’d never tell her. “I remember you said you weren’t close to your parents.”

  “It was my choice,” he said, his voice hardening with each word. “Trust me when I say it was completely conscious on my part.”

  Knowing when someone was dismissing a topic, Lyris dropped it. “I’m happy that you had fun today though,” she said. “We can make this a regular event if you’d like.”

  His expression was set in stone hatred when he was speaking about his family, but some of the icy resentment went away and was replaced with shock. “Really?”

  “You don’t have to if you don’t want to!” She suddenly felt terrified that he would think she was moving too fast. “It was just a suggestion.”

  “No, it’s not that. It’s just that . . . considering what I said about my family and what your values are, I’m just surprised that you would invite me over again.”

  “You have your reasons for why you chose to leave yours,” she said, truly believing that Hale wouldn’t have done it on a wh
im. “And just because you don’t care for the family you were born into, it doesn’t mean you don’t care for families. You looked like you were really enjoying yourself and every time I bring up dinner, you have this daydream like look in your eyes like you can’t really believe it.”

  “So this is a pity invite then?”

  “Have you thought about maybe it’s because I care about you?” She spoke without thinking and was bewildered with how honest that was.

  It hadn’t dawned on her until now the extent of how much she cared for him. There was the assumption that she liked him because he was someone that made her feel free and she knew she cared for him, but it was only now she understood just how much.

  She wanted him to feel like he belonged somewhere because she knew what it was like feeling alone in the world. She wanted to be the person that he could talk to.

  It wasn’t simply just having him rely on her, but she wanted to rely on him. She wanted someone she could call and hold when she was feeling lonely. More than anything, she wanted someone to want her.

  Everything was crashing onto her at once. She wanted him and the feeling felt so foreign because of how hard she has tried to stay away from it. She had tried so hard to make sure she would never fall again, but Hale broke through every rule she ever made. Her rules couldn’t exist in the same place as him and it frightened her. Her rules were how she kept herself upright all this time.

  Her rules were the only things that held her in place when Bradley left.

  Her rules were being broken now and she felt herself hyperventilating thinking about how everything was changing.

  “Excuse me.” She got up from the table and shook her head as an apology. “I need to – I’m sorry.”

  On her way to the bathroom, she took out her phone.

  “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” she begged. “Come on, Eves.”

  “Hello? Oh my – West, stop, I’m on the phone and – West.”

  Lyris had guessed that they two of them cleaned up the café and headed home, but she never expected she would call in the middle of this.

  “I’m so sorry,” she spluttered. “I’ll hang up now!”

  “What? No, Ly!” She heard Evey scrambling on the other end. “What’s wrong?”