Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Series Book 4)

by Juliette Duncan

Grace sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly. “Silly girl.” A wave of sadness flowed through her. Brianna looked so fragile. Her eye sockets had sunk into her filthy face, and her hair looked like it hadn’t been brushed for days, possibly weeks. Grace gently pushed back with her fingertips the strands of hair hanging over Brianna’s face. “Why, Brianna? Why?”

  Grace forced back the tears pricking her eyes. She knew why. But how many more times could they go through this? Something had to change. After all they’d been through, she couldn’t lose Brianna now. Her heart ached for the sister she’d shared so much with. Life hadn’t been fair to either of them, but for Brianna, it had been worse. She wasn’t as strong as Grace, and where Grace had determined not to let her past dictate her future, Brianna didn’t have the same resilience or determination.

  Grace squeezed Brianna’s hand and leaned forward, placing a kiss on her sister's hollow cheek. A tear fell from Grace’s eye and splashed onto Brianna’s cheek, leaving a muddy streak as it trickled down her face.

  A hand on Grace’s shoulder jolted her. She remained still, hesitant to move, before slowly lifting her hand and placing it over Niall’s. Warmth filled her body. Niall knew how close she was to Brianna. How many nights had they gone out searching for her in the past? How many times had she cried on his shoulder when they’d come home without her?

  Grace closed her eyes and steadied herself. Niall’s hand on her shoulder meant nothing. It was just his way of showing concern. Nothing more. Nothing less. She couldn’t have him, or any other man, in her life. It wouldn’t be fair to them. She was better off without them, and Brianna certainly was too. If only Brianna hadn’t caught the attention of their cousins. Grace gritted her teeth. What they’d done to her little sister still made her blood boil. She should prosecute them. How many times had she pictured it… bringing those pieces of filth to justice? But if she did, her career would be over… Grace had no doubt Aunt Hilda would expose her secret if she did. And meanwhile, Brianna suffered.

  Grace inhaled deeply and rose, letting Brianna’s hand slip out of hers. Niall moved back, allowing Grace room to turn. As she did, she lifted her eyes and met his gaze. She swallowed hard. Her heart skittered as she looked into those soft-brown eyes she knew so well. Why are you here, Niall? After all this time? She brushed against him lightly as she inched along Brianna’s bed towards Caleb, who stood at the end of the bed, arms crossed, legs astride, deep in conversation with the doctor.

  “Miss O’Connor.” Dr Thompson held out his hand. His face was serious and his voice less than friendly. He must be getting tired of treating their sister. Grace took his hand and shook it.

  “Hello, Dr Thompson. This is Niall Flannery. A colleague of mine.” A colleague?

  The two men shook hands.

  “Your sister had a close call this time, Miss O’Connor, but I think she’ll pull through. We’ll know more in the morning.”

  Grace glanced at Brianna lying in the bed and her shoulders fell. If only she could wrap Brianna in her arms and protect her from the demons that haunted her. Lying in the bed, she looked so helpless… so thin, so dirty, so unloved. And yet, she’d been such a beauty when she was young, with her russet locks that bounced on her shoulders whenever she ran and her hazel eyes that lit up every time she laughed. Maybe she’d been too pretty. Maybe that had been her downfall.

  Grace breathed deeply and gulped. She’d already made her decision. She looked at Dr Thompson and then at Caleb. “I’d like Brianna to come back to my place when she’s released. I want to look after her.”

  Caleb’s eyes widened. “We’ve talked about this before, Grace. How will you cope with your job?”

  “I’ll cope. I’ll cut back my work load. It’ll be fine.”

  “You know what she’s like, Grace.” Caleb reached for Grace’s hand and held her gaze. Her brother’s sensitivity was at odds with his appearance. Always had been. She and Caleb had shared the burden of being Brianna’s keepers for years, and Caleb had often taken time off from his job at the shipyards, without pay, to care for her. Brianna had stayed with Caleb and Caitlin and their two young daughters several times, but she’d never lasted more than a few days at a time. It seemed Brianna couldn’t handle more than that, and she often disappeared without a word after stealing whatever she could, leaving behind a heart-broken brother, sister-in-law and two little nieces.

  “Yes, I do, but I want to do this, Caleb.” Grace moved towards Brianna and eased herself onto the bed. Pulling a tissue from a box on the stand, she gently wiped away the dirt caked on her sister’s face as she pushed back the tears pricking her own eyes. She would take Brianna home to her apartment and care for her. And once and for all, she’d get Brianna clean.

  Chapter 3

  “Let’s get a bite to eat, Grace. Would you like to join us, Caleb?” Grace stiffened as Niall placed his hand against the small of her back as they walked along the corridor towards the car park.

  What was Niall doing? She hadn’t agreed to go out with him, but the thought of going home to an empty apartment didn’t appeal. Despite her resolve, Grace’s heart beat faster at the prospect of spending time alone with Niall, even though it couldn’t lead anywhere.

  Caleb ran a hand along the side of his head. “Thanks Niall, but I need to get home to Caity and the girls. They’ll want to know how Brianna is. Besides, knowing Caity, she’ll have dinner waiting for me.”

  “No problem, Caleb.” Niall flashed him a smile. “Give my regards to Caitlin, will you?”

  “Will do. See you in the morning, Grace.” Caleb kissed Grace on her cheek and shook Niall’s hand before leaving them and heading off towards his car.

  “Well?” Niall tilted his head, a mischievous grin growing on his face as he held the car door open for her. “I know you haven’t eaten.” One eyebrow lifted, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his.

  This was happening way too fast. All week she’d tried to avoid him, all the while trying to ignore the fluttering of her heart every time her eyes locked with his, and the stab of jealousy when the blond leaned too close. She angled her head. Weren’t they an item? It seemed that way. So what was Niall doing here with her, asking her out for a meal, especially when he knew there was no future for them. She couldn’t have made that any clearer when she’d turned down his proposal several years ago. Maybe he was just after a casual fling?

  Grace stilled her beating heart. “All right. Let’s get something to eat.” She slid under his arm and sank deep into the soft leather seat, hoping she’d made the right decision.

  The roar of the Spider’s engine once again sent a thrill through her body. Niall glanced at her, a wicked grin sitting on his face. He knew her too well. Blow it! She'd relax and enjoy the ride... get her mind off Brianna and the court case for a while. She drew in a breath and laughed as he thrust the gear stick into first and accelerated out of the park a little too fast.

  She wasn’t surprised when he pulled up outside Molly’s Café—their favourite place to chill when they’d been a couple. But they weren’t a couple now, and Grace hadn’t ventured inside Molly's since the last time she’d been there with Niall, almost five years ago.

  Had he chosen Molly’s just because it was convenient, or was he trying to revive their relationship? She’d made it clear she’d never marry. And he’d made it clear if she wouldn’t marry him, then it was over… so what was he playing at? Had he changed his mind? And if he had, would she let him into her life again? Her heart pounded. This was all so unexpected and unplanned.

  Niall opened the door for her. Grace peeled her long legs out of the car and took his waiting hand. Not that she needed help, but it would have been rude to ignore it.

  “Thank you.” She flashed him a smile, and then, once steady on her feet, let go of his hand and moved aside to allow him to close the door.

  Molly’s Café hadn’t changed. The heavy timber doors were slightly more weathered, but the cheerful exterior still entice
d passers-by to enter. Grace followed Niall as he weaved his way through the scattered tables to their usual booth at the back. They’d always liked sitting here, tucked away from the main area, away from prying eyes. But it was all too familiar.

  Grace slid into the seat opposite Niall, tucking her bag beside her. The candlelight accentuated the grey flecks in his hair, giving him a distinguished appearance. She lowered her eyes, needing a moment to compose herself.

  A young waitress stood before them with pen and pad in hand. Her dark hair was piled in a loose bun, and her green apron, tied at the waist, sat over a plain white blouse and a short black skirt. She could easily have been the waitress who served them five years ago. “Can I take yer orders?”

  Niall looked up and smiled. “Not quite ready, sorry. Could you come back in a few minutes?”

  “Sure.” She gave the table a quick wipe and then scooted off to the next table.

  “What would you like?” Niall’s voice was so smooth, so familiar.

  Grace gulped and picked up the menu, saying, “I'm not sure yet,” as she opened it, thankful for the distraction.

  She decided on a Chicken Parmigiana, and he chose a Beef and Guiness Pie.

  Once their orders were placed, Grace decided enough was enough. She wouldn’t let Niall’s presence affect her any more. She’d converse with him as if he were any other person she was having a meal with.

  Grace lifted her gaze and held it steady. She could do this. “What brought you back to Belfast?”

  Niall wrapped his hands around his coffee mug. “I was wondering when you'd ask that." He met her gaze, his expression growing serious. "Father had a health scare recently. He asked me to come back and help so he could reduce his work load. Doctor’s orders.” He raised his eyebrows. “So here I am.”

  Grace straightened and leaned forward.

  “I'm sorry to hear that. Is he all right?” She didn't like to think that Randal Flannery, a successful barrister known for his skill and tenacity and his passion for helping the down-trodden, would be out of action for long. She enjoyed the time she met him as opposing counsel.

  “Yes, but he has to take it easy if he wants to avoid a full heart attack. You know how hard he works.”

  “Yes, I do." But don't we all?

  Niall looked down at his mug. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. But he won’t like not being at work.”

  “It might do him good, though." Grace sipped her gin and tonic as her thoughts turned to Niall's parents. Niall's mother, Leah Flannery had always welcomed Grace warmly. In many ways, Leah was the mother Grace yearned for after her own mother died when she was twelve and she and Brianna were sent to live with Aunt Hilda. Leah Flannery was everything Aunt Hilda wasn’t. Cheery, happy and kind. Aunt Hilda was stern, cold and demanding. The memories of Leah's warmth towards her tugged at Grace's heart strings, and her voice softened. "How’s your mother?”

  Niall's eyes lit up and he let out a small laugh. “As busy and involved as ever. I don’t know where she gets her energy from.”

  “I'm glad to hear that. Your mother’s a wonderful woman.” Grace blinked back tears. “You’re very lucky.”

  "I know.” Niall paused, his gaze locked on hers. “But I also came back because of you.”

  Grace froze. Had she heard right? Niall came back because of her? Why would he do that when he knew she’d never marry him? Plus, wasn't he with the blond? She needed to find out… “I thought you were with that blond?”

  Niall laughed. “Absolutely not!”

  Grace raised a brow. “She looks at you as if she owns you.”

  “I'm not sure why. I'm definitely not interested in her.”

  Grace wasn't sure if she was relieved or not.

  Leaning forward and keeping his gaze steady, Niall took her hand in his slender one. His eyes were filled with a curious, deep longing, and she fought to control her swirling emotions. “All the time I spent away, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since you, Grace, and seeing you again this week has made me want you more than ever."

  Grace let out a shaky laugh. "Niall… don't."

  “It’s true. We weren't just lovers, we were best friends, and I’ve missed you so much." His brown eyes didn't waver as he laced his fingers with hers, they just grew softer and needier.

  Why was he doing this? He was right—they'd been best friends before they became lovers, and it had taken everything she had to turn down his proposal. What girl in her right mind wouldn't want to marry Niall Flannery? But she'd had no choice. Her past, if ever it came to light, would ruin not only her career, but his as well if they were married. There was no way she could do that to him.

  He squeezed her hand. "Can we start again, Grace?"

  Grace bit her lip. Why was he putting her through all of this again? He wasn't after just a casual fling, he wanted to revive their relationship, and she couldn't do it. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't. Nothing had changed.

  The waitress appeared and placed their meals in front of them, but Grace’s appetite had fled. She downed her gin and tonic and asked for another.

  Niall was still waiting for an answer. She had to tell him... it was no use prolonging it. She drew a breath. "I can't do this, Niall. Not now, not ever. I'm sorry." She gulped.

  A muscle in his jaw twitched as he held her gaze. "I don't understand."

  She shook her head. "I just can't do it. I'm sorry." She couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. “I need to go. I’ll call a taxi.”

  As she stood, Niall gripped her hand. “Grace, don’t do this.”

  The desperation in Niall’s voice almost made her change her mind. How she hated hurting him like this again, but it was for his own good—he just didn't know it.

  “I have to. I'm sorry.” Pulling her hand away, she threw her wrap over her shoulder, raced outside and hailed a taxi.

  When Grace entered her apartment a short while later, she headed straight to the drinks cabinet and poured herself a double. Trapped by the secrets of her past, she was defeated. She felt bereft and desolate. Leaning against the cabinet, she squeezed her eyes shut as her heart ached with the pain of lost love.

  If only Niall hadn't returned. She'd been doing fine... work had been her solace. But now she'd have to build her walls higher. She drew a long, slow breath and downed her drink before collapsing on her bed.

  Chapter 4

  The following morning, Grace entered the powder room at the court house and placed her brief case on the floor. Leaning into the mirror, she inspected her face. She looked better than she felt. The eye drops had worked their magic and her eyes had cleared. She splashed her face and patted it dry with a paper towel before reapplying some face powder and lipstick. Tucking a stray hair under her wig, she studied herself again. She would pass, but only just.

  Lifting her chin, she drew a deep breath and re-joined her team in the foyer.

  Bryan gave her a warm smile. “Better?”

  “Yes, thank you, Bryan.” She returned his smile.

  Five minutes later, Grace took her seat beside Bryan and forced herself to not even glance at the opposing counsel’s seats. Niall would be there by now, and she couldn't risk catching his eye.

  Judge Atkinson entered and everyone stood. Grace made herself focus. As well as dealing with Niall's presence, Caleb's phone call earlier that morning weighed on her mind, but she'd have to deal with Brianna's release after the judge had finished his summing up and the jury had been instructed.

  Only once during the Judge's summary did Grace steal a glance at Niall. She shouldn't have. The uncomfortable ache in her chest returned at the mere sight of him. Her eyes blurred with tears and she tore her gaze away, forcing all thoughts of what might have been away and focusing instead on the judge.

  It didn’t take long, and in less than thirty minutes, Grace was heading back to Chambers with Bryan.

  Niall felt an acute sense of loss as Grace walked out of the court room. He still didn't unders
tand. She had no one else in her life—he'd checked, but Grace had never given him the real reason why she couldn't marry him. He let out a heavy sigh. He'd hoped fleeing to London after she'd turned him down, instead of taking the job with his father's firm in Belfast, would have got her out of his mind, and his heart, but seeing her over this past week had confirmed to him that he still loved her. He'd just have to convince her of that and do everything in his power to win her back.

  Grace checked her schedule and rearranged a few things. She would have to return to court as soon as the jury came back, but that could be days. She got the impression they might be split. She and Niall had both done a good job. Donal O’Malley was guilty, no doubt about it, but had she done enough to convince the jury? Niall certainly had done a good job of attacking her argument and casting doubt. Time would tell. But right now, Brianna needed her.

  When Grace entered Brianna's cubicle a short while later, Brianna was sitting up in bed. Her hair was still a mess, but at least her face was clean. “Hey-ya.” Grace leaned down and kissed Briana’s cheek, brushing the unruly hair off her face.

  Brianna’s expression remained unmoved.

  Grace sighed. This was going to be an uphill battle. She felt like shaking Brianna. Why couldn’t she just kick the habit and get on with life? Grace hated weakness in people, but this was her sister, and if anyone knew what Brianna had been through, it was her. But still, why couldn’t she just sort herself out? It was so frustrating.

  Sitting beside Brianna on the bed, Grace took her sister's cold, bony hand. "How are you feeling, Bibi?”

  Brianna gave a slight shrug and turned her head away.

  Grace bit her lip and glared at her. “Brianna, look at me.”

  Forcing herself to remain calm, Grace waited.

  Brianna slowly turned her head towards Grace and lifted her dull, lifeless eyes. “Go away, Grace. You’re wasting your time.”

  Grace clenched her fist. She wasn't going to let Brianna have her way. “No, I won’t go away, Brianna. I don’t care what you say... I’m not going to let you do this again. You’re coming home with me, and I’m going to look after you.”