Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Series Book 4)

by Juliette Duncan

  Brianna jeered at her. “To your fancy apartment? Yeah, right. What would your neighbours think? I don’t think so, Grace. Just let me be.” Turning her back on Grace, she slid down the bed and curled up, pulling the blankets around her neck.

  Grace seethed. She felt like yanking the blankets off Brianna and shaking her. How dare she talk to her like that? “I’m not going anywhere, Brianna. I’ve made up my mind.” It would be so easy to walk out and leave Brianna to her own demise. Grace was sure that’s what Brianna wanted, but she couldn’t do that. Having looked out for Brianna her whole life, she wasn’t prepared to let her go now.

  The doctor entered the cubicle and picked up Brianna's chart. After giving Brianna a quick check, he told Grace Brianna was clear to leave.

  After the doctor left, Grace rubbed Brianna's arm. “Okay, time to go, like it or not."

  Brianna grunted and slowly pulled herself up. “Why can't I go to Caleb's?”

  Grace gagged at Brianna’s stale breath. “Because you're coming with me." Obviously Briana would have preferred to go home with Caleb, but tough. This time she was coming home with her, and this time, she’d get off those drugs if it killed Grace in the process. Caleb was too soft. Brianna needed someone who’d tell her how it is and not just tell her she needed God.

  “Let me brush your hair before we leave—it looks like a rat nested in it.” But Brianna’s hair was so matted that Grace couldn’t get a brush through it, instead, she tied it up with a hair tie she found in her purse. “We’ll have to sort it when we get home.”

  After signing the necessary paperwork, Grace led Brianna to her car and helped her in. It wasn’t a long drive to her downtown apartment, and within half an hour she was helping Brianna settle into her room.

  “There are more blankets if you need them. And the bathroom’s just through here. But first, let’s give you a wash and sort out that hair.”

  “It’s fine the way it is, Grace.”

  Grace’s blood boiled at the defiance in Brianna’s expression. She put her hands on her hips and stared Brianna down. “It is not fine the way it is, Brianna. You probably have bugs, let alone the fact you can’t get a brush through it. I’ll run a bath and we’ll get you clean at least, but then we have to do something with it.”

  She gave Brianna no choice, and as she sponged her sister’s emaciated body, her heart almost broke. What had happened to her beautiful little sister? It was all Da’s fault. If he hadn’t deserted their Mam, leaving her to raise eight young children on her own, Mam wouldn’t have run herself into the ground and died so young. And then she and Brianna wouldn’t have been sent to Aunt Hilda’s. How Daniel and Caleb had ever forgiven Da before he died was beyond her.

  “There… better?” Grace poured warm water down Brianna's back and then rested her hand on her bony shoulder.

  Brianna nodded slowly.

  Tears rolled down Grace’s cheek as she leaned forward and hugged her sister. “It's going to be all right, Bibi. We’re going to get you fixed.”

  Brianna slept for five hours. Grace looked in on her every ten minutes or so. She couldn’t relax. What was she going to do with her? If they stayed here in the apartment, Brianna would pack up and leave within days, as she always did at Caleb and Caitlin’s. They’d tried putting her into a rehab facility several times, but she’d never lasted. Brianna needed a change of scenery. A complete change. Grace started to formulate a plan. As soon as the jury came back and delivered their verdict, she’d take Brianna on a road trip. They’d drive to the sea. Let the wind and the fresh air blow away all of Brianna’s troubles. Yes, that’s what they’d do.

  Caleb thought it a grand idea. “Why don’t I put in for holidays and Caitlin and I and the girls can join you?”

  Grace’s heart fell. How could she tell Caleb she wanted to do this on her own without hurting his feelings? She just had to tell him. “I’d like to spend time alone with Brianna first, if that’s okay with you, Caleb. But maybe you and the girls can join us after a while? Once Brianna’s stable?”

  Caleb pursed his lips but eventually agreed. “We’ll pray for you.”

  “Thanks Caleb.” She couldn’t tell him she didn’t need his prayers when she’d just told him she didn’t want him on the trip.

  She hugged him when he went to leave. “You’re a good brother, Caleb. The best.” She smiled warmly into his face and their shared history flashed through her mind. Apart from Brianna, Caleb was the sibling she knew the best, and the one she could depend on if ever she needed anything. She just needed to do this trip without him.

  “And you’re not too bad yourself, sis.” He winked at her as he pecked her on the cheek and disappeared down the hallway.

  Chapter 5

  Brianna reluctantly allowed Grace to cut her hair and treat it with bug shampoo. She also allowed Grace to dye it her natural russet colour. She looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise the person looking back.

  Grace had made her eat small regular meals, and she’d already put on some weight. She hadn’t left Grace’s apartment since the day Grace had brought her here. The few times she'd asked Grace to let her go out, Grace refused. Apart from jumping off the balcony, there was no way out. She felt like a prisoner.

  For the first day or so, they’d spent most of their time watching television. Grace tried to get her talking, but she didn’t feel like it. She’d slept a lot, but whenever she was up she couldn’t relax. Grace wouldn’t let her have a drink, although she was allowed the occasional cigarette. Big deal. What she wanted, needed, more than anything, was a hit. Grace had told her she was to go cold turkey. She’d done it before and hated it. As each day passed, Brianna craved her drugs more and more. Her body went into withdrawal. She felt sick. She threw up. She shivered. Grace bathed her body with cool damp sponges. She lashed out at Grace. Scratched Grace’s face. Threw objects around her room. And threw herself onto the bed and screamed.

  On the third night, when her body was wracked with cramps, she thrashed her arms about and pummelled Grace’s chest. “I can’t do this, Grace. Let me go.”

  Grace caught Brianna’s arms and held them above her head. Finally calming, she sobbed into Grace’s chest.

  “You’re almost there, Bibi. You can do this." Grace rubbed Brianna’s back and pulled her close. Maybe she could, but she hated it. Why couldn't they just let her be?

  The jury returned four days after they were dismissed. Grace had Caitlin on call to sit with Brianna while she was gone, and within the hour of receiving the phone call, Grace was wigged up and sitting in court beside Bryan. To be honest, she’d almost forgotten the case was still in progress. She’d hardly given Donal O’Malley a thought since she’d taken Brianna home. And she’d tried not to think about Niall. But there he was, with the blond still looking like she owned him. Grace turned her head away quickly when Niall caught her looking at him, but one moment was enough. Her heart still refused to listen to her head.

  Judge Atkinson entered and everyone rose. Donal O’Malley was expressionless as the jury’s foreman read out the verdict of guilty. Bryan grabbed Grace’s arm and squeezed it. Grace glanced once again at Niall. The blond had her hand on top of his. It was over, and she’d won. She should have felt relieved, elated, but instead, she felt nothing.

  Becoming a top barrister had always been her dream, and how hard she’d worked to get there. But now she felt empty. Had it really been worth all the effort? Maybe if she’d spent more time with Brianna rather than studying and working so hard, Brianna might not have ended up in the gutter. At the time it seemed the right thing to do, but now? She was looking forward to the break. Would she miss the court room with all its pomp and ceremony? Would she miss the kick she got from standing in front of a packed court room making witnesses and defendants squirm? Probably, but right now she didn’t care. She said goodbye to Bryan and shook Niall’s hand as protocol demanded, trying to avoid his eye, but when he slipped an envelope into her hand, she glanced up and met his gaze. He
didn’t say a word, just looked at her with soft brown eyes that almost made her resolve fly out the window. She gulped and turned away. She didn't trust herself to speak.

  When Grace returned to her apartment, she opened the door quietly and tip-toed inside. Caitlin was sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine and looked up as Grace put her briefcase down.

  “How is she?” Grace whispered as she glanced towards Brianna’s room and slipped her jacket off.

  “She slept the whole time.” Caitlin’s jolly face seemed to be getting rounder by the day. “Not a peep out of her.”

  “That’s a relief. Coffee?”

  “Yes please, that would be lovely.” Caitlin eased herself off the couch and joined Grace at the breakfast bar. “When are you planning on leaving?”

  Grace stood with her arms folded, leaning back against the counter. “Now the case is over, tomorrow, I hope. Brianna’s really fidgety, and I need to get her out of here as soon as I can. We could even leave today.” Grace felt brighter at the thought.

  Grace had rarely talked to Caitlin on her own. Usually Caitlin was with Caleb, and she let Caleb do most of the talking. But Grace knew Caitlin to be a caring wife and mother, and a devout Christian. Maybe that was one of the reasons Grace had avoided being with her on her own. She'd heard Caitlin had a knack of getting under people’s outer layers, breaking through the walls they’d put up. Grace had many walls, and she didn’t want Caitlin, or anybody else, getting under, over, or through them.

  “Where are you thinking of going?”

  Grace lifted two brightly coloured mugs from the cupboard. “We might head north, and then go along the coast, and see what happens after that. Neither of us has seen much of the country, so we’ll just take a day at a time.”

  “Sounds super. Brianna must be looking forward to it.”

  “Yes, she is, surprisingly. Milk? Sugar?”

  Caitlin settled herself onto a stool. “Yes, please. Three sugars.”

  Grace raised an eyebrow. No wonder she’s stacking it on.

  Caitlin didn’t seem to notice. “Have you ever thought of going to Danny’s place?”

  Grace’s head jerked up. “Danny’s place?”

  “Yes, I thought Caleb would have mentioned it.”

  Grace joined Caitlin on another stool. “He may have, but I probably didn't take much notice.” She always stopped listening whenever Caleb started talking to her about what Daniel and Lizzy were doing since it usually included something to do with the Bible College where they worked, and she simply wasn’t interested. The only time she’d ever really listened was when Caleb told her about her new little niece and nephew. And that was over a year ago.

  “Well, I think it would be perfect for Brianna. He and Lizzy are managing this place where young people go if they’re struggling to fit in or can’t stay out of trouble.” She paused and took a sip of her coffee. “It’s not rehab, and it’s not a college—I guess it’s somewhere in between. They’ve had a lot of young people through already with quite a lot of success. The students, as they call them, work for half a day, and then they have lessons for the other half and evening, all the while living in community with counsellors on hand, twenty-four seven.” Caitlin’s eyes twinkled as she spoke, and her second chin wobbled.

  “I guess it’s a church run place?” Grace had no doubt, but asked anyway.

  “Yes, it’s sponsored by the college Daniel worked at. Caleb and I also support it financially, as do a lot of others. It’s a great ministry, and I think it’d be perfect for Brianna.” She placed her chubby hand gently on Grace’s wrist. “Think about it, Grace. I’m sure they’d welcome both of you.” Caitlin stopped and laughed. “I didn’t mean you as a student… they’d welcome you as a guest!” She let out another chuckle.

  Such a jolly person, and she means well, but no, I won’t be taking Brianna there. “Thanks for the information, Caitlin. I’ll keep it in mind.” Grace finished her coffee just as Brianna appeared in the kitchen.

  “Hey, Bibi, how are you feeling?” Slipping off her stool, Grace hugged Brianna and kissed her forehead.

  “Okay, I guess. Did you win?”

  Grace's head jolted up. The case… she'd forgotten already… “Yes, we won. It’s all over now, and we can head off as soon as we’re ready. Do you want a drink?”

  “Yes please.”

  “How are you, Brianna? Doing better?” Caitlin reached out and squeezed Brianna’s arm gently as Brianna took a seat beside her.

  “I’m getting there, but Grace has kept me locked up.” She shot Grace a less than kind look.

  “It’s worked though, Brianna. You haven’t taken any drugs since you were taken to the hospital.”

  “I almost died, though.” She pouted, but took the mug of steaming hot coffee Grace handed her.

  “You might have died if I hadn’t brought you here.” Grace raised her brow.

  “I see you two are going to have a fun trip—you sound just like my two! Always bickering.” Caitlin let out a jolly laugh. “Anyway, I’d better be off. Ladies luncheon at church today.” She paused and looked at Grace. “Guess you don’t want to come?”

  Grace shook her head. She was right.

  “No harm in asking.” Caitlin chuckled.

  “Sorry. Maybe another time.” She was just being polite. She would never go to a ladies luncheon at church. “Thanks so much for coming today.” Grace leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

  “My pleasure, and have a wonderful trip, the two of you.” She gave Brianna a huge hug and bustled out the door.

  “Phew, I’m glad she’s gone.” Brianna settled into one of Grace’s leather arm chairs with her mug of coffee, tucking her legs underneath her.

  “She means well.”

  “I guess so, but she’s so gooey and squidgy.”

  Grace laughed. “That’s one way to describe her!”

  Brianna rolled her eyes and joined in with Grace’s laughter. It was so good to see the real Brianna finally emerging from the depths of darkness.

  “So Bibi, do you want to leave today?” Grace sat down opposite her with another mug of coffee.

  Brianna stopped laughing and locked eyes with Grace. “You mean I finally get to leave here?”

  “It was for your own good, Bibi. I didn’t do it for fun, you know.” Grace held her mug with both hands and let out a sigh.

  “I understand, and thank you, Grace.” Brianna’s eyes watered. “I mean it. I can’t promise to stay off the stuff forever, but I’ll try. I just hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for.”

  Grace shrugged. “I’m tough. I’ll cope with whatever.”

  Chapter 6

  Grace packed quickly. Brianna had very little, so Grace lent her what she could, and promised to buy whatever she needed along the way. There wasn’t much room in Grace’s sports car anyway.

  Grace was tempted not to take the envelope Niall had given her, but against her better judgment, tossed it into her bag. She'd read it later, although it would do her heart no good.

  They headed north out of the city. Brianna's body visibly relaxed when Grace took the A2 and not the M2 towards Londonderry. Neither she nor Brianna had been back to Londonderry since they’d fled Aunt Hilda’s house when Brianna was four months pregnant. The memories were too painful, and neither girl dared look down that road.

  It was a warm day, and Grace had the roof down. She wore a bright red scarf to help keep her hair in place, but as she’d cut Brianna’s hair so short, Brianna had no need of one. She did give her a pair of Oroton sunglasses, though. Grace glanced at Brianna as she accelerated onto the open road and smiled. She hadn’t seen Brianna looking so relaxed for a long time.

  It was impossible to talk, so Grace just enjoyed being out in the country. It had been way too long. She and Niall used to go for long drives on weekends. In fact, his parents lived just off this road. She peered down Derry Lane as they flew past the intersection, and she just made out the roof line of the lar
ge country manor Randal and Leah Flannery had lived in their entire married lives. Thinking of them made her glance at her bag holding Niall's envelope. He probably had nothing new to say… she should have left it behind or tossed it in the bin. But it was a link… a little part of him she could hold close to her heart.

  The afternoon drew in, and as they hadn’t booked anywhere, Grace slowed down at the next town they came to. The small village of Lorne hugged the banks of the Glendun River, and two pubs, a church, and a few shops lined the road. Signs advertising the local Bed and Breakfast places were scattered here and there. The pubs looked less than inviting, not somewhere to take Brianna on their first night. One of the Bed and Breakfast places would be better.

  “Which one, Bibi?” Grace pulled the sports car to a stop as they looked at the signs. Neither one stood out, but as Brianna didn’t have any preference, Grace chose the more expensive one. She had plenty of money, and it should be the better of the two.

  A short, round lady bustled down the stone steps, bordered on either side with overflowing brightly coloured flowers, and greeted them. She wore a grey, knee-length skirt and a pink twin set with two strings of fake pearls draped around her chubby neck. Her face was round and kindly, and her greying hair was swept up in an old fashioned bun.

  “Welcome, ladies! My name’s Maeve, and I’m happy to see you both. Come on in and I’ll show you to your room.” She stopped suddenly. “Did you want one room or two?”

  Grace glanced at Brianna. She was hanging back, and her face was blank, as if it was all too much for her. Grace held out her hand and pulled her along. “One room, thanks, Maeve.” Grace gave the woman a warm smile. “I’m Grace, and this is my sister Brianna.”