Bellissimo Lotta (Beautiful Struggle): Companion Novel to Bellissimo Fortuna (The Family Trilogy Book 2)

by Lunsford, Leigh Ann

  “Let it happen.” She takes my hand and squeezes it.

  “No. I don’t know how. I physically can’t. She’s inside of me. Living without her is unnatural to me.”

  “Fuck,” Bronson mumbles. “I can’t agree with you, brother. I can’t blame you, either. What you did was the ultimate betrayal . . . and to my sister. I get it. I’ve fucked up. I’ve blamed the daughter for the father’s sins.” He looks at Callie, and she hangs her head. “I hate that you hurt her, but I know you love her. I remember everything you put up with just to get her. The denial from her, the waiting while she played games. All of it. It isn’t tit for tat here, and I don’t know if I can help at all, but I’ll talk to her.”

  “No,” Callie whispers.

  “Thank you,” I tell him.

  “Callie, yes. She needs to hear from me. I can’t guarantee it will change her mind, and I won’t try and change it. I’ll give her my perspective, and that’s all I can do.”

  “She needs to come to terms with it. On her own,” Callie chastises him.

  “She will. She needs to hear it from a male perspective…one who isn’t groveling at her feet, and not the one who ripped her world apart.”

  “Fuck,” this time Callie whispers it. “They’re coming over for lunch before heading back. You better be ready, and I swear to Christ if she cries I’ll castrate you, Bronson, and you can kiss your wish of a daughter good bye.”

  “I’m rethinking the daughter thing. I can’t deal with this shit from my daughter.”

  “For that, I hope we have twin . . . GIRLS!”

  “If you hurt her again, Dakota, I’ll kill you myself. We won’t come back from it.” I know Bronson means it. He loves his sister, and I’m damn lucky he’s been in a position that he didn’t make the best decisions.

  “I won’t hurt her. Not ever again.” My eyes meet him directly, and I sit up straight. I can say that with the utmost assurance.

  He who has loved and who betrays love does harm not only to the image of the past, but to the past itself.

  ~Theodor Adorno

  Chapter 25

  Bianca

  Guilt. That’s all I feel as I exit the restaurant, and Heath sees me crying and distraught over my words with Dakota. It’s not fair to him, and he doesn’t deserve this. He takes a few steps towards me, and I stop. Seeing my reaction, he halts his advance.

  “Do you want me to give you a few minutes so you can talk to your mom?”

  “No, I don’t want to talk to my mom. I don’t want you to see me like this.” He begins his advance again.

  “It’s fine, gorgeous. I’m okay. I don’t expect you to be healed overnight. You carried this baggage for a long time. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not with you. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t feel right.”

  “Okay, I won’t push it. I’m not asking that of you, but one day I want to be the man you come to with everything. I know it’s going to take some time to build that trust, but there is nothing you can’t tell me.”

  “Ugh,” I stomp my foot.

  He chuckles at me. He is infuriating with his patience and words. I want him to yell at me, force me to make a decision. “Come on, let’s get going.” He pulls me to the car, and we ride in silence.

  Once we drop my mom off and get back to the room, my insides are twisting. He throws a shirt and pair of boxers at me to change into. “Gorgeous, relax. I’m tired, and whatever you’re worked up about just sleep and deal with it tomorrow.”

  After changing in the bathroom and climbing in the bed next to him, he pulls me close and holds me against his side. “I feel like no matter what I do I’m hurting someone.”

  “Why is that?”

  “If I love him, you get hurt. If I don’t love him and fall for you, he gets hurt.”

  “How about doing what you want. If you aren’t sure, take the time to figure it out. I’m not going anywhere, and the most important thing to me is that you aren’t the one who ends up hurt. If you tell me to, I’ll leave. If you want to stay this course with me and figure out what we are, where we can go, I’m in. I’m only asking for what you can give, remember?”

  “Yeah, and I feel like a callous bitch because I can’t give you what you want, I can’t give him what he wants.”

  “You aren’t a bitch. You’re giving me what I want, and that’s all I’ve asked of you. And you need to decide what you want, nobody else. You’re not responsible for me or him.”

  I bury my body closer to his side and his arms give me a squeeze. “Goodnight.”

  “Night.” I drift off to sleep exhausted from the emotional wreckage of today.

  “No, Bronson, that’s not enough time for a wedding.” Callie is arguing with him over lunch.

  “It’s plenty of time. Who are you planning to invite, the Pope?” His tone isn’t budging and he is going to win this one.

  “I don’t think he’d respond to that invitation,” I offer, trying to help. Heath laughs next to me, Bronson sighs in frustration, and Callie just rolls her eyes.

  “Two months, Callie. That’s all the time I’m giving you.”

  “Well keep talking to me in that tone and I won’t be giving you anything.” Her hand fisted at her hip with her tiny ass frame trying to throw off sass makes me snort. “Not now, Bianca.” She shoots me a death glare.

  “Negato,” I taunt Bronson.

  “Rompicoglioni,” he throws back at me.

  “Not again. Do you two ever stop?” Callie groans picking up Angelo.

  “You don’t know what we said. We could have been planning your honeymoon,” I throw back at her.

  “You were taunting him about being denied, and he was telling you what a pain in the ass you are,” Heath deadpans.

  Totally forgot he knows the language. “Yes, finally someone that can translate the truth for me. Y’all are screwed!” Callie cheers, dancing with Angelo. “And watch the language, if he starts cussing, I’ll kill both of you.”

  “If it’s in Italian you won’t know,” I let her know. Bronson starts laughing and gives me a high five.

  “Jackasses.”

  “Language, Callie,” I tease. She flips me off.

  “Binks, guess we need to go shopping. You need a maid of honor dress if I’m marrying him in two months.” She smiles at me, and I knew she was going to give in. She knew she wasn’t going to deny him, but she did give it the old college try.

  “Yes,” both Heath and I say in unison.

  “What?” Bronson is confused.

  “We get to go on a bachelorette trip, regardless of what you say.”

  “She is staying at home,” Heath fills him in.

  “Again, what?” Bronson is looking between us.

  “Bianca bet me that I’d be engaged and married within a year, I told her no way. Guess who is making a liar out of me? Anyway, if she lost, she had to move to Miami. If I lost she got to plan a bachelorette getaway, and I go, whether you like it or not. So…looks like I’m going on vacation.”

  “To Turks and Caicos,” I supply.

  “Absolutely not.” He looks between us, and his face is stone.

  “Then we postpone the wedding.”

  “A bet is a bet, and if you don’t have your word, what do you have?” I throw that lesson in his face.

  “Why can’t I go?” Did he just ask that?

  “You have a vagina?” His face reddens with my teasing.

  “You two . . .”

  “Will be the death of me,” Callie and I mock.

  “Three days.” That’s his limit for them to be separated.

  “Ten,” I negotiate.

  “Pazzo. Four.” He thinks I’m crazy, but I’m just smarter than him.

  “Seven.”

  “Bianca, stop. Five and don’t fucking push me.”

  I smile at him, blow him a kiss, and high five Callie. Heath has been quiet during it all, and I think we scared him. I turn to look at him, and he’s grinning like a fool and looks like he l
oves it.

  “I’m going to take you to business meetings. You’re a staunch negotiator. That’s kind of hot,” he whispers the last part in my ear.

  “What am I supposed to do while you’re gone?” Bronson whines to Callie.

  “Dick-date,” I supply.

  “The fuck, Binks?”

  “Guys night. You and the boys. Dicks. Night out. Dick-date.” Heath’s chest vibrates against my back, his deep laugh filling my ear, and I look to Callie and see her smiling while her eyes roam my face, and she winks at me. That was her seal of approval.

  “Quit talking, now. I need to talk to you for a few minutes anyway,” Bronson tells me.

  “Do you want me to quit talking or do you want to go talk? That’s very confusing.” I love pushing his buttons.

  “Jesus, I want you to quit talking, and I want to talk to you. You don’t need to speak, just listen. Let’s go.”

  “You forgetting something?” He turns back to search the room.

  “No.”

  “Treats. You can’t command me like a dog and not reward me. What would the ASPCA say?” Heath tries to hide his smile, and Callie is biting her lip.

  “You make pushing rope uphill look simple.” I love to rile him up.

  “That’s impossible to do, Bronson.”

  “No shit, so are you. You are impossible, Bianca.”

  I walk past him. “Come on. What are you waiting for…an invitation?” The laughter of our spectators is heard through the closed door.

  “You do this shit on purpose.”

  “Yep, and it works. Now what did you want?”

  “Dakota showed up here at two in the morning. Drunk.”

  “And this has what to do with me?” Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “He told me everything, Binks.” He grabs my neck and pulls me closer to him, slinging his arm around my shoulders. “Why didn’t you?”

  “He lost so much that night. Including me. I couldn’t have him lose you. You both needed each other at that time.”

  “Binks, you’ll always come first.”

  “Bronson, it wasn’t about choosing. I lost a lot that night, but I knew I had a family. I could get support without spilling the beans. He couldn’t lose you.”

  “I punched him.”

  “Of course you did. Damn it, Bronson. He’s your best friend.”

  “You’re my sister. He’s still my best friend, relax.” He looks down at me. “How are you doing with it all?”

  “I’m confused. I don’t know if I’m just supposed to forgive him because I know he’s sorry. I know he regrets it, but it’s not that simple. I like Heath, and I’m not jumping into anything with him. I feel like I’m at a tennis match, and I’m that fucking little green ball. Bouncing from one emotion to another.”

  “I hate saying this, but I get where his mind was.”

  “Funny thing is, bro, so do I. It’s fucked. In every sense. I know why he lashed out, but it doesn’t change things. He promised me a future. He made me believe in love when I was the biggest cynic. He built me up to believe in him. I was ready to give him my future when he ripped it away. Robbed me of it. He can’t just give it back when it was taken from me so violently. So, I understand where he came from, but you need to understand where I ended up. It’s burned in my brain.”

  “This is a mess. I’m here for you, but I’m here for him. I’m not going to pressure you to do anything, and I’ll support whatever you decide. Just know he loves you. He fucking loves you.”

  “I know. That isn’t something I doubt. God, this sucks. Love isn’t supposed to be like this. I keep telling myself that, but I don’t get it.”

  “Love can be miserable. Hate can create misery. Guilt is misery. But only you can stop being miserable. You can move forward, with or without him. You can guard your heart for the rest of your life and be alone. It’s up to you, and I’ve got your back.”

  “Thanks, Bronson.”

  “Always, baby sister.” We walk back to the apartment in silence, side by side, and somehow with him knowing the truth, I feel better. It’s a weight off my chest, and knowing he’s still there for Dakota makes me relieved.

  It’s getting late, so we need to leave. Saying our goodbyes, Callie pulls me to the side. “I like him. I like him for you.”

  “Could you not have given me a heads up that you had a visitor last night?”

  “You good?”

  “Surprisingly, yes. Do I have a clue what I’m doing . . . nope.”

  “He gets you, Binks. Heath. He lets you be crazy, and he revels in it. He laughs when you’re impossible. Challenges you. He’s pretty perfect for you.”

  “You just like him because he can translate for you.”

  “There is that.” She laughs, and we say our goodbyes. I hate leaving, but I love home.

  Bronson continues to try to thwart our trip every chance he gets. Heath walks in my door with an envelope. “Hey gorgeous. I got this and the instructions say I’m supposed to open it with you.”

  “Hmm. Was it hand delivered?”

  “No, and the postmark shows it’s local.”

  “Rip that bitch open. But hurry, I still have packing to do.” I leave in the morning, and

  I’m still doing laundry. Lynsey and I are flying to Miami, meeting Callie, and all three of us are heading to Turks and Caicos.

  “First come over here and give me my kiss.” I don’t hesitate. This has been the one thing that’s changed in the last few weeks. He’s asked for one thing, a kiss each time he sees me. Such a little thing, but it means so much. It’s moved us to more of a relationship type status, but he hasn’t asked for a label or anything else from me. His lips have become one of my favorite attributes. Soft, firm, demanding, yet gentle. He controls every kiss, and if he wants me panting and wanting at the end, he delivers. If he is trying to tell me I’m frustrating him, he does it in the form of a kiss. The sweet ones. The long, lingering ones that speak so much with no words. Those are my favorite.

  Our lips part, and I grab the envelope. A single line of script is written across the sealed envelope and all it says is,

  “If you can’t beat them join them. Open with Bianca.”

  Heath opens it and plane tickets, in his name, fall out. He starts laughing when he reads the destination. “Gorgeous, looks like you have me for five days in Turks and Caicos.”

  I snatch them from his hand and feel my temper flaring. My cheeks heat, my legs bounce, and as nice as five days in heaven with shirtless Heath would be, this was not what this trip was for. “Lo ucciderò.” I reach for my phone. My brother is a bitch.

  “Calm down. You aren’t going to kill anyone. Is this a bad thing? I don’t have to go.”

  “It’s not you, it’s him. He will monopolize all Callie’s time, and I had so much planned for her.” I’m getting close to tears and mix that with my angry side, it’s like an explosion. Nobody is safe from it.

  “I promise to help you keep him distracted. Maybe it’s just to be near her, he lost her for a long time, and the three of you traveling to a foreign country wasn’t making us feel comfortable. Give him this, and I’ll make sure you get your week with your girl.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.” He kisses my nose. “You’re kind of fucking hot when you get all riled up.”

  “Then you should be in a permanent state of arousal,” I tease him.

  “Pretty much, gorgeous.” His voice is soft, but I know he’s serious. The proof is prodding my stomach.

  “Let me call asshole and make sure he made arrangements for all of us and didn’t just book flights.” He lets me go and heads back to work, letting me know he has to get everything in order and won’t be back tonight.

  “I’ll pick you up for the airport in the morning.”

  “With coffee?” I bat my eyelashes.

  “For my own safety, yes.” He gives me an easy smile, drops a kiss on my lips, and heads back to the club.

  Luckily, my brother isn’t
as dumb as I think. He changed the rooms to separate which includes four rooms. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to share with Heath, but we share a bed frequently, we just don’t have sex in said bed.

  I’m still half asleep when we land in Miami. Lynsey has talked my ear off which is odd because that’s the opposite of her personality, but she’s nervous. The girl is twenty-two and never been on a plane. Never been out of the state of Florida.

  “Did you live under a rock?” I joke with her.

  “No, a few group homes when the foster parents didn’t want teens.” Open mouth and insert foot.

  “Shit, Lynsey. I didn’t know.” I narrow my eyes at Heath; he could have shared this with me. He does have all her records being her employer and all.

  “Calm down, Bianca. It wasn’t his place to share, and it’s okay. It wasn’t all that bad. But, seriously, thank you for this kick-ass trip. My first time and I’m going to paradise.”

  “Stick with me kid, I’ll get you places.” She rolls her eyes at me and leans her head back and shuts the fuck up for a few minutes.

  We make our way to meet up with Callie and Bronson so we can board our next flight, and I stop in the middle of the concourse. Lynsey slams into my back and Heath’s grip on my hand becomes painful. Dakota is standing there with Callie and Bronson and nobody bothered to share. Since the engagement, his pursuit has become a bit relentless. Flowers arrive every week with a love quote attached. He’s been busy searching Google for that shit. Cards, texts, anything he can do to remind me he isn’t leaving.

  I can’t lie, the attention feels nice, and knowing he is serious closes a part of the hole he created in my heart. I blame myself for some of our mistakes, and the tenacity he is showing me leaves me confused. I miss him. I miss us. I question if it is the familiarity we had. I like Health. A lot. I may be falling in love with him, and it snuck up on me. I have a stab of guilt each time I think of Dakota. The constant contact from Dakota has bothered Heath, and he hasn’t had to deal with him face to face until today. “Remember, cool your jets. I’m here with you,” I remind him.