Be My Reason: A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 10)

by Nia Arthurs

  “Mom—”

  “I kicked your dad out.” She grits her teeth. Glances away. “I’m getting a divorce.”

  Shock keeps me frozen in place.

  Mom steps back. Lifts a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “Since he wants to act crazy, he can do that on his own. I won’t let my empire be dragged down with him.”

  “Mom…”

  “But,” she smiles at me, although it doesn’t reach her eyes, “now that he’s out of the picture, I need someone to run this empire with me.”

  “I’ve never been interested in the way you do business. That hasn’t changed.”

  “Did you,” mom gestures to the hallway, “not just see what I did in there?”

  “Money isn’t everything.”

  “Only people who don’t have it will say that.” She lifts her chin. “Heath, there is no reason you should be struggling to pay a bill. You’re a Jameson.” She grabs my shoulders again. “My son. Everything I own belongs to you. Do you have any idea what you’re worth?”

  “I told you I don’t want it.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you want. It matters who you are.” Mom yanks her hand back. “You had your little season of rebellion, but it’s over now. Come back home where you belong and take your place.”

  I rub my forehead. “How many times do I have to say this to make you understand? I won’t be controlled by you, and I won’t let my daughter be used as a pawn either.” I stride to the door. “Today was a loan. I’m paying you back. Don’t do something like this again.”

  “Heath,” she says softly.

  I freeze, my hands on the door.

  Silence echoes between us.

  For a moment, all I can hear is my own breath and mom’s.

  Out of sync.

  The way we’ve always been.

  “I hate seeing you throw your life away.”

  “I’m happy.”

  “You’re miserable.” She gestures with her manicured hand. “Taking care of a kid that’s not your own. Worrying about hospital fees you shouldn’t have to. Working that dusty, construction job covered in filth and rubbing shoulders with all kinds of low-lives.” She shudders. “Don’t you know why I worked so hard? I did everything I could for you. For the legacy I wanted to leave behind. For the future I wanted you to enjoy.”

  “I never asked you to.”

  “A mother doesn’t have to be asked,” she snaps.

  “And a father doesn’t either.”

  Mom rolls her eyes. “That kid. It’s that kid again?”

  “Her name is Glory, mom.”

  “That bra—” Mom catches my dark look and amends, “that little girl won’t be in your life for much longer, Heath. It’s best you understand that now.”

  I narrow my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your father is planning to take you to court.”

  Fear tightens in my gut, but I don’t let it show. “He won’t win.”

  “Oh yes, he will.” Mom folds her arms over her chest. Her heels click against the tiles as she strides closer to me. “And the first thing he’s going to use is your instability.”

  “It won’t stand.”

  “He’ll use the farmhouse.”

  “How?”

  Mom arches an eyebrow. “He cut a deal with your girlfriend.”

  I stiffen. Brenna?

  “Look at that face.” Mom laughs softly. “Heath, I’d hoped you had grown out of your silly naïveté. Don’t you know how cruel the world can be?” She shakes her head. “You can’t have both love and ambition. One will destroy the other.” She squeezes my shoulder and whispers, “Don’t let it destroy you.”

  Twenty-Five

  Brenna

  The Jameson men know how to leave an impression.

  I stare blankly at the book open before me, my fingers stuck on the edge of the page that I’m supposed to turn. All the words I just read have been forgotten in a heartbeat. Like they never existed. Like they don’t matter.

  But they do.

  Every single one of them.

  What happened in the past has a huge impact on what’s going on in the present. Not everyone understands but then, they don’t have to. History isn’t their calling. It’s mine.

  You don’t have to lose anything, Brenna.

  Talk about the devil on your shoulder.

  I rub the back of my neck and sink further into my chair.

  Sunlight slinks over the dusty tomes on the old, bracket shelves. One small window lets in the light and dust particles dance in the sunshine as if it’s their last chance. I inhale a deep breath, longing for the comfort that old books and knowledge can bring.

  There’s no relief this time.

  No comfort.

  I bury my face in my hands and groan, unable to keep my head up.

  Heath’s dad drove a hard bargain, but I should have turned him down. I should have said no immediately. This is my fight. My purpose.

  Instead it took me a while to reject him.

  “I’m not going to do that. You’re not going to use me to hurt Heath. My research stays with me.”

  “Think about it,” he’d said before leaving.

  I shouldn’t waste another thought on it.

  I shouldn’t…

  But the temptation of having the farmhouse saved and blaming it on someone other than myself is too strong.

  Another groan slips out of me.

  “You sound like you need a break,” a voice says.

  My head lifts in surprise. “Heath.”

  He slants me a tight smile and plants one hand on the table. Easing across the desk, he brushes a kiss on my lips.

  I kiss him back, my eyes falling closed as his scent wafts over me. Woodsy. Subtle. Something unique to Heath. It winds through my body and makes a pleased ‘mm’ start in my throat.

  Heath pulls back and falls into the chair across from me. Sliding an iced tea my way, he nods. “Hey.”

  “Hi.” I wrap my fingers around the cup. Condensation turns my palm sweaty. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  My eyes slide away from his intense green gaze. “I thought you were busy until tonight.”

  “I am busy.”

  “But?”

  “I missed you.”

  My heart flutters and sinks at the same time. “Oh.”

  “Oh?” He arches an eyebrow. Leans forward. “Doesn’t sound very enthusiastic.”

  I take a sip of the drink to avoid looking at him. “How did things go with Glory this morning?”

  “Same as it was yesterday.” He eases back into the chair. Folds his brawny arms over his chest. Muscles ripple with every movement. “She’s still mad at me.”

  “Because of the way you spoke to your dad?”

  “No.” He sighs heavily and my heart stirs.

  As I look at him, really look at him, Heath seems… tired. Like the world is beating him down.

  I don’t want him to worry.

  I want to be the one place he can rest.

  And yet, you’re the one person who’s in the center of the chaos.

  “She asked why I don’t talk about her mother.” Heath scrubs the heel of his hand against his scruffy chin. “She wanted to know why her grandparents don’t speak to her.” His eyes peruse the floor. “I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell her.”

  His desperation makes my heart burn with the need to comfort. I can’t help it anymore. Pushing out of my chair, I stride around the table.

  His eyes follow me. Thick eyebrows pull tightly together in confusion.

  I don’t say anything. I just reach forward and give him a hug.

  His muscles press against my chest.

  Big hands palm my back.

  He inhales and it feels like he’s breathing me in. Like a man struggling to get that last drag of oxygen before the tide pulls him under.

  My arms tighten around him. “It’s going to be okay. Glory’s crazy about her daddy. She just need
s some time.”

  “Yeah.” Heath grips my waist and pulls me into his lap.

  I fall into him, my breath shuttling out of me in a gasp.

  He rests his head on the dip of my shoulder and neck.

  “Heath.” I squirm, afraid that someone will see us. I’m only allowed back here because the librarians trust me. I don’t want them to see me cuddling with Heath and rescind my access.

  Instead of letting me go, his hold on me tightens. “Just five minutes.”

  I pause and stare at him, hearing the exhaustion in his voice.

  “Just let me hold you for five minutes.”

  My heart stirs again.

  I hate that I’m hurting him.

  I hate that everything I’m working for right now, everything I’m fighting for, is hurting him.

  My fingers rest on his hair. I stroke his head gently. “What does Mercy think?”

  “Same as Kastle. That I should tell her the truth.” Heath lifts his head.

  He’s so close to me I can see the hazel flecks in his stunning green eyes. The freckles across his nose. The hint of red in his golden beard.

  “And what do you think?” he asks.

  “Honesty is important.” I choose my words carefully. “But sometimes, withholding information is the only way to keep someone from getting hurt.”

  “Hm.”

  “Hm?” I tilt my head and stare at him.

  “Did anything interesting happen yesterday?”

  His question yanks the breath out of my throat. “That’s random.”

  “I’m just curious.” The oceans in his eyes turn to choppy waves. “Since we’re on the topic, is there anything you want to tell me?”

  I freeze. “Anything like what?”

  “Anything.” He lifts a shoulder. “You’re not withholding anything from me?”

  My cheeks burn.

  Blood pumps wildly through my veins.

  I lick my lips and glance away. “No.”

  It’s not that I’m trying to hide. Heath looks like he has a lot on his plate. Finding out his dad stopped by and tried to launch an alliance between us will only upset him. And it’s not like I accepted it anyway.

  Heath stares at my face for a long, long time.

  I force a laugh. “What?”

  “Nothing.” He nudges me off his lap. “I should go.”

  “Already? Have you… have you had lunch?”

  “I’m not hungry.” He rises to his full height. “You should get back to your work.”

  His voice is hard. Timber crashing to the ground. A stone sinking straight to the ocean floor.

  I feel the wall rising between us, but I’m helpless to stop it. Too weak to scale it.

  Heath starts to walk away.

  My heart cries out for him.

  “This is hard for me too you know,” I blurt.

  He sighs. “What is?”

  “Keeping things simple.”

  He lowers his head and says nothing.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Heath, but I don’t want to give up on my work either.”

  “I never asked you to.”

  “Maybe you should.” I step toward him. Emotions clog my throat and make it hard to breathe. “Maybe… if you asked—?”

  “Would you?” He turns around, his eyes searing into me.

  “Heath…”

  “We both know the answer to that question, Brenna. We both know what’s really important to you.”

  I bristle. “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing.”

  “No. You don’t get to throw around accusations like that without explaining yourself.”

  “Not now, Brenna.”

  “Ever since we met, ever since I found you and Glory, this farmhouse has been a constant worry in the back of my mind. I can’t breathe and I can’t—” I clutch at my hair. “I can’t look at these books without thinking of you. It’s tearing me up inside and you… you think this is easy for me? You think I want this?”

  “I don’t know, Brenna. What do you want? Because you can’t have everything.”

  I lift my chin. “Why not?”

  “Because,” he marches over to me and steps in close, “because…” He stops. Whispers, “You might lose everything in the process.”

  I blink rapidly, frustration threading through my veins and pulling my nerves tight.

  Silence falls on us like acid rain.

  I don’t move to him.

  And he doesn’t move toward me either.

  I clasp my hands together. “We shouldn’t have started this. It was a mistake, wasn’t it?”

  Rather than answer, Heath turns swiftly and marches out the door.

  Twenty-Six

  Heath

  “You okay, Boss?” Willie asks, pushing up his hardhat and raking the back of his hand over his wrinkled forehead. We’re packing up tools after another long day.

  I always check tools personally. Taking care of my responsibilities is the most important thing to me, so I don’t shrug it off on anyone else. As long as I’m running the site, nothing goes missing.

  “Yeah.” I stuff my phone back into my pocket and slam my truck back closed. “Everything’s fine.”

  “How’s the little one?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Had a nice birthday party?”

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “Boss, you don’t look too good.” Willie frowns. “You worried about that farmhouse?”

  It’s more than the farmhouse.

  My conversation with Brenna haunts me like a ghost.

  She lied to me.

  She looked me right in the eyes and didn’t bat an eyelash.

  It’s the confirmation I was dreading. She joined hands with my father, which can mean only one thing. Mom was right. Between ambition and love, Brenna didn’t choose me.

  “Everyone’s worried about that deal.” He scratches the back of his neck. “There are only so many small jobs to go around.” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “We’ve got too many guys on the crew. They know to keep afloat we’re going to have to cut folks and the new guy—”

  “We’re not cutting anybody,” I growl.

  Willie frowns. “Boss, I know you mean well and you want to help everyone you can, but this is a sinking ship. If we can’t get the farmhouse, we need a new project. A big one. Or we’re not going to survive.”

  I massage my forehead. “I know. I’ll work on it.”

  Willie sighs. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing. I heard you’re… distracted lately.”

  “What does that mean?”

  His eyes dart left. “One of the guys saw you with that Scott-lady. The one who’s delaying construction on the farmhouse. I just hope…” He rubs his bottom lip with his finger. “I hope you’re not putting our livelihoods in jeopardy over a woman. For some of us, this is all we have.”

  “I said I’m working on it, Willie, alright?” I snap.

  His eyes shutter.

  I let out a breath. “Sorry. I—I’ll handle it.”

  “We’re following you because we believe you care about us, not because we can’t go nowhere else.” His eyes harden and he points a finger at me. “I hope you remember that.” Willie scurries away to his truck.

  Slapping my hand on the hood of my car, I lean forward and close my eyes. It feels like an iron vise is squeezing my head. Any minute now, I’m just going to explode.

  The alarm on my phone chirps.

  I have to pick up Glory from the hospital.

  There’s no time to fall apart.

  My daughter expects me to show up.

  My workers expect me to solve this.

  There’s no time to breathe.

  Jumping into my truck, I gun it down the highway, still shaken by Willie’s warning.

  Maybe I should take Brenna’s lead. Maybe I should make that alliance with mom.

  I shake my head to dispel the thought. No matter what, I’m not going to throw away my principles to get ahead. The
re’s got to be another way.

  I’m deep in thought as I stride into the hospital and step into Glory’s room.

  Mercy greets me with a smile.

  My daughter frowns and glances away.

  I notice a sea of toys littering the room and sigh. “Kastle was here?”

  Mercy points to my brother who’s parked in the corner.

  Kastle grins. “I’m still here.”

  I gesture to the shopping bags. “What’s with all this?”

  “An uncle spoiling his favorite niece.” Kastle points at the doorway. “Can we talk?”

  I follow him outside.

  He glances around, lowering his voice as he says, “Glory asked me about dad before you came.”

  “What did you say?”

  “That she should discuss these questions with you.” He sighs. “She wasn’t too happy about that. I’m going on her naughty list too.”

  “Sorry.”

  “What are you going to do? Glory’s really upset. I don’t think we can skim our way out of this one.”

  “Or buy our way out of it.” I nod to all the toys.

  “It was worth a shot.”

  “Thanks for trying.”

  Kastle’s sharp eyes rake over me. “You look awful.”

  “How kind of you.”

  “It can’t be all that bad, Heath.” My brother smirks at me. “At least your love life’s heating up.” He nudges me in the side. “I heard about you and Brenna.”

  “From who?”

  “The guy working the desk at Glory’s party. He mentioned that you two spent some time in the storage closet…”

  “He exaggerates.”

  “I’m guessing you weren’t looking for the napkins in there.” He chuckles.

  I rub the back of my neck. “What else did he say?”

  “Nothing much.” Kastle shrugs, his grin widening when he sees me getting flustered. “Hey, no judgements here, bro. Kaelyn and I also enjoy… not looking for napkins in storage closets. There’s even a box hidden on the third shelf.” He winks. “In case you and Brenna ever need napkins in the office.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “You’re not usually this chatty.”

  “There’s a bet about whether you or Brenna fell first.” He rubs his hands together. “And I’m supposed to find the answers.”

  “Kaelyn will ask Brenna.”