Monkey Madness

by Anna Wilson

  ‘Hey, look out for the monkeys, man!’ Zed chortled.

  I certainly will! thought Felix, as he followed Mo into the camp.

  Felix thought the campsite must be the most heavenly place in the world. It was certainly unlike any campsite he had ever seen or heard of. The only camping he had done before had been with Uncle Zed by the seaside. They had pitched a small two-man tent on a campsite overlooking the beach and had laid out their sleeping bags side by side on mats. The best things about camping had been using the ‘outdoors’ as a loo, and cooking beans and bacon on a camp stove in front of the tent.

  The campsite on the game reserve, however, was Totally Luxurious compared with the one Felix had stayed on with Zed.

  Mo began her tour by taking Felix around the back of the minibus where a fire had been lit in a big pit in the ground, and a large cauldron of water was hanging on poles over the fire. Next to this was a small folding table on which was a pile of potatoes and a mound of potato peelings. A wonderful smell was coming from another pot sitting on a small stove, and a tall man was bent over the table, peeling a potato with a small knife. He looked up and grinned, raising the potato in greeting.

  ‘My daddy and I do the cooking with our friend, Elvis. Say hi to Elvis!’ said Mo.

  ‘Hi, Elvis!’ Felix said shyly.

  ‘Dumela, Rra!’ said Elvis. ‘I hope you are hungry.’

  ‘Yes, very,’ Felix answered. His stomach rumbled in agreement. He realized he had not eaten anything for hours. He looked at the pots bubbling away, and was about to ask when supper was when Mo grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

  ‘So, this is the kitchen; that is the food. Boring, boring. Now I will show you the rest of the camp,’ said Mo.

  ‘If you think that kitchen is boring, you should see ours at home!’ Felix told her. This one was so much better than his own, where you had to wipe down the surfaces and tidy everything into cupboards.

  Mo tugged at him impatiently and said something really fast in Setswana to Elvis, adding, ‘Come ON, Felix,’ to get him moving.

  ‘Er, Mo . . . why is that man called Elvis?’ Felix whispered as they left him to his potato-peeling.

  Mo looked at him curiously. ‘He is called Elvis because that is his name, of course,’ she said.

  Felix frowned. ‘But, well, it’s not an African name, is it?’

  Mo tutted. ‘It is a name that people like. Do you like your name?’

  ‘I – I suppose so,’ Felix said. He had not given it much thought.

  ‘And is it English?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ve never asked anyone,’ Felix admitted.

  ‘So,’ said Mo, as if that settled the matter.

  Felix followed her to where some hammocks were tied up in the trees.

  ‘Oh COOL!’ he said. ‘I wish we could sleep in these,’ he added wistfully.

  ‘Not you,’ said Mo. ‘You are a tourist so you get to sleep in the fantastic tents with the beds and the mattresses.’ She pointed over to the large tents around which the elephants were still standing.

  ‘Oh,’ said Felix. ‘Isn’t it a bit dangerous sleeping here, what with the elephants and everything?’

  ‘The elephants will go away later,’ Mo said. ‘And the tents are better for people who are not used to living in the wild like I am,’ she added proudly.

  Felix had a sneaking suspicion that Mo was showing off.

  ‘This is the dining area,’ Mo said, gesturing to a canopy in the centre of the camp. ‘We call it “The Mess”,’ Mo went on. ‘Here is where you will eat the food that Daddy, Elvis and I will cook for you. Also, it gets very hot in the afternoon, so if you want to get out of the heat, you can sit here in the shade and have a rest – if you don’t want to go into the tent.’

  Under the canopy was a large table and some camping chairs made from canvas and metal. Felix felt a warm glow settle in the pit of his stomach as he imagined sitting under the canopy watching the elephants while he ate a meal. He planned to film the elephants to make the Best Natural History Documentary Ever. Flo would be so impressed.

  Thinking of Flo reminded Felix . . .

  ‘Mo, you know that monkey that threw a fruit at you?’ he began. ‘And you know your dad gave you Kabelo as a present? Well, I was wondering—’

  He stopped abruptly as he saw Mum making her way over to them, grinning.

  ‘Isn’t this wonderful, Felix?’ she said. ‘It’s much more glamorous than I thought it would be! I’d imagined a tiny little tent in the middle of nowhere with a camping stove and not much more besides. But there are REAL loos AND showers!’ she finished happily.

  Zed was standing beside her, not looking so happy. ‘Man,’ he said shaking his head, ‘this is not camping for real, is it?’

  Felix couldn’t help thinking his uncle had a point there.

  ‘I mean, like, when you camp, you are supposed to commune with nature, right?’ Zed went on. ‘This is like some kind of hotel, dude! I don’t want Bibi cooking for me – I want to do the cooking myself! A bathroom in the middle of the bush? Dude, it’s just not right. The last time I went on safari, it was not like this.’

  ‘Oh for goodness sake,’ said Mum. ‘Just shut up and be happy that your sister is not going to moan about roughing it.’ She grinned and threw a mock punch at Uncle Zed.

  He immediately raised his hands in surrender and shouted, ‘Make peace, sis, not war!’ then he dived for Mum and tickled her until she begged for mercy.

  Mo shook her head. ‘What strange people you are,’ she said.

  Felix nodded. ‘You’re telling me.’ He could not help smiling, though. He had never seen Mum look so happy and relaxed.

  African magic, he thought to himself. If only I could take some of that home to Flo. Maybe she would chill out and be my Best Friend again.

  Supper was served early. The sun had already fallen out of the sky like a large orange beach ball, dropped from a great height. It was still warm enough to sit outside, so everyone gathered around the table under the canopy. Bibi chatted to them about the safari as they lapped up another delicious meal. This time they had to sit on chairs and eat with knives and forks, much to Felix’s disappointment, but it was a small price to pay for eating outside with the noises of the African bush in the background.

  Bibi talked between mouthfuls. ‘We eat early because we go to bed early,’ he explained. ‘And can you guess why?’

  ‘Because you are hungry and tired?’ Felix offered.

  Mo tutted. ‘Because we get up early too!’ she said.

  ‘Great!’ said Felix. ‘I love getting up early.’

  Mum groaned softly. ‘How early is early?’ she asked. ‘In the morning, I mean.’

  Bibi beamed. ‘Five o’clock,’ he said.

  Mum’s eyes bulged. ‘What?’ she cried. ‘I thought this was supposed to be a holiday!’

  ‘Less stress, sis,’ said Zed. ‘It’s best to go out early – you see the most animals, and it’s not so hot. No point in going out in the heat. If it’s too hot for humans, it’s too hot for animals.’

  ‘That is right. Now, there are a few rules that I must talk to you about, young man,’ said Bibi.

  Mo pulled a face at Felix so that her dad couldn’t see.

  Bibi went on. ‘You should know that even though this camp is very luxurious and is made to be a “home from home” for you, you are still very much out in the wild. And this means that you need to respect nature.’

  ‘Oh, man!’ said Zed. ‘Felix knows all about respecting nature, don’t you, Feels?’

  Felix nodded enthusiastically. ‘I LOVE nature!’ he said.

  ‘That is very good. But I still have to tell you these things for your own safety. You must remember that the animals in my country are very different from the animals where you come from. You must keep your tents shut at all times when you are away from them. Actually it is probably better if you keep them shut when you are in them too.’

  Mum immediately looked panicky. ‘T
his is exactly what I was afraid of! It’s snakes, isn’t it? I think I might have to sleep in the bus.’

  ‘No, no!’ said Bibi. ‘It is the monkeys you must be careful of.’

  Felix pricked up his ears.

  ‘They can be very naughty’ Bibi went on, ‘as I told you in my village. They are inquisitive animals.’

  ‘But what about spiders?’ Mum was asking. ‘I cannot stand them. What if they are lying in wait in the grass, ready to pounce into the tent when I open it!’

  Felix was a little embarrassed at Mum’s silly comments. ‘Mum! Spiders do not pounce on people! They eat flies and things. And snakes do not attack people either unless they are trapped or frightened, actually. In fact, I have read in my Big Book of Safari Facts about how they really do get their prey. Snakes like to hide in wait and—’

  ‘Man,’ Zed said in a warning tone. ‘Don’t mention snakes. Your mum’s already anxious enough as it is, dude.’

  ‘Please, do not worry,’ Bibi said. ‘Felix is right. Snakes and spiders are very shy – the poisonous ones especially so. They mostly only use their poison on a human when they are cornered. You will not see anything bad when you are on safari with me. I will take good care of you.’

  ‘Bibi’s right,’ said Zed. ‘When Silvs and I lived here we never saw anything like that. The only way you would get freaked out by a spider or snake is if you went poking about in long grass or in a hole or something and you scared them.’

  Mo had been listening to this exchange with interest. ‘That is not completely true though, is it, Daddy? What about the time that Grandmother was driving to Johannesburg to sell those clothes at the market? She was driving very fast along the main road and she heard a hissing noise,’ Mo said, her eyes shining as she got into her story. ‘She thought to herself, “I must stop the car to see if I am getting a flat tyre,” and as she pulled over, a snake that had been hiding in the warm car leaped up in her face and—’

  ‘Harmony!’ Bibi cried, shaking his head at his daughter. ‘Stop now.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ Zed chipped in excitedly, seeming to forget his advice to Felix. ‘I remember you told me that the snake bit her on the ankle before she even knew it was in the car, didn’t you, man?’

  Mum let out a strangled whimper.

  Bibi groaned and put his head in his hands. ‘Really, this is not a good story to tell Mma,’ he said.

  Zed jumped up, slapping his thigh and said, ‘Well, enough talking, eh? Let’s hit the sack. The sooner we get to sleep, the sooner we can get up and get going, man! I’ll just nip to the bathroom . . .’

  He loped off in the direction of the shower block, leaving Bibi to console Mum with reassuring words about how what had happened to his mother had been a one-off and that he personally would check the tents and the safari jeep for anything dangerous.

  ‘OK,’ Mum said eventually. ‘I am sure we will be safe in your hands, Bibi.’ She pushed back her chair and made to leave the table. But as she did this, Zed came running back from the shower block.

  ‘Arghhhhh!’ He was waving his hands around and jabbering wildly. ‘SPIDER! SPIDER! BIG, FAT, HAIRY—!’

  ‘No!’ cried Bibi in disbelief.

  Felix’s heart sank. Surely not? This must be Zed’s idea of a joke. He could see that Mum had gone as white as a ghost, even in the light from the campfire. Why did this have to happen on their first night in the wild? Mum would make Bibi drive them to a hotel now. They would be on the road all night . . .

  But then Mo burst out laughing. ‘Did you not like my present, Mr Zed?’ she said.

  ‘Wha—?’

  ‘Harmony,’ said Bibi hastily, ‘you had better come with me.’ He took his daughter firmly by the elbow and dragged her away from the table. Then he made her stand straight in front of him and look him in the eye while he bent low and spoke directly into her face.

  Felix could hear Bibi talking to Mo in a tone of voice he recognized, even if he could not understand the language used. When he also saw the look on Mo’s face he knew that she was being well and truly told off. Eventually Bibi straightened up and said in English, ‘Go and get it.’

  Mo scampered into the shower block, pausing only to turn and stick her tongue out at her father the minute he turned his back.

  ‘I am sorry,’ said Bibi. ‘This is the first time I have let her come away with guests from England. She is showing off, I am afraid. I am sure little girls in England are not like this.’ He shook his head sorrowfully.

  ‘Oh don’t worry,’ said Mum. ‘I can assure you they are.’ And she shot Felix a knowing look.

  Felix was not certain, but he thought Mum might have been thinking about Flo. If she was, he thought that was pretty unfair actually, as Flo had never played a trick like that on anyone. It wasn’t that she was frightened of spiders (she wasn’t); she just didn’t think of doing things like that. She was more likely to tell a tall story about one than hiding one somewhere as a joke.

  Mo came skipping back, holding something in her hands.

  ‘It is all right, Mr Zed,’ she said. ‘This is not a poisonous spider – as you can see I am holding it in my hands and I am fine!’

  ‘Y-yeah.’ Zed faltered, staggering backwards.

  ‘Come and say hello,’ Mo said to Felix.

  Bibi nodded. ‘I promise it won’t bite. Harmony has told me what kind of spider it is. It is safe. And if you love nature like you say, you should be interested in this.’

  Felix shivered slightly, but he was determined not to look scared in front of Mo. Also, he secretly thought Zed was possibly being a bit of a wuss, and he wanted to prove that he could be braver than his uncle. So he approached Mo cautiously.

  Mo slowly opened her hands. Felix held his breath and leaned in as far as he dared to take a look. He was not prepared for what he saw, though, and gasped, leaping backwards.

  ‘Oh!’ he cried.

  The spider was huge and hairy, with what looked like blue jaws, which seemed quite snappy, and it had four bulging black eyes. It took one look at Felix and bounded out of Mo’s hands, and then scuttled off into the darkness.

  Mo clapped her hands and roared with laughter. ‘That is an African jumping spider!’ she announced.

  ‘You don’t say,’ muttered Mum.

  ‘It is also completely harmless and not normally to be found sitting on a toilet seat,’ said Bibi, glowering at his daughter.

  ‘Heeheehee!’ Mo was clutching her belly now, her face creased up with laughter.

  ‘OK, man,’ said Zed, chuckling nervously. ‘I guess that was a pretty neat joke.’

  ‘Well, a joke is a joke,’ said Bibi. ‘But I do not want any more jokes with spiders while we are camping, Harmony. Do you understand?’

  Mo bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. ‘OK, Daddy,’ she said, nodding her agreement. ‘No more jokes with spiders, I promise.’

  Felix watched Mo’s face carefully.

  He could swear that she winked at him very quickly as she said those last words, although it could have been a trick of the firelight, flickering across her face.

  Felix woke to a chorus of chirping, cawing, cackling and croaking. It was pitch dark in the tent, so he thought it must still be night time. Why were all the animals making so much noise outside in the middle of the night?

  He leaned over the edge of his camp bed and quietly felt around in his small rucksack for his head torch. Once he had found it, he turned it on and cupped it with one hand so the light did not shine on Mum and Zed and wake them. He looked at his watch.

  4.45 a.m. Felix’s heart leaped. Bibi had said they needed to be up at 5.00 a.m. for some breakfast before going on their first drive out into the bush. But he was not sure he wanted to go outside in the dark, particularly after what Bibi had said just before they all turned in the night before.

  ‘There are two rules at night,’ he had told them. ‘Rule Number One: if you need to pee, you must do so outside, and very close to your tent. If you need to
go to the bathroom for anything else –’ at this, Mo had sniggered and nudged Felix – ‘then you must take a torch and wake someone to go with you to the shower block. I cannot guarantee your safety if you go alone . . . listen!’ He had suddenly cupped one hand to his ear.

  A low, grumbling sound could just be heard, somewhere out in the darkness.

  ‘Lion!’ Mo had breathed, her eyes shining in the firelight.

  ‘Yes, a long way away,’ Bibi had emphasized, ‘but still, we must take precautions. Elvis and I will keep the fire burning all night, just to be sure.’

  Felix had gone to bed so excited at the thought of lions prowling around in the black night that he had been convinced he would not sleep. Yet he must have fallen asleep immediately, as the last thing he remembered was Mum saying, ‘Don’t forget what Bibi said . . .’ and after that, nothing.

  Now he lay as still as a cat in his sleeping bag and tried to breathe shallowly so that he could listen to all the sounds outside.

  BOOM!

  Something landed on the tent above Felix’s head, making the canvas shudder. Felix jumped, his heart banging in his chest.

  BOOM! BOOM-DE-BOOM!

  Three other somethings landed on the roof and seemed to slide down the walls of the tent. There was a short, sharp cackling, then a patter of feet.

  Felix waited to see if there would be any more bumps from above, but no more came, so he let out the breath he had been holding. He was just thinking of swinging his legs over the side of his camp bed and going to wake Zed when there was a harsh call which sounded like someone shouting, ‘Go away! Go away!’ Felix shivered. Maybe the banging above his head had been some animals landing on the tent and maybe now someone was being attacked by a wild animal right here in the camp! His heart began hammering in his chest again . . .

  ‘Felix!’

  ‘Oh!’ he sat bolt upright at the sound of his name from outside the tent flaps.