Memorized

by Alyne Roberts

  I pick up my computer and take it to the office and place it on the desk. That's when it comes back to me.

  I slip off my heels and tip-toe down the hall to his office. Noah’s busy entertaining his guests, so I close the door as quietly as I can. Quietly, I walk around his desk and wake up his computer. It’s taken me weeks to figure out the password. It took placing a hidden camera in a photo frame I got him to figure it out. I type it in and the desktop brightens up the room.

  I open folder after folder, knowing it wouldn't be labeled "Weapons Trafficking". I start to sweat when I can’t find it, and just when I’m about ready to give up, I open the spreadsheet I have been searching for. There it is, color coded and dated to perfection. His payments, contacts and how the money has been distributed to avoid suspicion. It was Noah's insurance, in a way. The guarantee that he wouldn't be betrayed because he had the dirt on the other guy. I finally got it and now no one was safe.

  I reach into my bra and pull out the flash drive. I copy over the files and sneak back out of the office. When I join Noah in his living room, no one seems to notice I was even gone. I play nice for the rest of the evening until my car comes to take me home. It's not until I'm home that I realize my grave mistake. I never logged back out of the computer.

  I rush to my bathroom and take the back off the toilet. There, in the water wrapped in a plastic bag, is the flash drive. I shove my hand in the freezing water and pull it out. It's my golden ticket. My key to freedom and out of this nightmare. Tomorrow, Noah will be exactly where he needs to be and I have everything I need to end this game.

  I squeeze the flash drive like it's a lifeline. With the future in sight, I let the old Willow go. The weak Willow who shrinks in fear and smiles at the man she can't stand. The Willow who made it through the death of parents, who started over, and who survived a violent attack takes over. I'm done being someone I'm not. I'm being who I always was and wanted to be. I'm putting an end to this.

  I worked too hard to let this all go to waste. I risked my life once to expose Noah and the people he was working for. I gave up a piece of my heart to finish what I started. I now have the most damaging of evidence. First, I need my journal and sleep. Tomorrow is the last day of this life.

  The heart is an organ located in the center of your chest. It pumps blood through the body. Why is it that it's involved in your emotions? How can losing someone make it hurt and feel like it's broken into two? It's only the size of a closed fist. I look down at my own hand and wonder how such a small piece inside me could control everything else in my body. The heart is unpredictable and emotional, whereas the brain is logical. I’d rather deal with matters of the mind than of the heart any day.

  "You look like hell," Aaron says as he comes into the kitchen. I flip him off, but he just shrugs it off.

  It's already evening and I'm just waking up. Since I won't go to the cafe anymore, I don't see a reason to wake early. The late night drinking hasn't made it easy either. Drowning myself in alcohol still hasn't erased her from my mind yet. Better luck tonight.

  "She didn't look too good either."

  "You've seen her?" I ask. He's been avoiding saying her name just as much as I've been avoiding thinking about her. I don't want to imagine her with lifeless eyes like I have. I don't want to see the loneliness in her like when I first met her. It's easier if I can pretend that she is fine and moving on.

  "I brought her back her laptop yesterday," he explains as he sits across from me. "Why are you two doing this to yourselves?"

  "I didn't do this," I hiss. "She chose him. She wants to move forward. Those were her words. To him."

  Aaron shakes his head in disappointment. "I don't think she chose anything. You should go talk to her."

  "Fuck no," I growl. "Her future husband made it very clear that I shouldn't."

  Aaron opens his mouth to argue, but he's cut off by a knock at the door. I breathe in relief because I don't want to fight him. Lately, all I want to do is hit something. My hands are already banged up from endless hours at the gym. He bites his tongue while I pull open the door to find Paige pacing in the hall.

  "Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask. I don't mean to sound inconvenienced, but between her and Aaron trying to interfere with my life, I'm not in the mood for any more. Not everybody gets what they want.

  "Have you talked to Willow?" she asks, pushing past me and inside the apartment.

  "Sure. Come on in," I mutter. "No, I haven't talked to her."

  "I saw her yesterday," Aaron offers. "Everything okay?"

  Paige digs around in her purse. The thing is almost as big as she is and looks heavy as hell. I sit down to wait because I know it could take her forever to find anything she's looking for. I wouldn't be surprised if she never found it.

  "She came to work today but was acting really odd," she starts. "I mean, more than usual."

  "She looked rough yesterday," Aaron says.

  My stomach clenches in guilt. I hate thinking of her suffering or unhappy. I was so ready to be the guy who made all that go away. I would have given her anything she wanted or needed, but she didn't want me to. As wounded as I am, I still care about her. I hate myself for caring. Life was so much easier when I kept people out.

  "She gave me something to give you," she says to me. "It's in here somewhere."

  "What do you mean odd?" I finally ask because I can't pretend I don't care anymore.

  Paige meets my eyes and I see the panic and worry in hers. "Like she was saying goodbye."

  I walk over and dump her bag over, spilling everything inside on our living room floor. I remember the car I saw following her. Caught up in Willow and her breaking it off, I never told her Noah had been following her. In all my research, I may not have found her trigger, but I do know that the fear was always still there.

  "Here," Paige announces. She hands me Willow's notebook. "There was something else."

  I take the leather journal and run my fingers over the cover. I look inside and see her familiar handwriting that I've analyzed a dozen of times already. I memorized every word she wrote. Only today, there are more pages filled in. I flip through the book and notice she filled the entire thing. The writing is messy and obviously done in a rush. Did she want me to continue my project? That couldn't happen anymore. I couldn't look at her or even think about her without wanting to touch and kiss her. Any relationship will never be enough now that I know what it's like to have her.

  "This too," Paige says, handing me a flash drive. "She said it was very important you got this."

  I take it and hold in my palm. Willow tore apart her apartment searching for this. At the time, she didn't know why it was important, but she knew it was. I toss it over to Aaron who immediately plugs it into his computer. I skim the new pages Willow added. By the bits and pieces I read, she's gained most of her memory back. Every page is filled. I flip to the end of the journal and see my name.

  Landon,

  I'm sorry I was too weak to fight for you like you fought for me. You pushed me, healed me, and understood me like no one else could. I've never wanted you hurt. The moment I was aware that Noah was a violent person, I pushed you away. He's already suspicious and I don't see another way out. I can never hide from him. Don't ever feel like you were not good enough for me. You were too good. Noah knows that I know what I do. In these pages is everything I blocked out. I know why I never could unlock it before. I wasn't ready yet, but I am now.

  "You should see this," Aaron calls over to me. He and Paige are hunched over the computer screen.

  "I don't need to," I tell him. It's all in black and white for me. "Call her," I direct to Paige.

  "I have been since she left work today," she tells me. "She's not picking up."

  I pace the living room with the book in my hands. Aaron and Paige are talking to me, but I can't make out their words. Noah has been aiding in weapon trafficking. Willow had been informing police for months before she was attacked. Her words tell me of her fe
ar of Noah. Her writing becomes more slanted when she wrote of their past. I find a business card between the pages. It's from the Atlanta Police with an address on the back in Willow's handwriting.

  "Aaron. Take these to the police. See this Chase Fisher and give him everything." I shove the book in his hands and pull the flash drive from the computer.

  "Where are you going?" he asks.

  "To find her," I answer, trying to find my shoes. I curse because I was too drunk last night to remember where I took them off. Aaron finds them under the couch and tosses them my way.

  "Be careful," Paige calls back. They are already heading out the door.

  It's already dark outside and I curse myself for wallowing away most of the day. I run most of the way to her apartment. I'm too impatient to take a car or bus. At least running, I get the impression I have control over the speed. Every second feels agonizing as it passes. I'm panting and sweaty when I finally run into the lobby. I'm almost to the elevator when strong hands clamp on my shoulder.

  "You can't go up there," I hear behind me. I sigh. It's the security guard that I'm pretty sure is on Noah's payroll.

  "Let me go," I say through clenched teeth.

  "Miss Thorne doesn't want to see you," he says, pulling me back. I spin on my heels and my fist connects with his jaw.

  I'm quick on my feet, but not quick enough. The elevators are too slow and I'm surrounded before Noah's lackey even gets back to his feet. His eyes shoot daggers at me while he rubs his chin.

  "It's an emergency," I try, but they are already dragging me back out the doors. My feet slip on the slick flooring as four uniformed men force me back outside.

  "Leave, boy," one whispers harshly at me. "If you know what's good for you, you will go. And don't come back."

  They leave me out in the street. I'm breathing hard and my hands are trembling with anger and nerves. I look up at the building. Somewhere on one of the top floors sits a young woman, terrified and alone. If she doesn’t want to see me, then Willow is going to need to say that to my face. I walk away until I'm sure the guards can't see me anymore before I slip into the alley.

  I follow the fencing to the back of building. Maybe Willow doesn’t want to be with me, but she doesn’t need to stay here either. She has more than enough evidence to get Noah away from her. Willow thought she was weak for staying, but she was being brave. She doesn’t need to be brave anymore. I will do anything I can to keep her safe. I'm almost to the back service door when I see a shadow move.

  I freeze and push against the fence, hoping to blend in with the darkness. The shadow pulls apart a piece of fence and slips into the construction zone. Trucks are parked inside, surrounding an empty building. I figure it's some kid sneaking in to vandalize the place before headlights reveal the figure for a split second.

  Willow.

  I can't tell if I'm being stealthy and silent because all I can hear is the pounding of my heart in my chest. It takes all my effort to control my ragged breathing. With the shield of darkness, I’m able to avoid the men unloading trucks into the building. From the street, you can barely tell the activity happening behind the fences and construction equipment.

  There's a cool breeze and I shiver. The sky has clouded over with an approaching storm. It only makes the night darker. I tiptoe along the back of the building, finding a doorframe to sneak inside. Windows and doors haven't been installed yet. Men are unloading large black cases into the front where the main entrance would soon be.

  I keep my back to the cement wall and ease down the dark corridor. My phone is clenched in my hand with the camera already taking video. All I need is enough proof that Noah is doing what I accused him of and then all this will be over. I spent months, risking my life and being plain miserable, in order to see this through. I can't turn back now.

  I see light in the distance and hear voices echoing in the emptiness of what would be the lobby. I hold my breath and sneak a little closer. Blood is rushing in my ears and my heart is pounding. Just when I think I might want to back out of this, a hand clamps over my mouth. My body goes rigid, too terrified to move or make a sound. I'm being dragged backward and my instincts start to take over. I try to kick, scream, or even bite the hand over my mouth. The hold around my body is tight.

  "Don't scream," I hear in my ear. The voice is low and throaty. Familiar.

  I sink into my captor, my body weak with relief. Landon's hand slowly lifts from my mouth, but his hold doesn't release. I don't dare make a sound, afraid it will reveal us both. If I was terrified before, that just intensified. This isn't part of the plan. He isn't supposed to be here. I never wanted him tangled up in this mess I made before we even met.

  "What are you doing?" I finally hiss when I'm confident no one heard our struggle.

  "I was going to ask you the same thing," he whispers into my ear. I feel the heat down my neck and it warms me everywhere. I shrug out of his hold. I can't lose focus now. Not when I'm so close.

  "You need to go," I demand. He can't be here. I never wanted him to find me here.

  He shakes his head. "Not without you."

  He tugs on my arm but I don't budge. There's a strength I didn't know I even had holding me in place. This must be what it feels like when mothers lift cars off their children. I'm focused, strong, and holding my own.

  "Willow," he whispers harshly. "Come on. This is stupid. You could get hurt."

  "I have to finish this."

  "No you fucking don't," he hisses. He's in my face now, staring down at me, enraged. "Your journal and flash drive are enough. Let’s go."

  Part of my body wants to flee. I want to put my hand in Landon's and let him take me away from here. I want to pretend I don't know the secrets I do. The other half wants to stay. I want everything I've been through to be worth it. I was attacked and lived months in a nightmare with no memory. I forced myself to stay with someone I hate and pushed away the person I loved. It all needs to have a reason. It can't be for nothing. But before I can answer Landon, the decision is made for me.

  "You aren't going anywhere," another voice answers. This time, my body reacts and starts to turn to Landon, but my hair is grabbed, pulling me back.

  I yelp in pain as I'm pulled into another hard chest. Only this one isn't familiar and warm. It's cold and feels like armor underneath. My head is twisted around to see the man that stopped me the other day from coming into this building. His face is hard and his grip only tightens in my hair. Tears spring to my eyes when he slams me against the wall.

  Two other men have Landon held as well. He's still struggling, but they punch him in the stomach and he doubles over. In his pain, they drag him down the hall and toward a bright room. I'm pulled behind them with one hand still in my hair and the other tightly gripping my upper arm. If I make it through this, there will bruises.

  "I knew you were going to be a problem," the man grumbles. He's rough with me and he drags me into what will be the lobby.

  "Look what we found," one of the guys calls out. The room is full of men dressed in all black and wearing similar cold expressions. They all stop and glare at us as Landon and I are forced inside.

  "Willow?" I hear. Noah comes forward and glares at us both. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

  Landon starts to speak and one of the guys elbows him before pushing him to his knees. I cry out and I'm jerked again. Landon continues to struggle with the men while I'm pushed to the ground, my knees getting scraped in the process. In my terror, I don't feel the pain. I try to scramble to Landon, but I freeze when I feel something cold and hard on the back of my head. Guns are drawn by every man in the room, pointed at the two of us.

  "Wait," Noah calls to them. No one moves to put their weapons down. Every direction I look, I'm staring down the barrel of a gun. "Dixon, don't shoot her."

  "Shh," Landon soothes when I start to cry. His eyes are begging me to stay calm and strong. I was strong when I was the one walking into this. With Landon here, I'm reminded of everythin
g I'm losing, everything I fought for.

  "You said she didn't know," the man who has me says. He must be Dixon and the one in charge judging by the nervousness on Noah's face.

  "She didn't," Noah argues. "She has no memory."

  "Well, looks like she has it now," Dixon growls with a thump to the back of my head. Landon starts toward him but is quickly pulled back. He continues to struggle in the men’s hold but can't break free.

  "You see, now we have a big problem," Dixon continues. "The boss won't be happy to hear there were witnesses. You assured us that she didn't know anything, so we let her live. But here she is! Why would she be here if she didn't know what you were up to, Mr. Banks? With a little boyfriend, too."

  Noah is glaring at Landon. "You can kill him. Leave her to me, though."

  "No!" I yell. The gun presses harder into my head. I swallow the bile rising in my stomach and hold back the cries threatening to break free. Crying won't help right now.

  "We only let her live before because she didn't remember anything and it was too risky to try again, but now she obviously knows too much. You're not the boss, Mr. Banks. This isn't your call anymore."

  "The hell it isn’t," Noah argues. He approaches us, looking confident and powerful in his black suit. He's not as tall as the guy with a gun to my head, and not nearly as strong. "This is my property that you are using. I would hate to have to stop doing business with your boss because of you."

  Dixon laughs behind me and a shiver runs down my spine. Landon's head drops beside me because he too knows it was an omen. Noah isn't as powerful as he thinks he is.

  "You think we need you?" he asks Noah. "We don't. You are just a little fish in our pond and I can easily dispose of the three of you without blinking. The services you offer can easily be replaced, Mr. Banks."

  Noah eyes the both of us, kneeling on the floor. Landon's breathing is ragged as he restrains himself. Noah glares down at him before turning to me.

  "Why are you with him? I thought we were clear you weren't to see him again?" Noah asks me. My eyes widen in disbelief. Are we really going to talk about this now? He's looking at me like I betrayed him, and it infuriates me. He's the one with the lies and corruption that put me in this place. He almost got me killed!