Memorized

by Alyne Roberts

  "I never meant it," I say, my voice calm and smooth.

  "Excuse me?" he asks. The shock on his face is almost humorous. Noah is so conceited he really can't fathom that I don't love him.

  I smile sweetly up at him. "I never meant a single word I said to you. I hate you. I was only with you to get enough to put you away for the rest of your life."

  Noah stumbles back like my confession actually slapped him in the face. I inhale deeply, feeling a crushing weight lifting off my chest. I've been dying to say those words for so long, it's liberating to finally have done so. When Noah sees the honesty in my face, his eyes harden. Reaching behind him, he retrieves a gun and points it at me.

  Baretta 92.

  Dixon releases the safety of his gun and the click echoes in the room.

  "No. I want to do it. I should have done this a long time ago," he seethes. "If I had, you would have never lived the first time. You stupid bitch."

  "You're right," I agree. "Because now it's too late. Even if you kill me now, I already have enough to end you."

  I hear Landon struggling next to me. He's calling my name but everything is muted as I stare down Noah. The hand pointing the gun is shaking. The fear is creeping into him, and he knows it's over. Panic flashes in his eyes as he releases the safety.

  "I'm so sorry," I say, looking over at Landon. He looks tormented when he sees the tears sliding down my cheeks. "I never wanted you hurt. I love you."

  "Willow, No!"

  I close my eyes and hang my head. I can't watch him struggle and fight anymore. The pain of knowing this is my entire fault is consuming. For the first time since I met Landon, I regret it. If he never met me, he wouldn't be here. I would gladly trade in the way he made me feel and the healing he brought if it meant he wouldn't be in this room.

  I hear the bangs and screaming before I feel the burst of pain. Fighting to keep my eyes open, I see blurs of light and a chaos of colors. I meet the concert floor with a hard thud. Darkness takes over. I'm cold. I'm floating.

  I clench my jaw and ignore the stinging on my face. I keep trying to move and dodge the nurse's attempts at tending to me. The short woman looks motherly with her white hair and round face. Looks are deceiving because she is inflicting pain and keeping me hostage like a little terrorist. I just want out of this room, but I've been threatened with sedation so I'm behaving for the moment. Detective Fisher is leaning against the wall, waiting for her to leave the room.

  "You're all set, Mr. Presley," she announces after she's poked and prodded every scrape. I was starting to think she liked causing me pain.

  "Thanks," I mutter as I pull my shirt back over my chest, ignoring the pain in my ribs.

  "Where do you think you're going?" the nurse asks with her hands on her hips. "She's not awake yet and I can't have you harassing them down in ER."

  "It's okay," the detective speaks up. "I got him. He's coming with me." The little woman glares at me before leaving the room.

  "I already told you everything," I say.

  I close my eyes and breathe deeply, forcing down the panic. The image of Willow’s lifeless, bloody body is still haunting me. When I grabbed her cold hand, the gunshot and shouts around me disappeared. My only thoughts were of her, and the pain was worse than anything they could have done to me. I ran my hands over her, trying to find the source of the blood in order to save her. While police swarmed the place and bullets flew through the air, I screamed for Willow to come back. I wanted to punch Chase and yet thank him at the same time for showing up when he did.

  Chase Fisher found me as soon as soon as we arrived at the hospital. He pulled me off security when I was trying to get through to see Willow. No one would tell me anything since I wasn't family. She didn't have anyone else. While Willow was with the doctors, he was questioning me and forcing me to get looked at. I told him everything that happened and he trusted that my testimony was as accurate as they come. Every detail is perfectly preserved in my mind.

  I didn't pay attention to what happened after I found Willow. I could only hold onto her until she was lifted from my arms and into an ambulance. I was taken in a police car to the hospital with Chase. He told me they arrested Noah along with everyone else involved. Aaron arrived at the police station just in time. When he read Willow's journal, he knew where they would be and that Willow would be there, too.

  "Come with me," he says. He's still dressed in his uniform and raid gear while I follow him down the halls.

  "Where are we going?" I ask. I need to find her and see if she's okay. No one will tell me anything about her.

  "To wait," he says, and he pulls open a door revealing a small waiting room.

  Paige and Aaron are already there and jump to their feet when I enter. Paige runs to me, flinging her arms around me and squeezing the air out of me. Her body is shaking so I run my hand down her back, ignoring the hurt in my ribs from her grip.

  "We were worried about you," Aaron explains, looking down at Paige’s death grip on me.

  "I see that. I'm sorry," I say to Aaron.

  Paige pulls away and looks up at me with red, swollen eyes. "She's still not awake and they took her in for some tests. They won't tell us anything yet."

  All the air leaves my chest and I sink into a chair. I rub my face roughly, wishing I could forget the way she looked when I last saw her. The paleness of her skin, blood soaking her clothes and hair. I don't even know if it was her blood, but the image will haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel a firm hand on my shoulder and I look up to see Dr. Mason.

  "Hey doc," I whisper.

  "Are you okay?" he asks as he takes a seat next to me.

  I look at him, letting him see how far from okay I really am. He nods in understanding and we sit in silence. Waiting. Time seems to have completely stopped. Although people rush around outside the door, my life is on pause. I can't see past this moment anymore. Only with Willow could I see forward. Without her, I can only look back.

  Every moment with her plays over in my mind. The first time I saw her, when I first kissed her, and the night we spent together. I remember the light in her eyes, her contagious smile, and the peace she gave me when she played her violin. I feel the heartbreak as she walked away from me. I feel the gut-wrenching ache of holding her, unconscious in my arms.

  I stand to pace and I feel everyone's eyes on me. My brother and Dr. Mason are waiting for me to lose it. Paige and Chase are wondering what will happen next. The walls start to close in on me and I can't breathe. It's too much and I buckle under the pressure.

  I hear my name being called, but I don't stop running. The doors fly open and the cool air and raindrops hit my skin. I cross the parking lot and find where the darkness can swallow me. My feet carry me across the grass and under a tree. My chest heaves rapidly and my heart pounds inside. I'm surprised it hasn't just stopped yet.

  "Landon," I hear Dr. Mason call to me.

  "Talk to us," Aaron pleads as they find me.

  "Why did she have to do that? Why didn't she just let the police take care of it?" I ramble while I pace. I want to punch something. I want to wake up and see that this is all a dream.

  "She had her reasons, Landon," Dr. Mason tries to explain. I don't want to hear it.

  "Did you know she got her memory back? Did you know she knew how Noah was, but she stayed with him anyway?" I hiss at my long-time mentor. He doesn't deserve my anger, but I have nowhere else to place it.

  "She thought she had no other way," he offers. "You don't need to understand her right now. You need to be there for her."

  "In there?" I yell, pointing back at the emergency room entrance. "Where they won't let me see her? Where she is dying?"

  "Landon," my brother steps up. "You're jumping to conclusions. She isn't dying."

  "You don't know that."

  Neither one argue with me because they know I'm right. She could be fine, or gone, and none of us have a fucking clue. I lean against the tree and slump down to the wet grass. I can hea
r the rain hitting the leaves above. The two people I care about most stand and watch me, not caring that they are getting wet. I thought I was content with having only those two in my life. It wasn't until I let Willow in that I realized how much I was missing.

  "I can't lose her," I whisper. "I don't think I can move past that."

  Aaron and Dr. Mason look at each other. I think they might not have heard me over the rain, but they each sit beside me. My family flanks me, but I feel empty and hollow inside still. With each blink, I see the crimson red and hear the bang of the gunshot. I see her closed eyes and wonder if that is the last image I will have of her.

  "Whatever happens, we will be here to help you through it," Dr. Mason says.

  "No," I argue quietly. "How can I ever forget how it feels if she never wakes up? I will always remember feeling her last breath and hearing her last words."

  I love you.

  "You have to focus on the happier memories," he tells me. For the first time since I started seeing him when I was fourteen, I think he really doesn't understand me.

  "I don't get to pick and choose," I bite out bitterly. I can't just ignore and push those memories away like everyone else. My memories come as they please and never stop.

  I don't know how long we sit there. The rain stops eventually, but I'm already soaked. I don't even feel the cold anymore. I just feel numb. I don't bother to move until I hear pounding footsteps rushing toward us. Paige finds us and bends over to catch her breath. All three bodies are stiff and waiting for her next words.

  "She's awake."

  Three Months Earlier....

  I check my makeup in the mirror. I should make an appointment at the salon soon. My eyebrows need shaping and I could use more highlights. I hold out my hands, noting my nails need to be done, too. It's unlike me to go so long between appointments. I've been too busy lately to even worry about it though.

  I pull the back of the toilet up and check inside. The plastic bag is floating in the water with the flash drive protected inside. A rush of excitement hits me when I realize I will finally be able to use it and get my freedom back. I put the top back on quietly and put the bottles of lotions and oils back on top. Reassured, I leave the bathroom to get this over with for good.

  I slip my feet into a new pair of heels and grab my purse from the bed. My heels click down the hallway and I come to a halt when I reach the kitchen. Noah is standing in my kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes travel down my body, taking in my tan legs in my short skirt and cleavage from the plunging V-neck. I fight off the cringe and give him a flirty smile.

  "Hey baby. What are you doing here?" I ask. He should be at work, not standing in my kitchen.

  "Just came to see you," he says. His look lost the lust and has gone cold. His gaze is suspicious and calculating as he watches me walk to him.

  My smile and careful composure doesn't fail as I wrap my arms around his neck. I press my body into his and kiss his jaw line. "Hmm. What a nice surprise," I say against his skin. His hands grab my hips and I flinch.

  "Where are you going?" he asks me. He's angry and I almost break my perfect act. I'm so close; I can't fail now.

  "To the salon," I easily lie. "Then maybe shopping for something to wear for the wedding."

  He raises an eyebrow. "You have a dress already."

  "I mean after the wedding," I whisper in his ear. I lick his earlobe for good measure. Noah thinks he's so smart, but he's really a simple and foolish man. He's easily distracted with promises of sex.

  Noah's body relaxes against mine and his hands drift up my back. I hope he needs to get back to work soon and can't follow through on my teasing. I can't bring myself to go any further than I absolutely need to since I learned the truth. I've even told Noah I wanted to wait until we were married so it would special that night. Always wanting to please me, he actually agreed.

  I mentally note that I need to actually go to the salon today in case he checks the credit cards. I glance at the microwave clock and pull away slowly. Chase won't wait around for me long if I'm late, and I can't call him to ask him to wait. If I want to meet him today, I need to leave soon.

  "I need to get going, baby," I say with a fake pout.

  "Sure, honey," he says with a wide smile. "I should get back to work, too."

  "Dinner tonight?" I ask, knowing he probably won't make it.

  "Of course. I just have to ask one thing."

  "What's that," I ask as I head to the door.

  "Where is it?" he asks.

  I blink at him slowly. "What?"

  "Don't play dumb, Willow. You were on my computer and I can only assume you made a copy."

  My heartbeat accelerates and I panic. I pull open the door, ready to make a run for it, but a large body is blocking my way. I stumble back in shock as the man comes forward, forcing me back inside. He closes the door behind him, keeping me inside. I turn to Noah with what I hope is a look that seems confused and fearful, but most of all, innocent.

  "Noah, what is going on?" I ask with a shaky voice.

  "Just give me the flash drive and everything will be okay," he tells me.

  I shake my head. He's lying. It won't be okay and that's the key to my freedom. I can either use it to get Noah away from me or to bargain with. Noah approaches me slowly and I see the man he rarely shows me. It's not the charming and sweet guy I fell in love with after he helped me pick up my dropped books on campus years ago. It's not even the person who got down on one knee and asked me to make him the happiest man in the world.

  He's cold, hard, and has a glint of evil in his eyes. This Noah will do whatever it takes to be rich, powerful, and respected. He watches me and smiles in amusement as I start to visibly tremble. There's nothing redeemable in him. If I hand over the most incriminating evidence that I spent months trying to get, he won't just let me go. I may have been naive before, but never again.

  "I don't have anything. I don't know what you're talking about," I lie.

  "You're sure?" Noah asks gently. Goosebumps crawl across my skin with the sound.

  "Yes."

  Noah shrugs and starts for the door. For a moment, I think he's just going to leave. "Take care of her," he tells the huge guy at my door. A sick smile spreads across the guys face as he looks over at me.

  "Noah!" I call out, but he keeps walking.

  The door closes and his hired help locks the door behind him. My blood runs cold as I back away. His grin is evil and his eyes hold an excitement that's unnatural. My thoughts are spiraling out of control in my head. Noah is on to me and left me here with this man, whom I can only assume is going to hurt me. Maybe even kill me.

  I start to run, but I'm tackled. I hear glass breaking as we struggle in the living room. I fight as hard as I can but he's too strong for me. We crash into furniture, breaking things and destroying the apartment. I scream for help but no one comes. A large hand clasps over my mouth to muffle my cries.

  "Don't scream," he growls in my ear as I'm dragged away.

  I pray for safety but I never see it. I fight for my life but it's not enough. The world goes black and Willow Thorne ceases to exist.

  Willow Thorne will later be found in a field about twenty miles outside of Atlanta. Two workers will find her while performing routine maintenance on a gas line. One of them will check her pulse and won't feel it because it's so faint. When she arrives at the hospital, doctors will work to save her life. Willow will breathe again and open her eyes but she's never the same girl.

  My eyes open and I recognize the sounds and smell—the beeping in the background, the sterility. I try to move, but the pain in my head stops my attempt. My vision is blurry and my mind is foggy. I try to remember, to focus, and hear footsteps rushing to me.

  "Oh, you're awake," I hear. A younger woman with black hair and blue scrubs grabs my hand. "Where am I?" I ask with a raspy voice. A wave of panic hits me with the familiarity of the situation. "What day is it? What's the year? How long have I've bee
n out?"

  The nurse pats my arm softly but I can't calm down. "Just the night. Do you remember what happened to you?"

  I tightly close my eyes and breathe in deep. Images and details rush back and I gasp. "Landon?"

  "He's okay," I hear from the doorway. I look over as Chase comes inside and takes my other hand.

  "Noah?"

  "In custody," he confirms.

  My body relaxes into the bed and I close my eyes. It's over.

  "The doctor needs to see you," the nurse explains. "Then you can question her," she tells Chase sternly.

  He nods and steps away but I reach for him. My mouth opens to ask more questions but nothing comes out. I feel weak and my voice doesn't come. Chase slips back outside while a man in a white coat comes in. He checks the monitors and charts while I fade in and out of sleep. My IV is changed and the nurse helps me sip some water.

  "Willow, do you remember what happened to you?" the doctor asks.

  "Yes," I whisper.

  "You took a pretty hard hit. A total of eleven stitches closed up the cut in the back of your head. Scans haven't shown any indication of internal injury," he explains. It all seems too familiar. How hard is my skull that I can keep living through this?

  "We will keep you overnight to be sure, but you should good to go in the morning," he tells me with a smile. "Other than some scrapes and bruises, you have no other major injuries." I exhale in relief. I know it could have turned out much worse.

  The doctor leaves me with some prescriptions and care instructions for the cut. I touch the back of my head, feeling the raised skin and bald patch. It stings when my fingers graze it. I pull my fingers away and notice the dirt and blood under my nails. I'm ready to crawl out of bed and find a shower when Chase comes back in.

  "Can I see Landon?" I ask him. "Where is he?"