Funeral with a View

by Schiariti, Matt

  He ducked away from the hail of wadded napkins suddenly headed his way.

  ~~~

  The rest of the evening had turned out to be rather pleasant, all things considered. It was Catherine’s turn to withstand the barrage of embarrassing childhood stories. Ah, sweet revenge. My favorite? The time when The Colonel had come in from the yard to find that his beloved two-year-old Kit Cat had finger-painted the dining room walls a lovely shade of VanPoop Brown. Eat your heart out, Bob Ross.

  We had a few minutes to ourselves before we left the Maddox compound for the night. Catherine gave me a tour of the rest of the house and we ended up in her old room, leafing through photo albums. It felt like stepping into a time machine. Her parents kept the room the same as when she’d lived there, and it was eerie, in a fascinating way, to drink in a time when I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me. If I could have gone back and observed every one of her waking moments leading up to the time we’d met I would have been all for it, so thirsty was I to know every minute detail of her life.

  An old yearbook lay open on the bed.

  “Glee club?” I laughed and pointed to a picture of her posed with others who most likely couldn’t sing to save their lives.

  She elbowed me in the ribs. “Be nice. I wasn’t half bad on stage I’ll have you know.”

  “You’ll have to prove it to me. I demand a haunting rendition of ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina’.

  “You’re a dick.”

  “I know, but I’m—”

  “—your my dick. Yeah, yeah.”

  “You have a great family, Cat. I wish we’d done this sooner, even if your dad does come from the Boris Karloff School of Scary Shit.”

  “I was so nervous when you two disappeared.” She closed the yearbook and set it aside. “When you came back I thought it was going to be the start of World War III.”

  “It almost was.”

  “But you won him over, Ricky. You exposed his gooey center, which is nothing short of a miracle. He loved that you didn’t roll over and play dead. I could tell. Most of the guys Jude and I tried to date over the years ran off shitting their pants within the first five minutes. Not you, though. He’s tough but not impossible. He’ll make the best of it. Just like us.”

  “I have another advantage.” I leaned in and kissed her. “We love each other.”

  “That we do.”

  “Your mom’s not what I expected. I thought she’d be more of a stick in the mud.”

  “You and me both. She sure surprised me with that story about my sister.”

  “The one about her getting caught shop lifting at Marketfair?”

  “No, dork. That’s no surprise. Who do you think she was stealing that Richard Marx CD for, anyway? You know which one I’m talking about. Never would have seen that coming in a million years.”

  “It has indeed been a day of revelation.”

  A lock of hair had settled against her cheek. I moved it aside, leaned in, and …

  “Are you guys making out up there?”

  “No, Jude,” Cat yelled. “We’re not!”

  “Your sister’s a bit of a trouble maker, isn’t she?” I asked.

  “Ugh, you have no idea.”

  “I like her.”

  “You would. Could be worse. She hasn’t forced me to kill her yet. Come on,” she said, getting off the bed. “Let’s go downstairs before she really starts in.”

  Jude was waiting in the foyer, the look of the devil in her eyes.

  “Cat and Ricky sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Jude managed to avoid her baby sister’s swat.

  “Grow up, you pain in the ass!”

  “Come on, little sis. You love me and you know it.”

  “Only because we’re related.”

  Hugs were exchanged all around. I thanked Mary Jo for her hospitality. The Colonel gave me a sturdy handshake that didn’t crush my bones.

  “Seems as if we’ll be seeing a lot of each other for the foreseeable future, Rick.”

  “Looks that way, Colonel, sir.” I snapped a smart salute.

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Butch. Seize.”

  Claws clacked on hardwood, announcing the impending arrival of the family bear-dog. Before I could release my hand from The Colonel’s grip, Butch launched himself, nothing but a brown and black blur, and struck my chest. I went reeling to the floor, where he licked my face with canine fury.

  “Say cheese!”

  With a click, a whir, and the blinding flash of a photo lens, Jude had captured a picture for the ages.

  Me, on the ground and smiling, face covered in dog tongue.

  Everything is going to be A-okay. As soon as they get this behemoth dog off of me.

  CHAPTER 20

  Mary Jo and The Colonel chuckle at the picture of Butch mercilessly licking my face. He was the family dog for a lot of years. The pooch is dead now. Wouldn’t that be something if I saw him on the other side? Playing fetch in the afterlife … if there is one. I’m beginning to wonder. If there is nothing, well, I don’t want to think about that right now.

  Oh, here comes Jude.

  She drapes an arm over each of her parents’ shoulders. “Remember the day that picture was taken?”

  “How could we forget it?” Mary Jo says. “Your father almost had a stroke.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, Mary Jo.” The Colonel’s voice is gruff, but a twitch of the moustache gives away his smile. “Where are Sam and Jeff?”

  “Outside with Celeste. Rob’s watching them.”

  Rob Curring: giver of the gift of naughty lingerie. Also Jude’s husband. Beneath his quiet, stoic exterior lies a great father who possesses a dry wit and treats his wife like a goddess. He owns a chain of sporting goods stores called The Fore Seasons. It’s a golf thing. Rob’s responsible and loves kids. Celeste is in great hands.

  “Celeste isn’t being too much of a handful, is she?” Catherine says.

  Jude waves a hand and sits beside her sister. “Please. She’s an angel. Besides, it’s good for Rob, too. He’s not wired for this sort of thing. Bill show up yet? I thought he’d be here by now.”

  “No, not yet. He’s taking this really hard. I think he feels out of place.”

  Jude’s expression turns sour. “This isn’t about him. It’s about Ricky. We’re all here for Ricky.”

  “I know that and you know that, but Bill’s so damn hard headed sometimes. Always has been.”

  “He’ll have to get over it, now won’t he? People have to move on.” She winces and takes Catherine’s hand. “Oh, Cat. I’m sorry. Horrible choice of words.”

  “It’s fine. Really, Jude. It’s okay. I think he just wishes he did some things differently.”

  “Don’t we all?”

  Indeed we do.

  CHAPTER 21

  Two uneventful weeks had passed since I met the Maddox clan. Mom was happy as a clam things ended on a high note and insisted the kids and prospective grandparents get together sometime. That was okay by me, but I looked forward to some time off from both families before those two worlds collided.

  It was a humid Wednesday morning in late August. I stared out my window, watching traffic zip along Rt. 1. My work for Helena’s Heaven, which had been coming along nicely, sat on the computer screen untouched. My focus lie elsewhere.

  Catherine had an appointment with Dr. Ann that morning. Her spotting persisted since the last visit. Concerned, she’d called the office and had her follow-up appointment moved up. It had me worried. I’d offered to go with her, but she would have none of it, saying it was routine, she’d be fine, it was nothing, etc., etc., so on and so forth. I wanted to believe her, I truly did, but a churning feeling in the pit of my stomach drove me to distraction.

  My phone rang, scaring the hell out of me.

  I cleared my throat. “Colbert & Colbert, Richard Franchitti speaking.”

  “Ricky? It’s me.” Catherine sounded shaken up. My body tensed.

  “Cat? What is it?”
<
br />   “Can you … can you meet me at Dr. Ann’s?”

  “Of course, sure. What’s it—”

  “Please, Ricky. Come right now.”

  “On my way.”

  I slammed the phone, sent off a quick email saying that I had to leave early because of an emergency, grabbed my keys, and ran out of the office.

  It was one of the longest drives of my life. Noon traffic clogged the highway and its access roads. My fingernails bore the brunt of my frustration. Forty minutes later, my car screamed into Dr. Ann’s parking lot, tires screeching as I pulled into the first available spot. I bounded out of the car, sprinted through the searing parking lot, and took the steps two at a time until I reached the third floor, where I burst into the office and rushed the reception desk.

  Panting and sweaty, I asked the young brunette receptionist, “Catherine Maddox. Where is she?”

  “And you are?”

  “Rick Franchitti. The father.”

  “Exam Room 3, sir.”

  I bolted without a ‘thank you’, drawing odd looks from the waiting room’s occupants.

  Whatever conversation Dr. Ann and Cat were having came to a full stop once I entered.

  Cat was playing with her charm bracelet. Her makeup had run, leaving dark trails down her cheeks.

  Dr. Ann stood up. “Mr. Franchitti, would you—”

  I walked to Cat, ignoring the kindly doctor. “What happened?”

  “It’s gone, Ricky,” Cat said, shaking her head. “The baby is gone.”

  I knew it as soon as I answered the phone and heard Catherine’s shaky, panicked voice. I knew it the entire drive through gridlock. That did nothing to lessen the shock. I felt as if a cold hand had found its way up my shirt and gripped my chest.

  “Gone,” I whispered.

  Catherine nodded and dabbed a tissue to her eyes.

  “I’m so, so sorry,” Dr. Ann said.

  “What happened?” I muttered the words as I took a seat next to Catherine, not bothering to face the bearer of bad news. Cat was lost, in pain, hurting. Fuck manners.

  “These things happen sometimes.”

  Not good enough.

  “What. Happened.”

  Dr. Ann sat down with a heavy sigh. “Mr. Franchitti. Rick. In my twenty-five years in this profession, this is one part of the job I’ve never gotten used to. Spontaneous abortion occurs approximately ten to twenty percent of the time, generally in the first trimester. I know this is a small consolation, but you and Catherine are not alone. Many others have gone through this very same thing.”

  “It is a small consolation. Those other people aren’t us. How did you find out?”

  “The sonogram.” Catherine’s shoulders were slumped, her voice vacant. “There wasn’t a heartbeat. The baby stopped growing.”

  For the first time, I turned to Dr. Ann. “The spotting?”

  “Spotting does happen, but the fact that it persisted was a sign that things weren’t right. Lots of women spot during pregnancy and don’t have this result. In your case, things just didn’t work out.”

  Still not good enough. I wanted to find meaning where there was none. I felt that if I understood what went wrong I could better help Cat deal with the loss. “Any idea as to the cause? Why did this happen?”

  “There’s not always a specific cause, Rick. As I was explaining to Catherine, a miscarriage is one of the body’s ways of telling us something was wrong with the baby. There could be hundreds of reasons we can’t predict or treat. The body knows the fetus isn’t developing properly and rejects it. I will tell you this, though …” Dr. Ann leaned toward us, her eyes serious but kind. “I know it was nothing you did. Either of you. People tend to blame themselves in this situation: “If only I did this, if only I didn’t do that.” Moving forward, it’s very important for you to realize it wasn’t your fault.”

  “So what happens now?” Catherine said.

  “There are two options.” Dr. Ann held up her index finger. “One: You can let the fetus pass naturally. The body will take care of itself in most circumstances. Catherine, you can avoid surgery this way, but it’s not guaranteed. Not only can it take some time for the tissue to pass, there’s no certainty all of it will. That leads us to option two,” she held up a second finger, “what’s called a D&C. It’s a procedure in which the material is surgically removed. It’s outpatient—you’ll be home later that day if this is the way you decide to go—but it does involve general anesthesia. The risk of infection and complications are small, but there.”

  Catherine didn’t hesitate.

  “D&C. I’m not waiting. I want this over with as quickly as possible.”

  CHAPTER 22

  “I know, Mom. I’m fine. Yes. I will. Talk soon. Love you, too. Bye.”

  Cat hung up the phone and flopped on the couch next to me where I sat staring at a her blank TV. First thing we did once we arrived at her apartment was call out of work. Neither of us was in the mood to go back after dealing with the shock.

  “Jude’s coming over later,” Cat said, pulling her feet underneath her. “I took the rest of the week off, too.”

  All the necessary appointments were made before leaving Dr. Ann’s. There was nothing left but the waiting. Always the hardest part.

  “I’ll be in that waiting room on Friday. You know that, right?”

  “You don’t have to do that, Ricky. Jude said she’ll take me there and bring me home.”

  “And that’s fine. But I still want to be there. Unless you’d rather I not?”

  “Of course I want you there. That would mean a lot to me.”

  “Good. It’s settled then.”

  Outside, billowing clouds peppered a clear blue sky. A bird swooped in and landed on the windowsill. It stared at me. I stared back. The room was silent.

  “Ricky?”

  “Yeah?

  “How do you feel?”

  I’d asked myself the very same thing once we’d left Dr. Ann’s office. My thoughts were conflicted at best. There was relief. I felt like we’d been let off the hook, free to pursue our future at our own pace. No pressure, no forced decisions. There was also a deep sadness, a sense of loss unlike anything I’d experienced since my father’s passing. There was also anger. Anger at all the bullshit we’d been through only to have the rug pulled out from under us. All the stress, pain, and arguments seemed like such a waste.

  I told Cat as much.

  She nodded. “I know what you mean.”

  “And how about you?” I said. “Stupid question. Forget I asked.”

  “No, really. It’s fine. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty much the same as you. I’m not scared anymore. This may be a shitty thing to say, but with how young we are, and me still trying to get my MBA, I think this is for the best. It nips so many problems in the bud.” She sat up straighter and wiped at her eyes. “Even so, I was getting used to the idea of being a mom. I started to warm up to it. I don’t know. I’m not making any sense.”

  “Sure you are.”

  Cat became silent and stared out the window. The bird flapped its wings and ascended into the sky.

  “When I heard that heartbeat,” she said, “when I saw that picture on the screen, I fell in love, Ricky. I don’t know why, but I just … did.” She turned to me, her brow furrowed. “How can that be? How can you fall for something so completely? Something that throws your life out of whack?” With a smirk, she shook her head. “I sound crazy, don’t I?”

  “You don’t sound crazy.” I pressed my lips lightly to her forehead. “You sound like someone who’d like to have a family one day when they’re ready. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  There was a knock at the door. I beat Cat off the couch.

  “I’ll get it. Stay put.”

  Jude stood in the breezeway. She gave me a quick hug and peered over my shoulder.

  “Hey, Rick. How is she?”

  I tilted my hand left then right. “So-So. Thanks for stopping by, Jude. Come on in.”
>
  Jude hugged Cat from over the back of the couch.

  “Don’t bother getting up, sis. I’m in charge here now, and my first executive decision is to order a metric ton of Chinese food. Once that task has been completed there will be a trip to the liquor store, followed by a visit to the supermarket where we will empty the freezer aisle of every single frigging container of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream they have. You’re in need of a good time. I know these things. I’m the older and much wiser sister. Arguing will get you nowhere, so don’t even try.”

  Catherine gave a teary laugh. “Sir, yes sir. You’re the bestest sister I ever had, sir.”

  “I’m the only sister you’ve ever had. But, I’ll take it.”

  ~~~

  I stayed well into the evening and did my part to help make a dent in the ridiculous amount of Chinese Jude ordered. No booze or ice cream for me. I had no room for it. Once the veil of night dropped and the summer bugs started their racket, I’d offered to stay over. Cat shot me down, but not in a bad way. She wanted to spend alone time with her sister, an ‘impromptu girls’ night’ she’d called it. I was fine with that. I understood.

  Later, from my own apartment, I called my mom. She was shocked and saddened by the news, as expected, but shared in the relief both Cat and I had admitted to earlier. Mom didn’t mention the obvious complications with Bill being a thing of the past, a fact I was all too aware of.

  It wasn’t an easy call to make, but I made it anyway. Bill deserved to know what was going on.

  He picked up on the third ring.

  “Oh. Hey, Rick,” he said tentatively. “I was just thinking of giving you a call.”

  I bet.

  “Bill. I have some news I thought you should hear. Nature’s stepped in and resolved our issue. Cat had a miscarriage earlier today.”

  “Holy shit. After all that … it’s just over?”

  “Yeah, it’s over.”

  A long pause. “Wow. Unbelievable. How’s Cat doing? She okay?”

  “She’s hanging in there. Torn between sadness and relief. We both are, but it’s much tougher for her, obviously.”