Ice: Part I

by Penny Hawking

  “What are you doing?” She groaned as she fell back on her bed. She heaved as she stared at her ceiling. Ice blinked and slowly started to chuckle. Had she really just talked back to Michael and her mother? Had she cursed in front of Melissa today? “God…” she smiled and shook her head. It had felt good.

  **

  All that was heard in the dining room was the soft hitting of silverware against the plates. Charles looked back and forth from his wife to his daughter, both of whom hadn’t spoken a single word since dinner started.

  Ice finished chewing her salad and looked up at her father. “I want to go to California.” She spoke up.

  Melissa whipped her head up.

  Charles stared at her in surprise. “Really?”

  She nodded and refused to look at her mom. “Yeah, for college, to live. I’m thinking of applying out there.”

  Her dad chuckled and smiled broadly. “Wait, what about here? You don’t want to go to college close to the house?”

  “No.” Ice shifted a look to her mother who was currently staring at her Caesar salad as though she’d never seen it before. “I want to leave, go out…to be normal.”

  “I’ll miss my baby girl, but California seems like a wonderful idea.” Charles started. “I’m glad you brought it up, I was going to ask you, you’ve never mentioned what you wanted to do once----

  Melissa slammed the wine on the table, putting a halt to the conversation. She poured herself a glass calmly and drank it all before pouring another glass. “She wants to go to California because of that boy.” She spat.

  “No.” Ice stared at her dad. “I think I’ll like the weather. I want to live somewhere else and I’ve heard a lot about California. Lots of good things.”

  “Well, I hope it’s not for a boy, but I’m proud of you.” He beamed at her. “Making these types of decisions----”

  “She’s in no position to make these decisions.” Melissa spoke up. “She can’t leave us. She will crumble and break and die!”

  “Now Melissa….”

  “You don’t care about your daughter’s wellbeing?” Melissa asked. “The company she keeps. Do you know what can happen to her out there? She’s weak! She’s frail!”

  “I’m not!”

  “Yes, you are!” Melissa hurled. “Your mind is fragile----”

  “Stop it!” Ice closed her eyes.

  “You see her?” Melissa demanded her husband. “You see the outburst? The erratic behavior? The disobedience. It’s starting again----”

  Charles sighed. “Melissa, she was cleared. These past couple years have shown us that Ice is stable.” Charles reached out and took his daughter’s hand. “I think it’ll be wonderful for her to venture out.” He squeezed Ice’s hand. “You can’t stay with your parents forever….I mean of course if you want to that’s okay.”

  Ice smiled. “Thanks daddy.”

  Melissa pushed her chair back and stood up regally. “I’ll bring in the soup.” She spoke calmly through clenched teeth.

  Charles and Ice watched her disappear into the kitchen.

  “She’s just very protective over you.” Charles sighed and smiled.

  Ice stared at her dad.

  Her hero, her saving grace and probably the most ignorant man she’d ever met in her life. He was clueless. He had no idea, absolutely no idea. He took Melissa’s side. He stood up for her. He defended her. He believed everything she did was for Ice’s benefit. Did he truly believe that? Was it guilt? Was it guilt clouding the truth from right in front of his eyes?

  “She hates me.” Ice whispered.

  Charles stared at his daughter in pain. “Iceria…” He whispered. “Don’t you ever….why would you ever think something like that. That’s not true.” He reached out and squeezed Ice’s hand. “Your mother loves you so much.”

  Ice scoffed. “My mother?”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “But she’s not really my mother….is she?” Ice replied.

  “Iceria Aniyah Johnson.” Charles leaned back in his seat. His eyes wide in shock. His hand came up to his left side as he rubbed his chest. “Don’t you ever say that nonsense again do you hear me!” he scolded. “Melissa is your mother!”

  “I’m not a kid anymore!” Ice countered. “I know. You don’t think I’ve put everything together?”

  Melissa stood behind the doorway, her hand trembling as she held the bowl of soup, a tear slipped down her face.

  “Melissa told me. You told me also one day by accident. I remember. She wasn’t just my aunt! She was my mom.”

  Charles closed his eyes as if in pain. “Aniyah was never your mom.”

  “Stop lying to me.” Ice pleaded tears falling. “Stop. Melissa can’t have kids. You tried and tried. You even went to doctors before me. I found her results one day a couple years ago----”

  “ENOUGH ICERIA!”

  Ice froze at her father’s anger. Never, never had he risen his voice to her. It wasn’t like him. It wasn’t his nature. He was gentle. Soft spoken, kind. But now, now she’d pushed too far. The look on his face. He rubbed his chest as if in pain.

  Melissa placed the silver soup bowl back on the counter and took three deep breaths. She reached with shaky fingers for the paper towel and brought it to her face. Gently dabbing away her tears. “God…” she inhaled deeply as she lifted her eyes to the ceiling. To allow the tears to flow back from where they were coming from. Her fingers tensed, she tried to stretch them as best she could.

  Ice wiped her tears sand stared at her half-eaten salad.

  “I told you only because you were being hysterical for a couple weeks. You claimed you were adopted, that we hated you. That you wanted to just die.” Charles spoke up after a minute of silence.

  Ice cringed. She’d been 13. She remembered. It’d been a terrible year. Peyton wasn’t the only shitty 13-year-old. She’d almost succeeded. She’d felt helpless. She didn’t think she could take it anymore.

  “I said it then and I’ll say it again Iceria.” Charles looked up painfully at Ice. “Aniyah might have given birth to you, but Melissa is your mother. She’s your mother.” Charles insisted. “She’s your mother, and she loves you so much. You’re her daughter. She’s always wanted you so much.”

  Ice blinked away tears and took a deep breath.

  “Did you love her?” she whispered.

  Charles stared at her in confusion. “I love Melissa. I always have.”

  “Then why----”

  “We’re done with this conversation.” Charles said sternly. “There are somethings grown-ups do that you wouldn’t understand.” He rubbed his chest and straightened up. “We love you very much. You’re our daughter and that’s all that matters. “ He spoke in a final tone.

  “Soups going to get cold.” Melissa spoke calmly as she placed it int the center of the table. “Give me your bowl.

  Ice looked up at her and quickly shifted her gaze away. Leaning over she picked up her soup bowl and passed it to her.

  “No more talking nonsense at my dinner table.” Melissa instructed calmly as she served the soup. “Eat.” She placed Ice’s bowl in front of her. “You’re not going to California.”

  **

  “So little Miss Iceria, what do you want for your birthday?” Melissa asked grinning, as she walked her little five-year-old through the mall.

  “Oh mommy, mommy please, please, please.” Iceria said jumping up and down.

  “Mommy please isn’t saying what you want.” Melissa laughed, her hazel eyes twinkling.

  “The Barbie house…no the Barbie mansion, the one we just saw on T.V. and the car…we have to get the car to put in the garage.” Iceria said skipping with excitement.

  Melissa scrunched her face as if she was thinking hard. She knew exactly that that was what she wanted. She’d talked about it nonstop for weeks. “I thought you already had a Barbie house?” she teased.

  “Yeah, but not a mansion.” Iceria said her eyes getting wider. “A mansi
on is bigger you know.” She said matter-of-factly.

  “Oh, it is huh?” Melissa said picking her up.

  “Yep.” Iceria said and proceeded to demonstrate to her mom just how big.

  Melissa smiled and stared into her daughter’s brown eyes. She kissed her and hugged her. “Then we’ll just have to see then won’t we?”

  ***

  “Just sit Ice it’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” Dr. Mensi said crossing her legs. She ran her hand through her gorgeous auburn hair. “I just want to admire you.”

  The little girl looked down, shifting uncomfortably. “I think it’s time to go.”

  Rebecca Mensi laughed that pretty little laugh of hers. “Aren’t you the cutest thing? You just got here.” She said. “You leave when I say remember…now be a good girl and cock your head to the side and look at the camera.” Rebecca said lifting the camera up to her eye.

  Ice put her head to the side and looked down. “No sweetheart look up. Let me see those beautiful brown eyes.”

  Ice resisted the urge to shut her eyes. The more she cooperated, the faster she’d be home, in her room, in her bed…away from her. She slowly lifted her eyes and stared into the camera.

  “Beautiful, now just place your hand on your thigh…just like that.”

  ***

  Ice opened her eyes.

  She was hot. So hot. What was going on?

  She gulped for air. She couldn’t breathe.

  She moved her head frantically on the pillow. It was drenched with her sweat.

  “Help…help….” She gasped. She tried to move her hands. She couldn’t. She couldn’t move them. They were so heavy. Her body felt so heavy.

  “Help…” she croaked and shut her eyes. Hot tears running down her face.

  **

  “That’s hot isn’t it?” Melissa said softly lighting a match.

  Ice nodded. “Mom I think we should go home.” Ice said shifting in the passenger seat. She rubbed the bruise on her arm that had formed 30 minutes ago. “I’m tired, I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not fun.”

  Melissa sighed. “I’m tired too. I’m so tired.” She said lighting another match.

  “Momma?” Ice reached for her hand.

  “Iceria baby.” Melissa knelt down and cupped Ice’s face. “She’s destroying our family.” She rubbed her daughter’s cheeks. “She’s destroying our family.”

  “I wanna go home.” Ice whispered.

  “Aniyah never stops. She’s never satisfied. I gave her everything. Everything.” Melissa smoothed down Ice’s hair as tears streamed down her face. “You gotta help me with something Ice. You gotta help me.”

  She light another match. “Here.” She said handing it to Ice.

  Ice shook her head. “That’s dangerous.”

  “Take the fucking match.” Melissa snapped.

  Ice froze in terror. What was going on with her mom? “Mom?”

  Melissa grabbed her head and groaned. “Jesus Aniyah!” She stared past Ice as if talking to somebody else. She closed her eyes and looked down, breathing heavily. Tears and snot running down her face she reached up and cupped her daughter’s face. “Ice….Ice we have to kill her.”

  Ice tried to pull away, but Melissa wouldn’t let her out of her grasp.

  “You have to help me. We have to do this.”

  ***

  “Again, again, again.” Ice squealed clapping her 3-year-old hands together.

  “Iceria.” Melissa said grunting. She picked her daughter up, threw her in the air, and caught her. “You’re not as light as you were before.” She said catching her and pretending to fall on the floor.

  Iceria giggled. “Momma you’re silly.” She said wrapping her little arms around her neck.

  ***

  It was so hot. Everything was hot. She couldn’t see anything but the orange flames around her. Why hadn’t they called the ambulance? Why was no one coming? Ice looked around frantically.

  “Mom, where are you…we need firefighters…mom!” Tears streamed down Ice’s face as she scanned the area, but Melissa was nowhere in sight. She looked up at the building and started screaming.

  ***

  “MOM!” Ice jerked up from her bed screaming.

  “It’s okay sweetheart. It was just a nightmare.” Melissa grabbed her quickly. “You’re having a nightmare. Just a nightmare.”

  Ice heaved as she tried to focus. Melissa had her head pressed against her chest, holding her tightly. The dizziness returned.

  “Baby you’re also burning up.” Melissa whispered, placing her hand on Ice’s forehead. “You have a fever.”

  “But the fire, so much fire.” Ice whispered in panic. She looked around some more. She was in her room. Her dark room now illuminated by the light from the hallway. Her mom was holding her close. Caressing her forehead.

  Ice pulled away slightly, heavy eyelids fluttering as cold sweat dripped down her body.

  “Iceria.” Melissa smoothed her bangs off her forehead. “You’ve soaked through your clothes.

  “I don’t feel well.” Ice whispered. Finding it really difficult to speak. “I don’t….”

  “Lay down.” Melissa soothed as she gently placed her daughter back on the bed. “It’s a nasty virus. I’m sick, your dad’s sick and you seemed to have caught it too.”

  “I----I---I…” Ice swallowed and closed her eyes as her body shook.

  “Shhhhh, shhhh momma will take care of you.” Melissa smiled as she caressed Ice’s cheeks. “Momma will take care of you.” She bent down and kissed her forehead. “Me, not Aniyah…you’re not Aniyah. Not Aniyah’s. Not Aniyah…” she whispered as she stared down at her daughter now drifted back to sleep. “Aniyah.” She whispered as tears streamed down her face. “Aniyah…” She caressed Ice’s cheek. “Dear, dear sister.

  ***

  “Your mother is an amazing woman. You would be nowhere without her.” Dr. Scott snarled.

  Ice tried to disappear further into the couch.

  “How dare you be ungrateful? She is everything. She is everything for you! Without her you’re nothing! Nothing you hear! You can’t live without her! You can’t survive without her! She is your beginning and your end!

  Ice cringed and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

  **

  Ice woke up dazed and confused. Her mouth was dry, her body hurt. To say she had a horrible night would have been an understatement. She threw her covers off with a lot of effort, seeing as she was extremely week. She lifted her head. It felt like she’d gotten smashed there a couple times by a ton of bricks. She closed her eyes and opened them again, trying to focus.

  “Good afternoon.” Melissa entered her room carrying a tray.

  “Afternoon? I have to go to school.” Ice whispered. “My voice….” She couldn’t speak any louder than that. It hurt, it hurt to speak. It hurt to move.

  “Well that’s impossible seeing as you slept the day away sweetheart, its 2 in the afternoon.” She said setting the tray on the nightstand.

  “What?” Ice looked up at her.

  “It’s okay, I informed the school you weren’t feeling good, so you just sit back and rest.” Melissa said taking the plate off the tray. “Here, you need energy, eat something.”

  “How long have I been sleeping?” Ice asked confused. She looked down, this nightgown wasn’t what she remembered going to bed with.

  “A whole day. Oh, I changed you.” Melissa spoke up. “Before your fever broke you sweated through two nightgowns.

  “Fever?” She whispered. “I don’t feel well.” She leaned over and just as quickly Melissa grabbed the bin.

  Ice gripped the edge of her bed as she heaved into the trashcan. Her stomach feeling like it was going to explode. She shook as bile and saliva spurted out her mouth. Warm tears mixing in.

  “There, there.” Melissa whispered smoothing her hair down.

  “Still sick?”

  Melissa turned around and nodded
at her husband.

  “Poor sweetheart.” Charles groaned and entered her room. He sat on the edge of Ice’s bed. “Your mother and I are just now able to move around without feeling like death.” He patted her leg. “The virus will be gone soon.”

  Ice felt too weak to lift her head from the trash bin, so Melissa helped her. “It hurts.” She whispered. Melissa reached out with a handkerchief and wiped Ice’s mouth gently.