Ice: Part I

by Penny Hawking

  Charles reached out and rubbed her arm. “I’m glad your fever’s gone. Melissa told me it was unexceptionally high.”

  Ice closed her eyes. She wanted to sleep. Only sleep. She felt so weak. “Mom please.” It felt like her body was melting.

  “I’m here.” Melissa said quickly. “I’m here. You just relax. You recuperate and don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of everything.” She cradled Ice in her arms. “I’ll take care of everything. You see, you need me Iceria.” She whispered proudly. “And I’ll always be here. I’ll take care of you.”

  **

  Her eyes fluttered open. Her mouth still felt ridiculously dry. She needed water. Lots of water. She groaned and sat up. Turning her head, she saw the pill and water on her nightstand and struggled to sit up. She pulled the covers back and lunged for the water and pill as if her life depended on it. She put her head back and swallowed the pill. The water felt so refreshing, she didn’t stop drinking until every last drop was gone.

  “Phone.” She croaked to herself. Her voice was still low, rough and barely above a whisper. She grabbed it from the nightstand where she always left it.

  Five missed calls from Maddie. Six missed calls from Joanna. Two missed call from Brooke. Twelve missed call from Peyton and a couple of text messages. “Oh God…” How long had she been sick? She listened to her voicemail.

  “Morning hun, just called to say I love you.”- Peyton

  “Hey girl, you okay? Didn’t see you this morning.”- Maddie

  “Tyrone stop dammit. Hey Ice, hun…um yeah it’s lunch time and you’re still not in school wassup.”- Jo

  “Hey…umm I just wanted to make sure you were okay…this is my third time calling and you haven’t returned my calls or texts…well…yeah…Aight bye.” – Peyton

  “Hey wanna go shopping? Call me back”- Maddie.

  “Ice what the fuck…sorry…I’m sorry…just call me back okay. Hope you’re okay.” – Peyton.

  “I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the movies with me later on, but since you weren’t in school, I’m guessing your sick…well call me back!” –Brooke

  “Okay first off what the fuck is you doing skipping school and not telling us. You had your boy here looking like a lost puppy and shit. You don’t have to tell us, but at least tell him.” – Jo

  “um…I love you. Is something wrong? Did something happen….I mean…I don’t know. Can you call me back please? Come on Ice.” – Peyton

  “…If you don’t call me back, I’m gonna assume you died and I’m gonna come over to your house in 10 min dammit.” - Peyton

  That last message was 7 minutes ago. Shit. She clicked on his name and called him.

  “Ice what the fuck?” Peyton answered breathlessly after the second ring.

  “Hello to you too.” Ice tried to smile.

  “um…sorry…hi.” He stammered. “Hi, are you okay? I was worried.”

  “I got your voicemails. I’ve been sick. My family caught some kind of virus. I slept away the rest of yesterday and half of today.” Ice said.

  “Sick? Are you better? How do you feel?” He asked concerned.

  “Good I guess…I don’t know I feel a little dizzy.” Ice admitted. “I’m really thirsty.”

  “Do you want me to come over?” he asked.

  Ice laughed. “You’re not allowed to come to my house remember.”

  “I don’t give a fuck…I want to see you.” He said.

  Ice rubbed the side of her head. “You’re just gonna have to wait to see me in school tomorrow.” She smiled tiredly. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay. I’m feeling a little better.”

  Peyton didn’t answer for a while. “…whatever fine…as long as you’re okay…I love you okay.”

  “Me too.” Ice said.

  “No, you have to say it, not agree.” He insisted.

  Ice laughed. “I love you Peyton.”

  “Good…now get better. I’m gonna call you tonight, and this time please pick up the fucking phone.” He said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was just worried. Can you pick up the phone please? Just pick it up to let me know you’re okay.”

  “Yes sir.” Ice said saluting even though he couldn’t see her.

  “Say I love you again.” Peyton asked

  “I love you again.” Ice smiled. “Bye hun.”

  “Bye.” He whispered

  **

  “You’re always doing this Aniyah!” Melissa shouted. “Enough is enough! Seriously!”

  “Mel come on, I wouldn’t if it wasn’t an emergency.” Aniyah replied.

  “Momma?” 3-year-old Ice said hesitantly as she stood by the door with her teddy bear and her thumb in her mouth.

  “What’s wrong baby?” Melissa asked.

  “I can’t sleep.” Ice’s brown eyes looked up at her sadly.

  “Come here.” Melissa said, going to Ice and picking her up. She patted down her hair and kissed her forehead. “Let’s go fight those little monsters that think they can scare my Ice princess.” She smiled.

  Ice nodded. They headed out the door.

  “Mel, I gave you what you wanted most in this world.” Aniyah said turning around to her sister.

  “And now you want to extort me?” Melissa said coldly.

  “Like I said, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t urgent.” Aniyah said raising her voice. “Maybe I should ask Charles. I think he’s starting to grow fond of me now don’t you think? I did so enjoy---”

  “Shut-up.” Melissa snapped. She lowered her voice. “She doesn’t need to hear this.” She said nodding her head towards Ice’s head.

  “Mel---”

  “I love you sis but keep my child and my husband out of this.” Melissa said her hazel eyes blazing as she walked out.

  Ice looked past her mom’s shoulder at her aunty. She looked just like mommy, but unlike mommy she never held her, never touched her.

  Aniyah noticed Ice looking at her; she turned her head away to avoid eye contact with the little girl that was the spitting image of her.

  ***

  Why had Melissa given her, her sisters name? Especially if Aunt Aniyah had an affair with her dad. Why keep the name? Was it a promise? Was it forgiveness? It didn’t make sense. And now lately with her reoccurring outbursts, did that mean that every time she called her Aniyah…was she talking to her sister?

  Ice tried to rack her brain. “Who am I?” She couldn’t answer it. She had no idea.

  I am Charles daughter. I am Melissa’s daughter. I am Aniyah’s daughter….Aniyah is my birthmother…Melissa is my mother. I was born in Hawaii. I love dogs. I love the color green. I hate eggplants. I love to sing. I love laughing…I barely laugh…I like to see people laugh. I like fun…I want to have fun…I do have fun…I had fun. I hate flowers…the smell…the texture, everything…I hate them. So why did I always accept them? Because that was the proper thing to do…you took…you listened you obeyed. I love dresses, I love skirts, but I also like ripped up jeans on occasions. I love tangerines but I hate oranges…but I like orange juice. I love dancing…I hate waltzing. Melissa loves operas…I hate operas…why did I go? She wanted me to…said it would grow on me…I still hate operas. I love thunderstorms. I love the rain. I love getting my hair wet and jumping in the rain. Even if after it takes hours to blow-dry and straighten again, just for those few minutes of ecstasy. It’s worth it. Melissa hates the rain, so do Maddie and Jo. Does Peyton like the rain? I love watching sunsets and sunrise. Who have I told that to? Nobody.

  Ice yawned and pulled up her covers. She was feeling better, but she was weak. These memories. These dreams of the past. What had triggered them? They were different from what she thought she knew. Her head was pounding. Her muscles weak, but at least her throat was better. Melissa came every three hours. She checked up on her, she was doting. Ice watched her carefully. This is what scared her about her mother. On some days she was like this. On other days she was the devil incarnate. What was wrong with her? And the nagging quest
ion at the back of her mind, how had she gotten sick overnight?

  **

  “Up.” Two-year-old Iceria said hands in the air smiling.

  Aniyah looked around uncertain. “Umm…I….” She took a step forward and hesitated.

  “Up momma.” Iceria said giddy.

  “No not momma.” Melissa said rushing to Ice’s side. “Me momma.” She said picking her up fast and hugging her. “Me momma.” She said softly kissing Ice’s hair.

  “Momma.” Ice said smiling kissing her.

  Melissa turned to Aniyah. “Get out.” She said softly.

  Aniyah rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry Mel, she’s all yours, I don’t want a kid.”

  **

  Ice didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but her dreams kept reoccurring. Her past kept flashing before her eyes. When she opened her eyes, it was dark in her room. She grudgingly got up and switched on the light. Why was she so tired? She looked at her nightstand and saw a tray. Her stomach growled. She was hungry. There was chicken noodle soup, come crackers and a glass of pineapple juice. There was also a note.

  Hey sweetheart. You missed dinner, so I made you this. Chicken noodle soup was always your favorite Aniyah.

  Melissa had to stop calling her by her middle name. Her stomach growled and she wasn’t aware at how hungry she was. Without a moment’s hesitation she wolfed down her soup and crackers. She drank the pineapple juice. She felt a lot better. She glanced again at the note. She looked at the empty tray and back again at the note. Had she eaten too fast? She touched her forehead and the side of her face. She felt like a zombie. It could have been hours or days she wasn’t even aware of the time.

  “Oh my God, Peyton.” Ice panicked. “Shit.” She said frantically as she looked for her phone. Where was her phone? It wasn’t on the nightstand like it usually was. She groaned as she slipped out of bed and looked on the floor, under the bed to see if it had dropped.

  Without any reason, she walked to her table and ran her hand over it, messing up everything. She took a step back and stared at the mess and smiled. She hated how neat everything was, it made her sick. She went to her closet and kicked her shoe pile. Feeling satisfied she bent down to fix them. This time in whatever order she felt like. It was no longer classified by type, color and occasion. They were just shoes dammit. She smiled. She stood up and looked at her clothes. Naw…she liked them in the order they were.

  Peyton.

  The phone, where’s was her phone? She went back in her room and looked everywhere, turning the place upside down. Immediately exhausted once again she sat back down on her bed as her body grew strangely tired. Her muscles refusing to work. She plopped down, her face hitting her pillow. She closed her eyes.

  Ice heard movement in her room. She opened one sleepy eye, to see Melissa placing a tray on her nightstand. “Where’s my phone?” she asked weakly.

  Melissa looked at her surprised. “Sweetheart are you feeling better?” She asked as she touched Ice’s slightly damp forehead.

  “Where’s my phone Melissa?” Ice asked again trying to sit up; she weakly pushed Melissa’s hand away.

  “Well I thought it would be a distraction for you, so I put it away.” Melissa said. “Aniyah, you need to rest.”

  “I’m Ice.”

  “Same thing.” She said brushing it off.

  “I want my phone.” Ice replied using her strength to sit up. “I need my phone.”

  “No, you need to rest. I don’t know what kind of bug you have, but it seems to be swapping the energy out of you.” Melissa said concerned. “Your father and I recovered quick enough.”

  “My phone.” Ice said weakly as she laid back on the bed. “I don’t trust you mom. What did you do to me?” she whispered as fatigue overtook her. “Why am I sick?” She couldn’t focus or think.

  “Eat your lunch, if you’re not exhausted when I come back, I’ll give you back your phone.” Melissa said proudly ignoring Ice’s question. She smiled as she looked down at her tired daughter.

  Unable to control them Ice closed her eyes as she fell into complete darkness.

  ***

  “Don’t run, fight her.”

  “My dad ran away. He stopped fighting.”

  “If we don’t run away, you’re gonna lose me.”

  “Melissa won’t let me go to California.”

  “I already lost my dad. I’m not gonna lose you. Trust me.”

  ***

  Ice opened her eyes, feeling a little better. She took her turkey sandwich and bit into it. She felt like a little girl, but the sandwich was delicious. She reached over for the glass of apple juice when her hand accidently knocked it over and everything spilled.

  “Shit.” She whispered quietly. She got up and ran to get a towel. She cleaned up the mess and put the towel in the dirty clothes. She went to her bathroom and turned the faucet for cold water. Splashing her face, she drank some of the water. She was so thirsty. Extremely thirst as though she was dehydrated. She drank more water and then brushed her teeth, combed her hair and put it in a ponytail.

  Feeling better, Ice went to her bedroom and sat at her desk. She took out a pen and paper. When was the last time she’d written? She used to love to write, just sit down at her desk and write stories after stories. Her way of running from hell. But this time, she wasn’t going to run from it. This time she was going to fight it. Ice began to write all the dreams and memories she could remember.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been writing, but it must have been a few hours. It was dark outside, and her stomach was growling. It was as if once she started writing, she couldn’t tear herself away from the pen and paper.

  She heard her door open.

  “I want my phone Melissa.” Ice said not turning around.

  “Well I have your phone princess.” The voice answered.

  Ice dropped her pen and whirled around. “Dad?”

  Charles chuckled arms outstretched towards her. “Awww you look so much better.”

  Ice closed her eyes as she felt her father’s warm embrace.

  Charles hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “I was starting to get worried. Every time I’ll come check on you, you’ll be sleeping.” He caressed Ice’s cheek. “Dr. Spencer was here two days ago when your fever peaked again, the new antibiotics must be working.”

  Ice nodded. “My body feels….” She dropped her shoulders. “I don’t really remember, just bits and pieces. How long have I been sick?”

  “5 days.” He shook his head. He reached into his pocket. “And I found this on the countertop.” He said handing her cellphone. “Don’t worry, I told your mom it does more harm than good separating a teenager from her phone.” He kissed the top of her head again and moved to sit on the edge of the bed with a big sigh.

  “Thanks Dad.” Ice smiled and placed the phone on her desk.

  She watched her dad rub the left part of his chest again. “You okay?”

  He chuckled. “That virus didn’t help it.” He answered. “This pain, here comes and goes.”

  “You should get it checked out.” Ice whispered.

  Charles waved it away. “Nah, your old man’s just getting older.” He smiled.

  Ice smiled back softly. “Not that old.”

  Charles stared at her gently and rubbed his hands together. “Sweetheart, that last conversation we had at the dinner table….” He shook his head and sighed. “You’re wrong.” He stated. He lowered his eyes. “At the moment, you make decisions because you think it’s for the best. You make decisions for the people you love and…..” He smiled sadly. “Sometimes grown-ups make bad decisions.” He whispered. “But I want you to know, I never regretted you coming into this world. And neither does Melissa. Iceria you were wanted. You’re not a mistake.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t….an….an affair….” He lowered his head. “It was a bad decision.” He finished softly. He brought his hand up and rubbed his chest. He cleared his throat and tried to smile.

/>   “Let’s put that behind us okay.” His dark eyes twinkled. “Your boyfriend who you refuse to invite over for dinner was here last night to check up on you.”

  “He was?” Ice whispered.

  Charles nodded. “Caused quite a scene.” He shook his head. “A tadbit disrespectful to your mother.”

  “He’s not!” She said quickly. “Dad, Melissa just hates him. She does. She treats him like crap. She won’t give him a chance and he tries to be nice to her but she’s…..” Ice looked down. “You know how mom is.”

  “She doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “She doesn’t want me to do anything.” Ice protested. Her eyes blinked rapidly feeling oncoming tears. “I’m not a kid.” She whispered.

  Charles looked her over and smiled gently. He nodded. “Maybe we’re holding on to you too tight.” He shook his head. “Alright, have him come over for dinner. I want to officially meet him.”