Osmosis

by Susan X Meagher

  “Sure does. And the little wiggle she gives is sweet. The coach obviously doesn’t let his testosterone influence his judgment—’cause Ryan’s the best looking one on the team.”

  “I sure think so. But I’d think that at the Miss World competition.”

  Mia looked at Jamie for a second and asked a question that had been on her mind. “Hey, do you think it bothers Ryan when I tell her she looks good?”

  “Huh?” Turning, Jamie just looked at Mia like she was speaking gibberish.

  “It kinda threw me the other night. I got home late and Ryan was in her room beating the hell out of her drums.”

  “She was? When was this?”

  “Uhm … I forget. Maybe Monday or Tuesday.”

  “What time was it?”

  “Late. After the bars closed.”

  “Huh.” Jamie smiled devilishly. “The drums must have flipped her switch. I woke up with her fingers inside me.”

  “Ooo!” Mia’s mouth formed a perfect circle and her eyes nearly did the same. “The little devil! Jordy’s never done that to me. But it seems like every guy I’ve seriously dated has tried to slip it in first thing in the morning.” She rolled her eyes in distaste. “Do they think I’m gonna like that?” She laughed, shaking her head. “Guys are sooooo clueless.”

  “I would have hit Jack with whatever I could’ve gotten my hands on, but it was a very, very, very welcome visit from Ms. O’Flaherty.”

  “Have her tell Jordy to do it!” Mia said excitedly. “It’d ruin it if I had to ask for it.”

  Jamie looked at her, puzzled. “Why don’t you do it to Jordan?”

  “Damn!” Mia slapped herself on the forehead. “My brain’s not working. So … how’d she do it?”

  Coloring slightly, Jamie said, “She started touching me in my sleep. Apparently, I was responsive enough to give her confidence. I kinda wish we had a videotape, to be honest. I’m not at all sure what she did—but I was ready!”

  “That’s the problem with guys. It’s so hard to convince them to pre-heat the oven. They wanna throw the door open and stick it in. But every woman knows you’ve gotta be hot to cook.”

  “I was hot,” Jamie said. “And you can’t imagine how good it felt to wake up from a sexy dream and have your partner watching your face while she touches you.” She shivered roughly. “Makes me wanna take her home right now!”

  “You hit the jackpot, girlfriend—a woman who looks like Ryan and is into you, not just herself. Most chicks who look like her are so full of themselves.”

  “So what’s the deal about the other night? What did you say to her?”

  Mia frowned for a second, thinking. “I went into her room and she was wearing this little tank top. Like I said, she was banging the hell out of her drums, and she didn’t see me. I didn’t wanna startle her, so I sat on the bed until she stopped—just so I could say goodnight.”

  “Sounds harmless enough. But there’s always more with you,” Jamie teased.

  “Not much! Really!”

  “Spill it,” Jamie said, her voice dangerously low.

  “Well, she didn’t stop for the longest time. I finally lay down on my stomach and watched her. You can’t … you absolutely can’t fault me for that. It’s not possible to turn away when she’s playing the drums in a wet tank top. I mean, really!”

  Jamie laughed and hugged her friend. “I’ll give you that. You’re only human.”

  “Thank you! So … when she stopped, she looked up and saw me. I told her that she was hot … super hot … and she looked embarrassed.”

  “Ryan? Looked embarrassed?”

  “Yeah. I asked her if it bothered her when I said things like that and she said it felt weird.”

  “Huh. She didn’t mention anything to me.”

  “I assumed she knew I was just teasing, like I always am about stuff like that. I mean, I wouldn’t hit on Ryan if she was in my bed playing with herself!”

  Patting Mia on the arm, Jamie said, “If that ever happens, I’ll give you a free pass.”

  Mia bumped her with her shoulder. “Thanks. But even if you didn’t mind, I’d never cheat on Jordan. But the other night—Ryan didn’t seem to understand that I was just making an observation. I mean … she is hot, right? It’s like telling her she’s tall or has big feet. Just a fact.”

  “I don’t know why she would’ve minded your saying something to her,” Jamie said, thoughtfully watching her partner who was now standing in right field, chasing down fly balls. “Maybe she felt too exposed.”

  “Well, she was! Those cute little nipples were popping out of that tank top like a pair of erasers!”

  Jamie laughed, amused by her friend’s comfort in talking about Ryan’s body. “They do look like erasers, don’t they? Perfect little pencil erasers.”

  “Yep. But I don’t wanna touch ’em! I just hope Ryan knows that.”

  “Maybe it’s because you’ve been gone for a while. She might be out of practice.”

  “Well, if it comes up, make sure she knows I don’t wanna sample the goods. I couldn’t be happier with Jordy, and I’m never gonna do anything to screw that up.”

  “Not to mention that I’d cut you up with a chain saw if you tried.”

  “Huh. I picture you as the type to hire someone to kill me.”

  “Nope. If Ryan’s involved, it’s personal.” She narrowed her eyes and moved to rest her forehead against Mia’s, trying to look menacing, until Mia burst out laughing at her attempt.

  A few minutes later, Mia asked, “What’s Ryan doing?”

  “Licking her fingers,” Jamie said with distaste.

  Mia’s nose wrinkled up. “Why? They have to be filthy!”

  “Oh, they are. She says it gives her better control on her throws. I think it’s disgusting—but that’s my girl. She’s so … earthy.”

  “Jordy’s not like that. She’s very particular about cleanliness. She won’t eat a thing before she washes her hands.”

  “Ryan would eat soup with her hands after playing in the mud if I’d let her! Almost nothing grosses her out.” Jamie lowered her voice to make sure Jennie couldn’t hear her. “She doesn’t know I know it, but she pees in the shower.”

  Mia looked at her, then blinked. “You don’t?”

  “God, no!” Her voice was so loud Ryan looked up quizzically, and she was twenty-five yards away. “No!” she said again, quieter this time. “I’m not a dog!”

  “Dogs don’t take showers,” Mia scoffed. “So … you get out of the shower if you have to go?”

  “No! I hold it. Like I said, I don’t have to give in to every impulse. That’s what separates humans from other mammals.”

  “Any other mammal would tell you that’s dumb,” Mia said. “You’re in the shower; everything’s going down the drain anyway. Then you get nice and clean after you finish.”

  “And the tub’s full of urine!”

  “No, it’s not!”

  Jennie and Ashley were either finished, or interested in the loudly whispered conversation going on behind them. Jennie sat next to Mia and asked, “What are you guys arguing about?”

  Before Jamie could tell her to keep quiet, Mia said, “Peeing in the shower. Jamie thinks it’s gross. How about you guys?”

  Jennie looked a little nervous. “Uhm … is it bad to do it?”

  “No,” Mia said. “I think it’s efficient and perfectly normal.”

  Jennie nodded her head. “I do it.”

  Ashley made a face. “Don’t sit so close to me! That’s beyond gross!”

  “You can come sit by me, Ashley,” Jamie said. “I’d rather explode.”

  “Just because you two are prudes is no reason to label us,” Mia said, putting her arm around Jennie, who giggled, still looking at Jamie for approval.

  “It’s not gross if you don’t think it is,” Jamie said, only to assure the girl. “I just think it is.”

  “I know it is,” Ashley said. “If somebody did that in the locker room showers,
I’d never go in there again.”

  Jamie silently prayed her lover kept her habit to her home base.

  “So how do you know Ryan does it, if she doesn’t know you know?” Mia asked.

  Internally shooting daggers at her indiscreet friend, Jamie said, “If we get up at the same time, I use the toilet while she gets into the shower. There’s no way she could hold it that long.”

  “I knew Ryan would do it,” Jennie said, smiling.

  “Ryan isn’t the best role model for some personal habits,” Jamie said, unable to keep a straight face. “I think you should model yourself after Ashley, who was obviously properly raised.”

  “You get into the shower after she does that, Jamie?” Ashley asked. “I’d make her clean it with bleach first.”

  “But then she’d know I know she does it. And I hate to take away all of her guilty pleasures.”

  “You’re a better girlfriend than I’d be,” Ashley said. “If a guy did that at my apartment, he’d never get in my shower again.”

  “Then you’d better not look,” Mia giggled, “’Cause they all do it!”

  Jennie had to be home for dinner at 6:00, so she took off a few minutes before practice was over. “Say bye to Ryan and Heather,” she said before hopping on her bike.

  As soon as she was gone, Jamie thunked Mia on the head with her fingers. “You shouldn’t talk about stuff like that with Jennie. If you told her Ryan ate with her feet, she’d try it!”

  “Oh, she said she already does it. Besides, what’s the problem? Everybody pees.”

  “But everybody doesn’t talk about it,” Jamie said, lifting her chin in a dignified manner. “Thank God.”

  “I bet you do things that you don’t want Ryan to know about,” Mia said, narrowing her eyes. “You probably pick you nose or something every time you think she’s not looking.”

  Ashley giggled at Jamie’s outraged look. “I do not pick my nose!”

  “Come on, you perfect little Hillsborough debutante, you must do something bad.”

  Thinking for a minute, Jamie said, “It’s not bad, but I do something Ryan doesn’t know about.”

  “What?” Mia asked drolly, “Volunteer to help lepers?”

  “No.” Jamie ignored her jibe. “I have my legs waxed.”

  “That’s not very bad,” Ashley said. “Is Ryan opposed to wax or something?”

  “No, but she doesn’t know, and now I’m afraid to tell her.”

  “You’ve been together since June,” Mia said. “How doesn’t she notice that you’re stubbly one day and smooth the next?”

  “Her schedule has worked in my favor. My legs aren’t very stubbly, ’cause the hair is fine, and I always seem to need to go in when she’s away.”

  “But why does it matter?” Ashley asked. “Just tell her the next time you go.”

  “Uhm … she thinks …” Jamie wrinkled her nose. “She thinks I’m perfectly groomed … naturally.”

  Ashley cocked her head, then the light went on. “Bikini area?”

  “Ahh … yeah. She marveled about how perfect … that area was when we were first together. I should have told her that I had some help, but I didn’t. Now I feel stupid telling her that I kinda …”

  “Lied to her,” Mia supplied helpfully.

  Slapping her leg, Jamie said, “It wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t correct her.”

  “That’s a lie, that’s a lie, that’s a lie,” Mia said, giggling.

  “It’s kind of a lie,” Ashley agreed.

  Jamie stuck out her lower lip. “It’s not a lie. But … Ryan might think it is.”

  “It’s no big deal,” Mia said. “You’ll tell lots bigger lies as time goes on.”

  “Gee, thanks!”

  Ashley said, “It’s not a bad thing to lie about something to avoid hurting someone. I used to tell my high school boyfriend he was the best kisser in the world, and he wasn’t even the best kisser on his street!”

  “But this isn’t to avoid hurting Ryan. It’s just to keep her thinking I’m perfect in a follicular way,” Jamie reminded her.

  “True. But Mia’s right. You don’t have to tell everything just because you’re in a relationship. Just like she doesn’t want you to know she has the vile, disgusting, stomach-turning habit of peeing in the shower.”

  “Don’t you dare tell Heather!” Jamie said.

  “I won’t. Besides, if Heather doesn’t think it’s disgusting, that might mean she does it. Then I’d have to find a new roommate.”

  “You’re my kinda girl, Ash,” Jamie said, patting her back.

  “Looks like the jocks are about done.” Ashley stood up. “It’s Heather’s turn to buy snacks for the room. I’m gonna go remind her.” She waved. “See you guys, and have a nice time in Colorado if I don’t see you again, Mia. Give Jordan a hug for me.”

  “I will. See ya.”

  Mia looked at Jamie. “How’d Ryan get here?”

  “Motorcycle, I think. She parks it illegally on the grass.” She scanned the area. “Yep, there it is.”

  “Do I have to walk home alone?”

  “No, silly. We’ll send Ryan to pick up dinner. We’ll walk.”

  “Cool. I want something spicy and exotic. And full of fat, if possible!”

  They decided on fairly tame Chinese food, but Mia ordered the deep-fried chicken with honey-walnuts and mayonnaise sauce—pandering to her desire for fat.

  Jamie assured her that Ryan always got something spicy and that they’d all share.

  On the walk home, Mia wrapped her hand around Jamie’s good arm and hugged it to herself. “I love being home with you guys. This has been so good for me.”

  “I love it, too. I just wish you didn’t have to go back. But … I want Jordan to be happy, too, so I guess I have to give you up.”

  “Why don’t you start an Olympic Training Center here? The climate’s better.”

  Jamie laughed. “My mom probably has the money for that, but I think I’d be a little short. Besides, by the time it was ready, the Olympics would be over.”

  “I guess. I’ll just have to hang in there and try to do something to keep myself from going mad.”

  “Have you thought of getting a job?”

  “Yeah, but I wanted to be available to travel with Jordy, especially in the U.S. But maybe I should get one and just stay home when she travels.”

  “Not a good option. You need to come here when you don’t travel with her.”

  “Jamie, I can’t keep taking money from you!”

  Stopping, Jamie faced her. “Why?”

  “Because it’s not right. I don’t wanna be one of those people who sponges off her friends!”

  “Honey, we’ve been friends for eight years. If you were after my money, don’t you think I’d know that by now?”

  “Maybe I’m patient,” Mia said, making a face.

  Resuming their walk, Jamie said, “Not one of your characteristics, I’m afraid. I’m really being serious when I tell you I want you to let me pay your airfare to come home. I love you and Jordan, and so does Ryan. We both want you to let us help—just a little bit—when you need something.”

  “It’s hard for me, James. It really is.”

  “I know. But when I have to buy you a ticket and send it to you, it costs more than it would if you’d buy it in advance.”

  Mia gave her a puzzled look.

  “I’m not gonna stop. If you don’t travel with Jordan, I’m gonna Fed Ex you a ticket to come home. So why don’t you use the Amex card I gave you when you left and save me the trouble? It’s really the least you can do,” she added playfully.

  Mia stopped and put her arms around Jamie’s waist. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m so glad I don’t have a sister, ’cause she’d be jealous that I loved you more.”

  “Aww … you’re gonna make me cry.”

  “If you can’t cry with your best friend, you’re doing something wrong,” Mia said, wiping at her own eyes.

  Ryan wasn�
�t home by the time Jamie and Mia arrived. “What’s taking her so long?” Mia asked.

  “Mmm … she hates to have her food sit, so she won’t order until she gets there. One of her many little quirks,” she said, smiling. “She might have wanted some beer, too, so she’d have to go get that first. It’s best not to be too hungry when you send Ryan out.”

  “Well, I’d love a beer, so I won’t complain.”

  “I think we have a couple left. I’ll check.” Mia plopped down on the sofa, and when Jamie returned with one beer, her shoes were off and her feet were resting on the coffee table.

  “You don’t want one?”

  “We only have one. We’re sharing.” Jamie sat next to Mia and gave her the first sip.

  “Ahh … that’s good. Hey, what do you have planned for your anniversary? And which anniversary will you celebrate?”

  “Uhm … what are my choices?”

  “First kiss … first time you said you loved her … first time you got naked. You know, the usual.”

  Jamie’s chin lifted and she gazed into space for a moment. “I think we should celebrate both our first kiss and the first time we made love. I’d better tell Ryan that, or she’ll be upset if she’s not prepared.”

  “You two are still on your honeymoon,” Mia said, laughing. “You don’t need a reason to celebrate.”

  A pair of green eyes shifted and lit on Mia, lingering for a few moments. “I don’t think that’s true.”

  “What? That you need a reason to celebrate?”

  “No. The honeymoon thing. I think our honeymoon is over, and has been for a while.”

  “What?”

  “I mean it. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”

  “Then why do they say ‘The honeymoon’s over’ when they mean something’s toast?”

  “I guess it depends on your view. We learned something in our lesbian psychology class that’s stuck with me. Falling in love is fun, no doubt about it, but it’s what happens after that magic period is over that makes a relationship.”

  “Damn, James, I’ve always heard that you should be in that honeymoon thing for at least a year, maybe longer!”

  “That’s probably true for most couples. But we’ve had so much junk go down this year that everything has sped up. We couldn’t keep up that ‘Gee, you’re perfect’ thing after seeing each other in the kinds of situations we’ve been in.”