Osmosis

by Susan X Meagher

  “I guess things have been a little … intense for you two.”

  “That’s a remarkable understatement.” Jamie took a long pull from their beer. “We’ve had a lifetime of stress this year. I’ve seen Ryan at what I hope is the lowest she’ll ever be. It’s just not possible to look at her and see her like I did when we were falling in love.”

  “But isn’t that kinda … disappointing?” Mia asked. “I look at Jordy, and I’m still amazed that someone as wonderful as her is lying in bed with me. She gives me chills.”

  Quirking a grin, Jamie said, “I get my fair share of chills. But the woman I fell in love with was … this is hard to put into words … but I think that woman was more of an image than a real person.”

  “But it was a good image, wasn’t it? Tall, dark, and gorgeous?”

  “Yep. But she’s a lot more than that. And I’ve started to learn how complex and simple, and fragile and strong, and bright and dumb she really is.”

  “Ryan? Dumb?”

  Jamie laughed. “She can be as dumb—as she says—as a sack of potatoes. Mostly about herself.”

  “Point taken. She does do some pretty dumb things. But she’s so smart that you try to convince yourself that what she did wasn’t as dumb as it really was!”

  “Boy, I’ve been there! But we all do dumb things. She’s not the rock I thought I could always rely on to do everything right. She doesn’t always know the right answer. She’s done some things that have really disappointed me. She’s even done things that I think are morally wrong. But God, she tries hard. I admire her more now that I know how hard she works. Things aren’t as easy for her as they appear.”

  “Hey, she’s not my girlfriend; she’s my fantasy! Don’t destroy it!”

  Jamie put her arm around Mia’s shoulders and hugged her hard. “She’s close enough to perfect, buddy.”

  “The breasts are real, aren’t they?” Mia asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.

  “Definitely. And they feel better than they look.”

  “The fantasy lives!”

  After dinner, Ryan went upstairs to study French, but Jamie couldn’t make herself focus on school when Mia was home. They sat in the living room, making so much noise that Ryan finally came to the top stair and said, “Will you two go into the library? I’m trying to memorize these ridiculous verbs and it’s hard enough without hearing you guys having fun.”

  Jamie gave Mia an “oo-oh, we’re in trouble” look and said, “We’ll behave.”

  “No we won’t,” Mia chimed in. “Do you mind if I drag James down to the bar on Telegraph? I wanna have an appletini.”

  “Appletini,” Ryan scoffed. “Why does everything have to be a “tini? Gin or vodka and vermouth is a martini. Everything else is … something else.”

  “Somebody’s grouchy,” Mia said.

  “Go,” Ryan declared. “Both of you. Get out while the getting’s good. If I don’t memorize some of these verbs it’s not gonna be pretty.”

  Jamie got up and went to the bottom stair. “Are you sure, baby? I’ll help you study. We both could. Mia took 4 years of French in high school.”

  “I remember nothing,” Mia yelled.

  Jamie chided, “Shh! Be supportive.”

  Ryan smiled down at her. “Nah. You guys go have fun. I’ll stay here and pout.”

  “Works for me.” Mia got up and grasped Jamie’s hand. “See ya later, grumpy.”

  “I won’t be out late,” Jamie said.

  “Whatever. I know you lose track of time … and your name and address when you two go out, but that’s cool.”

  Jamie dashed up the stairs and kissed her partner. “I always remember your name, and exactly where you are. And don’t pout.” She kissed her again, right on the downturned corner of her lips. “We won’t be out late.”

  “I’ll expect you at 2:15, since the bar closes at 2:00.”

  “I’ll bring her home in one piece, Ryan,” Mia said.

  “Whew.” Ryan wiped her brow dramatically. “Now I can rest easy.”

  “I don’t think Ryan considers me a good influence.” Mia laughed demonically while jumping down the stone steps of the house.

  “She can tease you all she wants, but it’s the pot calling the kettle black. She was every bit as wild as you were. Just in different ways.”

  “How was she wild? She seems so … sedate in everything except sports. And sex … but that’s just your opinion. I don’t have any independent verification.”

  Jamie patted her friend’s arm. “Thanks for the reassurance.”

  Mia turned and walked backwards to face Jamie. “Come on … what’ve you got on her?”

  “I don’t have anything on her.” Jamie scowled briefly but couldn’t maintain it.

  “You can’t be in a long-term relationship unless you have things to use against each other, James. You’ve gotta have something to pull out and hit ’em with when they get something on you.”

  Smirking, Jamie said, “So that’s how it goes? I didn’t realize that was the key to happiness.”

  “Yeah, yeah. If she says you shouldn’t drink too much you hit her with “well, I’m not the one who had to spend the night at the Hillsborough … or wherever … police station.”

  “Sounds like the voice of personal experience. I remember when you got locked up. I bet your mom had to handcuff your dad to stop him from bailing you out.”

  “They don’t have handcuffs,” Mia tossed off. “I’ve searched every inch of that house. My mom has a vibrator, though!”

  Jamie stuck her fingers in her ears. “Nah, nah, nah, I can’t hear you!”

  “You’ve never poked around your parents’ house?”

  “No! I don’t wanna know what goes on there. Actually, I don’t think much was going on in the bedroom. My dad was too busy poking young associates.”

  Mia moved to walk beside her friend. She was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Does it bother you to talk about that?”

  A light went on and Jamie stared at her. “Did you know? Before I did?”

  “Uhm … kinda.”

  Pushing her shoulder roughly, Jamie demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “No way! I heard my parents arguing a couple of times and my mom said she’d be damned if my dad was gonna uhm … be like Jim Evans. But knowing my mom she could’ve been talking out her ass.”

  Jamie slapped her forehead and let her fingers slowly trail down her face. “The whole friggin’ town must have known. My mom must have been a laughingstock.”

  “Nah. All the men cheated. Everybody had a mistress. Your dad was just … a little more obvious than most of the guys. He didn’t try very hard to hide it. At least that’s what my mom said.”

  “Great. Just great.”

  “He had a powerful job and a lot of young women working for him. Not many men resist when you dangle toys right in front of ’em.”

  “But you think your dad did.”

  “I’m not sure he was faithful. But if he wasn’t … he was damned careful about it. My mom would have neutered him. No doubt in my mind. And she wouldn’t have let ’em reattach it either. She would have put it down the garbage disposal. She’s vicious!”

  “My mom should have threatened my dad early on. She might have had a fighting chance.”

  Slipping an arm around Jamie’s waist, Mia hugged her and kissed her cheek. “You look sad. What’s going on?”

  “Eh … just some stuff with my mom … and Ryan.” She looked at Mia and said, “Does Jordan ever give you a hard time about stuff you did before you met?”

  “No! Hell, no! She acts like I was born the day before we met. No way I’d put up with that!”

  “Really? You seem so … pliant around her. I’d think you’d let her do whatever she wanted.”

  “Nope. She must just have a sixth sense, ’cause she’s never asked many questions about my past. When I talk about things I did she just smiles at me. No questions … no comments.”

  “Huh. I
wish I could keep my mouth closed some times.”

  “You’re not like Jordy. She keeps her thoughts to herself most of the time.”

  “No, I’m not like that, but sometimes it’d be better for us if I did.”

  “You said something about Ryan doing things you thought were morally wrong. Is that what you’re talking about?”

  Nodding, Jamie pursed her lips. Then she turned and said, “She’s done some things that I think are wrong. Wrong in any situation. And I thought she agreed with me. But now … now she’s kinda backpedaling and it worries me.”

  Half-closing one eye, Mia twitched her head towards the bar. “Let me get a drink. Then I can try to figure out what in the hell you’re talking about.”

  They entered the nearly-empty bar and flinched a little from the overly loud music. The bartender than Ryan always flirted with was there and she gave both women a long, appreciative look. Jamie led the way and they sat at the bar. “Hi,” she said. “Can you make a good appletini?”

  “I can make anything you want, honey,” the bartender said, grinning wolfishly.

  “Two appletinis then.”

  “You girls old enough to drink?”

  “Sure are,” Jamie said. “I was here on my 21st birthday with my partner. You know her. Ryan O’Flaherty.”

  “Shit! You’re Ryan’s girl? Still?”

  Smiling was difficult, but Jamie managed. “Yes. Still.”

  “Oh, shit, I didn’t mean that like it sounded!”

  “Yes you did,” Jamie said wearily. “I know her history.”

  “Guess I’d better keep my mouth shut and start making some drinks, huh?”

  “It’s fine. No problem. I knew what I was getting when I signed on.”

  The bartender started to turn when Jamie said, “Can you lower the volume until it gets more crowded?”

  “Sure. I just keep it loud so it doesn’t seem so lonely in here.”

  She walked over and turned down the volume, then started to make their drinks.

  “Ooo … is that what you were talking about?” Mia asked. “About Ryan having a lot of … partners?”

  “Ryan didn’t have partners,” Jamie said flatly. “She had sex.”

  “But is that what bothers you?”

  “No. Not really. Not usually.” Jamie put her good arm on the bar and lay her head on it. “None of this usually bothers me. But when my parents do things that bother me I tend to start spouting off about their behavior and it always bleeds over into Ryan’s.”

  Their drinks were delivered and Jamie put a $20 down on the bar. “I’ll buy the first round.”

  Mia touched the rim of her glass with Jamie’s. “To good friends.”

  Smiling, Jamie leaned over and kissed her friend, briefly brushing her lips across Mia’s. “To best friends.”

  “Even better.” Mia took a sip. “Not bad.”

  Jamie drank a bit and said, “It’s a mix. I had one not long ago that was made with apple schnapps and fresh lime juice. It wasn’t this weird green color and it wasn’t as sweet.”

  “I like ’em to taste like candy,” Mia said, grinning. “Now tell me more about things bleeding onto Ryan.”

  Contemplatively taking another drink, Jamie said, “I promised her that I’d ignore her past. But I’m not doing a good job of it. Every time I do it I wish I could bite my tongue. But … you know how I get.”

  “You get pissed and you spout off.” Mia pinched Jamie’s cheek playfully.

  “Wish I could argue, but that’s about it. I did it the other night and I know I really hurt her.”

  “Does she hold a grudge?”

  “Mmm … not one that I can see. But I think she stores her hurt feelings up. She rarely blows up and gets things off her chest. She really hates to fight.”

  “So what’s your question? How to forget about her past or how to keep your mouth shut?”

  “I guess it’s gonna have to be the mouth shut option. ’Cause I don’t think I can forget her past.”

  “Damn, did she kill someone? What’s so bad that you can’t let go of?”

  Jamie shook her head. “No, nothing like that. She just … had sex with people she shouldn’t have.”

  “Kids?” Mia’s eyebrows were raised to their full height.

  “No! Damn it, I shouldn’t have started this whole conversation. Now you think she’s a pedophile!”

  “What could be so bad?” Mia persisted. “Did she share needles?”

  Frustrated, Jamie said, “She had sex with people who were in committed relationships with other people.”

  Grunting, Mia said, “No she didn’t.”

  “Yes she did! She told me so!”

  “I mean that the people weren’t committed. If they were they wouldn’t have had sex with Ryan.”

  Jamie gulped her drink and signaled for another round. “Now you sound like her.”

  “That’s ’cause she’s right. I wouldn’t go after a guy … or a girl who I knew was hooked up. But if he … or she came after me.” She shrugged. “It’s not my job to protect that relationship. It must suck or the person wouldn’t be cheating.”

  “That’s what she said the other night. But a few months ago she said she thought it was wrong and she wished she’d never done it.”

  Mia waved her off. “She was on good behavior. You’d only been together a short time, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “You regret everything when you’re first in love. You wish you were a virgin … you wish you’d never had a venereal disease … all that stuff.”

  “You’ve had V.D?”

  “I didn’t say that,” Mia sniffed. “But I’ve had sex with a guy who had herpes. He really regretted that. I’d barely let him do anything to me. And I’d only give him a hand job when he was wearing a condom.”

  “Charming,” Jamie said, wrinkling her nose. “So am I supposed to assume everything Ryan told me when we were first together was a lie?”

  “No, of course not. Only the “I wish I’d never known I had a clitoris until I looked in your eyes” stuff. That’s all a lie. You don’t know it’s a lie when you say it, but you come to your senses over time.”

  “I haven’t,” Jamie grumbled. “I wish I’d never met Jack. I wish Ryan was the first person I’d ever kissed.”

  “That’s ’cause you had a shitty sex life before you met her. Ryan didn’t.”

  “Don’t remind me. I’m sure other women rocked her world in ways I never will.”

  “Did she wanna marry them?” Mia asked dryly. She whipped out $10 and handed it to the bartender when their second round was delivered.

  “It’s $14,” the woman said.

  Jamie took her change and handed it to the bartender. “Thanks,” she added.

  “I’ve got more money,” Mia said.

  “I know. But mine was out. And no, Ryan didn’t want to marry anyone before me. Besides Sara of course. I think she’d grab her in a minute if I wasn’t around.”

  “She is cute. And she looks kinda slyly sexy. She’s tasty looking.”

  “Thanks. You’re building up my self-esteem every second.”

  “James! Will you knock it off! If Ryan wanted Sara she could have had her. Yes, she would have broken your heart—but if she really felt she loved her more I believe she would have done it. I don’t think she’s the kinda girl to settle for second best.”

  “No, she’s not. And she swears she has no desire to be with Sara. I just know that she would have tried to make it work if we hadn’t been involved.”

  “So what? I’d try to make it work with Ryan Phillippe or Ashton Kutcher if I could. But I’m not gonna.”

  Jamie blinked, staring at her friend.

  “What? Ryan Phillippe was really hot in “I Know What You Did Last Summer.””

  “Aren’t there any women on your “to do” list?”

  “Sure. I could go on all day. But I’m with a girl now, so if I was gonna branch out I’d go with a guy. Mix it u
p. You know.”

  “No, I don’t know. Believe me. I don’t know.”

  “Don’t be such a tight-ass, James. Ryan loves you. It doesn’t matter if she was a virgin or a prostitute. What matters is how she treats you now. What don’t you get about that? Jesus, it’s hard enough to find someone you love. You wanna find someone who treats you like a princess and was kept in a locked room until you met her.”

  “I’m not that bad,” Jamie said irritably.

  “I think you are. I really do. And if you keep hurting Ryan’s feelings she might start wishing she’d picked someone a little less …” She shut her mouth, her eyes shifting around the bar.

  “What? Someone less what?”

  Rolling her eyes, Mia said the word she knew would upset her friend. “Judgmental. You can really get on your high horse about things. It’s not good to feel like you’re with someone who thinks she’s morally superior.”

  Jamie’s voice rose dramatically. “I don’t think that!”

  “What’s it called when you think your partner’s done morally wrong things that you’d never do? Easy-going? Open-minded? Don’t think so, babe. All I’m saying is that you’d better chill.”

  Staring at the mirror behind the bar, Jamie took a drink. She stuck her tongue out at herself and finished her drink, signaling the bartender for another.

  Ryan’s prediction did not come true. Jamie and Mia stumbled into the house just after 1:00, missing her guess by over an hour. Ryan had been sound asleep, but she woke as soon as Jamie’s key missed the lock several times. Reminding herself not to lecture her partner, she turned on the bedside lamp and smiled when the door opened. “Missed you,” she said.

  “I stayed out too late,” Jamie said, slurring her words just a touch. “Drank too much too.”

  Ryan got up and helped her lover undress. “Did you have fun?” she asked, kissing her neck.

  “Yeah. Drank too much though.”

  Patting her butt, Ryan sent her to the bath. “Brush your teeth and come cuddle.”

  “Okay,” Jamie said, yawning. “I shouldn’t have drunk so much.”