Fosters: Blackhawk

by L. Ann Marie

  Christian doesn't look up but he nods. Cloud lifts his chin up. "I'm sorry, it all comes in and I can't shut it all off." He's crying.

  Cloud lifts and hugs him walking away from the van. I get Brantley, Taylor and Joey settled, they tell me about the Kids Center activities. Cloud gets back and sits Christian in his seat. He fist bumps him and the boys. I guess we're good. I want to ask but not in front of the kids.

  We're home in minutes. I love it. Cloud carries sleeping J's upstairs; I follow and help get them changed. Washing their face and hands with a facecloth they never wake up. Christian, Brantley and Tyler never make it up so we check on what they're doing. Rounding the corner to the kitchen Cloud moves in front of me and grabs a box from Taylor. "Thank you guys." I love them; they're helping bring Cloud's things in. Once everything is in Taylor and Brantley head up for showers. Christian brings Joey's machine and sets it up in her bathroom with the book. I take care of the meds. Christian stays with her while I help Cloud.

  I smile while hanging his clothes, he put them in duffels a with the hangers. His suits are in suit bags though. I can't wait to see him in a suit. I grab the box I packed and put his things around the room. I hang the picture with the kids and my pictures in the sitting room. I stand back and look at it, it looks nice. "My grandmother did that. Thank you for putting it up. I didn't think to bring it here. It's important to me so I'm glad you did." His arms are around me, he bends and kisses my neck.

  "I have some blankets too; I don't remember which ones were where. Can you help me?" He stops the assault on my neck and stands straight. Only one stays in the bedroom. We get the blankets put out, the last in the dining room on the straight back chair. "I love the colors. I'm glad part of you is in our rooms with us." He put little things in every room.

  "Everything you brought means something, how did you know?" He asks with a smile. He's so friggin handsome.

  I shrug, "I don't know, it just seemed right when it was in my hands."

  He comes to me and kisses me setting my body on fire. "I'd love to spread you out on the table and feast on your body but I don't share." He says when I whimper at the loss of his mouth.

  My brain isn't working. "Share?"

  "Cameras babe, not into giving Digs a show." He pecks my lips.

  "Friggin cameras." I whisper. He laughs pulling me to the living room.

  He hits buttons and gets the tv to move down. I sit beside him, his arm goes around me pulling me closer. He gets the Discovery channel on and we get into it. Christian comes over and sits on the coffee table, Cloud mutes the show. "Did you want to talk to me Cloud?" He looks nervous.

  Cloud sits me up and pulls Christian to his lap. "I already told you nothing that is happening is your fault. You don't have to feel bad about getting what comes into your head. It will drive you crazy if you don't let it go. We can talk about all you got today or you can sleep on it and decide what's important enough to ask about and what you should just keep to yourself. I don't want you to be up all night worrying about it. What's going to let you sleep tonight Christian?"

  "Do you work tomorrow?"

  "No buddy I'm here most of the day. You can come with me on errands in the morning, we can talk then." Cloud says so easy.

  "Can we do that and I'll see if what I think is right tomorrow?" He looks so little and unsure of himself. He's only eleven but he acts so much older most of the time I forget.

  "We can, I need to leave at eight forty-five." He hugs him kissing his head. "Try to get some sleep tonight. It will all look better in the morning."

  "I will, I love you Cloud." He gets up and kisses my cheek. "You too CJ." I watch him run up the stairs. Looking at Cloud I see he's smiling. He pushes my chin up so my mouth closes. Friggin kid. Cloud puts the sound back on and we watch the rest of the show.

  Climbing the stairs again we kiss the sleeping boys’ heads and say goodnight to Joey. In our room I flop on the bed and he laughs. "Rough day?"

  "Not at all, I'm getting into the new routine. It was a lot to take in tonight. Do you know why Christian is getting more now? What changed?"

  "I asked Aleena that. She thinks we need to see grandmother. She'll be able to answer our questions. Aleena took a guess that puberty plays a part in it. The other thing is the MC invading the house, danger being so close and him not understanding the threats, then Mo. He may never have seen someone he loves get hurt. He didn't know how to change it. Danny said Tess had a hard time with that. She couldn't handle seeing her new family hurt and went into a catatonic like state. That's when they got help. We won't wait for that to happen with Christian. Pres said he'll get the doctor back before he gets hurt. He's too little to deal with all he can see." He undresses me as he's talking. I love him taking care of me. He undresses himself and lies down beside me.

  "The MC is taking us and our wellbeing very seriously. Even the kids are trying to make it better for all the kids. I love that people are seeing how special they are." I kiss his chest.

  "It's you too CJ. Every one of the old ladies don't see how special they are, they just do what feels right and don't think about it. Mitch has been like that since I met her. She changed the world with her affordable robotic limbs, computer programs and the chips that help deaf kids hear. She doesn't think anything of it. You all touch and change something in all of us and you don't even recognize it. The men find it funny. You fit right in with the women that make life better. I love you CJ with everything in me. I love you." He flips me over onto my back. "Now for my feast."

  He does feasting really well. I think he licked every friggin spot on my body. I fall back breathing heavy, satisfied and exhausted. I have no damn clue what happens after that because my eyes close and don't open back up.

  Chapter Eight

  Cloud

  It's been a good drive to the reservation in Connecticut. Everyone is excited to see it. To me it will always be home so I'm excited to. Opening the gate I pull in and go back to close and lock it. "Why'd you close it we have to leave anyway?" Taylor asks.

  "It is going to sound bad but white men tend to take advantage of the open gates. They come onto our land, kill animals for sport, leave trash on our earth, contaminate our water and disrespect my people with their words and attitudes. The land is sacred; it should be treated with respect. Plants and animals are living beings, they are used for food, we don't waste what keeps us alive. Without food and water we die. You can't eat or drink money."

  Pulling to grandmother’s land I open and close the gate again. The kids are quiet looking around. I bark out a laugh. Fuckin Nunánuk. The kids are laughing and yelling. She put the tepee in front of the house. I stop and walk around to CJ's door. I bend to her ear. “She's fuckin with the kids.” She laughs; we follow Joey into the tepee.

  Nunánuk is in her fancy regalia weaving a basket and talking to the kids in broken English. CJ is smiling the whole time. She walks right up and kisses grandmothers cheek with a chuckle earning her a wink. We sit on the floor and watch her teach the kids how to weave a basket while she learns their names.

  "Did Cloud weave baskets when he was a boy?" Jacob asks her.

  I laugh. "Nah, he was always with the men playing on them fool planes." She says in perfect English. Christian laughs falling over. CJ just watches as the other kids get it.

  "You don't really live here do you?" Taylor asks.

  She shakes her head no, "Too freakin cold at night for that. I sleep in the house with my heat and iPad."

  CJ is laughing hysterically. I pull her up, "let's go see the house, it has a beautiful view from the back." I bend kissing Nunánuk and help her in while holding CJ's hand. The kids are running through the field on the side of the drive, wild flowers dance in their wake.

  "It's beautiful." CJ says looking at the log cabin.

  "Cloud built it with his friends one summer. They got the outside done then were called away. I was shocked when they came back three weeks later and finished it. Wait til you see the view." She moves
a little faster.

  "Slow down grandmother. We have the whole day." I tell her trying to stop her from falling.

  "Aleena has a big mouth, I only fell because I dint want to step on the snake and it was just a sprain. I didn't break anything. That girl worries too much." I look at CJ, she thinks this is cute. Fuckin women. "Come, sit." She says pointing to the table. "Cloud get the kids some drinks, I got juice for them."

  I wait for her to get to her chair and hug her; before I straighten I kiss her cheek. "I love you Nunánuk. It's good to see you."

  As I'm getting drinks Christian comes in, "what is Nunánuk?"

  I smile at him, "grandmother, she's my mother's mother. It is the word that means that to my people." He nods and goes back. He reminds me of Pres always wanting to know the little things.

  I bring a cup of water to grandmother and CJ. The kids take their drinks asking questions about the reservation. "Go out the back door and see. We are high enough that you can see most of it." They do, CJ surprises me and stays while the kids go out, she always wants to know everything. "You worry for him. It will not change the outcome but he feels your love through it. He keeps it around him like a blanket."

  "Nunánuk he can see everyone, he started hearing more when trouble came to their door. What changed for him to pick up more now?"

  She smiles with amusement. "You Cloud, the man he heard was threatening the ones he loved. You shielded him with peace in that time. He is safe with you, he knows it. When he no longer had to be the protector he became the seer."

  I wipe my hand down my face. "Is there a way to stop it?"

  She laughs, "You can no more stop what is meant to be than stopping the wind. It is how it will be. He was meant to be the seer he will become Cloud. You both are his shield. There are many more, they will protect all of you."

  "Is there anything we can do to help him, he's hurting and he doesn't understand. He can't keep going like this." CJ says softly.

  "His warriors will teach him. Every challenge will be a test, as he learns to overcome them; he will become stronger making him who he is to be. Go to the children in the fields, he waits to come to me. I have words to pass to him. He is impatient to hear them."

  "Yes Nunánuk." I stand and take CJ's hand. "It's a beautiful view. You can feel the ancestors in the wind."

  As soon as we hit the door she sucks in a breath. "Breathe CJ; breathtaking doesn't have to be literal."

  She laughs, "It is so beautiful, look at the kids. You can't see Joey's chair, Jeremy is running looking free, nothing is holding him down. Do you think they feel it too?"

  I look; they are beautiful kids looking free from their troubles. I walk her down the path to them. I let the wind touch me taking it in. "I always feel it; it looks like they're feeling it too. It's a peace, here we're not alone. We have our wiser ancestors guiding us to harmony with our land and sky." I look back and see Christian going into the house. Grandmother is very wise. I smile glad I came. Maybe Christian will gain some peace from her.

  We sit by Joey in the long grass dotted with wild flowers. I point out different places and my friends’ houses. "How come you lived here and not with the other people?" Brantley asks.

  He doesn't miss much. "Grandmother is a shaman she sees and hears our ancestors and descendants. Sometimes the tribe is too loud for her to see what she needs. This land gives her the ability to watch over her people without hearing their babies screaming in the background."

  CJ laughs. I show them the hangar that I practically lived at. "Your grandmother could see what you were up to wherever you went." CJ says with a smile.

  She's so beautiful with the sun on her face I lean in and kiss her. "She knew when I was up to no good. It didn't stop me from having fun but there were consequences. I had to decide if it was worth the punishment before I did anything." I say with a laugh.

  Joey thinks this is funny, she laughs hysterically. "She's so little but I bet you listened to everything she said and did what you were told."

  "I did; out of respect. She was and will always be wiser than I am. She taught me to see our people’s side of everything; my opinion was very small in comparison so I always came around to her way of thinking. She's very manipulative in her teachings." I say smiling.

  Brantley watches Jeremy and Jacob but says, "That’s what you do for us. CJ is like that too. She makes us think of the other people and how what we do affects everyone around us."

  "That's why I love her. She is very much like my people, taking care and building up the young while teaching and protecting them until they can protect themselves and others." I hold her hand. She just smiles at me. I can't wait to give her the ring I have in my pocket. Christian told me she says yes. I had to tell him that he should have let me sweat. He smiled at me telling me I would but not today. I could only laugh. Fuckin kids. Now I know why the MC always says that.

  Christian comes for the kids. He smiles at me telling me Nunánuk said to take a walk. I laugh and watch the kids go up the path. "Let's take a walk." CJ says laughing pulling me down the path. I show her the break in the trees and walk toward the lake. "How pretty." We walk to a rock out cropping; it's like a small dock. I put the ring under my leg and pull her to my lap. "I love it. I would have loved growing up here."

  "You would have, you learned all you needed but the backdrop was wrong. I'd like to make it better." She looks at me. "I love you CJ, for today and all our tomorrows. I want to claim you as mine for everyone to see. I would be proud to be your husband." I open the box and show her the ring. "Will you marry me CJ?"

  She has tears running down her cheeks. "You are absolutely crazy; I may be a horrible person." I laugh. "Yes, I'm not letting you get away, so I have to marry you. It's a beautiful ring." I slide it on her finger and she kisses me. Fuck I'm hard. She pulls away laughing. "I love you Cloud. I'll never forget this day, a week and two days after I met you." We laugh calming my hard on. She's so fuckin cute.

  We talk about all the things we should have before. I stand hearing grandmother calling us. "The best part of living here is the land carries sound. She can call me and no matter where I was I could hear." We walk back to my smiling family all on the porch waiting.

  I don't make them wait, "She said yes." They all cheer.

  "You all knew and no one told me?" She says smiling.

  "It's not good to share everything CJ. You told me not to say anything if I wasn't going to tell you everything." Christian tells her.

  "Friggin kids." She mutters then laughs.

  Grandmother comes to CJ holding her face she kisses each cheek. "Now you call me Nunánuk."

  "Yes Nunánuk." CJ says smiling. "I haven't had a family in a long time. It feels nice." I see the tears in her eyes and hug her close thinking I need to remind her every day that she has family."

  After a full day of meeting friends and relatives coming to say congratulations we get the kids home exhausted again. I smile, we're going to wear them out, I thought it would be the other way around.

  We get everyone showered and in bed and meet in the kitchen. She hands me a beer and pours a glass of wine. I saw a glass the first time I did a walk through but have never seen her drink one. She notices me watching. "Usually I have one every Sunday night to remind me I like it but also that I'm a grown up. Sometimes I have one because it's been a day from hell. I had one the day we met but the real hell didn't happen until later." She smiles.

  "What happened that day?" I'm curious.

  "The dryer broke, one of the girls in the other house was caught with a joint at school, Christian was acting weird, antsy, but couldn't tell me why, and Jeremy was clinging to me as I was trying to hang out the clothes; not an easy feat." She walks to me and sits on my lap.

  "That was a hell of a day then we made it all better."

  She laughs, "Yeah, actually you did."

  I lift her telling her to take her glass. Putting her on the chair in the bathroom I fill the tub and add the fish gravel looking stu
ff. It smells vanilla, I'm glad it's not flowers. I undress her and put her in the tub. Handing her a glass of wine I find her MP3 player and hit her favorites. I leave it on the counter playing softly. "I'll be back to wash you." She moans, smiles and sinks down in the water, I leave chuckling.

  I pull the bag Nunánuk gave me with the special beads from my pocket. I’ll finish the dreamcatchers later. Pulling my laptop I get the email from Danny with the house plans, he added a note that Chris is sending a crew in the morning and will be out before the kids get home from the Kids Center. They'll follow that schedule until it's done and he'll do regular checks. I send him payment for the job and open my mail from Geek. Mo won't be coming back. I smile, Steve made sure of that. The kids’ parents are not going to challenge the court for the adoptions. Driscoll and Bull will get the signatures needed tomorrow. Fuck that's a scary pair to send, I smile. Whatever it takes.

  I open Jamie's last. I told him what happened with Christian. He didn't say much but wasn't pissed either. I always know even though he doesn't let it show, I can feel it. He wants to wait until Christian learns some control then he'll talk to him. He warns me about blocking him and teaching CJ how to block as well. I nod as if he can see me. I have a flight at eight tomorrow so I finish checking my email, nothing pressing. I close it up and get to making my girl dirty so I can wash her.

  CJ

  Cloud comes in and undresses. I watch every move, my whole body is tingling. He's friggin beautiful; he should have been a model. Fuck no he shouldn't, he's all mine to see. I smile remembering the rock above the water. He loves me, I think while looking at my ring.