What Hurts The Most 3

by Tynessa

  “Yea I’m good. Why you look so tired? Did you have a busy night last night?” She looked like she hasn’t had a bit of sleep. Her eyes was all puffy and red, and she looked like she would pass out at any moment. I knew she didn’t work at night, so why was she looking so exhausted?

  “I was up all night worried about you. I didn’t sleep at all! You promised that you would be over and never showed up. You never broke your promise to me since we made things official. When you say you will be there, you are. I felt something had happened. I called the jail and they didn’t have you, then when I called here and they said they couldn’t give me that kind of information, so I came right up here.”

  My intention was to call Grisela once I woke up this morning. I mean, I woke up through the night but my ass was in too much pain to be calling anybody but God. Shit, I ain’t never been shot before so I thought my ass was gon’ die. If it wasn’t for ol’ dude coming out the bar when he did, then my ass probably would’ve been dead and gone.

  “Come here lil mama,” I stretched out my right arm, and Grisela came and laid on the bed with me. Now, my right side was good, but this left said of mine was all fucked up. “I’m sorry but I was in no shape or form to call nobody last night, and I’m sure if my brother had a way of getting in touch with you, he would’ve hit you up when he found out. I was going to call you when I woke up, but Tang came and not too long after, ya’ll as walking through the door. I’m sorry!” I explained with an apology.

  “Yea, I know. See, that’s why I needs to start coming around more often. They need to know that when something happens to you, I’m that bitch they need to call.” I chuckled when she said that, not because of what she said, I just loved when her Spanish accent came out when she was upset. “Don’t laugh papi! I’m serious and I need you to take this relationship serious.”

  “I know you are baby, and I promise you’ll start coming around more often. Oh, and I do take this relationship serious.” I brought my lips to hers and held it there. It wasn’t no tongue action kiss, but hey, a kiss is a kiss!

  Chapter 10

  The Truth Will Set You Free!

  Kacey

  It had been two weeks since I went to Rachel’s house to end this affair we had going on. I knew it was a little too late to be trying to end it because the damage was already done, and I had to deal with her stanking ass for the next eighteen years. Just thinking about how this shit was going to break Tan’s heart had me ready to take my own life. I really don’t know if I wanted to continue living without her in my life.

  Then this stupid ass broad, Rachel, was threatening to tell Tan or have her sister, which is my parole officer, to throw my ass right back in jail if I didn’t tell Tan about our son. A nigga couldn’t catch a break, and I was fucked either way. If I didn’t tell Tan, I was going back to jail, and if I did tell her I would lose her. What is a man to do?

  I needed someone to talk to about this damn drama ass dilemma that I was in. Jay was once my nigga and I felt I could talk to him about anything, but it would be hard now because of the shit his brother and me was going through. Lo was out of question. Me and him ran together, but we weren’t cool like that for me to tell him all my damn business. Though he looked out for me and kept tabs on Tan while I was locked up, I didn’t ask him to; I asked Jay. I knew it was a reason for him to freely dish out the information. Nigga got aroused off the little beef I had with Tez, so with no one else to talk to about my problems, I had no other choice but to holla at Jay.

  Pulling up at his house, I killed the engine and walked up to the front door. Knocking twice, Jay opened it and when I went inside, I started to walk right the fuck back out. Tez was laid back on the couch with his arm in a slang and his phone up to his ear like he was at home. How was I going to talk to Jay with his brother there?!

  “What’s up?” I spoke as I took a seat. Tez hit me with a head nod as he continued with his conversation.

  “Here Breeze,” Jay said, giving me a beer. I popped the top and took a long gulp. Lord knows I needed that beer in the worst way. I’d been so stressed lately trying to keep those two women apart and happy that it was taking a toll on my body. Shit, I could’ve swore my hair was growing thin at the top.

  “Thanks bruh, I needed this shit here,” I thanked him once I took the bottle down from my mouth. By this time, Tez was ending his call with his girl. I knew it was her because he was calling her babe and shit. I was just happy he had his own chick so he could stay the hell away from mine.

  “No problem. So what’s good? What you wanted to holla at me about?” asked Jay. Him and Tez both were giving me their undivided attention. Damn, I hate talking about my relationship status in front of this nigga. That was like giving him the perfect opportunity to step in and get my girl. Fuck it! If he did run back to her like a lil bitch and she fell for his game, then obviously with him is where she wanted to be all along.

  “Man, I hope what I have to say don’t leave this living room,” I looked them both in the eyes and said. Jay nodded his head up and down, but Tez turned his gaze to the TV. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my head, then face. “I done got myself in some deep shit,” I finally announced.

  “What’s up man? Spit it out,” Jay said eagerly. How am I supposed to tell him the girl he’s dating is my baby mama?

  “I’m gonna just come clean about everything. Rachel, the girl that you been dating. We have a baby together that Tan knows nothing about. And I paroled out at her house, that’s how I got out early.” It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my back. I felt so relieved to get all that shit off my chest. Tez was still acting as if he was all into the news that was on TV, and Jay was looking at me with a silly ass smirk.

  “Nigga, we was already up on game. Just waiting for you to come clean. A baby? How could you hide something like that from your girl? I know I done did a lot of shit, but one thing Asia can say about my no good ass is that I ain’t never had a baby on her,” Jay stated proudly, but his words made me feel worse than I was already feeling.

  “Already up on game? How the fuck did ya’ll know?”

  “Bruh seen her with the baby and everything before he got shot. He told me and I haven’t called her since. Shit, she ain’t even called my ass either. One thing about me, I don’t fuck with my homeboys’ chicks,” explained Jay. I looked over at Tez, because I couldn’t believe this guy knew and hadn’t ran his mouth. I guess he wasn’t so bad after all, huh?!

  “Damn, word?” To say I was shocked would’ve been a damn understatement. “Most niggas would’ve been ready to run back and share that information.”

  “I ain’t most niggas! But what I’m tripping off of is you say you paroled out at her address–how you staying with Tang and not her? I ain’t never been on parole or no shit like that, but I know they supposed to come out to the house and check shit out,” Tez finally spoke up. I ran my hands down my face and told them about Rachel’s sister being my P.O.

  “I ain’t gon’ even lie, I had her thinking I was going to leave Tan. You know, to be honest, I was thinking about it. I really was!” I said honestly. I gulped the last of my beer down before looking Tez dead in the eyes. “Lo had already been giving me the heads up on you and Tan when I was locked up. At first, you know, I was fucked up over it but then I got to thinking, Tan wouldn’t do no shit like that, but if she did, how could I be upset when I got another woman pregnant?!”

  Jay and Tez shared an unreadable expression before looking back my way.

  “So big homie, Lo was running his mouth like a lil bitch, huh?” Tez laughed. “For what though? What ya’ll two mothafuckas got going on?” he then asked in a more serious tone.

  “Shit, we ain’t got shit going on! Hell, I was surprised he came down there giving up some information on my girl that I didn’t ask for. I know we ain’t been seeing eye to eye Tez, but I respect you for not telling Tan about Rachel and the baby,” I stood and fist pounded his free hand.

  “That ain’t my bus
iness and like I said before, I never had no beef with you, dude. I apologize for whatever happened between your girl and me, but you need to realize that me and Tan will always be friends. All that slick shit and you trying to run up on me gots to stop! I’m respecting ya’ll relationship and ain’t trying to fuck with her like that no more. I even got my own lady, so the last time you ran up on me, make that be the last time,” Tez responded. I sat there nodding my head at his apology, but I wanted to punch his ass right in the mouth for his threat.

  “I understand that but you have to understand where I’m coming from as well. If the shoe was on the other foot, then you would be gunning for my head every time you saw me up in your girl that I smashed face. Am I right or wrong?”

  “I feel where you coming from, but the shoe isn’t on the other foot so let that be the last time you come at me wrong!”

  I swear, I can’t stand this arrogant ass mothafucka. If I didn’t have something to live for, then I would kick his ass and have to deal with him boding me. Shit, he talking about me coming at him wrong, but look how he’s coming at me. I didn’t even say anything back because I wasn’t about to entertain his ignorance. If he kept running his mouth, I would be dying after I beat his ass in his brother’s living room.

  “So, what are you going to do about Tan?” asked Jay, breaking the awkward silence. I blew out a frustrating breath.

  “I ain’t got no other choice but to tell her. My bitch ass baby mama talking about some I got two weeks to tell her or she would tell her and have me back in jail.” When I said that, both Jay and Tez whistled and shook their heads. “Tell me about it. Shit, that was last week! I have another year and a half on this shit; then on top of all that Tan is pregnant.”

  I knew that was a shocker to Tez, because the look on his face was priceless. That’s right mothafucka, Tan is having my baby! Jay looked over at him, then looked at me. Meanwhile, I sat there with a cocky ass smirk on my face.

  “Yup! My baby is three months,” I smiled boastfully, rubbing the shit all in the nigga’s face. I mainly stated the three months to remove any doubts in his head that my baby was his.

  “Damn, that’s what’s up right there. Congrats!” Jay said as he stood to dap me up. Tez didn’t have anything to say with the good news I’d just given them.

  “‘Preciate that. But check this, I’m about to get on out of here so I can go have this damn talk with Tan,” I rubbed my hand down my face.

  “Yea, you go take care of that. You know how that saying goes, the truth will set you free,” Jay’s silly ass laughed. I just shook my head, dapped him and Tez’s mad ass up and left, heading home.

  I recited the words I was going to say to Tan, and even when I got to our apartment, I sat in the car reciting them some more. “Fuck it!” I said to myself as I got out the car. Walking up to the door, my heart felt as if it was about to jump out my damn chest. Lord knows, I didn’t want to lose my girl. We’d just gotten back on good terms, and here I was about to fuck it up all over again.

  “Hey baby. I didn’t even hear you come in,” Tan walked into the living room where I was sitting on the couch. When I walked in, I didn’t bother going to the bedroom where I knew she was, I just went right over to the couch and took a seat.

  “Yea, I thought maybe you was asleep. Come have a seat,” I patted my lap for her to sit on. When she sat down, she gave me a wet, juicy kiss that would’ve landed us in the bedroom if I wouldn’t have pulled back. “I have a four month old son!” I blurted out. All the words I’d recited went out the door. I just wanted to get this shit over and done with.

  Chapter 11

  Think Before You Speak!

  Lo

  I’d been trying to do this family thing with Shay for the past weeks. I wanted to spend a little time with my kids before I dipped off to another state. I was really trying and Lord knows I was, but these lil bad ass fuckers was tearing my nerves up. I ain’t never seen no kids bad as the ones I have with Shay, running through the house screaming and shit. It was like they didn’t understand unless you were yelling at them or threatening to beat their bad asses.

  That’s why Brittani was my heart, because my baby girl was so sweet. That’s my little angel! Shay couldn’t stand that shit, at all. She say I be showing favoritism, but fuck what she thought. For all I care, she could take her opinion and shove it right up her asshole!

  “Bring y’all bad mothafuckin’ asses on so we can go. Damn!” I yelled out to the kids. Shay wanted to go to Dave and Buster’s since we hadn’t been in a while. I was kind of upset that she waited until I took Brittani home to decide she wanted to go there. Shit, my baby girl wanted to go have some fun too.

  “Lo, don’t start that bullshit tonight, now!”

  “Nah, don’t you start! If I can’t say shit to them then what the fuck am I here for?” I asked. I was sick of every time I said something to those kids, she had something smart to say back. The way I saw it, those were my damn kids too, so I should be able to speak to them any way I liked. I was the mothafucker that did everything for them!

  “I didn’t say you couldn’t say shit to them! But, what you’re not about to do is continue to sit up here and curse at them like they’re grown. You better take that shit right back to the streets to the mothafuckas who ass you be all up in, because it ain’t gon’ fly here,” Shay snapped at me as she walked up on me. I pushed her back out my face, only for her to walk back up on me.

  “See, this the bullshit that I hate about you. It’s always damn drama. We can’t even go out as a fucking family because your stupid ass always starting shit with me. I swear, yo dumb ass ain’t gon’ be satisfied until I knock the shit out of you. I’m trying not to do that, but you really pushing a nigga,” I let her know. By now, all three of the kids were standing there looking.

  “Hell yeah, and I’m going to keep starting shit with you until you start showing my kids some fucking respect, like you do that damn lil girl of yours! And you created this whole damn drama between us when you fucked that no good bitch and got her pregnant.”

  When Shay said that, I took my whole left hand and mushed her in the face so hard that she went flying across the kitchen floor. I had been trying so hard not to lay hands on her because I would soon be leaving her, but when she referred to Brittani as ‘that damn lil girl,’ it was like something came over me. That shit had me heated. I honestly didn’t mean nothing by it when I referred to my kids as ‘those kids.’ I loved my damn kids but Shay, on the other hand, had just showed how she really felt about Brittani.

  “Can’t you see how bad this shit is hurting me, Carlos?” Shay slowly got off the floor and walked over to me. That’s when I saw the tears running down her face. Just that quick, her eyes were red and the tears were flowing, swiftly. “I love you and it’s like you don’t even care. I have never cheated on and for you to go out and not only cheat on me, but to get another bitch pregnant is like a slap in the fucking face. I would never in my life step out on you, and that’s even now when I know you’re still sleeping with that bitch,” Shay sob loudly. The kids were now scared, crying and holding on to one another.

  “Man, chill with calling her a bitch, Shay! And I never said I didn’t care. You had the opportunity to leave when you found out Bree was pregnant, but you chose to stay with me.”

  “See, there go defending the ho again, that right there lets me know you don’t care about me or my feelings. Don’t you get it? I couldn’t leave you because I fucking love you!” Shay screamed.

  “Man calm down Shay, you’re scaring the kids with all that screaming and shit,” I said to her. I had never seen Shay cry that hard. Yea, she’d shed a few tears here and there, but not like she was right now–not even when she found out about Bree being pregnant.

  “Why can’t you just be happy with me, Lo? Why can’t you just love me the way that I love you?”

  “Man, I ain’t got time for this shit. I’m about to bounce! Come on ya’ll, let’s go,” I turned to my kids and
said. Their asses were crying hysterically and so was Shay, so how was she going to comfort them?!

  “Oh hell no mothafucker, you ain’t taking my kids to that bitch house!” Shay’s dumb said as she jumped on my back, knocking me down to the floor.

  “Get the fuck off of me, stupid ass girl!” I yelled as I pushed her across the floor. That didn’t stop her from running back up on me. I didn’t want those kids to see this shit, so I said to my oldest that was seven, “Coby, ya’ll go sit outside and wait for me to come out.” He was kind of hesitant, but I told him to go on. I didn’t need for them to see their stupid ass mama acting out the way she was.

  “Fuck you Lo! You think I’m about to sit here and let you take my kids over to that bitch house. I can’t believe you! You ain’t about to let that ho brainwash my damn kids like she done brainwashed yo ass. Coby, Corey, Carlos–get back in this house, now.” Soon as the word left Shay’s mouth, I slapped the shit out of her ass.

  “Why the fuck you acting so got-damn stupid, right now. They’ll probably be better off at Bree’s house than here with you! She’ll probably be a better mother to those kids than you’ll ever be to them.”

  When those words left my mouth, I regretted I even mustered that bullshit. I loved Bree with all of my heart, but she’d never come close to being a better mother than Shay. That was a great woman, and any man would be lucky to have her. Truth be told, I think she’s too good for me. A guy like me didn’t deserve a woman of Shay’s stature. She had too much to lose fucking with a nigga like me. I needed an around-the-way girl—a hood chick, and who better than Bree.

  “Really Carlos? That’s what it is? I’m not a good mother to my kids? Is that why you don’t want to be with me?” she asked. There were so much pain I saw in her puffy eyes that it fucked my head all the way up.

  “I-I didn’t mean to say that Shay,” I held up both my hands as my head shook from left to right. I honestly didn’t mean it. “Damn, I’m sorry Shay!” I reached out to her, but she backed away while now shaking her head with her lips pressed together.