What Hurts The Most 3

by Tynessa

The next morning, I woke up feeling emotionally and physically drained. I tossed and turned all night, and it seemed as if Kacey was on my mind heavily. I still couldn’t believe it was really over between us, but I knew it was only for the best.

  “You didn’t wake me up this morning, little one,” I said as I rubbed my stomach. It wasn’t like my baby to not wake me up with its vicious kicks. When I went to sleep, he or she was kicking my ass, now he or she wanted sleep all morning. Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile. “I can’t wait to meet you,” I said.

  First thing I did was call Jay to let him know that he needed to be making his way over here to sit with Asia. Asia was already up sitting in the middle of her bed Indian style.

  “Hey Pooh. How are you this morning?” I asked as I made my way over to the bed. Shaking her head, she sighed.

  “I’m good. Just sitting here wondering how I’m going to tell Keonna about her father and dwelling on making this call to his parents. I ain’t never have to do this shit before, Tan,” she said to me with pity in her eyes.

  “Do you want me to stay here with you? I can reschedule my appointment if you like.”

  “No, I wouldn’t dare ask you to do that. Go see what’s going on with my niece,” Asia placed her hand on my belly and shook it. She would always do that to get my baby all hyped up. It aggravated me and she knew that.

  “Stop. She sleep anyways,” I informed her as I stuck out my tongue. We swore I was having a little girl, and no one could tell us different. We talked for a little while before there was a knock on the front door. It was Jay. “We’ll I’m about to head on home before I have to reschedule my appointment forreal for being late. I’ll be back in a few hours. Call me if you need me,” I said to Asia as I hugged her. She nodded her head, and I was out the door.

  When I got home, I quickly took a shower and was out the door. I sent Kacey a text and he responded back letting me know he was already there waiting on me, and when I pulled up, he was. He was standing in front of the building, so I didn’t know if he’d gotten dropped off or what, nor did I ask. I got out and walked right on past his ass.

  “Good morning,” he said as he opened the door for me.

  “Morning,” I mumbled as I walked in with him following closely. I walked up to the front desk and signed in, then went and took a seat on the opposite side of the room from Kacey. Some would say I might’ve been treating Kacey wrong, but I didn’t think I was. Then again, I didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought because they weren’t the one that he a baby on.

  We were both sitting there occupied with our phones when Dr. Sanchez came out and called my name. Getting up, we followed her down the hall to the room and once we were inside, that’s when the nervous feeling set in. We were actually about to find out the sex of our baby. I was so excited.

  “How have you been feeling lately?” Dr. Sanchez asked me once she came back into the room after I was undressed. I let her know I was good as she began hooking me up to the monitor.

  “We’re so excited to find out the sex,” I said.

  Once the monitor was on, I noticed a strange look upon Dr. Sanchez’s face, a looked that wasn’t sitting with me well. She began typing on the keypad and moving the mouse that was hooked up to the machine—all the while, she had a concerned expression on her face. My heart began racing as Kacey and me looked at one another then at the screen. I batted my eyelids a few times, because I knew something was definitely wrong. My baby wasn’t moving on that screen, nor did I hear the heartbeat that usually made me smile.

  “Is everything okay?” Kacey asked.

  “When was the last time you felt the movement of your baby, Tangela?” she asked me as she continued you fumble with the machine.

  “Last night. Right before I went to sleep. What’s wrong? Is my baby okay?” I asked her with teary eyes. Dr. Sanchez continued to shake her head while mumbling.

  “This can’t be,” she said for the second time. “I can’t find heartbeat.” Those were the last words I heard before everything went black.

  *******

  When I woke up, I was lying in the hospital bed hooked up to all types of monitors that were beeping and working my nerves. I looked over to my left and Kacey was sitting in the chair by my bed with his head down. Asia was sitting on the left side of me watching TV. She was the first to notice I was awake.

  “Hey Love. How are you feeling?” she asked me. I tried to sit up but my body was sore as hell.

  “Ouch. What happened?” I asked. When Kacey looked at me with a moist face, I knew something was wrong. I tried to sit up again, but the pain at the bottom of my stomach prevented me from doing so. Placing my hand on my flat belly, I panicked “Where’s my baby? What happened to my baby, Kacey?” I asked. Kacey looked across at Asia, then dropped his head.

  “She-she didn’t make it,” he said, just above a whisper. I screamed before I knew it and covered my face as I cried out loud. Kacey rubbed my back as he held me tightly in his arms; he explained that our angel was already dead when I arrived at the doctor’s office; that was why I wasn’t awakened to her kicks that morning.

  “I wanna see my baby. Bring me my baby,” I cried out. I just had to see her. Asia jumped up and within minutes, a nurse was walking in. After checking me, she let me know that the doctor would be in to talk with me.

  Shortly after, my doctor came in. I was told that the loss of my baby was caused due to stress. That broke me down harder, because I felt that I could’ve prevented that from happening; but partially, it was Kacey’s fault just as much as mine. Had he not wait until I got pregnant to tell me about his secret life, then this wouldn’t have happened.

  When they brought my angel in wrapped in a blanket, my heart broke into a million and one pieces. She looked like she was in a peaceful sleep while looking like her daddy, Kacey. All I could do was hug and kiss all over her little face. This was the hardest shit I’d ever had to go through. This hurt worse than when I lost my parents. I mean, this was my child we were talking about here. There’s no pain deeper than the pain I was feeling at that very moment.

  Chapter 30

  As We Lay!

  Asia

  I’d been dwelling on calling Ke’unta’s parents and having the little talk with Keonna explaining what happened to Ke’. I kind of felt bad because she been asking for her dad for two days. I knew it was time to get it over with. After all, I couldn’t plan his funeral without them or keep their granddaughter forever. I sent Keonna to her room to play so that I could call Ke’unta’s parents and make plans to talk to Keonna later.

  I had Ke’unta’s cell phone, so I got the number from there and dialed it from my cell.

  “Hello?” his mother answered. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for her screams and cries.

  “Hi, Mrs. Brown, this Ke’unta’s girlfriend, Asia. I was wondering if you had a minute to talk,” I asked as I took a seat on the couch.

  “I was actually about to step out for a minute. I’ll call you back later on tonight or tomorrow.”

  “Actually, this is kind of important. It’s about Ke’unta.” I thought that would grab her attention, but I was wrong.

  “Look, I don’t have time for whatever Ke’ has going on. I told him last time he came home that he needed to keep his black ass here and not be down there dealing with Carlos and his foolishness. That boy ain’t nothing but trouble, and Ke’ knows that. I’m not about to be tied down with his child while he’s out running around doing God knows what and with who. So whatever it is about him, I don’t wanna hear it because I told Ke’ that me and his father wasn’t about to stop living our life to care for his child if something happens to him. I’m not about to do it!” this crazy ass lady fussed. I wanted to slam the phone down in her face but after all, this was his mother and she had the right to know that her son was dead. Even if she was being a bitch.

  “Wow.” I was in total shock by what she’d said. “Well I don’t know if you care or not, but Ke’unta was
shot and killed night before last,” I explained. There was silence, but I knew she was still on the phone. Yeah, she talked all that shit, but hearing that something had actually happened broke her heart.

  “I will send for his body,” was all she said.

  “Wait. Send for his body? I was in the process of planning his funeral here,” I let her know. The heffa had just ranted on about how she didn’t care what happened to him, but now she wanted to send for his body.

  “Yes, send for his body! Why would you want me to let him be buried down there when his family is up here?” she asked. That made sense, but I wasn’t trying to fly all the way up there.

  “Okay whatever,” I said with a sigh. “So what about Keonna?”

  “What about Keonna? I love my grandbaby I do, but I’m too old to be tied down raising someone else’s child.” That person was really crazy.

  “Okay fine! Just keep me posted on the funeral please.” With that, I ended the call. How did Ke’unta end up with a bitch like that for a mother? I know one thing, she didn’t have to worry about Keonna because I would do a damn good job at raising her as my own. Poor thing already didn’t have a mother and now her father was dead too, and what was even sadder was the fact that her grandmother didn’t want to have shit to do with her. That shit broke my heart and had me sitting there in tears.

  “Don’t even sweat that, fuck her! I’ll pay to have his body transported and fly you and lil mama out there to attend the funeral; and since she don’t wanna have shit to do with lil shawty, you keep her. I know without a doubt that’s what ol’ dude would wanted anyways,” said Jay’vion.

  I thought that it was funny how Jay’vion had been right by my side since Ke’unta’s death, when he and Ke’ hated each others’ guts when he was alive. I didn’t know if he was feeling guilty about the way he acted in the past and was now feeling guilty or what, but he was right about one thing. Ke’ would definitely want me to watch over his daughter for him.

  Wiping my eyes, I stood and adjusted my clothes. “Yea, you’re right,” I said with a slight sigh. I was exhausted and hadn’t really slept since Ke’unta’s death. My body was drained. “I guess it’s time for me to let Keonna know what’s going on,” I said. Jay asked did I need him by my side, but I let him know that I could do this alone and he’d done enough. I didn’t even really feel comfortable with him being around Keonna as much as he had lately, but he insisted and I had no other choice.

  “Hey baby. What you doing?” I walked into Keonna’s room once Jay had left. She was sitting on the bed playing with her dolls that Jay’vion had recently bought her to keep her occupied. It seemed that every time she would ask her for dad, he would go out and buy her toys.

  “Nothing. Just playing with my toys Jay bought me,” she replied. I gave a faint smile as I made my way over to the bed where she sat. Taking the dolls from her hands, I let Keonna know that I had something very important to talk to her about.

  Taking a deep breath, I begin to speak. “You know how you been asking for your daddy and I told you he was away but he would come back for us?” I asked her. She nodded her little head up and down, letting me know that she remembered, so I continued to speak as I played with her long pigtail. Her hair was so long and pretty that it became a habit for me to play with it. “Well baby, the truth is, he’s not coming back for us anytime soon,” I let her know.

  “What do you mean?” she asked confusedly.

  “Well, your father passed away the other day and has went to live with God,” I explained it to her to the best of my knowledge. There was no way I was going to tell her that her cousin Lo murdered him. Him being dead was bad enough.

  “So my daddy is never coming back for me?” she asked in her cute little voice. Keonna was very smart for her age.

  “No baby, I’m afraid he’s not.” By now, tears were running down my face.

  “God want my daddy to stay with him forever?” she asked me confusedly. Still with teary eyes, I nodded my head. Wiping my eyes, Keonna climbed in my lap and rested her head on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Asia. My daddy is an angel now. He looking down on us just like smiling.”

  I looked at this brave little girl and couldn’t help but smile as I hugged and squeezed her tightly. At that moment, I loved her more than I already was.

  “Can I stay here with you?” Though Mrs. Brown had already made it clear that she wasn’t going to take care of Keonna, I couldn’t make a decision like that. Once we got to the funeral, I would see how that went.

  “We’ll see baby. We’ll see,” I said as I laid back on her bed with her still my arms and closed my eyes.

  *******

  Jay’vion had done as he said and sent Ke’unta’s body up to New York the same day he said he would. His mother went on and made the funeral arrangements, and we were there in New York getting ready to attend. First thing I did when we landed was took Keonna to her grandparents’ house. My baby didn’t really want to stay, but she had no other choice. It was her father’s funeral, so she needed to be with her family.

  I felt weird that Jay insisted to come with me. I mean, I was attending my deceased boyfriend’s funeral with my ex. How crazy is that?

  “Jay, what really happened the night Ke’ was killed?” I asked him. Jay’vion ran the whole story down to me, never missing a beat. I know when he’s lying and when he isn’t, so I knew right then that he didn’t have anything to do with Ke’ getting killed.

  Taking a deep breath, I asked, “So what are you gaining from being here with me?” Jay looked at me confusedly. He just stared at me like “bitch what are you talking about?’ “I’m just saying, though. Look at all the times you and Ke’ bumped heads. At one time you wanted to kill him yourself, now you were trying to save his life, and you’re right here by mine and his daughter’s side through this tragic time.”

  “I ain’t trying to gain shit from it! I’m just trying to be here for a friend. Yeah, thirty seconds before he was shot I would’ve loved to have been the one that put a bullet in his ass. You know, I had plenty of chance to end that mothafucka’s life, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I didn’t wanna see you hurt. I knew you would’ve never forgave me had I done some shit like that,” he answered truthfully. “Plus, he saved my brother’s life so I owed it to him to try and save his,” Jay continued.

  “Thanks Jay,” I mumbled as we were pulling up to the church. Cars were everywhere.

  Walking up to join his family, Keonna was the first to spot me. She smiled and ran to me. “Asia,” she said as she hugged me. Baby girl was happy to see me after only being away from me for one night.

  “Hey baby. How do you feel?” I asked.

  “Fine. Can I sit with you?” she asked me.

  “No baby. I think you should sit up front with your grandparents right now.” I thought it would be selfish of me to hog Keonna. This was her father’s funeral, so I knew I was doing right.

  I looked up and my eyes met Mrs. Brown’s, Ke’unta’s mother. She had an awkward look on her face and I didn’t know why. I thought maybe it was because I was there with Jay—which, she didn’t know who he was. I guess it was the guilt trip setting in.

  “Come on, let me take you back over there with your granny,” I said to Keonna as I grabbed her hand. Once I got closer, I noticed she was standing by a chocolate sister. She was kind of thick, but I wouldn’t say fat. She wasn’t that cute in the face, but she wasn’t that ugly either, and was sporting a short haircut.

  “Hey Mrs. and Mr. Brown. Sorry for your loss,” I spoke. Mr. Brown just nodded his head. I never heard that man say no more than three words.

  “Thank you. Pat, this is Asia,” Mrs. Brown introduced the lady to me. She then gave a wicked smile, “Asia this is Pat, Ke’unta’s wife.”

  It was like all the air had been sucked out my body. Wife? This mothafucka is married? I know I didn’t hear this messy ass woman right. All this time I been laying up with Ke’, he just couldn’t be married.

  “Excu
se me?” I asked.

  “Yes, I’m Ke’unta’s wife. So you’re Asia?” This bitch looked me over like I was a nobody. “Hmm, I’ve heard so much about you,” she said to me with a smug look. Lord, please don’t make me have to stomp a bitch at this funeral, I prayed.

  “It’s funny, because I haven’t heard a damn thing about you!” I cursed before I knew it. Now, I know Ke’ said that Keonna’s mom was dead, but his ass was full of surprises so I had to see for myself. “Are you Keonna mother?” I asked.

  “Oh God no. I don’t have any kids!” she stated with a disgusted look on her face.

  “Okay, I need two lines. One for the family and the other for friends,” the funeral coordinator said. I thought maybe I was going to be sitting maybe on the second row with the family, but after finding out this nigga was married, I wanted to hop on the first thing smoking and take my ass back home. Ke’ had actually played the fuck out of me.

  “I think that’s the line for you sweetie,” that bitch said to me. I didn’t say shit else as I turned on my heels and made my way to the line for the friends.

  When I walked back up, I guess Jay noticed the disappointment on my face, because he asked what was wrong with a mug on his own face. It was so like him. No matter what we went through, he didn’t allow anyone to fuck with me.

  “I’ll tell you later. I’m just ready to get this over with so I can get back home,” I let him know. I was staring that bitch down as she had her back to me while talking to Mrs. Brown. I noticed Keonna looking back at me, so I gave her a slight smile and winked at her. She waved and turned back around as they entered the church.

  Chapter 31

  New York To ATL!

  Jay’vion

  I felt strange as I sat there at this nigga’s funeral, but I kept reminding myself that I was there for Asia. Those two women–one that I’m assuming had to be his mom because she looked just like his ass, and the other one, I had no clue who she was–had said something that Asia didn’t like. The shit was written all over here face. She did right by not telling me, because I would’ve turned that mothafucka out.