What Hurts The Most 3

by Tynessa

  I didn’t give two fucks if we were together or not, nobody was about to mistreat her, not when she hadn’t done anything to them but try to be nice. I was about tired of his mom’s snobbish ass attitude anyway. The way she went off on Asia when she told her that Ke’unta was murdered, I started to snatch the phone away and go the fuck off. I thought against it though, because it wasn’t any of my business.

  I didn’t even go view the body. I stayed my black ass right there in my seat. This nigga mama and that other chick that was with her acted a damn fool. Screaming and hollering like that ain’t have no damn sense. Now I knew they was hurt, but come on now, that shit look fake as hell. I couldn’t do shit but shake my head.

  “You need to go get your mother-in-law,” I whispered to Asia. She just pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes at me. I laughed. I could hardly pay attention and focus to what the preacher was saying because of my damn phone vibrating every five seconds. I already knew it was Stacy, because I had been ignoring her ever since the day Asia popped up over my house. I was dead ass serious when I said I was going to stop fucking with those other bitches and wait for Asia, including Stacy.

  On the way to the burial site, Asia told me that the other woman was her boyfriend’s wife that she had no idea he had. I could tell that her feelings were crushed, so I said nothing. A part of me wanted to laugh in her face because of the way she treated me like she had the best nigga. I let her sit right there in the passenger seat looking embarrassed.

  “Are you going back to the house after we leave here? If so, you can drop me off at the room,” I said once we pulled up to the cemetery. Now that was a little too far, me going to those folks house.

  “Hell nah. I’m not going there. I already felt awkward sitting at that funeral and I had just found out he was married. Come on let’s go,” Asia replied as she opened the door to get out. As soon as we got where everyone else were, Keonna ran up to Asia. Lil mama knows she loved herself some Asia.

  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy when the preacher finally dismissed us. I had a fat blunt calling my name. I was just about to make my way to the rented car when I saw that nigga’s wife and his parents making their way over to us.

  “Keonna come on so we can go. Now,” his mother said in a nasty tone.

  “But I wanna stay with Asia,” the little girl cried.

  “Look, we talked about this last night and I told you that you’re not staying with her. Now bring your little tail on. You’re staying with you granny and papa,” said the wife. I looked at her ass like what the fuck. She was the wife, so why couldn’t she look after lil shawty? Once they became husband and wife, that became their daughter.

  “I don’t wanna stay with them. My daddy told me he wanted me to live with Asia,” Keonna cried. Everyone looked at her as if she was hallucinating. The nigga had told me the same thing so I kind of believed, her.

  “When did he tell you that Keonna? Stop lying because you wanna go with her,” her grandma said. By now, everyone was staring at us, and it was a little embarrassing to me.

  “But I’m not telling a story. My daddy said it last time I saw him. He kissed me right here,” she pointed to her forehead. “And hugged me and said he wanted me to live with Asia forever.” That hushed everyone up.

  All three women stared at Keonna in disbelief. Asia had tears in her eyes as she held her. The other two women mugged the shit out of Asia and Keonna. I didn’t want to add my two cents in and let them know that he’d told me the same thing. They were already looking at me suspiciously.

  “I don’t have time for this,” said the wife as she walked off.

  “She can go with you for right now, but I will be getting in touch so we can come up with some kind of living arrangement,” Keonna’s grandmother said. She kissed Keonna on the check then walked off, followed by her grandfather. I found it quite strange that they would just go by what a four-year-old said and leave it as that—which I figured she was telling the truth.

  “I guess you got a daughter. Come on, let’s get out of here,” placing my hand on the small of Asia’s back, I ushered her and Keonna to the car. I was just ready to get out of those clothes and catch a flight back home first thing in the morning.

  ********

  Once I had Asia and lil mama settled at Asia’s house, I left to go pay Stacy a little visit. I had to let her know to not contact me for shit. I was sorry about what happened to our baby, which I still had to come clean to Asia about, but what we had was over. I thought maybe she would’ve gotten the hint by now, because it had been weeks since I last seen her, but obviously she didn’t.

  We would never be a couple, and she would never have my complete heart. I mean, I’d been fucking with her for a while and yes, I had gain a little feelings for her, but it wasn’t enough for me to think about settling down with her. Asia was the only woman that I would completely throw in my player card for. I just wished I’d done it sooner than now, because I wasn’t so sure if she would be willing to give my ass another chance or not.

  When I pulled up to Stacy’s house, I sat out front for a while smoking a blunt. I was debating if I should go inside or not. I wasn’t in the mood for her begging me to continue to fuck with her, and I knew she would use her secret weapon to get me to stay, like she always did. Stacy’s mouth was vicious and would suck the skin off my dick. Don’t get me wrong, Asia’s head game was A-1 too, but it wasn’t as good as Stacy’s.

  “Yo, come outside right quick.” Finally I said fuck it and called her to come outside. Within minutes, Stacy was walking out the door. I had to admit, she was a cute little chocolate candy and if I had met her before Asia, she would be the one I’d be willing to setting down with.

  “Hey what’s up?” I said as I got out and leaned against my ride.

  “Hey. Glad you finally decided to call,” she said with a snobbish ass attitude that made me wanna put my foot in her ass every time.

  “Man, I…” I started off to say, but Stacy threw her hand up stopping me. From the look on her face, I knew she was about to be on some bullshit.

  “Don’t even waste your damn breath Jay, because I don’t wanna hear it. You a fucking liar, and always on some bullshit. When are you going to grow up? Don’t you think it’s time for you to be a man and quit running from woman to woman?” Stacy fussed as she mushed the shit out of my head.

  “Hold up, A–I ain’t lie about a mothafuckin’ thing! I ain’t got no reason to lie to you; everything that comes out my mouth is the truth to you. You ain’t now, nor will you ever be my girl, so why would I have to lie to you for?! And B–you got one more fucking time to put your dick beaters on me. I came over here to let you know what the deal is on some respectful type shit, but it’s like you like for a nigga to get disrespectful with you. You always on some bullshit and you wonder why I don’t wanna be with you.” I turned to get back into my ride.

  “Fuck you nigga! All you do is lie. You always getting my hopes up and having me thinking we’re going to be together, knowing damn well we’re not. But that’s okay nigga, I knew this shit wasn’t going to last and that’s why I started fucking someone else. I’m going to show you that I don’t need you. I hope you and that dumb bitch have and happy life together.” I started to snatch the ho up, but I didn’t.

  “Well if you got a man, then why you out here boohooing over me?” I asked with a cocky smirk.

  “Believe me, these more of anger tears than hurt tears.”

  “Well why are you so mad if you got a nigga? I’m not understanding.” I really wasn’t understanding it. Stacy claimed she had a nigga, but was standing there ready to beat my ass. Sad thing about it is, I hadn’t even said shit about not dealing with her ass anymore.

  “You know what? Maybe it’s not for you to understand,” she said as turned to walk off. I wasn’t even about to stop her, because the more I stood out there and talked to her, the more I would want to put my foot straight up her ass.

  “Just don’t h
it my line no more!” I yelled out as I was hopping into my car. Flicking me the middle finger, Stacy didn’t say a word as she walked on into the house. I pulled off and went on about my business. First thing in the morning, I was changing my number just in case she thought I was playing.

  Chapter 32

  Agreement!

  Quintez

  Sometimes I felt Grisela nitpicked about any little thing to get under my skin. I tried to blame it on the pregnancy, but now I was having second thoughts. This bitch was just crazy. Well, I wouldn’t say crazy, because some of the shit she complained about is indeed true, like her knowing where I rest my head at night, and she was constantly throwing up in my face that I was still in love with Tan—that bitch that gotta a man, is what she calls her.

  Sad thing about is was, I couldn’t even go off about the name calling because I would seem guilty, but I was tired of being accused of sleeping with Tan and I wasn’t. Even when Tan lost her baby, I took Grisela with me to visit her at the hospital, thinking she would ease up on the accusations, but she didn’t. In fact, the dumb broad talking about some, the reason I went to see her was cuz it might’ve been my baby. Now when she said that, I cursed her ass the fuck out, and I haven’t seen her since. That was three weeks ago.

  I’m a grown ass man that ain’t about to play those childish ass games of hers. I kept telling her that if she felt I was in love with another bitch, then leave me the fuck alone. Plain and simple!

  Everything in my life was pretty much peaceful now that pussy ass Lo was dead and gone. A couple of weeks ago, Shay had called me on the phone complaining about Lo had been MIA, and said he hadn’t called to check on her or the kids. Not to mention that a week ago, Bree’s body was found in her home with a single gunshot to the head. Shay explained to me how Bree had come to her home covered in blood and dropped her daughter off. After she didn’t hear from her or Lo, she became concerned. She said at first she was thinking maybe they ran off together, but she knew they hadn’t because they would’ve never left their daughter.

  When Shay told me that Bree was dead, I’m not going to even lie; I felt bad. I mean, that was the girl that once had my heart. I then got into Shay’s head and gave her something to think about. I had her thinking that maybe her babydaddy killed Bree and skipped town. I loved Shay like a sister, but she was a naïve chick, so I knew she would believe me without give it any thought.

  I thought it was nice of her to keep the baby Lo and Bree had together, though. And I let her know that whatever she needed for the kids, don’t hesitate to call me and I would keep a check on them. Lo was like my brother once upon a time, so I was going to step up and be there for my little nephews and I guess my niece, too.

  Today I was going to check up on Grisela, make sure she was taking care of my baby. It would be nice if we could raise our little one together, but I just couldn’t do it. I was tired of faking like I wanted to be in a relationship with her when I didn’t. Furthermore, I’m tired of leading her on, thinking we have something special when we didn’t.

  Using my key, I opened the front door to her home and walked inside. When I walked into the living room, Grisela was laid back on the couch yapping on the phone, in Spanish, with her hand over her bump. I couldn’t wait to find out what we were having in a few weeks. Though I would’ve loved for my child to be by the woman that had my heart, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to fatherhood.

  I could place blame on Grisela and said she trapped me into getting her pregnant, but I would be lying. Yeah, I was drunk when it happened, but I was fully aware of what was going on. I remember the night as if it was last night. Sucker ass Kacey had just threw up Tang’s pregnancy in my face, and I was fucking hurt. That was supposed to be my baby, not his lame ass, so I thought drinking would ease the pain that I was feeling. Like, I wanted to numb my heart. Once I was sloppy drunk, I had my brother to take me over to Grisela’s house, where I fucked the shit out of her all night without a damn condom.

  At the time, I was trying to get her pregnant because my dumb ass was trying to hurt Tang the way she hurt me. Yeah, so in this case, I take full responsibility on this shit here. That’s why I couldn’t even go into beast mode when she told me she was pregnant. All I could do was let her know I would be there for her and the baby. Now, being there for them doesn’t mean we have to be together, right?

  “Oh, so now you wanna pop up over here?” I heard Grisela say as she was slowly sitting up. Here we go, I thought. “How did you even know I was home?”

  “Because you didn’t have to work today. Plus how you going somewhere when you don’t have a car?” I wasn’t trying to be funny; I was just being real. I used to let her drive one of mine when I didn’t feel like being a chauffeur, but that shit stopped a long time ago because she didn’t know when to shut her damn mouth.

  “Yeah whatever. I do have friends, you know. Maybe I could’ve went out with them or something? Anyways, I’m not going to be without a car for too long,” she said while on her way to the kitchen.

  “It don’t matter. You here now! Damn, why you always gotta make an argument out of everything? Then you wonder why I haven’t been coming around like I should,” I said with much frustration dripping from my voice. “If you don’t know it or not, you’re running a nigga off. That’s why our relationship is at a standstill now!” I was about ready to walk right back out the door.

  “No, papi, we’re at a standstill because you can’t get that bitch out your system. You’re so in love with that damn girl. That’s why our relationship isn’t going nowhere! I’m not crazy. That’s probably where you been at since you haven’t even thought about calling to check on your baby.” Once again, her Spanish accent was thick, but I could still understand what she was saying. I could tell Grisela was raised by the black side of her family because of her body movements when she became angry.

  “I ain’t in love with no mothafuckin’ body. You or her!” I lied. I wasn’t in love with Grisela, but I was very much so in love with Tang. As hard as I tried to fight it, the shit just wouldn’t go away. I thought I was doing a damn good job at hiding it though.

  “Yea, I bet you not! Does she know where you sleep at night?” I didn’t even answer her question, because it wasn’t her business who knew where I lived. I was the only mothafucka paying bills there. “Hmm. I’m wondering when I have the baby will he or she even know where you live. It’s crazy, I don’t even know where the father of my child rest his head.”

  “Man, don’t start all that. Is the baby here yet? Damn! I’m starting to think it was a mistake coming over here. I should stay gone. But I’m trying to come over here and see how you and my baby doing and you on your bullshit.” I knew what Grisela was saying was true. She should know where I lived, but I didn’t trust mothafuckas now a days. However, she was going to find out sooner or later.

  “Maybe it was a mistake. We would’ve been fine without you coming to check on us. I mean, it has been weeks since I last seen you. You didn’t know if I lost the baby or not. Do you even care, Tez? If you didn’t want this baby with me then you could’ve just said that. I would’ve easily gotten an abortion. Even now, I can move to Mexico with my baby and be out your life for good.”

  I grabbed Grisela’s ass so fuckin fast around her neck and threw her ass against the wall. “I don’t give a fuck what we’re going through, don’t you ever in your fucking life threaten to take my baby away from me!” I said through clenched teeth. Grisela was looking at me with teary eyes, and once I realized what I’d just done, I let her go quickly. Adjusting my Atlanta Falcons hat, I backed away from her. “Man, I’m sorry lil mama, but don’t be threatening me with that shit. You don’t threaten a nigga about taking his child away from him. Not no real nigga. I told you I was going to be here for you and my little one, and that’s what I’m going to do. Whether we’re together or not, I’m going to be here for both of ya’ll,” I expressed regretfully.

  “But I didn’t mean it like th
at. I was just saying that if you’re going to be doing a disappearing act, then I can just take care of my baby by myself. If you don’t want to be with me, okay. I get it now. It took some time, but I’m no longer going to force us to be together. I can’t make you want me. I can’t make your heart feel something for me when it doesn’t. It’s going to hurt, but I’m willing to do the co-parenting thing once I have the baby.”

  Running my hands down my face, I sighed heavily. Grisela was really making this break up thing easy for me.

  “I mean, I don’t want you to think that because we’re not together I’m not going to be here for my child, because I am. It’s just this thing between us ain’t meant to be, and I’m tired of leading you on. The chemistry just isn’t there,” I said honestly. I knew Grisela loved me, but she deserved someone that was willing to love her back, and that somebody just wasn’t me.

  “Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t want to feel alone during this pregnancy, or after I have the baby,” she said in a hurtful voice. I felt sorry for her, but she knew this was coming.

  Placing my index finger under her chin, I raised her head so she could look into my eyes. “And you won’t be alone. I’m here for you and I’m only a phone call away. Tomorrow we can go get you a car so you won’t have to depend on me or nobody for shit,” I informed her. That was one of the reason I went over there today. I was going to take her car shopping then end things with her tomorrow, but it didn’t go as planned.

  “That’s not going to make up for you breaking my heart,” she told me.

  “And I’m not trying to make up for it,” I said with a chuckle. “There’s no reason for my babymama to have to call around for a ride. Not when she has a nigga like me for a babydaddy. You should be able to go outside and get in your car and get ghost.”

  Smacking her lids, she agreed. “That’s true.”