Bad Dad

by Sloane Howell

  “Were you in the military?”

  He looked up at me.

  Jesus, my big mouth. I constantly blurted out things without thinking. Maybe that’s why I could appreciate Landon’s quiet contemplation. We were pretty much opposites in that regard.

  “You don’t have to—”

  “Kind of.”

  Jesus, with this guy. What did that even mean? How was someone kind of in the military? I didn’t press my luck.

  “My dad’s retired Army. Just see some similarities.”

  “You from here?”

  I nodded. “Born and raised.”

  “Then you left.” It wasn’t a question.

  I nodded again. “How’d you—”

  “You said you’d only been back a few weeks.”

  Nothing got past him. Hyper-vigilant was putting it mildly.

  “Right. I was in New York City. For college, and then a teaching job.”

  “Why’d you come back?”

  I sighed and shrugged. “Couldn’t handle it, I guess.”

  “Wasn’t home?”

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  “I get it.”

  “You do?”

  Landon looked out the window. Out at the main street with cars parked diagonal to the storefronts up and down the road, most of them in front of El Charito. “Sure.”

  “I was so independent. Couldn’t wait to get out of here. To be free.”

  “You missed the chains.”

  I glanced up. His phrasing always caught my attention. “It’s crazy. I know.”

  “Not crazy.”

  I decided to press my luck. “So what prison did you come from?”

  Landon’s face tightened. I watched his heartbeat in his neck.

  He sighed and turned slowly from the window and our eyes locked. “One that doesn’t need to find me.”

  “Okay.” I nodded and gave him the most convincing look I had in my repertoire of looks. “I’ll keep an extra eye open for anything strange. As best as I can.”

  Landon’s face softened a hint. “It would mean a lot.”

  I couldn’t stop staring at him. I wanted to know everything about him, and at the same time I was afraid to know anything. Some men you can look at them and tell that they’ve seen hell. My grandfather was the same way. He’d fought in World War Two. He’d helped liberate the Dachau concentration camp in Germany. The kind of place people found interesting today. Grandpa never did, and he never spoke about it. He had the same kind of terror hidden behind his eyes when I was younger.

  Landon and I ordered food and chatted for a little while longer. Every time I thought he might give me a slight peek at his personal life, he’d shut me down or redirect. I didn’t press him for any more information than he wanted to give.

  The waitress walked over and took our plates.

  Landon stood up and grabbed the check. “Need to get home and get Logan to bed.”

  I glanced at my phone and saw it was eight fifteen. I nodded.

  We walked out front after Landon paid. He turned to me. “I’d like to do this again.”

  I nodded before I’d even thought it through. “Maybe.”

  He drove me home and walked me to the door. My heart thumped in my chest and my palms started to sweat again. I hadn’t been on a date in over a year. Then I reminded myself it wasn’t a date. But he was walking me to the door. What was that all about? It felt like something you do on a date. The man utterly confused me.

  Landon opened the door for me and I took a step through and turned back to him. “Thanks. For dinner.”

  He stood a few feet away with half-hooded eyes. “No problem.”

  Then I stood there. Why wasn’t I going inside? My feet wouldn’t move. Landon kept his eyes locked onto mine. It was crazy because he was like six four, and it almost looked like he was staring up at me by the way his head was angled.

  Was he going to kiss me?

  You can’t date him.

  I told myself he was just being nice because he wanted me to look after Logan. That was why he took me to dinner. That was why he walked me to the door. He needed something from me, and he was being kind to get it. And that was perfectly fine by me. It was my job.

  But Landon’s stare at that moment? It heated me up in ways I’d never been heated. There was more to it than what it seemed. What if he made a move? What if people saw? I had to get inside. Stupid feet.

  “Tell Logan I’ll see him in the morning.” My words came out low and breathy.

  Landon bent down next to my ear. I thought I might combust.

  “I’ll let him know.” His warm breath sent shivers and goosebumps down my arms.

  He was still inches away.

  There was something there. Something between us. I wasn’t going to be able to shake it, no matter how hard I tried. Landon eased toward me like he was going in for a kiss.

  My mind went to shit. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move.

  He went past my mouth and his lips pressed against my cheek. Electricity pulsed down my neck and bloomed across my skin. And just as quickly as a peck on the cheek turned my body to Summer, his lips left my skin and brought on a cold, harsh Winter.

  It could’ve just been friendly. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was self-control on his part. Who knew?

  “See you soon, Ms. Chapman.” His voice was gravel and masculine as hell. The way he said my name. Like it was some kind of school teacher fantasy he was promising.

  He turned and walked back to his car.

  I shut the door and sucked in a huge breath. My back slammed into my entryway wall and then I slid all the way down to the floor until I was holding my knees and squeezing them to my chest. Everything about him confused the hell out of me. It was the sexiest kiss on the cheek humanly possible. But it was still a kiss on the cheek. Part of me thought he just enjoyed fucking with me. Was that what he was doing? Because it was definitely working. I stared back at the door and shook my head.

  His lips on my skin.

  Mother of God.

  CHAPTER 7

  Landon Lane

  I-90 INTO MISSOULA WAS BOTTLENECKED with cars. Must’ve been an accident.

  Cora Chapman.

  Her name played over and over again in my mind. The kiss on the cheek. I’d wanted to kiss her full on the lips. Push her back inside her house. Rip her clothes off. I hadn’t realized just how attracted to her I was. Or maybe I’d lied to myself again.

  I’d seen it in her eyes. Fully dilated. Brushing her palms. Elevated heart rate. She wanted it as bad as I did.

  The kiss on the cheek was as intentional as anything I’d ever done. I was trained to hunt. Nothing was a stronger lure than the unknown. Leave her guessing. Wondering what would happen next. Part of it was just pure restraint on my part. This was the best way. Kind of like a test run. Ease her into my life and see if it could possibly work.

  Logan wouldn’t be in her class forever. We had time, well, some anyway. I’d find out when I met with Gus later.

  Cora Chapman.

  Fuck, her name. It did things to me when I thought about it. It was a bad idea, though. The idea of letting her into our world. I thought about Gus and then what he’d shown me the other day in his office. The main reason I’d asked her out. My demons were coming back to haunt me. If anyone from my past showed up, I needed to know immediately. Cora was a very observant person. The hint at romantic entanglement would make her even more vigilant. Make her watch that much harder. It bought me some time. Time to decide if a relationship with her would be possible. If it was, great. If it wasn’t, I’d still get what I needed up until that point.

  Cora Chapman.

  The thought that I might possibly use her feelings for my own needs left a sour taste in my mouth, but it was for Logan’s safety. Any other rationalization would be unacceptable. But for him, I’d do whatever I needed to do. I told myself I’d hurt her if I had to in order to keep him safe. I’d hurt anyone.

  I l
ooked up and the cars had already moved up a few hundred feet. Cora had my thoughts jumbled into a giant bundle of misfiring neurons. I hit the accelerator to catch up to them.

  If there was one thing I knew, it was being raised in a prison against your will. We had that in common, obviously to different degrees. The other thing I knew was that you missed the chains. I still heard the waves crashing on the black shore all the time. I still saw the faces. Heard the volcano gurgling in the middle of the island. Smelled the sulfur. Missed the heat on my legs.

  I finally made it past the bottleneck. Eighteen-wheeler overturned.

  I sped through town and into the parking lot of the gym. The sound of a speedbag caught my ear when I walked through the door. A few guys worked out and trained on the bags in the corner. I kept walking.

  Gus sat in his office, slouched back in his chair. “He has another fight. Couple weeks.”

  “Why is he fighting? Where did he even come from?”

  Gus stood. “I don’t know. It’s going to cause me problems though. They’ll want a title fight soon.”

  It made sense. He’d want a fight with Sam Wright. Fighters traveled from around the globe to train with Gus. I walked over to his monitor. He was watching the highlights on YouTube. They played over and over on a loop.

  The man was an animal. No, he was a machine. Almost completely unhuman. My entire childhood roiled through my chest and landed in my stomach. I could never forget the time spent on the island. The memories were seared into my skull. But seeing it in front of me sharpened the dull images in my mind. Brought them from fuzzy black and white to high definition color.

  There he was in front of me, a fully-grown beast.

  Sidious Kayzo. Live in the flesh.

  None of Gus’s fighters stood a chance.

  Sidious or Sid was what they were calling him anyway. Sam would want to fight him. I knew it. Gus knew it too. He’d die or end up in a wheelchair within seconds.

  I watched Sid destroy the other guy in slow motion.

  “Did he live?”

  “Barely.”

  The worst part was that his fights were broadcast all over the country. It was all anyone was talking about. I purposefully avoided them. But, I was sure Logan had seen them by then. If not, he’d heard about it from kids at school. There was no telling what people allowed their kids to watch. Desire loved MMA fighting. Probably because Gus’s gym was known for turning out world champions and it was only thirty minutes away.

  I only let Logan watch because he knew I worked with Sam. Logan loved Sam. We would analyze the fights, and it was a way for me to bond with Logan. It also gave me a fun way to teach him to defend himself. I didn’t have many skills that were appropriate to share with a seven-year-old but I needed him prepared if we ever faced a threat, even if Logan thought it was just for fun.

  “He’ll kill Sam.”

  “I know.” Gus stood and put a hand on my shoulder. “You see who’s managing him?”

  “No. Edmon?” I looked down. Hadn’t even thought about him being here.

  Gus nodded.

  It got worse by the minute. I sighed. “Can’t be a coincidence. That they’re fighting him.”

  “I know.”

  “Any theories?”

  “Not yet.”

  I turned toward the door. Worrying about something never solved a problem. “Going to work then. Let me know if you find out anything new.”

  I BOUNCED AROUND IN THE ring. That was my job. Keep my head moving. Human punching bag for the world’s most elite fighters. Mainly Sam. I had to purposely slow everything down to let him hit me. Gus was the only person who knew what I could do.

  Sam hit me with a combo. Quick jab then a hard right cross. Hard for him, anyway. It would’ve knocked most guys out. I kept bouncing around. Kept the session going. He needed to be in optimum condition.

  “Jesus, you’re like hitting a wall of steel.” Sam’s words sputtered.

  I threw an obvious and slow punch. Sam dodged it and hammered me with a few more blows. He hissed controlled breaths with each strike. Gus goaded him on from the corner.

  These guys were as close to a social life as I had outside of Logan. We’d grown to be good friends over the past few years, even though I never saw Sam outside of work. But I’d met Janet through Gus and she’d been a godsend.

  Sam finally collapsed, and I gave the back of his head a pat. “Nice workout, Champ.”

  “Blow me.”

  We all laughed.

  “I mean, you pretty much beat me. Look at this shit.” Sam motioned to himself, laid out on the mat. “You didn’t even land a punch and I feel defeated.”

  “You ladies done jerking off in there?” Gus grinned and turned to Sam. “Hit the trainer. Get yourself taken care of.”

  Sam hopped to his feet. “You see this new guy, Lane? The new fighter? Sid?” Sam’s head angled down to the mat. Part fatigue, part fear.

  My job was keeping Sam confident. Had to show no weakness. No matter what. Attitude was the most important attribute in competition, and in life.

  “Yeah.” I shrugged off his questions.

  “And?” He stood there, bug-eyed. “Guy is a fucking animal. You kiddin’ me?”

  I walked off toward Gus with my back to Sam. “So?”

  He was a great champion. People loved him, and rightfully so. Logan adored him. Watched every fight. But Sam could get in his own head a lot too. It was justified in this instance, but freaking him out wouldn’t accomplish anything.

  “He’s going to want a fight soon.”

  I turned around and grinned. “That’s what usually happens.”

  Sam’s head shot back and forth between Gus and me. I could tell this conversation had been in the back of his mind for some time. “So, what the fuck are we gonna do?”

  I glanced to Gus.

  Gus shrugged.

  I turned back and narrowed my eyes at Sam. “Same shit as always. Have a plan. Train. If it fails, we look back and see what we did wrong.”

  Sam shook his head. He was scared. I would be too. I’d fought Sid on the island. He’d caved my face in and put me in the infirmary for three months.

  Only I was eight and he was six.

  CHAPTER 8

  Cora Chapman

  THERE WAS A KNOCK AT the door.

  Shit.

  I walked through the kitchen and looked at the blurred shapes in the glass. Two people were out front. One short. One tall. It was definitely my parents.

  I opened the door with a huge smile. “Hey, guys.”

  Dad glared at my phony excitement as he stepped inside.

  “It’s too small.”

  “It’s fine.” I gave him a hug.

  He wrapped his arms around me. It was as awkward as ever, but more affection than he showed anyone else on the planet. I’d grown used to it by the time I was five. His suit was perfectly pressed. A straight crease down the navy slacks. Soldier to the bone.

  I turned to my mom. “Good to see you too.”

  She stepped through wearing a pant suit with her hair in a tight bun, nose in the air. I sighed. She ran a finger along my entryway table. Her hand moved up to her face and she glanced at it. Didn’t say a word.

  We all stood there in awkward silence for a few long seconds.

  “Can I get you guys something to drink?”

  “We’re fine.” Mom walked past me.

  They both looked around. Both wandered through the living room.

  “You should just move home for a bit. Save some money.” Dad’s lips mashed into a line.

  “Dad.” I stood there—hands on both hips.

  He held up a hand in surrender. “Sorry.”

  “Thank you.”

  My mother judged every inch of the place. “This is what you borrowed the money for?”

  I let out an exasperated sigh. “Yeah, Mom. This is it. Happy?”

  She scoffed.

  My face heated. She liked to think she was some upper class, de
butant. She lived in freaking Desire, Montana. I’m sure she thought it was my fault she was stuck there. Like I married a soldier and created myself.

  Stay calm. Stay calm.

  I inhaled a deep breath, and exhaled a fake smile. “So, this was nice. You’ve seen it. Pretty much all there is, so—”

  “Great.” Mom marched toward the door.

  Dad held out a hand and stopped her. “Do you need anything else? Money? Groceries?” He glanced away from Mom as soon as he said it.

  “No, I’m fine. I’ll pay you back for the deposit by next month.”

  Mom smirked.

  “Wasn’t a joke.” I glared right at her.

  Dad stared at Mom. She wouldn’t look at me.

  “No need to pay us back.” His eyes practically apologized for Mom’s behavior.

  I walked over to him and put a hand on his arm, but gave him the sternest face I could muster. “I’ll pay you back by next month.”

  Mom stared. She wanted to tear into me. She probably wanted to rip into Dad too. There wasn’t a chance in hell of handing her a dollar back. Favors, money—it all meant power and control. I knew when I accepted it that it’d be used against me the rest of my life, whether I paid them back or not. But Mom wasn’t going to change. Not for me. Not for anyone. She was who she was.

  Dad held up a hand once more. He’d grown softer in the six or so years since I’d been gone. His face was more leathery. His stubble was more dotted with gray. “Just whenever you can. No rush. Okay?”

  I looked up at his soft brown eyes. He was trying. More than I could say for my mother.

  I nodded.

  “Okay then.”

  He gave me another awkward hug and they left.

  I sat down on the couch and listened to the car pull away and thought why do I always do this to myself?

  CHAPTER 9

  Landon Lane

  I WALKED FROM THE KITCHEN toward the front door. I’d finished up training early and beelined it home.