Her Secret Past

by Christine Sterling

Before Seth could engage in further conversation, the conductor had returned and unfortunately, with no luggage in hand. “I’m sorry, but we have checked all the compartments and can’t find any extra baggage. We think that someone might have taken it by mistake. We are on a tight schedule and really should be departing…”

  As Samantha stepped forward to voice her displeasure as Seth took her arm and moved her behind him. “We understand. Thank you for your help. We don’t want to hold you up anymore.” Taking this as an opening, the man ran off to the train and Seth turned around to look at Samantha taking a deep breath to begin her next row. Seth couldn’t help but chuckle which infuriated her even more.

  “Oooooo, you are insufferable!” She stamped her foot on the wooden platform. “That valise contained my clothing! What am I supposed to do, wear only this dress forever?”

  “You are being overly dramatic. There are stores here where I can purchase you a new dress and I also know a few lovely ladies that would be more than willing to offer some items for you to borrow. There is no point in fussing over something that is gone.”

  Her face started to falter and he offered his hand for her to hold. “Let’s go, shall we, Sam?”

  She stared at his hand and turned her head, stomping off in front of him. He shrugged his shoulders and waited for his soon-to-be wife to realize she didn’t know where she was going and ask him for directions.

  Samantha was so angry she felt like she was about to cry. As she sat next to Seth on his small wagon, she felt helpless. How did her life turn out like this? Three weeks ago, she was the happy wife of a rich businessman. And now she was to be the wife of a rugged dirt farmer. When she finally turned to ask Seth where they were going, he steered her into town, their first stop at the small church.

  Their wedding lasted a total of twenty minutes, from start to finish. The act felt so clinical and unfeeling, like checking a to-do list. After that uneventful venture, he took her to the seamstress, where she was fitted for a few new dresses. They would be ready by the end of the week, once the fabric came on the next train.

  He also called upon on older lady, Mrs. Moore, for a few spare pieces of clothing items Samantha could use for the time being. Once Seth had explained the situation, she had been overjoyed to help him and showered them with all sorts of clothes. So now their wagon was packed with borrowed clothes and they were on their way back to his farm.

  It all seemed so surreal. She was still steaming from their interaction at the train station. She knew she was overreacting about the bag; what had irritated her the most was his sudden dismissal of her. If this was how their relationship was going to be, she wasn’t sure if she had made the right decision. James placed her on a pedestal; he always listened to what she wanted and never crossed her. He took care of her. This man ignored her like she wasn’t there. It was definitely different.

  She stole glances at him from her perch next to him. He had strong thighs and his arms were large, from hard manual work, she mused. His hands were big and his fingers were calloused. He lived his life working very hard. She hadn’t been around many men who did manual labor for a living. In the city, they were all lawyers, bankers, and businessmen.

  His face was most peculiar. She had thought so much about him being old and ugly she had never imagined that he would be handsome. The stubble on his cheeks framed his face nicely and he had long eyelashes and nice plump lips. But his eyes still held her interest, like gleaming emeralds in dark sky. Seth looked over and caught her staring. She hurriedly turned away, her face flushing, embarrassed. But she cursed herself for even looking in the first place. This man was a stranger and she was angry with him. No matter how much his presence gave her this weird fluttering feeling inside her, she needed to hold onto this anger.

  Seth started to slow down the wagon and Samantha looked up at what would be her new house. And she let out a gasp.

  “This is home.”

  Seth jumped out of the wagon and walked over to help Samantha out. He was standing next to her for a while, holding out his hand for her. She had been staring at the run-down house before her that he had to cough to interrupt her thoughts. She finally took his hand and hopped down from the wagon as well.

  “This is where you live?” she inquired as the started to walk up to the shack.

  “No, Sam, this is where we live,” he corrected, opening the door for her.

  “I told you not to call me that.”

  She walked into to a barren room, a chill meeting her. She looked around the room, which appeared to be the kitchen. There wasn’t much to note, just a long table with a gas lamp, papers fanned out on top of it. A stove was in the corner next to a large basin for water. A large tub on the ground for washing clothes. She looked around at the walls, weathered by wind and rain. She could see the cracks in the wood and saw slivers of the fields outside.

  As she walked further, Seth seemed to notice her apprehension. “It’s not much now, but when I get everything all fixed up, it will be comfortable.”

  Samantha couldn’t imagine any of this could become comfortable. She walked over and placed her hand on the table, her past anger gone and replaced with disappointment. This was beyond anything that she imagined. Her father had promised her she would be moving to live the life of a farmer’s wife. But he never mentioned how the location was in such disrepair. How was she going to be expected to live here?

  Seth stepped up to her. “What do you think? Your face is showing a million different emotions.”

  “It’s…not what I had expected,” she replied, which was her honest response. “I don’t understand how you live here though…it doesn’t seem like a complete house.”

  Seth removed his hat and set it on the table. He scratched his head, trying to decide what to say. “Well, I’ve been busy readying the outside by building the barn and setting up the fences around the fields. We are receiving cattle in a few weeks. The house is more of a secondary thought.”

  Samantha blinked at his reply. “But, I’m supposed to live here. How am I supposed to live here, with you, in this rundown place? This isn’t a proper place for a lady.”

  “I just haven’t had the time. It wasn’t a priority for me.”

  Samantha winced at his words. Basically, she wasn’t a priority. And for some reason, unknown to her at the time, the thought broke her heart. She just shook her head, ready to cry. “I’m tired from the long journey. I just want to take a bath and go to sleep.”

  Seth looked like he wanted to say more, opening his mouth before stopping, as if he thought better of it. “Yes, of course. Come this way.”

  He led her through a long corridor, the floor boards squeaking under their feet with every step. She tried not to look around her, for fear she would become even more depressed with her surroundings. He opened a door on the left at the end of the hall and she entered the small room. All that was in this room was a round tub with a sink.

  “Here is the tub for you to use. I’ll go and boil some hot water for you. Just give me a few minutes.” He gestured to the door to his right. “Right through there is my…our bedroom. You can rest while I fetch you the hot water.”

  He left the room in a haste. She had noticed the change in referring to the room. The “our” scared her. Did he expect something to happen that night? In all this bustle around the arranged marriage, she never spared a thought on marriage relations. But now that she was presented with the possibility, she was starting to panic. She wasn’t innocent; she had her previous marriage. But she wouldn’t exactly say she was experienced. James and she, of course, had relations, but it wasn’t something that happened all the time. She didn’t really enjoy it, and James seemed to respect her wishes by not asking much of her.

  She opened the door and walked into the room. The light was streaming in from a window to her left. The room was about as bare as the rest of the house. Just a small desk in a corner with a gas lamp and a small chest in front of a bed. The bed was large, with iron posts and a cr
eam-colored bed spread. Looking at the bed she felt her heart rate elevate.

  The door opened and closed from the other room, her thoughts breaking. “I have the hot water for you,” he called. She walked over to the room and saw the large bucket in his hands. “I’ll place it in the tub for you.” He lifted the bucket up and over into the tub and the steam from the water filled the room. Once he was done, he set the bucket next to the tub and wiped his forehead. He had also brought her a nightgown that he laid on the lone chair in the room, along with some soap.

  They both stared at each other, drinking in the moment. Samantha noticed the laugh lines around his eyes and strong white teeth that peeked from behind his lips. She wondered if his lips were as soft as they looked. Just staring at him was exhilarating and her breath caught in her throat. Her hand travelled up to her lips as she imagined him leaning in to kiss her. She took a slight step backwards.

  Seth’s breathing became labored as he noticed her eyes widen and the flush creeping on her cheeks. He took a step forward as she stepped backwards. Sighing lightly, he closed his eyes and turned to leave. “I’ll leave you then.”

  Samantha undressed quickly and entered the tub, savoring the warm water against her skin. She scrubbed the days of traveling off. She sat in that tub for the longest time, until the water grew cold and her skin wrinkly. She quickly dried herself off with a lone cloth and put on her night gown. She went to the adjacent room and laid on the bed, thinking long and hard about her predicament. How did she intend to survive out here? But the exhaustion of the previous journey finally overtook her as she tucked herself and closed her eyes.

  Chapter 6

  Samantha awoke the next morning with a jolt. She could hear birds chirping and the light was flickering from the window. She noticed the curtains were drawn, only giving a bit of light through. She didn’t remember doing that prior to falling asleep, as the sun was starting to set. Seth must have walked in and done it. She looked over at the other side of the bed, but it didn’t look like it had been slept in. She then strained her ears and heard a big of commotion going on outside.

  Curious, she got out of bed and dressed in one of the dresses lain out for her along with her boots she had worn on the trip here. She walked out of the room, remembering the long hallway ended in the kitchen. Once there, she looked out of the window and saw Seth was outside, digging up some of the dirt with a shovel. Samantha’s eyes grew wide as she noticed he wasn’t wearing a shirt, his back muscles gleaming in the light from a thin sheet of sweat. She felt her breath catch in her throat.

  She scolded herself for such a reaction and banished certain thoughts creeping into her mind. There was a door to the left and she exited out of it, entering the outside. A tall tree was next to the house, its branches overhanging to create a nice umbrella covering Samantha from the intense heat.

  As she walked closer to Seth, he stopped and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. Samantha took a moment to calm herself before clearing her throat to get his attention. At the sound, Seth turned around and saw her, smiling a genuine smile that was missing the first time they had met. “Good morning! How long have you been up?

  “Only for a few minutes,” she said, smiling despite herself. His smile was so infectious.

  “I’m sorry if I woke you. You had a rough trip from what I gathered.” He was alluding to her anger back at the train station. Her cheeks pinked at the thought. “I was trying to give you time to get well rested.”

  “That’s nice of you, but I feel fine and well rested now.”

  “Good, let me just finish this up and we can have some lunch.”

  Seth turned around and went back to his digging. Samantha stood there for a bit, admiring the way his arms flexed as he was holding the shovel. She marveled at his strength until she realized she had been standing there for a few minutes and how unbecoming it was to be staring at him like that.

  She hurried inside. She stared around the room again, now seeking the details she had missed the day before. The stove was a bit smaller than the one in the kitchen back home, as was the tub she suspected was used for dishes and laundry. One top of it was a pot with steam billowing from it. She walked a bit closer to look inside. There was a mushy brown liquid with small beans floating at the top. While it looked unappetizing it did have a lovely aroma. Her stomach growled as she had missed supper by going to sleep right after her bath.

  The wall had a few pans hanging on the wall next to a shelf holding some bowls and cups and there was a small cloth hanging from the tub. There was a bucket of water next to the large tub. She wondered where the water was coming from. Their house at home was designed with plumbing, so there was water coming from a faucet. But here, it didn’t seem like indoor plumbing was possible, or maybe she was missing something.

  “Familiarizing yourself with the kitchen?” came a voice from behind her. Seth was in the doorway. He had put on his shirt, but the outlines of sweat formed patterns on the front. “I’m going to get a new shirt. I hope you don’t mind chili, it’s the only thing I know how to make. I need to stop by the town and get some supplies. We can go together since I don’t really know what you would need for cooking.”

  Cooking? She went to speak, but Seth had already left the room to retrieve a clean shirt. She looked around the kitchen for a bit until she settled on one of the chairs next to the table. She thought to herself, of course, he would expect her to cook. He had basically ordered her out of a catalogue, almost like a servant. Someone to cook and clean for him at a moment’s notice. She bit her lip, thinking about how he would react when he realized what he got when he said yes to this marriage.

  She was about to find out as Seth rejoined her in the room with a fresh shirt. He was still smiling as he made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed two bowls from a nearby shelf and, using the ladle in the soup, scooped up the sludge into the bowls. He walked over and set it in front of Samantha, who wasn’t exactly eager to try it. He also grabbed some bread and placed it in the center of the table and took a spot right next to her. “It might not be the best meal you ever had, but it gets me by.”

  Seth pushed a spoon next to her and Samantha took it. She knew it was rude to refuse something her new husband had made for her and she wanted to humor him before she had to tell him the truth about what kind of wife she would be. She tentatively placed her spoon and took the smallest amount possible and sipped. She was surprised when the liquid landed on her tongue. It was very delicious. She took a few more spoonfuls, savoring the flavor. “Seth, this very good!”

  Seth chuckled, setting down his spoon. “Thank you. It will be nice to have a woman’s touch around here and get home cooked meals though.”

  Samantha squirmed in her seat. “About that…I uh, I don't really know how to cook.”

  Seth looked at her with utter disbelief. “You don’t know how to …cook?”

  Samantha sheepishly shook her head. “No.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “I just never learned. My mother died when I was a child. We only had servants,” Samantha continued defensively.

  “But you were married before? That’s what the inquiry had said. Wouldn’t you have learned wifely duties then?”

  She didn’t want to discuss her life with James. It felt like something that was forbidden to discuss with her new husband. “There was no need for me to learn such duties. Misty did everything.”

  “Misty?”

  “Our servant girl.”

  Seth grasped the end of the table like he was holding on for dear life. “So, you know nothing?”

  Samantha scoffed. “I know things. I have skills.”

  “What skills?”

  “I can read and write. I like to sketch.” She felt vulnerable from his incredulous stare. What she had said amounted to nothing out here, but she felt he was acting as if she knew nothing when she was schooled her whole life to know everything.

  Seth put his hands to his face, breathing slowly in and o
ut as if he was calming himself down. “Those aren’t skills that I’m referring to. How about household chores?”

  Samantha’s hesitations said everything. Seth inwardly groaned. “This isn’t what I expected,” he said, as he pushed away his bowl and stood up. He went to the window and pressed his hands to his hips. “I thought I got a wife who could help around the house. But what I got was…”

  Samantha stood up herself and stomped over to where he was standing. “You got a what?” she asked, her eyes narrowing into slits as she stared at him.

  He seemed to reword his statement in his mind. “I just didn’t get what I thought I was getting.”

  Samantha felt incomplete, inadequate. “I may not know anything, but I’m anxious to learn. Isn’t that enough for now?”

  Seth looked frustratingly at her. “I don’t know if I have time to teach you things. I was hoping you would already know which would take the pressure off me.”

  She looked over at the tub and water next to it. “Well, maybe I can try doing the dishes. How hard could that be?”

  Samantha regretted her words one hour later. She was covered in water and soap from her neck to the ends of her arms. There was even a puddle of water to her left that she had no idea how it got there. She looked at Seth outside as he continued to dig away at his hole. She looked back down at the pot that remained in the tub. She could still see little shrivels of food debris. It was like a metaphor for her life; no matter how much she tried to scrub her past, it was still there rearing its ugly head.

  “So, you’re telling me she doesn’t know how to do anything? Not even a simple dish washing?” Tom asked between chuckles.

  “No,” grumbled Seth and Tom doubled over in laughter. They were sitting at the bar of a local saloon. It had been one week since Samantha had arrived and those seven days had been eye opening. She wasn’t exaggerating in the slightest when she alluded to her maid doing all the work; Samantha had no wife skills he could see. When she tried to clean, she made a bigger mess than before. Her attempt at dinner last night almost burnt the house down. And he didn’t even want to get into the attempt she had made at laundering his poor trousers.