Her Secret Past

by Christine Sterling

  Tom was now on his hand and knees, taking large gulps of air to catch his breath. “Oh boy, this is hilarious.”

  Seth eyed him from his seat, crossing his arms. “I blame this on you.”

  Tom straightened up and wiped watery eyes. “Why do you blame me?”

  “You made me put out that advertisement.”

  Tom shook his head and leaned against the bar, away from his stool. “I made you do no such thing. And I still take no blame for getting a dud. They call can’t be winners.”

  Frustrated, Seth clenched the cup in front of him. Tom looked at the regret in his friend's face and sighed. “If she bothers you that much, send her back.”

  Seth recoiled from his words. “I can’t send her back.” He’d be lying if he said he never thought about it; of course, he did. Especially, last night when he was putting out the extra flames from his one good pot. He had every thought in his mind to put her on the next train out East. But when he looked her in the eye, with those large sapphires staring back him, he didn’t have the heart to do it. She was just so earnest and willing to try on everything and not give up. He had to hand it to her; the girl was willing to learn.

  He also couldn’t deny that he was becoming very attached to her. The attraction between them was like lightning was striking him every time they were in the room together. It was electric and intense. He had never felt like that with anyone before.

  She slept only a few feet away from him and all he wanted to do was reach out to her and hold her close. This morning, he woke up with her actually in his arms. It was a nice feeling, with her head resting on his chest. But the spell was broken as soon as she woke up and had skirted out of his embrace so fast it was almost as if he had dreamt it.

  “Well, then you are going to have to make do with what you have then. What does my mother say? ‘Make lemonade out of lemons.’” Tom pondered for a bit, scratching his chin with his fingertips. Tom and Seth had known each other for most of their lives; their parents had traveled out west together before they were even born. So, it was natural they became good friends. When Seth debated whether to leave his family farm to head out further, Tom was there to encourage him to make his own way. Seth was the youngest of 4 boys, so he knew he wasn’t going to inherit the family homestead. He also didn’t want to be beholden to his brothers either way; he wanted to have his own life and make his own choices.

  Five years ago, he and Tom scraped together what little money they had and took the next train out west and settled in this small town. They worked odd jobs around the town before earning enough money to buy a decent sized piece of land right outside of town. Tom still stayed in town because he didn’t want to sleep in the “shack,” as he called it, that was on the property, which allowed him to work odd jobs around town to earn a bit more money to help them with the farm.

  “I know!” Tom exclaimed, clapping his hands together and waking Seth from his thoughts. “You can have her help Old Man Higgins.”

  Seth looked at Tom like he had lost his mind. “Old Man Higgins? That guy is a loon.”

  “He may be a loon, but he owns the only hotel in town. And that hotel so happens to have a restaurant looking for an assistant cook.” Tom waggled his eyebrows at Seth’s stone face.

  “I don’t know…”

  Tom let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, this is perfect. She learns a few skills for a few days and you’ll earn some money all the same. It’s a good deal.”

  Seth was hesitant. He didn’t know if he could afford to restore the hotel if she burnt it down.

  Tom clapped a hand on his shoulder. “As far as I can see it, you have nothing to lose.”

  Seth rolled the idea over in his head. Tom had a point about her needing to learn something, but unlike Tom said, he felt like he had everything to lose.

  “And while we are on the topic of your new wife, how is everything else going?”

  Seth smiled to himself. “She’s quite feisty.” He remembered earlier when he had dropped her off at the tailor to get her new dresses fitted, how she had pouted about being left alone. Seth would have rather his hand be bitten off then spend hours watching her getting measured and sewed into anything. He kindly reminded her that he hadn’t seen her in her unmentionables before. She wouldn’t want the first time for him to see her, be in a tailor shop with an audience. This made her blush furiously and she went into the shop without another word.

  “Feisty you say? I’m guessing you are having fun with her other womanly duties.”

  Seth straightened at Tom’s insinuation. He coughed uncomfortably. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “Oh, come on, old boy. It’s been a week, you owe me stories. You told me that she was married before, she must have some tricks…” he started to go on, but stopped when he noticed Seth was trying to look in every direction except for him. “No, don’t tell me you haven’t.”

  “Then I won’t.” Seth finished up the rest of his drink in one gulp, tossed a coin on the counter, and stepped away from the bar stool.

  Seth nodded at the barkeep and started to walk the length of the bar towards the exit. Tom ran up to keep in step with him. “It’s been a week, and you haven't done anything? How is that possible?!?”

  It wasn’t for lack of trying. He thought he would give her a couple of days since they had just barely started to get to know each other. But after day three, he was starting to wonder. They still slept in the same bed, (there wasn’t any where he could stay otherwise), but every time he went to sleep, she somehow fell asleep before he did. Even when they had started to bed at the same time, she still managed to get dressed in her nightgown, crawl under the covers, and fall fast asleep.

  And it was so frustrating sleeping next to her! Her body mere inches away from his, with all her body heat vibrating towards him. She smelled like flowers and sunshine. How was it possible for a woman to smell like that? It would cloud his mind, rendering him sleepless. It was so hard to concentrate on sleep, she was so close. It confounded him on how she could just sleep so listlessly. During the night, he tossed and turned and could get comfortable. At one point that he almost turned her around and made good on all the promises, he made to himself. But when he looked over at her calm, dreamy face, he just didn’t have the heart.

  In the morning, she curled up in his arms and her body nestled next to his. As soon as he shifted to move her, she would wake up and dash across the room taking the blanket with her. She would wait for him to leave before starting her morning absolutions and dressing. Seth knew by her reaction, she wasn’t prepared to share any intimate relationship with him.

  Deep down, he wanted her to come to him; he didn’t want to force her out of duty. It didn’t sit right with him. Tom was still muttering under his breath as they reached the end of the bar, close to the exit. “I don’t understand. You sleep in the same bed, right?” When Seth nodded, he shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know how you can handle it. You have so much restraint.”

  Seth was about to comment on Tom’s lack thereof when the doors to the saloon whipped open and the topic of his thoughts appeared in the doorway.

  “There you are!” Samantha said, walking into the room, waving her parasol. “I’ve been looking everywhere. In hindsight, maybe I should have checked here first.” She walked further into the saloon, looking at the walls. Her face fell and she scrunched up her nose. “This place is…interesting.”

  He had seen her all week, been in her presence all week, and still, every time he saw her was as startling as the first. He couldn’t help but be so overcome by her beauty, drawn to her in every way. He was so thrown he completely forgot about Tom standing next to him until he heard Tom’s low whistle. “Who is this beauty?” Tom asked, walking up to Samantha so they were staring at each other.

  Samantha looked from Seth back to Tom. “I’m Samantha,” she said, hesitantly. Her reservations were probably because Seth himself was having trouble finding the right words to introduce
her. When he took her around town, he would introduce her as ‘Samantha” but then roughly end the conversation. She would look at him with questioning eyes, but never commented on it.

  Tom didn’t waste a beat. “You’re Samantha? My, you are even lovelier than I had imagined.” Samantha offered her hand and he kissed it. Seth’s eye’s widened. Tom had never kissed a girl’s hand before. “I’m Tom. I’ve been wondering when I would meet you, Seth has been keeping you all to himself up on the farm.”

  Samantha looked flustered at the comment and Seth rolled his eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. We just have so much to do.”

  “I should come up there more often and visit. If I get to see your pretty face instead of this guy’s ugly mug, then I’ll call it a wonderful day.”

  They both started laughing and chatting it up and it riled Seth up to no end. He started to feel anger towards Tom as he saw how she was smiling and laughing at everything he said. He’d never gotten this mad before, especially at his best mate, for talking to a girl. What was this hideous feeling growing in his pit that made him want to smack the living daylights out of Tom?

  Before he realized it, he was grabbing Tom’s arm in a forceful manner. Samantha saw his arm shoot out and abruptly stopped talking. She looked at him, her startled eyes growing big and wide. But Tom took it in stride. He looked at the hand and started to laugh. “Sorry Miss, but it seems I’ve upset your husband. I should get going anyway. I have a man to see at the hotel.” With that, Tom tipped his hat toward Samantha, who flirtatiously giggled and turned to wink at Seth. Seth wasn’t amused in the slightest.

  As Samantha started to walk out of the saloon and away from the gentleman, Tom sneakily whispered in his ear. “No wonder you’ve kept her hidden. Your new wife is beautiful.” He tipped his hat back as they both stared at her making her way to the carriage. “I wouldn’t want anyone to see her either. Maybe I should send for a bride back east. If they come back like that, you should have done it sooner.”

  As Tom left them and made his way to the hotel to inquire about the cooking assistant, Seth contemplated to himself. His jealousy was alarming and he wondered what it all meant.

  The wagon ride back to the farm was uneventful. There was nothing really to gaze at, as Samantha tried to look at everything except her husband. She always found herself staring at him any chance she got, to the point where she felt he would have some cross words for her. It seemed every time they spoke they were fighting with each other and all it did was excite her. She had never been challenged before; James had always bended to her will, no matter what. Whatever she wanted, he would give to her. They never had a spat and James never raised his voice to her. They had a quiet and peaceful life with no ruffles.

  Seth was different. He always said what was on his mind, always told her if she was doing something wrong, never letting her get into an off routine. She thought this would upset her, but it was refreshing. She felt more alive out here than she did back home. Although Samantha was failing spectacularly at almost everything, she was at least trying to make this work. And Seth, to his credit, was trying along with her. He may be exasperated with her, but so far, he hadn’t given up and sent her away.

  “What did you think of Tom?” Seth asked, drawing her back to the wagon.

  She thought about it for a moment before answering. “I thought he was charming. I can see why you are his friend.” Tom was exactly as she had imagined him; outspoken and charismatic, the opposite of Seth in every way. When he had described him to her during one of their dinner discussions, she had wondered how someone so reserved could have such a boisterous friend. Seth just seemed like he enjoyed keeping to himself. They had been to the city a few times, grabbing supplies or checking the mail from the post office. And each time they had met someone new, he had a hard time introducing Samantha. Not once did he ever introduce her as his wife and she couldn’t understand why.

  It put her in quite the predicament. When the seamstress was hemming of her dresses, she inquired as to her relationship with Seth Jenkins. Samantha was not prepared for these types of questions. What was her identity? Was she allowed to say that she was his wife? Did he want people to know that they were married? Should she lie and say that she was a distant cousin back east?

  The last part would prove quite troublesome if they ended up having children. She turned white at the thought. Thoughts of children brought other thoughts, and she calmly pushed them out of her head. She had been trying to hold off marriage relations as best as she could, though it was getting harder and harder to avoid her husband. She made it a point to quickly dress and tuck herself into bed before he entered the room. When she felt his body dip the bed, she would make sure her eyes were closed and her breathing calm, even though internally she was feeling as hot as the sun.

  It was hard for her to sleep with these feelings she had and she couldn’t quite explain them. As much as she would hate to admit it, she desired her husband, which was something foreign for her. She had never desired another human being before; not even her late husband. She never felt butterflies or fire curling her stomach. She was always calm and poised in every situation, as it was bred in her from when she was a child. But when she was around him, she felt little electric bolts shooting through her system like little bursts of gun powder.

  And they were going off now as his shoulder leaned closer to hers. She wondered if he felt the same. This morning, when she surprisingly woke up in his arms, he seemed to want to be holding her. Though, when she leapt away rashly, she didn’t really give him a full chance to respond. She had to take her mind off things. “The seamstress and I had a lovely chat today.”

  “Oh, Mrs. Simon? She’s a nice lady. When I first came here, she gave Tom and myself a delicious home cooked meal. Said we reminded her of her sons; they work a few towns over raising cattle.”

  “Yes, she was lovely. Though, she asked what brought me here. I believe she was trying to inquire into our relationship.”

  She saw Seth shift uncomfortably in his seat. He held the reigns to the horse a little tighter than usual and she could see his knuckles whitening. “What did you tell her?”

  “I really didn’t know what to say. I just explained the truth. That I needed a fresh start out here and you were being hospitable.”

  Seth seemed to relax a bit. “What else did you talk about?”

  “She gave me a bit of a history about you and Tom. What it was like when you first came here. She talked about Tom being quite the challenge of the ladies of the town,” she said, putting what the old woman told her in a lighter tone. “She also told me about a woman named Hannah Rose.”

  When the name left Samantha’s mouth, she leaned over to look at her husband, expectantly. She had been waiting for the right moment to broach the subject with him. Mrs. Simon was more than happy to talk about this woman when Samantha had asked about her. Apparently, it was a woman who worked in the hotel and Seth had become very smitten with her. Seth courted her for a while and she seemed to be warming up to the idea. But a few months ago, she abruptly left with a wealthy man. Seth wasn’t the same since.

  His lips drew into a thin line and his eyes hardened into stones. She hesitated, thinking about the line she was about to cross. But she reasoned with her heart: if she was going to commit to this life and to this man, she needed to ask about it or it would fester in her soul. She continued. “Hannah Rose worked in the hotel. She was a maid there. According to Mrs. Simon, you two may have had a relationship.”

  Seth stayed impassive for a few more minutes, as the scenery passed them by. She stared at his face, trying to gauge his reaction, but he kept it as blank as possible. For a few moments, she thought maybe he hadn’t heard her at all and she debated whether to just ask him about her. When she resolved to ask, Seth finally spoke. “Yes, there was a relationship. But now there isn’t one.”

  Samantha wasn’t satisfied. It felt like a hollow answer. She wanted to know more; she craved to know what this woman
meant to him. Did he still love her? Is that why he needed a wife? It couldn’t have been just because he required a wife to cook and clean for him. He seemed to be getting by on his own, and through his actions, it appeared he didn’t want people to know he had a wife. Was it because he was hoping this Hannah Rose would return and she would just get casted aside?

  She shivered at the thought. She wasn’t afraid to be alone; she could go home, be with her father. Go back to the life she had before. But deep down, she didn’t want to leave her husband. She would miss him, far more than she missed James. And that scared her. “What was the relationship?” she asked quietly.

  Seth turned to her, staring into her eyes. She willed him to speak the truth, but Seth just shook his head. “What does it matter now? She’s gone. And now I’m sitting here with you.”

  Samantha scrounged up what little courage she had left. “I still want to know. I want you to tell me what she was to you.”

  “No,” he said as he turned to stare at the road, trying to end the conversation.

  Samantha was at a loss. “I think I am owed at least that much.”

  “Owed? I think I am owed some truth as well. You ask about my past, but what of yours? You have yet to explain to me why you were offered in the first place as a bride, so soon after your husband had died.”

  Samantha inwardly cringed. James had been a sore subject between them. He had asked about it the night after she had arrived, but Samantha couldn’t bring herself to discuss him with Tom. She didn’t have the strength to answer about James, as it all still felt fresh in her heart. She changed the subject as quickly as he had asked. But she knew she couldn’t avoid the subject forever.

  “I can’t speak of it,” was all she could reply.

  Seth scoffed. “Of course, this is your reply. How can I be expected to be truthful to a wife who holds her secrets so close to her breast? How can I trust a woman who won’t give me any reason to?” As soon as he said the words, his face shown he seemed to regret them.