Better Off Dead: The Lily Harper Series, Book 1

by H. P. Mallory

  “Lift higher,” Tallis ordered.

  “This is as high as I can reach,” I snapped as I continued to wrestle with the burdensome weight of the relic. Tallis didn’t respond as he pulled the rope tauter, which helped me secure the skull in place. With one more tug on the rope, he managed to move it up another four or five inches. Not wanting to look at it any longer, I turned around and walked in front of Tallis, watching him tie the rope into a tight knot around his waist.

  “You didn’t answer my question. What is that thing?” I demanded.

  “Ah Grenelly demoon’s skooll,” he answered. At my confused expression, he continued. “They ur notorioosly foul-tempered an’ difficult tae kill.”

  “But you obviously killed this one?” I had to shake my head, envisioning Tallis in combat with such a horrible-looking thing. Seeing how scary its skull was, I couldn’t begin to imagine what it must’ve looked like in the flesh. And, furthermore, I hoped I’d never find out.

  “Aye.”

  “So why the hell are you wearin’ it like it’s a freakin’ Gucci jacket, yo?” Bill demanded from ten feet away.

  When Tallis answered, he faced me. “’Tis mah proof that Ah am nae soomeone tae coonfront,” he said simply, taking a few steps toward the gates as an indication that the conversation was over. For my part, I neither needed nor wanted to know anymore. As long as I didn’t have to walk behind Tallis and deal with the demon skull smiling at me, I’d be okay.

  When Tallis was a mere few feet from the gate, he fished inside his sporran and produced what looked like a skeleton key that spanned the length of his entire hand.

  “Do you have one of those?” I whispered to Bill, worried about how we’d make our way back into this hideous place when Tallis was no longer escorting us.

  “A freakin’ goat demon skull?” Bill asked, spearing me with an expression of disbelief that told me my question was pretty stupid.

  “No!” I snapped in response. “A key to the gate!” Then I pointed at Tallis who was busily ramming the key into the lock while twisting and turning it left, then right.

  “Oh,” Bill said distractedly as he watched Tallis wrestling with the lock. Facing me, he shook his head. “Skeletor failed to include a key in our goody bag. Guess we just gotta ring the doorbell.” Then he shrugged with a wide grin, like he thought the whole thing was just a big joke.

  “Not funny,” I said, exhaling a pent-up breath of anxiety, and wondering how in the world I could get a key from Jason since he was next to impossible to contact.

  One step at a time, Lily Harper, I reminded myself. Finish this mission first before you start worrying about the next one.

  Satisfied with my point, I set aside my worry. My attention returned to Tallis as he pulled the key from the lock and pushed the gate open. It groaned, sounding cranky at being pushed open, but opened all the same. I felt an icy jolt of unease as I realized what this meant—I was about to enter the Underground City, a place where I could very well die.

  “Angel, ye will walk behin’ th’ lass at aw times,” Tallis barked at Bill.

  “Dude, didn’t your mom teach you to say ‘please’?” Bill responded, frowning at me as he shook his head. “Manners are a lost art form, I swear.”

  All I could do was raise my eyebrows at him because I wasn’t in the mood to point out that he, the pot, was absolutely calling Tallis, the kettle, black.

  “An’ dinnae break fermation,” Tallis continued, spearing Bill with his narrowed gaze before his eyes settled on me. “Besom, ye will be mah shadow, dae ye oonderstand?” He took a few steps closer to me until I could feel his breath against my forehead. Consequently, his close proximity forced me to swallow down a big lump. I wondered if Tallis insisted on intruding on my personal space because he knew it made me uncomfortable, or if the ancient Druids didn’t believe in keeping their distance.

  “Y … yes,” I stammered as I looked up at him.

  His eyes were hard, and his lips just as unforgiving. “Ah want ye one step behin’ me ’tall times.”

  I nodded, swallowing down the lump of angst that was occupying my throat. Tallis looked at Bill, extending his hand as he backed up a few steps and I was able to breathe again. “Gimmeh th’ map.”

  “What map?” Bill asked.

  “He means your phone,” I translated.

  Bill didn’t say anything as he handed his phone to Tallis who checked it one last time, before placing it into his sporran.

  “Don’t get any ideas, yo,” Bill started. “I want that phone back.” He narrowed his eyes on the enormous Scotsman. “Got lotsa chick’s digits, ya know?”

  “An so ye shall hae it,” Tallis responded. “As soon as fis mission is ova.” Then, without another word, he started forward, pushing through the gate, with me right behind him and Bill right behind me.

  As soon as my foot touched the asphalt road of the Underground City, my stomach felt as if it were trying to turn inside out. It was so sudden, and the pain so immeasurable that I couldn’t move, breathe or even think for at least a few seconds. Then it felt like someone dropped a hundred-pound sack on top of my shoulders, even though no one had. My knees buckled in response and I collapsed onto the freezing ground. Despair, the likes of which I’d never known, completely overcame me. A deluge of tears fell from my eyes and my chest heaved with sobs.

  “Lily!” Bill yelled, throwing his arms around me and trying to lift me.

  My body was so weak, I could only flop around in his arms like a dying fish. But I wasn’t fully aware of anything, really, except fear, which radiated through me. The pain became so fierce, I couldn’t think of anything else, much less comprehend what was going on around me.

  I suddenly saw nothing but darkness. I could hear Bill’s and Tallis’s voices, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Someone shook me and when my eyes popped open, I realized it was Tallis. He was holding me, and gripping my cheeks to hold my head up as he forced my mouth open. The agony inside me continued to rage. It felt as if my blood was on fire, along with my organs and skin. I was barely aware of Tallis’s thumb over my mouth until I saw drops of red sailing through the air and felt them landing on my tongue. I frowned at the salty taste, which was instantly replaced by a searing pain that overcame my entire body.

  “Hauld ’er!” Tallis shouted at Bill.

  Faced with darkness again, I could feel Tallis’s large hand around my upper arm as he shook me, and forced my eyes open. I felt thick fingers around my neck, and I flopped my head back, only to see Bill, who was holding me in place. My bleary vision returned to Tallis who appeared rather angry above me, using his free hand and squeezing his thumb until blood gushed up. He rotated his thumb, holding it above my mouth, while using his other hand to part my lips and ensure my mouth was open. I felt the drops fall on my teeth. Tallis squeezed my lower jaw between his thumb and index finger, forcing my mouth open wider. Then many more drops of blood landed on my tongue.

  “Swallaw!” he yelled at me.

  My throat was swollen shut and the blood that landed on my tongue simply pooled in the back of my mouth. I was so overcome by whatever was destroying me that I didn’t even buck at the realization that Tallis was feeding me his blood.

  “Swallaw, damn ye!” he roared again and at the fury in his eyes, I felt a bite of fear which urged me to open my throat, if only slightly. I threw my head forward, and tried desperately to swallow. Tallis thumped me hard on the back, causing my throat to open for the briefest moment, and I swallowed a mouthful of his blood.

  I had no idea how much time passed until I could inhale deeply. It could have been a mere few seconds or a whole minute. As soon as the icy air filled my lungs, I exhaled it and inhaled again. With every breath came renewed relief. The fire devouring my insides began to subside and I could now breathe and swallow with much more ease.

  “Are you all right, babydoll?” Bill whispered, his wide, concerned eyes on me.

  I felt winded and unable to form words so I ju
st glanced up at him and tried to nod. Bill looked at Tallis, still standing above me, with a frown. “What happened to her?”

  Tallis sighed and studied me for another few moments, while I took notice of my surroundings. I was resting against Tallis’s immense chest and I felt his muscular thigh beneath my back as he knelt. I continued to inhale and exhale deeply, as my vision began to clear.

  “Innocence cannae exist in thess place,” Tallis said softly, his eyes on me, and a haunted expression on his face.

  “What does that mean?” I ground out, in a rough voice. I tried to lift my head, but Tallis held me in place, firmly shaking his head.

  “Take yer time, Besom.” He took a deep breath. “Yer innocence was bein’ strangled, taken frae ye.”

  “But your blood?” I started before he interrupted me.

  “’Tis th’ bluid ah someone devoid ah innocence. Ah polluted ye wif it, tah save ye.”

  Reaching forward, he lifted me underneath my arms, and pulled me to my feet at the same time that he stood up. My body felt light, pins and needles numbing my extremities. He started to release me, but when my knees began to buckle again, he reestablished his grip.

  “Shake yer feit oot,” he commanded.

  Obeying his order, I felt the warm flush of blood returning to my toes, stinging like a blazing fire. I shook my hands and felt each of my fingers come alive again, thanks to Tallis’s blood. “I think I’m okay,” I said softly.

  Tallis released me, and this time, despite being a bit unsteady, I managed to remain on my feet. I took a step, feeling stronger with every second that passed.

  “Are ye right?” Tallis asked, studying me with his piercing midnight eyes.

  I took a deep breath, surprised to feel like I was mostly back to myself. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  He just nodded, evidently uncomfortable with my show of gratitude. He simply turned around and resumed his stance ahead of me. The awful demon skull continued glaring down at me from its position against his back. Bill stepped behind me as we started forward again, walking single file, into the city.

  My first impression of the city, from this side of the gate, was that it was pretty much like any other city. Skyscrapers reached the clouds while a few paved roads wove between the buildings. The only difference I could make out between this city and any other was its utter lack of foliage. There were no trees, bushes or vegetation of any kind. In every direction, nothing but asphalt and concrete were visible. The sky, too, lacked any life. No birds or insects, only ugly, monolithic buildings. The air was remarkably chilly, and smelled like the inside of an old freezer.

  Tallis’s stride was long and purposeful as we started down the street. With Bill just behind me and Tallis right in front of me, I felt some level of protection. I gripped my sword as tightly as I could, scared to death at what awaited us, although I had to admit that, so far, the city didn’t appear that threatening—unless you considered urban sprawl threatening. ’Course, I had nearly died as soon as I touched foot in the place … but I didn’t want to think about that. Not now. Not when I needed to pay attention to my surroundings, and remain on the alert.

  We moved at a fast clip. As soon as we passed the first skyscraper, the clouds in the sky eclipsed the moon, leaving us in near darkness. My eyes widened as I glanced around and saw we weren’t alone. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t seen them before, or maybe we were too close to the entrance of the city for them to freely walk around; but now we were surrounded by what appeared to be business men. They wore suits as they shuffled this way and that, all rushing about in a hurry.

  “Ew, someone got walloped with the ugly stick,” Bill whispered as one of the “business men” crossed Tallis’s path.

  I gasped when my eyes fell on the … creature. Its body looked like a man’s, but its face had lines so deep, it almost looked like a mummy. It had no hair, but a round, greyish head with what looked like spaghetti weaving across it. Its face was a salmon pink, while its nose and mouth appeared almost orange. Sheets of taut skin formed the bridge of its nose and walled in its eyes, making them look as if they were small and deeply set. The lower region of its face was charcoal black. Four teeth peeked out of the narrow drain of its striated mouth. It glanced over at us with a hostile expression, pausing for a second or two when it saw Tallis. Then it retreated and we continued forward, the moon’s illumination reflecting the sheen of its sports coat.

  “What was it?” I breathed down Tallis’s neck.

  “Ah watcher,” he answered with little interest. We turned to the right once the street T-boned into another. “They keep an eye oan fings, reportin’ back tae th’ master.”

  “Who is the master?”

  “The keeper ah th’ Oonderground City.”

  Another watcher crossed our path, and gave each of us the once-over. Even though this one also continued on his way, just like the other one had, I definitely sensed that neither one was exactly happy to see us. “Will they report our whereabouts?” I asked.

  “Aye, they awreddy hae.”

  “How?” I demanded, frowning as I wondered how that could be since none of them carried cell phones or walkie-talkies, or anything else of that nature.

  “They are th’ master’s eyes,” Tallis responded. “Whit they see, he sees.”

  “Then the master knows we’re here?” I continued, gripping my sword so tightly, my knuckles turned white.

  “Aye.”

  “Is he going to come after us?” I asked, unable to mask my fear.

  “Ah doona ken,” Tallis answered, his tone of voice level, precise. “Boot it doesnae matta. Ye have ah reit tae be haur, as ye are employed by AfterLife Enterprises.”

  “Then there’s nothing anyone can do about us being here?” I asked immediately, feeling slightly relieved at the mere idea.

  “Jist coz ye have ah reit tae be haur doesnae mean anyone has tae like it. An’ moost doennae like oos bein’ haur.”

  The watchers continued coming and going, some stopping and staring at us while others showed less interest. I stayed quiet, almost afraid to attract attention or distract my own attention away from constant awareness of our surroundings.

  “Shit, you weren’t kiddin’, Conan,” Bill piped up as he pointed to the end of the street.

  In slow motion, I turned my head and swallowed hard. There, in red, glowing fluorescent lights, was a sign that spelled out: Freak Show.

  “I came into a place mute of all light, which bellows as the sea does in a tempest, if by opposing winds 't is combated.”

  — Dante’s Inferno

  FOURTEEN

  Luckily for me, my new body was healthy and fit, otherwise I might have had a heart attack or a stroke because my heart was beating so quickly. I was intensely reluctant to even consider crossing the threshold of the amusement park, Freak Show, the first level of the Underground City.

  Reluctant or not, however, we started forward and passed through the turnstiles which separated the amusement park from the rest of the city. I immediately focused on the brilliant lights of the numerous rides and attractions surrounding me. The garishly colorful lights almost blinded me against the backdrop of the pitch-black sky. What was even more uncanny was that we appeared to be the only ones here, as far as I could tell anyway. Even though the rides were lit up and some were even moving, there wasn’t a soul in sight. It was as if every patron had simply disappeared.

  “What does Dante say about this level?” I demanded of Bill, not daring to glance over my shoulder to look at him. Nope, instead I kept strict attention on everything in front and beside me.

  “I don’t frickin’ know,” Bill answered, sounding put out.

  “Well, look!” I railed at him, not meaning to sound so angry, but I was beyond scared, and my fear was doing a number on my nerves. “You’re the one with the book!”

  I could hear Bill grunting as he reached into his back pocket. Seconds later, I recognized the sounds of him rustling through the pages of the Inferno. I
yanked my foot forward when I felt him stepping on my heel and clipping me.

  “Sorry,” he muttered. “Not exactly easy to read and walk.”

  “It’s okay, just get to the part about this level.” I needed some sort of warning as to what we would encounter next, and even though Tallis was less than impressed with Dante’s travel guide, I was desperate for the information.

  “Chitty-chitty-bang-bang, we love you,” Bill started singing beneath his breath as he continued rustling through the pages. “Oh yeah, chitty-chitty-bang-bang, where the fuck is level one?”

  More sounds of pages turning as he fumbled through them. “Found it!” he called jubilantly before clearing his throat. “Um, Dante says this is the level of the lustful.” He was quiet for a second or two. “Damn right, maybe we’re gonna see some tig ol’ bitties.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the same time that Tallis slightly turned his head in my direction. “Whit is he goin’ oan aboot?”

  “Boobs. He’s talking about boobs,” I muttered, wishing I had the peace of mind to be thinking about male body parts instead of my impending fate.

  “Why?” Tallis continued. I could see his furrowed brow in his profile.

  “Because he’s Bill,” I answered, rather snidely. Tallis just shrugged and faced forward again, the demon skull grinning down at me while I tried to ignore it.

  “This shit don’t look very sexy to me,” Bill grumbled.

  “No, it doesn’t,” I agreed. Glancing over my right shoulder, I took in an awful carnie ride just beside me. It appeared to be a haunted house or something of that nature. At the entrance and, coincidentally, hanging just above me was a green monster prop. It had a skull for a head, and its bright, blinking lavender eyes were making me nauseous. Red and yellow lights danced in the background beyond it, their flashes enough to give someone a seizure. I moved my eyes from the green monster to another prop beside it—a skull with small horns protruding from its forehead and cheekbones, with a whole lot of blood just below its chin. Its infernal, yellow eyes glowed from their gaping eye sockets as its mouth chomped up and down.